I've been reading the Razzies, and, as always, the most recent really terrible movie is always touted as the 'worst movie ever'. This shows up in good movie lists too, with the most recent movie everyone liked finding its way to the top of the IMDB all time best movie lists.
But back to the bad stuff. In going over the list at IMDB, I see a lot of recent stuff. Gigli, cat in the hat, and others from this last year are on the bottom 100 list. Of course, there are some classics too. Manos maintains its death grip on number one. In fact, a lot of MST3K alumns are in the list, making me think that most people voted on them AFTER seeing the MST3K version. I hardly think this is fair. I think that a truly bad movie has to stick with you, like herpes. Otherwise, it's just a flash in the pan.
So I want my own list. Here are the rules. It must be a movie you saw in the theater, in a first run. And, in keeping with my assertion that truly bad movies have lasting power, it must be over five years old. It has to be so bad, you REMEMBER it being bad. It has to be psychic scar creating bad. Oh, and no more than five. If the list gets too long, it gets unwieldy.
I'm curious how much overlap people will have.
Here is my first try at a list:
1) Ator The invincible (an intensely bad attempt to capitalize on the brief, conan inspired, love of barbarian sagas) 2) Starcrash (I saw this as part of a double feature with the Buck Rogers movie. I was about 12 at the time, and was deeply in love with all things sci fi. It was the first time in my life I ever thought, 'Sci Fi can suck!' It was very traumatic.) 3) Laserblast (My parents wouldn't let me see this, and I actually snuck out with a friend to go see it. See the previous film for affects on my psyche. It's amazing how many bad movies were spawned by the success of star wars.) 4) The Giant Spider Invasion (Saw this at a drive in with my dad and sister. I remember being confused, and thinking that maybe the movie was 'too grown up' for me to understand. I saw it again on MST3K, and realized I was still just as confused.) 5) Street Fighter (My first video game movie. I actually played the game, and liked it a lot. I don't know why I thought that meant I would like the movie. It's one of my most shameful moments. This movie killed Raul Julia. I am convinced of that. And for that, I can never forgive it. Also, it had Van Damm, giving it bonus awful points.)
What are yours?
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
I remember listening to the Mortal Kombat albumn a lot during freshman-year wrestling. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I still break it out now and then for nostalgia's sake.
Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :
Timeline, the movie adaptation of the Michael Crichton (sp?) novel, was so awful it's kind of purged my mind of any memory of the many other awful films I've seen.
That's just an hour and fifteen minutes-I walked out-that I'll never, ever get back.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Too bad I didn't see A.I. in the theatre. But here goes:
This was a result of my mom's laissez faire parenting philosophy: The Pit It says 1981, but I was more like 13 when I saw it with a friend and her mom. But back before video, even a bad movie could have a fairly long run. Especially one with gratuitous violence, cannibalism, and boobs.
Recent? Lost in Space Somehow the involvement of William Hurt and Gary Oldman makes this even worse.
This is a little out of step, but I didn't like Dances with Wolves due to the scene where they encircle the enemy brave and shoot him. I mean, the rest of it was up and down, but that scene really ruined it for me. If you want to talk scarring.
Austin Powers Has it been 5 years already? The placement of the tracking device and the "coffee".
And then there was this PG-13 gem, which, if I recall has live full frontal nudity. Doc Hollywood
[ February 03, 2004, 08:31 PM: Message edited by: pooka ]
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
The worst movie ever is called Biker Zombies from Detroit.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I thought What Women Want was pretty terrible but everyone else liked it.
Posted by Mankind (Member # 2672) on :
Hmm....
Worst I've sat through that weren't from MST3K . . .
