Hatrack River Forum: . . . and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve

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Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :

Insults disguised as compliments and compliments that sound like insults:

1. Your laugh isn't nearly as annoying as it used to be.

2. You fill that dress so nicely!

3. You're quite good for a beginner.

LotR nuts, please help me fix my title. Thanks.

Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :

One I got this summer:
"You're not nearly as bad as you were when I met you!" Um... thanks... I think. [Confused]

Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :

Are you asking for the beginning of that line?

The whole line is: "I don't know half of you half as well I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

[ December 01, 2003, 05:23 PM: Message edited by: saxon75 ]

Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :

Wow, I was sure I'd gotten it wrong. All right then. [Smile]

Thanks.

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

"you two could be sisters" is nearly always excessive to the mother (or brother!) and insulting to the girl.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Or the boy...

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

"You are not an unintelligent writer."

From "Ralph the Duck" by Frederick Busch.

You can pretty much say anything you want to about anyone and get away with it, as long as you stick a "bless his heart" or "bless her heart" at the end.

"That boy is a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, bless his heart."

Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :

quote:
"That boy is a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, bless his heart."

Thanks for posting that, it's probably the first time I've laughed all day!

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

What a coincidence--it's the first time all day that I've made someone laugh!

Glad to help. [Big Grin]

Posted by BobbyK (Member # 5970) on :

quote:
You can pretty much say anything you want to about anyone and get away with it, as long as you stick a "bless his heart" or "bless her heart" at the end.

"That boy is a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, bless his heart."

*DIES* TOOOOOO true THNX bot

Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :

From my wife's crazy granny (after seeing me all dressed up): "You sure do clean up nicely."

Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :

I am (unfortunately) very good at making mistaken comments like these, at which people are very offended, but I meant as a consoling or comforting comment.

I once told someone "It's okay, I can't act either." I didn't understand why she was so mad!

Now I just keep my clumsy mouth shut!

Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :

I'm always the one people are making those kinds of comment to.

Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :

[ROFL]

Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :

quote:
I'm always the one people are making those kinds of comment to.

I apologise on behalf of my kind...

Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :

Once---on a first date---the guy told me some people thought he was gay.

I said, without thinking, "Oh, yeah, I can see that."

(Open mouth, insert foot)

Granted, we ended up dating for a couple of months and are now good friends.

I think the best one I ever got was "Well, I don't think you're all that smart, but you got a really nice @$$, and that's why I like you." [Mad]

Posted by Law Maker (Member # 5909) on :

My brother and I made this one up long ago in the delirium of an early morning paper route that we shared and I still use it today.

"When it comes to (insert activity here*), you are an eagle!"

*It only works if the activity is not something eagles do well.

EG: "When it comes to playing that piano, you are an eagle!"

Posted by Abrynne (Member # 5826) on :

These do seem blatant but I love them anyway and they may not seem as obvious to the more...ditzy woman lol

"Aah, Miss Blane, you dance like a herd of cattle. You're truely an amazing woman. You light up a room simply by leaving it."

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :

[ROFL]

Posted by Occasional (Member # 5860) on :

Its killing me, where is the post line from?

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :

I'm thinking it's a Jane Austen, but I'm probably wrong. [Dont Know]

Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :

Bilbo's farewell speech, in Fellowship of the Ring.

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :

D'oh! I thought he was talking about Abryne's post.

Posted by Occasional (Member # 5860) on :

I KNEW it was a movie that I should have realized contained those words. *walks off feeling stupid*

Posted by Abrynne (Member # 5826) on :

Well if anyone's curious mine's from Kate & Leopold. It's one of my favorite chick flick lines.

quote:
"That boy is a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, bless his heart."

Well there are plenty of those:

"A few buttons missing on the remote control"
"A few cards short of a deck"
"A few bricks short of a load"

et cetera!

[ December 01, 2003, 11:46 PM: Message edited by: Abrynne ]

Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :

"You're about as stealthy as a boulder rolling through a forest."

Said to me by a friend when I asked how he knew where I was, just after getting a bit annoyed at low branches and knocking over a few small trees.

"The wheel is still spinning, but the hamster is long since dead."

Heard many times, in many places.

"A dim bulb gets just a little bit brighter."

I've used this for years, not sure where it came from.

Feyd Baron, DoC

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :

Abryne, that's probably why I was thinking it was a Jane Austen quote. I always thought Kate and Leopold was sort of Jane Austen-ish.

Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :

I started getting gray hair early, in my 20's. The first place the gray hair appeared was around my temples, so when it was long, I guess it framed my face.

