"Pokemon Prove Evolutionism Is False" - Paul Sanborn (grade 4)
Middle School Level
2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"
Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.
I'm sorry, but this is one of the most frustrating things I have ever seen. To REWARD a child for justifying discrimination through BLATANT FALSEHOOD is not a religious right. GAH this makes me want to scream. I'm so glad no one here tried to do a project about gays, or black people. Obviously both of THOSE kinds of people are on the same level as animals (perhaps gays or blacks would eat the banana offered by the young child to her Uncle Steve.)
*seethes*
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
It's also one of the most funniest things I've ever seen. Posted by MaureenJanay (Member # 2935) on :
quote: social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay;
This really isn't funny. I'm laughing to hide the pain.
Posted by Kasie H (Member # 2120) on :
True.
On the rest of the site, my favorite is "Skeet", the Youth Minister.
Posted by MaureenJanay (Member # 2935) on :
The thing that irritates me is that I actually believe in creationism, and these "experiments" don't even convince me. What if you offer a banana to a monkey, but it doesn't want it? Have you proved it isn't a monkey? The junk in the jar of water just made me mad. They really need to consider the fact that they're not teaching these kids to believe in creationism, they are teaching them to be morons.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
The site is blocked on my work server. Here's the reason:
quote: Information Alert
Status : 403 Forbidden
Description : Inappropriate Content Blocked by NTH2/PORN 0 1
AJ
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Maureen, I agree! Some of those experiment descriptions made me want to bang my head against my desk. Scientific method, adios!
AJ, that's too funny!
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
quote: 1st Place: "My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"
Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.
Posted by MaureenJanay (Member # 2935) on :
Upon reading that again, I'm still embarrassed. And it came from a fifth grader!!!
[ October 10, 2003, 05:41 PM: Message edited by: MaureenJanay ]
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
quote:1st Place: "Using Prayer To Microevolve Latent Antibiotic Resistance In Bacteria" Eileen Hyde and Lynda Morgan (grades 10 & 11) did a project showing how the power of prayer can unlock the latent genes in bacteria, allowing them to microevolve antibiotic resistance. Escherichia coli bacteria cultured in agar filled petri dishes were subjected to the antibiotics tetracycline and chlorotetracycline. The bacteria cultures were divided into two groups, one group (A) received prayer while the other (B) didn't. The prayer was as follows: "Dear Lord, please allow the bacteria in Group A to unlock the antibiotic-resistant genes that You saw fit to give them at the time of Creation. Amen." The process was repeated for five generations, with the prayer being given at the start of each generation. In the end, Group A was significantly more resistant than Group B to both antibiotics.
See, now I don't know why Rush had to be hitting his sources up for illegally-prescribed OxyContin -- all this time he could have just been praying for his Advil liqui-gels to be superboosted.
Posted by MaureenJanay (Member # 2935) on :
Actually, that's the only "experiment" that may possibly have some merit. Or at least warrant some more study.
[ October 10, 2003, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: MaureenJanay ]
Posted by Laurenz0 (Member # 5336) on :
Isn't there some kind of restraining order? like, science is supposed to stay 500 meters away from religion?
Allright kids, can you say Oxymoron?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Well, it's not truly a blind comparison. There may have been bias in how they treated the two groups. But what I'd really like to know is what "significantly more resistant" means in this case.
Posted by MaureenJanay (Member # 2935) on :
L-Yeah, I find that annoying.
Prove God's existence, but no actual science allowed!
[ October 10, 2003, 05:50 PM: Message edited by: MaureenJanay ]
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
It has to be a joke site. It has to be.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I'm leaning towards Stormy's theory. This simply can't be real.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
quote:High School Division...2nd Place: "Maximal Packing Of Rodentia Kinds: A Feasibility Study" Jason Spinter's (grade 12) project was to show the feasibility of Noah's Ark using a Rodentia research model (made of a mixture of hamsters and gerbils) as a representative of diluvian life forms. The Rodentia were placed in a cage with dimensions proportional to a section of the Ark. The number of Rodentia used (58) was calculated using available Creation Science research and was based on the median animal size and their volumetric distribution in the Ark. The cage was also fitted with wooden dowls inserted at regular intervals through the cage walls, forming platforms which provided support for the Rodentia. Although there was little room left in the cage, all Rodentia were able to move just enough to ward off muscle atrophy. Food pellets and water were delivered to sub-surface Rodentia via plastic drinking straws inserted into the Rodentia-mass, which also served to allow internal air flow. Once a day, the cage was sprayed with water to cleanse any built-up waste. Additionally, the cage was suspended on bungie cords to simulate the rocking motion of a ship. The study lasted 30 days and 30 nights, with all Rodentia surviving at least long enough afterwards to allow for reproduction. These findings strongly suggest that Noah's Ark could hold and support representatives of all antediluvian animal kinds for the duration of the Flood and subsequent repopulation of the Earth.