5) Toys. This movie taught me how bad a movie could be. Before this, I thought any movie could, at least by being a movie, be enjoyable. I was young and naive. 4) Sphere. Words can't describe the agony of the movie that just keeps going and going and going . . . 3) Circle of Friends. I will never forgive anyone associated with this film. 2) Captain America. Wandering around in the Canadian woods, Cap says, "I don't know where I am, but home must be south of here." That's about the sense of directon the plot has. 1) Mars Attacks. I really was ready to slit my wrists by the end of this.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
i agree with slash on Street Fighter. i also loathed Lake Placid. The Majestic with jim carey was boring as all get out. at least i got to tell my mom and brother "i told you so," but even that didn't make up for the two hours and some change i could have spent productively sulking.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
From Justin to Kelly was pretty bad.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Thanks, Mankind!
That's exactly the kind of list I'm looking for. But, only Captain America is as bad as the five I listed, I think. Sphere was idiotic and boring, but was it as bad as Captain America? I don't think so. It was more lame, than truly bad.
Maybe only I make that distinction. *shrug*
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
Manos the Hands of Fate was amazingly bad for all the right reasons. Awful, awful movie. IMDB has every right to hate it.
I also recall finding Mortal Kombat ludicrous in junior high.
[ February 03, 2004, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: Book ]
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
I don't know if its' over five years yet, but The Beach.
Fortunately, I normally make good movie buying decisions when going ot the theatre.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Toys and Fatherhood turned me against Robin Williams forever. But they were both video experiences. I've seen tons of bad movies on video.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Babe, Pig in the City Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Book? Don't try to claim you saw Manos outside of MST3K. I have done my research on that film, and am even a bit of an expert on it. I know *exactly* where it has played in theatrical release.
Yes, it's awful, but doesn't find its way onto the list because only about 300 people have ever seen it in a theater. Everyone else saw the excellent Mstie of it.
Posted by Polly (Member # 6044) on :
Kangaroo Jack - beyond any doubt was the worst movie I've ever seen in a theater.
A View from the Top is probably the 2nd worst.
Posted by Mankind (Member # 2672) on :
Wanna see my psychic scars?
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Wow.
Kangaroo Jack doesn't make my five year old cut, but I am in awe of anyone who saw it in the theater. I heard it was hemorroid inducingly bad.
I feel your pain.
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
Blair Witch Project (In my young years, I spent a lot of time alone in forests at night, so there was nothing scary in the movie. Lacking that, it was just bad. Real bad.)
Trash (And other Paul Morissey movies. Not sure why I went back to see them at the Eastman theater. I was probaly just morbidly curious to see the reaction of the American audience to male frontal nudity.)
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
You actually went and paid money to see Kangaroo Jack? You deserve your emotional scarring. I'm sorry; I have no pity for you.
[edited because Polly is most definitely not a man]
[ February 03, 2004, 08:41 PM: Message edited by: Brinestone ]
Posted by Polly (Member # 6044) on :
Sorry, I missed that rule.
Yes, it truly blew chunks. I was taking my friend's 4 year old son to see it one day when I was tending him and it was all I could do to stay. There was no one else in the theater and even the 4 year old hated it.
Posted by Polly (Member # 6044) on :
But *I* didn't actually pay for it. The child's father did, so I was only out my hour and a half and the brain cells that I lost in the trauma.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
quote: "This is an old-fashioned movie where the kiss means something. I felt that the way I appeared as (the character) in the beginning was, `Here I am, a creature of nature, treat me like an equal.' She's certainly not the type who would run off into the woods. But it's not my preference, I'm not an exhibitionist, unless it's really called for in the script."
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
My two worst to contribute:
Battlefield Earth (seen at a drive-in, no less!)
and
The One (JetLi)
Both of these I walked out on before they were over.
I would say the same about A.I., except I saw it on video at home. And One Hour Photo I also turned off before finishing the video.
Most of the ones you all have mentioned above I have not seen -- probably a good thing!
Farmgirl
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
1. Howard the Duck 2. Fire in the Sky
Sorry, I've blocked out the others.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
If I have to pick the single worst movie I've ever seen, I'd have to go with Plan Nine from Outer Space. It seems like just about every single giant monster movie I've ever seen has been terrible. Anaconda and Lake Placid were awful. I saw this one on TV called Mosquito. It was about giant (like, three or four feet long) mutant mosquitos that killed indiscriminantly (of course).