After I got my hair cut really short, a woman who worked in my office thought it was ok to say the following:

"Now that you've gotten your hair cut, I want to tell you: That the long gray hair was really ugly." [Eek!]

**Ela**

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

When my oldest was two weeks old, I went to a friend's wedding, bambina in tow.

Got lots of congrats. One was rather memorable: "Oh, I didn't realize you were pregnant! I just thought you'd put on some weight." >_<

[ December 02, 2003, 06:13 PM: Message edited by: rivka ]

Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :

A few fries short of a happy meal.

My second cousin, an English teacher in Germany, had me write that down for him.

Er-hem. True story, in class, my friend Lena studying for her math exam.

Lena: Uh. I can't get this. I'm so stupid!

Me: [innocently] Aww, you're not that stupid.

5 seconds later I figure out what I just said.

I've done that in many situations, and always by accident.

Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :

A favorite of mine comes from George Carlin and I've been sorely tempted to use it more times than I can keep track of:

He was talking about discouraging acquaintances he didn't care for much who kept calling and wanting to have a conversation. And how sometimes the way you decide to discourage them ends up being harsher than you intended.

"Ya know, I don't talk to people I like as much as I talk to you."

As he said, it was probably more than was needed to accomplish the task.

*sigh* I'll probably never get to use it - I'm too invested in maintaining my false persona as a supportive person. [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

My grandfather's favorite:

"You don't sweat much for a fat girl."

Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :

Ah, yes. That reminds me of the year I almost got my girlfriend a diet book for her birthday. Look, I thought she was thin, but she always claimed to be fat.

Luckily, I was stopped in time.

Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :

Black Mage, are you a Weird Al fan?

"If I were any dumber, they'd have to water me twice a weeeeeek!" [Wink]

[edit=I'm referring to the "few fries short of a happy meal" quote and NOT your post above...though that would have been bad!! [Big Grin]

]

[ December 03, 2003, 12:47 AM: Message edited by: Narnia ]

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

"Those are ankles built to walk across the plains."

Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :

My mom works in a nursing home. Recently, an old, southern guy said "you make a mighty fine [n-word]." And my mom's white...

She just said "thank you." No use trying to explain color, let alone political correctness, to a guy that barely remembers how to control his bowels.

Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :

"You're a terrible liar."

Posted by Abrynne (Member # 5826) on :

Here are a couple of my most favorite insults:

"You're doing this job with the efficiency of a one-legged man at a butt kicking contest!"

"The only purpose your brain serves is to keep your skull from caving in."

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :

Yesterday one of the guys I work with looks at my notebook and says "You have guy's handwriting". I said "excuse me?" He looked at more of my writing and said "oh, you are such a guy". He proceeds to tell me why that's supposed to be a good thing, and says "You have the body of a woman and the mind of a guy." He claims that that's the best of both worlds. [Dont Know]

I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted.

Posted by ana kata (Member # 5666) on :

My dad once said to my mom, "Libba, you're one in a hundred thousand." It was one of his jokes.

Oh, when he was really sick once, during the Far East currency crisis, I asked him how he felt, and he said "I feel like a million Rupiah." That one would make a good left handed compliment, too. "Wow, that dress makes you look like a million Rupiah!"

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Eruve: Be insulted. Kick him where the sun don't shine.

Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :

quote:
You can pretty much say anything you want to about anyone and get away with it, as long as you stick a "bless his heart" or "bless her heart" at the end.

Let me try a few:

I f***** your wife last night, bless her heart.
I really wanna kick that kid's A**, bless his heart.
Go to h***, you stupid mother f***** b******, go to h*** and die, bless your heart.

I don't think that would work.

Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :

No, you really need to do that behind someone's back, and only descriptions.

Ralphie's an attention whore, bless her heart.

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

Someone say my name in this thread?

Posted by tabithecat (Member # 5228) on :

the girl that sits across from me at work has delusions of adequacy.

when she opens her mouth, it seems that it's only to change feet.
she's not so much as a has-been but more of a definite won't be.
she brings alot of joy whenever she leaves the room.
I think she has a photographic memory but the lens cover is glued on.
when her IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
if you stand close enough you can hear the ocean.
some drink from the fopuntain of knowledge; she only gargled.
it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
she is a gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
she would be out of her depth in a parking lot puddle.

but she's always on time bless her heart. [Razz]

[ December 14, 2003, 09:03 PM: Message edited by: tabithecat ]