Umm... if antediluvian life forms consisted of mainly rodents and rodent-sized animals...how is it that Abel was a shepherd? Oh, and were we looking at basically MAN and a bunch of rodents as the mammalian life forms? Um, what about non-mammals? And how exactly did we get from that situation to the variety of life forms we have today (a scant few thousand years later)?
On another note, if a bona fide researcher attempted an experiment like this in an accredited animal research facility, there's a pretty good chance the vivarium would be decertified for inadequate care. Over-crowding experiments with rodents have been done over the years, so it's possible something like that COULD be justified...but spraying the cage with water? Sticking food into the "center of the rodent mass.." and so on. This sounds like something more than a little cruel.
The bungee cords were a creative touch though.
I'm betting this set up was WAYYYY out back on somebody's 100 acre farm.
It would've smelled really, really bad...
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
No, don't worry, that bacteria experiment is a complete load of crap as well.
Mind you, I find most efforts to scientifically support creationism somewhat flawed. Of course, I'm completely biased in my interpretation of their results.
Posted by Kasie H (Member # 2120) on :
Yeah, that's the thing. I can't figure out if it's a joke or not.
But upon second consideration, I really don't care. If it's a joke, it's a damn offensive one.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
This makes me think "joke city." Read some of the other articles on the site.
"Secular Consumerism tries to fill the hole in Man's Heart with DVD players and expensive jewelry. Well, dear reader, that hole in your Heart isn't DVD-player-shaped; that hole was made to accept the key of our Lord's Love that your Heart may be opened to Salvation."
Did you hear that, Bob Scopatz? Your giant projector will not fulfill your heart's desire!
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Aw Lizzy, you're just jealous. I know I am.
I'm am seriously leaning toward joke, but my satire sensor has been way off lately.
[ October 10, 2003, 06:04 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
It's a joke - follow the "Have you accepted Christ yet?" link on the left.
quote:June 4, 2003 -- We have moved again. While closely rereading the Statement of Faith of our previous webhost, Cross Spot, we made the sad discovery that they are not firm enough in their opposition to the erroneous doctrine of triclavianism.
[ October 10, 2003, 06:08 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
I don't know. It links to a lot of sites that are 'proper' evangelical sites. The Christian kitsch products for Halloween (it's no longer the season of witches and demons -- it's been reclaimed for Christ as a time for witnessing) are not anything out of the ordinary from the other Christian products out there. And there's something just too painfully earnest about it for it to be the work of some hip young agnostics (or whatever).
I say it's legit (in terms of it is what it is representing itself to be).
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Dr. Richard Paley - on the left - is purported to work at Fellowship University, which I can't establish actually exists. I googled his name, and it's mostly blogs and discussions of him, but the people don't seem to know if he's real or not.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Kat, I think it is a spoof, but part of me thinks it is a very, very mean-spirited one.
And yes, I am jealous of Bob's big dvd. I admit it.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
"J.C. Penny - The J.C. makes us think of Jesus Christ, thus associating our Lord with the lowest monetary value, the penny (even Judas valued Him at 30 pieces of silver!)."
That just can't be real.
Please, tell me this can't be real!
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
quote: 1st Place: "Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life"
Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.
So if Patricia had prayed for God to perform a miracle and there still wasn't a dancing squirrel in the jar after 3 weeks, does that prove that life doesn't come from God either? Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
quote:If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood, TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!
You may be moved to try and witness to these poor lost souls yourself, however AVOID TALKING TO THEM!
Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.
Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.
I can't help it. This made me laugh.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
From the front page:
quote:Dr. Troy Franklin, OBJECTIVE occult expert, has brought to our attention a disturbing new danger to weak-spirited Christians and unsaved persons that we feel needs to be reported.
As he tells it, while out at a local supermarket shopping for food for his cat, Dr. Franklin noticed one of those small tents advertising "Free Rock Chip Repair" that have been springing up in our nation's parking lots. Curious, he went to enquire about getting a ding in his windshield sealed, only to learn that the person manning the tent had other intentions, namely to try and recruit Dr. Franklin into a cult!