I also remember a couple of really bad Sci-Fi Channel movies that I watched with my roommate a couple years ago. One was called Enemy Mine, and it starred Dennis Quaid. It was really, really bad. The other was a movie about these people trapped in this giant cube-shaped maze. They all die except the severely autistic guy in the group. I missed the beginning, and I don't remember the title. I remember that they all had Canadian accents, though. Anyone know what it's called?
Yeah, The One was terrible. Some cool fight scenes, but that was about it. Too bad Scooby-Doo isn't more than five years old. It was baaad.
[ February 03, 2004, 08:48 PM: Message edited by: Jon Boy ]
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
The Canadian accents! Oh! I remember that movie . . .
*noogies Jon Boy*
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
quote: Circle of Friends. I will never forgive anyone associated with this film.
I know people who love this film. Personally, I thought it was okay. Not brilliant, but okay.
Summer Catch is forever embedded in my memory as the worst movie I've ever seen. I can't believe I actually spent money to see it. I hate to admit I even saw it. I have no idea what I was thinking.
EDIT: So I don't think it's five years old but it was still terribly bad.
[ February 03, 2004, 08:53 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
i don't get to theaters that often.
um, i'm still scarred from men with brooms, which i saw in a nice home theater. did you guys know that in canada, astronaut means slut?
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Two words and a freaking roman numeral...
Star Trek V
'nuff said.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Ronin
Only movie I walked out on in a theatre.
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
I know it's less than five years old, but I really feel the "The Professional" (with that English actor from "Lock Stock" and "Snatch") was truly, abysmally, psychologically damagingly bad.
I remember the final scene, where the damsel in distress shoots her own father, the villain of the piece, saving the "hero". The final words of the film were:
"He was a b*****d, but he was my father." said in halting english. Then she pashes the dude.
And the whole damn movie, they've got the absolute worst, most ugly soundtrack you've ever heard, with every sloppy string-cliche possible in the "romantic" moments.
I'll never forget how bad that movie was.
And don't get me started on "Mulholland Drive" David bloody Lynch should never be let near a camera again.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
I really liked Ronin. I thought it was fun and interesting. It wasn't high art, but I really liked Robert DeNero's role.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
You know, Star Trek V was going to make my list. It would definitely be in the top 10, no doubt. I remember walking out of the theater with my friend in total shock. We didn't even start dissing it until days later. It took that long to get over it.
Oh, and we lost my car in the mall parking lot, and walked around for hours looking for it. Talk about insult to injury.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Why would anyone hate Ronin?
Posted by TheRatedR (Member # 5190) on :
Caddyshack 2
no contest
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Troub, I think you are talking about 'the Transporter'. The professional had Jean Reno in a pedophiliac relationship with an orphan that he taught to be an assassin.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
wow, celia, i've been walking around work all week with my headset on declaring how much i want to be an astronaut. or maybe this is the more relevant smilie
i am also neutral on Circle of Friends, but i do really enjoy calling guys Creepy Sean Walsh.
jon boy, i would imagine the movie with the cube shaped maze was indeed Cube. or possibly the sequel.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
"b*****d"
butthead?
Posted by dawnmaria (Member # 4142) on :
The worst movie ever has to be The Avengers. I hope Sean Connory is ashamed of himself. Lord knows I was ashamed for him watching it. And could Ralph Fiennes & Uma Thurman had LESS chemistry?!? Oh God take this image from my eyes!!!! Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I know what movie sucked! Show girls! And I did see it in a theatre and it was AWFUL. Not even boobs could save that movie.
Posted by Xaposert (Member # 1612) on :
For worst, I'm thinking Bats.
