quote:

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I like the beach, I guess. Soft-skinned boys, lightly muscled, toss footballs and insults over the churning surf. So oblivious to the world around them, engulfed in sand and salt and adolescence, so carefree. Young women stroll along the water's edge in brightly-colored bikinis, manicures glistening and hair neatly slicked into a perfect shimmering knot at the nape of their necks. They are beautiful and they know it. Sometimes a girl in a t-shirt and shorts trots along beside that tanned and slender figure - the former a quiet foil to the bubbly persona of the latter. She doesn't have that glow, but she's the one that always captures my attention. Couples twirl fingers idly, smiling -- like the boys they are oblivious, but for a very different reason. Babies, dogs, mothers, grandmothers, brothers, friends. Sometimes I join this cast of sandy players, but I prefer a place in the audience.

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quote:

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Sometimes a girl in a t-shirt and shorts trots along beside that tanned and slender figure - the former a quiet foil to the bubbly persona of the latter.

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This line seems to reference to a previously mentioned single tanned and slender figure, though I beleive the tanned and slender figure mentioned is the "bubbly persona of the latter" that is being referred to. It was a little confusing.

I love the imagery, however. It makes me curious about the rest of the story.

And now another random guess, because I can think of three or four people on the list that are capable of it.

Ophelia
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
It feels female, but SHY female -- someone who hasn't really partaken of the fruit she's describing. There's an odd hint of formality, too, that contrasts with the author's general suggestion of youth. (It's that formality, by the way, that I find a bit jarring about the piece; it just doesn't fit -- or else isn't quite languorous ENOUGH.)

I'm going to go with pooka.
 

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Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
 
I'd say, Sarcastic Muppet.
 

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Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
I like this one a lot also. The phrasing and the things the author focuses on both suggest to me that the author is female, and the comfortability that the author has with the language suggests to me that she's an adult. Jeniwren is the person who I keep coming back to as the author of this one.
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
I'm guessing Maethoriell. Dunno if she's already had a sample, too lazy to check.
 

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Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
 
I know none of the authors has been repeated, but are we sure that none of them will be?

dkw? (<--- Edit: that was a question, not a guess.)

[ September 05, 2003, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: saxon75 ]
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
At least one author has turned in more than one piece, and as we get closer to the end of what I’ve got I’ll probably put out a call for more submissions, including second submissions if people want to keep going. So yes, repeats are possible.

All guesses so far are wrong.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
Ah. Um. Er . . . I just realized I made a major error. I never added this person to the guess from list. Doing it now would give it away . . . do you all want to keep guessing, knowing that the name is NOT on the list, or is this round a do-over?

Whichever, please give the author some good critique, since it’s not her/his fault that I messed up.
 

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Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
 
I think this is a wonderful piece that could use some paragraph breaks to ease up transitions. The word choice is terrific and evocative, the tone soft and a bit wistful.

The writer is a long-time, careful observer, one with a strong academic streak. I get the feeling, though, that this writer is one of those "hidden gems" who speaks with thunder but creates with soft touches. I have little doubt that the author is feminine because of their choice of descriptive elements, but this is a side of the person that doesn't often come out, at least to us.

My best guess is that it's Martha.

[ September 05, 2003, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: Sopwith ]
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
Remember to add folks on the list! (has a vested interest)
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
I can't believe some new joiner who just got added to the list of players has been picked already, whereas some of us haven't had our fragments posted YET. j/k
 

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Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
 
I think it's a pretty good start to a story, but yeah. I think it kind of voids the round. (I'll take any points I can get though!)

Who is it?
 

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Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
 
Hmmm...

I'm getting the feel of one of the newer posters here (like last 4 or 5 months perhaps), female, semi-quiet, but well known and comfortable enough to send in a story. Feels like someone in High School, also.

Raia, Ryuko, or Avadaru?

::shrug::

I'm horrible at guessing things so if I'm horribly off, don't feel too bad. I did after all say that Leonide's piece felt like a Motherish-Semireligious author.
 

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Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
 
I like how the speaker distances him/herself from the goings on on the beach. At first reading the narrator's voice seems like an old(er) man or woman, but I wouldn't be too surprised if he/she is isolated due to a physical or mental disability.

Belle.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
People who complain about the order should know that this piece was received before theirs was. I just missed it when I was adding names.

T-smith, are you guessing all three of those?
 

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Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
 
It seems a bit too introspective for the beach, to me. It almost seems as though the narrator is sitting beneath a tree in the park contemplating the beach. This is not a bad thing, but there's an exuberence missing.

I love the prose. It has a wonderfully soft flow.

Female, one who's been the "the former a quiet foil to the bubbly persona of the latter".

I'm about to make a leap here, though, because I have no idea whether or not this person is female

Edit: Duh, I forgot my guess Ryuko! (because she? guessed and is not on the list)

[ September 05, 2003, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: Christy ]
 

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Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
 
Sure, why not. I'll guess all three if I can, and Ryuko if only one.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
Judges . . . I need a ruling!

::consults::

Not Ryuko.
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
Is it Avadaru? (blatantly takes Nate's guess)
 

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Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
 
Raia then, for the same reasons.
 

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Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
I'd have thought that a person could only make one guess at a time, but I'm new to the game, so take that for what it's worth.
 

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Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
 
dkw, you never answered whether it was martha.
 

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Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
 
Keep guessing. See how good we really are.

Otherwise put this story at the very end and hope we have short memories.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
Sorry Saxon. Not Martha.

Not Raia either.
 

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Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
 
I loved the imagry, as I said before. Wonderful listing of things, leading to a more 'movie-like' experience.

kwsni.
 

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Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
 
::points to Ryuko::

She got it.
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
O_O HM?
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
I didn't actually say that you'd be right if I let you have all three guesses.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
.

.

.

.

.

.

But in this case, you were. I’ll split the winner’s points between you and Ryuko.
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
I get a half point!!!! Wheee!!!
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
You get 2 ½ points. But only ‘cause I let you slide on the rationale of “stole it from Nathan.” Otherwise I don’t count guesses without analysis or critique. Which reminds me, I forgot to growl at you and Dan Raven earlier.

No guesses without rationale or critique!

[ September 05, 2003, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: dkw ]
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
Yes, sir! Sorry, sir!

Also, what is the points system?
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
Hmm. I guess I better start including the rules in each thread.

2 points for a guess with critique of the story excerpt.
1 point for a guess with reason for guess given.
5 points for correct guess with either of the above.
Guesses with neither critique nor rationale get growls, snide remarks, or ignored.
 

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Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
 
Can I put my reason in now and grovel for the point?

I picked SM because you mentioned him in the thread title, which I took for an obvious attempt to be too obvious and hence throw us all off the track.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
Read the ends of the previous two rounds to see why I put her name in the thread title. How about half a point?

Round Twenty

[ November 13, 2003, 11:06 AM: Message edited by: dkw ]
 

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