Fortunately, the good doctor has become quite immune to cultic recruiting ploys from his years studying their tactics, and thus he was able to extricate himself from the situation with his soul unharmed. However, those less skilled in their Faith -- and especially those of false faiths or no faith at all -- would have soon found themselves back at the cult headquarters doing all manner of unspeakable rites and blasphemies... or maybe even brainwashed into manning a tent of their own.
For the safety of your soul, do not be tempted by the lure of impulse rock chip repair from strangers in parking lots. It may say free, but it could cost you your soul! If you need your windshield fixed, go to a qualified Christian repair shop.
This is good stuff.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Don't forget old "Diamond Jack" and his new American flag!
[ October 10, 2003, 06:34 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
OK, it is a spoof, but for whom? Is it to lure Christians in, or to lure people who make fun of creationists, or is it just poking fun at Christians, or what?
And who has TIME to do this?
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
Sadly, it's not unusual for creation "scientists" to have credentials from/work at nonexistent institutions, so that doesn't speak much to the authenticity of that site.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
This is what you get when you ask to email them:
PLEASE NOTE: "If you send an e-mail submission to this site, you are certifying that you are 18 years or older and you are granting The Landover Baptist Parody Website a worldwide, royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable, non-exclusive and fully sublicensable right and license to use, reproduce, modify, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from, distribute, perform and display your submission (in whole or part including your personal e-mail address) and/or to incorporate it in other works in any form, media, or technology now known or later developed."
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
quote: Q: My friend Bombay the bombardier beetle can shoot boiling-hot toxic chemicals out of his butt. Why?
A: God gave your friend that ability for defense against evil and as a testament against the false doctrine of Evolutionism!
Now I have an excuse next time I shoot toxic chemicals out of my butt. I'm so relieved.
Posted by Possum (Member # 2549) on :
Can't tell if it is real? That reminds me of a lot of what I hear from the far right. There some truth in it, but are they really serious? I mean, can they possibly believe what they are saying?
If it is a serious story, then I agree with
Then again, we seem perfectly willing to overlook astrology, which many people believe in.
Of course astrology has not attacked science in the public schools recently.
Just a few random thoughts.
Posted by MaureenJanay (Member # 2935) on :
quote: they may even try to trick you
I read this as "kick" you
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Good thing they sell Heathen-Be-Gone spray at the store.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
It reminds me of the Sugar Beet, in a small way.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Landover Baptist has been around for a while. I've even posted a few things from them here. Landover Baptist is, no doubt about it, a parody site.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
Okay, I think this is the funniest thing I've ever seen. I've got to get me one.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
The rodentia-ark one? That one was just cruel.
"The animals could move just enough to ward off muscular astrophy."
That is cruel.
quote: No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.
Ho hum. In three weeks hmmm? In a jar. And life didn't evolve. What a surprise.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
THIS is the funniest.
Posted by MaureenJanay (Member # 2935) on :
Heh heh. I like that one too, E.
Ooh ooh! How about "Apostatic"?
[ October 10, 2003, 07:22 PM: Message edited by: MaureenJanay ]
Posted by kerinin (Member # 4860) on :
i liked this on the original link
quote:This is also the first year that Muslim students from the Al-Jannah Islamic school have been invited to participate; two of their students presented a project on human anatomy entitled "Allah (SWT) Created Me" which, while it was found ineligible for a prize due to a number of Biblical inconsistencies, did win a special Interfaith Outreach ribbon.
Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :
Are we certain that this isn't a lampoon site?
Okay, I'm running a bit behind. It's a very good parody.
[ October 13, 2003, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: Sweet William ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I think Teshi read the initial post and link without reading the rest of the thread. Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
quote: Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.
That must be why I get that all the time!
Hey, neglect God's Word!
Posted by Foust (Member # 3043) on :
Wow, I didn't think Hatrackers were so far behind the times. This site has already made the rounds of the net. Yeah, it's a parody.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
I think what's even sadder is the fact that we didn't know that at first.... O_o
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
We're getting paranoid, I think. Maybe that's a function of striving so hard to be open-minded? It's completely worth it, but it gets to the point where you think people will believe any fool thing, and then mostly likely post it on the internet.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
See my grandma thread for reasons for believing this can happen. There are crackpots out there that are pretty bad.
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