But if you guys want to see the best terrible movie ever, check out Riki-Oh. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a truly horribly made film with tons and tons of blood and ever-amusing plot devices.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
"You know that movie about these people trapped in a cube, and they're trying to escape from the cube, but the cube keeps killing them, and then only one of them ever gets out of the cube?"
"You mean, Cube?"
"No, that's not it."
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
quote: Creepy Sean Walsh.
Same! He is my friends' measurement of creepyness. A common phrase is "Was he more creepy than Sean (bloody) Walsh?"
Posted by TheRatedR (Member # 5190) on :
Wing Commander is one of the worst i've ver seen in the theater. and come to think of it i've never enjoyed anything featuring Freddie Prinze jr.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Enemy Mine was my favorite movie when I was a kid... It's got that sentimental value stuff.
But I think my vote for worst movies ever has to go to...
5. Grab bag... I haven't a movie for this place, but it's just waiting to be filled... 4. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. (Need I say more?) 3. Clockstoppers (Sorry, Riker, bad plot, bland characters and idiotic execution...) 2. Warriors of Virtue (Zen kangaroos? WTF!?) 1. Jack Frost (My dead dad is a snowman... He's melting. Let's pointlessly change the personalities of the background characters... Woo.)
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Um, will I be run out of town if I have fond childhood memories of Enemy Mine?
The worst movie ever, though, has to be The Muse. It wasn't funny - it wasn't cute, it didn't even make you care about the characters. It was just a lot of Albert Brooks whining.
And even though I won some good stuff for dressing up on opening night of Tomb Raider, I really should have known better than to buy a ticket for a video game movie.
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
Yep, you're right Slash - the Transporter. Godawful film. I'm shuddering now just remembering it.
Although I thought "The Professional" was excellent.
And no, not Butthead.
Posted by Arya (Member # 6160) on :
Kung Pow was the absolute worst movie I've ever seen... it's the only movie I actually walked out on.
[ February 03, 2004, 09:36 PM: Message edited by: Arya ]
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
several friends and i watch showgirls ritualistically. at first i was offended when some friends said i should watch it with them, but when i caught the edited version on VH1 i was captivated. If the creators of this movie meant it to be a perverse inside joke then they are geniuses. and syn is right. i saw the unedited version several weeks later, and not even boobs could save that movie.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Ryuko! You are reading my thoughts! Your numbers 1 and 2 are right on, and I'm sure your other ones are as well, but I haven't seen them. Ug... I had forgotten about Warriors of Virtue.
Oh, and even though I might be prone to say that a foreign film can never be as bad as an American film, Il Postino is prone to prove me wrong. In fact, I think Pablo Neruda's immortal soul showed up to boycott that one.
Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
I'm shocked and appalled that no one has yet mentioned Stephen King's Sleepwalkers.
A bunch of cats scratched a guy and made him explode. I mean, it doesn't get much worse than that.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
yeah, but that movie had tits!
Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :
Kingpin has got to be the most awful crap I've ever seen in a theater. I think I also saw Billy Madison in the theater too, and that's pretty bad.
I can't stand that kind of humor, I just got dragged into seeing it by the guy I was dating at the time.
[ February 03, 2004, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: Suneun ]
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Oh! Sleepwalkers is terrible! All that yeeky incest and cats everywhere. Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
quote:Enemy Mine, and it starred Dennis Quaid.
Yeah, and was directed by the dude slated for Ender's game. Hmmm. I didn't like it, but my brother thinks it's the best sci fi movie ever. But he's not a sci fi fan. So I don't know where that leaves us.
I ultimately developed an appreciation for Star Trek V. I had to because I have to watch all of them every time I watch one. Stupid OCD.
P.S. Thank goodness they finally stopped making them!
[ February 03, 2004, 09:47 PM: Message edited by: pooka ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I must agree on Showgirls.
Add to that Bolero--Even a naked Bo Derek couldn't save this movie. Come to think of it, any movie with a naked Bo Derek should be on this list.
There was a movie me and a friend rented, probably a straight to video thing, where a demon runs amok in a locked bowling alley as the handful of half-naked sex crazy teen-agers try to escape with their lives.
But Bolero was worse.
Evil Toon had about 4 good seconds in it.
Then there was one slasher/coming of age/teen sex comedy that went through an interesting week in the lives of the kids. School started on Monday. By Wed the main girl was talking about her date for Friday. It is snowing on Thursday--in Southern California. On Friday, in time for the date--they have to go to graduation first. I know that the Governator is cutting back on educational spending, but that struck me as a very short school year.
Posted by Mankind (Member # 2672) on :
Kung Pow was a work of art.
Yes, you read that right.
Work of %$#@#$ art.
And Jon Boy, you do realize the director of "Enemy Mine" is doing Ender's Game, right?
I would have nominated Cube, but I liked it, up until the last fifteen minutes. I just pretend those didn't happen.
Star Trek V was typed in on my computer, but I backed it out when I remembered Sphere.
Oh, and I think it was called "Gleaming the Cube."
(Boy, am I ever J/K.)
And I do notice how Freddie Prince Jr. keeps coming up. Boy, am I ever glad I've never watched anything he'd been within miles of.
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
Anyone seen Nell? First one (but not the only one) I ever walked out on.
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
Is it bad that people are nominating movies that I like?
Posted by TimeTim (Member # 2768) on :
The Mothman Prophecies was absolutely terrible.
Posted by larisse (Member # 2221) on :
Well, my entry for the worst movie eeeeev-eeeer is Knock Off starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Rob Schneider.
A friend of mine used to manage a theater, so when they previewed the new movies to check for any problems with the prints, I'd go with her to "help out". They happened to be showing more than one movie that night so I opted for the brilliance of Van Damme rather than whatever the other movie was. (I really can't remember... my brain went to mush that night.)
Needless to say, I walked out of that movie several times. I found the empty lobby more stimulating than... well than either one of the movies being shown that night. (I know what you are thinking. Why did I go back in if it sucked that much. Because, I still had to check if there was anything wrong with the film... physically wrong I mean.)
To this day, as a running joke between my friend and I, I maintain that I should have gotten my money back.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Ooh, yes. Mothman Prophecies stunk.
quote:"You know that movie about these people trapped in a cube, and they're trying to escape from the cube, but the cube keeps killing them, and then only one of them ever gets out of the cube?"
"You mean, Cube?"
"No, that's not it."
That's it!
quote:And Jon Boy, you do realize the director of "Enemy Mine" is doing Ender's Game, right?
I don't care. That movie was painfully bad. If any of you had fond childhood memories of it, go watch it again.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Annie, you rock.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Anyone ever see Tank Girl? Oh, gosh. The repressed memories are coming back.
[ February 03, 2004, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: Jon Boy ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
The one where pauley shore joined the army.
Posted by Taberah (Member # 4014) on :
Robert Altman's The Player. (Although I own a copy, thanks to the Card family.)
As for Enemy Mine, I've watched it fairly recently and though it wasn't a paragon of movie awesomeness, and it wasn't even very good, I can still see why I liked it as a kid.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
I saw the Final Fantasy movie. I watched the whole thing 'cause I was with a group of friends. None of us actually liked the movie, but some had a policy against walking out of movies they paid for. That hasn't been five years, though...but five years ago, I didn't care about direction or acting or any of that stuff.
[ February 03, 2004, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Ooh! I just thought of the Number One Bad Movie of All Time: the Star Wars Holiday Special. Does it count if it was made for TV? It was hardly even a movie. It was more of a hodgepodge of bad comedy sketches, musical numbers, and a cartoon, sandwiched between some vaguely Star Wars-related material.
[ February 03, 2004, 11:09 PM: Message edited by: Jon Boy ]
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
i liked the ff movie...
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
I thought it was WAY too predictable.
[ February 03, 2004, 11:45 PM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
This guy I know who was the only one in his class to go on to Yale said "I don't care how much nudity it has, Bolero is still a bad movie."
Nell and Stargate win special linguistics booby prizes.
Oh, and I love "In the Army now". But I'm crazy. o,0
[ February 03, 2004, 11:42 PM: Message edited by: pooka ]
Posted by Mintieman (Member # 4620) on :
You know, the cube is a pretty damn good movie, if you dont watch the last 15 minutes, or you umm like being really annoyed at the end of a movie Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Jawbreaker. I don't know why I watched this one, because it was not only artistically awful but morally awful. Ick. I feel like scrubbing myself with steel wool just thinking about it.
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
The Doom Generation.
that movie...sucked...hard!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I was forced into watching Me, Myself and Irene with a few people. Even they couldn't finish the movie; it was so disgusting and pointless and gross and...
While flipping through channels I witnessed about 1.5 seconds of Spice World, that was pretty painful.
Hobbes Posted by plaid (Member # 2393) on :
Letsee...
E.T. and Young Sherlock Holmes (Steven Spielberg schmaltz, ehh)
Your Friends and Neighbors (whiny yuppies hating one another)
Some art films... Alphaville and Hiroshima Mon Amour... there's other ones I've managed to forget... I think boring art films are movies I hate the most; I'd rather be offended by a bad commercial movie than bored by a bad art film...
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
I saw Me, Myself, and Irene on TV. If I hadn't seen Bruce Almighty at around the same time, all my faith in Jim Carrey would have been lost.
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
This is one of those threads where I have to remind myself that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and it is okay to disagree.
That said, there are very few movies that I will say that I hated. I have seen a good number of low budget, obscure movies, but I am pretty good at taking them for what they are.
So the three movies that I can remember actually hate hate hating (and forgive me, they're not all five years old, but I did see them all in the theater) are:
Mystery Men Mission to Mars Cabin Fever
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I second Battlefield Earth and Wing Commander. Both make me violently ill if I watch more than a few minutes.
The worst movie in the history of the world though is Swept Away. On so many levels. In every way. I shudder even thinking about it. I mean, its really painful to watch, no exageration whatsoever. I honestly think Guy Ritchie intentionally sabotaged it to hurt his wife's career.
*shudder*
Anyway, I liked The Beach Paul. What was so bad about it?
Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
quote:E.T.
You may not like it, but can you sincerely call E.T. a BAD movie - the worst even? Come on.
And YSH wasn't written or directed by Spielberg, although he did have a hand in producing it.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a truly horrid movie in the theatre. I can think of three possible reasons for this:
1. I have impeccable taste an only go to good movies. 2. I have horrible taste and don’t realize how bad the movies I see are. 3. I have a convenient memory and have completely blocked out any bad movies I’ve seen.
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
Kull the Conqueror Warriors of Virtue Dragonheart 2: A New Beginning
Okay, so I saw the first two in theatres. I was young, and I hope to be forgiven. The third came right to video, but it was so bad it still deserves to be on the list. I mean, we're talking embarrasing to watch, let alone admit to having been a part of.
The only movie I actually wanted to walk out of was called Unstrung Heroes and maybe I was just too young to appreciate it, but man was I ever bored.
Posted by kwsni (Member # 1831) on :
Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell! actually, it's pretty hilarious all MST3K'd. they make a lot of tolkien jokes.
::wanders off to watch it::
Ni!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
If we're talking about straight-to-video sequels, I have to mention Cinderella 2. BLARGH.
I think it's somewhat telling that most of my entries are children's entertainment. I think that's because bad movies are generally not as bad when they're directed towards adults. OK, wait. Maybe that's a lie. But anyway, movies are certainly a lot more likely to suck if they're directed towards kids, because people think kids can't tell the difference.
Posted by Jeni (Member # 1454) on :
Copland is the only movie I've ever walked out of. Another horrible movie that comes to mind is The Lawnmower Man. And, well, pretty much every horror movie ever made.
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Oh I have to say that I didn't see any of those I listed in Theatres. I usually read a review of a movie before dishing out my 8 bucks, so I tend to miss the truly awful ones.
Oh I remember what the worst movie I saw in theatres was. Jackie Brown! That was so horrible I've practically blocked it from my memory.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
dkw, neither have I, that I recall (with the exception of STV, which does hold a special place in my heart (for reasons which have nothing to do with the movie)). However, I attribute that to a fourth possibility: I see VERY few movies in the theater. If I am thinking about seeing one, I almost always read multiple reviews and consult with people who've seen it.
Posted by Maccabeus (Member # 3051) on :
Was Enemy Mine really that bad?
Years ago I caught some part of it on TV, but my family hates science fiction and so I didn't see the rest of it. I didn't even know what it was called till I bought a five-novella paperback anthology from the library and discovered that the written version was good. (That was also my introduction to OSC, though I didn't notice--Songbird was also in the anthology.) Sadly, the book has vanished and I suspect mom may have thrown it away at some point after I moved out.
Posted by Ben (Member # 6117) on :
Meet The Feebles sucked too.
Posted by Sachiko (Member # 6139) on :
Anne Of Green Gables: Continued
Imagine Anne, on a train, in a nun's habit, covered in shrapnel, drinking liquor from a hip flask. Stunning in its badness. I would have been stunned less by frontal nudity. (But stripping to "The Lady of Shallot" would require perspicacity, obviously in short supply here.)
Highlander 2 . I pretend it didn't happen.
Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas . Creepy, which I guess was the point. Totally overrated.
Aladdin 2 and 3. In 2, I think Disney was trying to address the "where's my dad?" issue affecting a lot of kids. I think that this movie might push the kids right over the edge. Aladdin mentions, briefly, to his father that he's little torked that his dad ran out on Aladdin and his mom, leaving his mom to die, Aladdin to starve, etc., etc., and at the end of the movie, the dad runs off AGAIN in search of gold AGAIN and Aladdin is just fine with that! "Oh, left me to starve as a child? That's fine! Bye, Dad! *sniff* That's my dad." Blech.
Also, and I feel bad about this because my family practically build altars for his other movies, but Hayao Miyazaki's Panda-go-Panda . . A good example of the worst of Japanese cartoons, that is, a lot of panty shots ( Kiki's Delivery Service had those too but is otherwise fantastic) and creepy incest undertones. ("How hungry Papa is tonight!",various comments about loving bamboo, etc.)
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Okay, say what you will about any Spielburg crap, but Meet The Feebles holds a special place in my heart. When good Muppets go bad!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Battlefield Earth - I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to bad Sci-Fi, but could only stand the first 45 minutes or so before I walked out.
He Got Game - Basketball. Players. Are. Not. Actors. Ray Allen sounded like one of those guys with lung cancer and a voice box. I felt sorry for Denzel Washington before the end.
What Dreams May Come - I think the problem with this one was that I wasn't on an acid trip when I saw it. Maybe I'll rent it and see if it syncs up with Wish You Were Here.
Sense And Sensibility - Now, I've fallen asleep at movies before...but never a noon matinee.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
And I liked The Beach, too.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
And the worst Stephen King and Michael Crichton movies aren't Sleepwalkers and Sphere.
Thinner and Congo hold those honors.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
The only time I have ever walked out of a movie: Ali.
I enjoyed Ronin quite a bit actually.
*spoilers*
I loved the part where De Niro "ambushed" Sean Bean with a cup of coffee. And of course, these little gems:
quote:Discussing interrogation techniques.] Vincent: How did they finally get to you? Sam: They gave me a grasshopper. Spence: What's that? Sam: Lessee, two parts gin, one part brandy, one part Creme de Menthe...
quote:Spence: You ever kill anybody? Sam: I hurt somebody's feelings once.
quote:Spence: You worried about saving your own skin? Sam: Yeah, I am. It covers my body.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
In defense of Cube, I would like to point out that it was shot for only $365,000 (Canadian). So, while the script may have been lacking (although it was by far not the worst story and dialog I've ever heard) and the actors may not have been brilliant, I can't say it was a bad film. Not a good film, but not a bad one. Then again, don't get me started on Hypercube: Cube 2...
And Mulholland Dr. was almost brilliance. I'm not sure if there's any other director who can capture poetry (abstract and demented it may be -- although, not always -- see The Straight Story) on film like David Lynch. You may not understand his films, but they're certainly not bad. Now, Lynch has had his bad moments -- ::coughDunecough:: -- but even they have been, in my opinion, enjoyably bad.
Now, on to my list...
I can't say that I've ever seen a movie that I thought was all that bad in a theater, except possibly Blue Crush. And even that one wouldn't make my top-5-worst-films-ever list. Truth is, being the anti-socialite I am, I usually watch most movies at home on DVD/VHS. I'm also going to break the other rule and list a recent film -- only because it made such a strong impact. This one's going to stick with me.
My Boss's Daughter -- I can only hope the review on the main page at the IMDB is satire. The pain I felt when Ashton Kutcher pulled down the pants of Terence Stamp's (Superman II, Wall Street, The Limey) character to show his rear -- and then parted his cheeks!!! -- well, it may just be the singular worst thing I have ever seen on film. The rest of the movie I can't find anything good to say about.
Firewalker -- Now, this Chuck Norris gem is entertaining, but that's only because it's so awful. Lord of the Ring's fans take note! Gimli (John Rhys-Davies) makes an appearence!
U Turn -- Some people love him. Some people hate him. Oliver Stone makes controversial, and some would then say important, films. This movie takes the cake for me as being the most disgusting, vile piece of garbage I have ever seen, despite having two of my favorite actors (Sean Penn and Nick Nolte) in leading roles. It's well shot with a great cast, but I just can't get past how repulsed I am by it.
Captain America -- this one has already been mentioned, but I took it personally when my favorite superhero was butchered on screen (odd that the Cap is my favorite superhero because I wouldn't consider myself a patriotic American citizen). By the way, did you all know that the actor who played Captain America, Matt Salinger, is J. D. Salinger's son? Oddly ironic, no?
The Lord of the Rings -- Ralph Bakshi should be hung by his big toe from someplace high and left to rot. And that's all I've got to say about that.
Oh! And since Stephen King films have been brought up, I'd like to give an honorary mention to the Stephen King written and directedMaximum Overdrive!
[ February 04, 2004, 03:52 AM: Message edited by: Godric ]
Posted by plaid (Member # 2393) on :
Oh yeah! Moulin Rouge... after I saw this I was amazed to find out that other people liked it (and even loved it)... I found it boring and unbelievable and annoying...
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Killer Clown From Outer Space "nuff said Leprchaun III the first two must have been abysmal
The only movie I have ever walked out on and paid good money to see not only for me but for two others.
THE THIN RED LINE How could so many good actors be it such a shitty piece of cinema?
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb, here.
There's no denying that many of these movies -- with perhaps the exception of The Player -- are very, very bad. And some of them are so bad that no one has ever even seen them outside of their MST3K shot, or a sarcastic "let's watch bad movies" night (like Plan 9).
But how many of them ruined the nostalgic memories of a generation of children, and worked to sink not only a whole franchise but an entire mythology?
For that, we must nominate Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.
It's a film that has thuddingly bad dialogue, mostly terrible acting, completely random plotting, and extended sequences clearly designed for the video game. (In this, it's kind of like Matrix: Reloaded.) It's saved from being another Plan 9 only by virtue of Ewan McGregor and its production budget, which makes me wonder what Ed Wood could have done with those assets.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
Plaid, I'm with you on Moulin Rouge. I could write an essay on why I hated that movie, but I'll just let you take my word for it.
Comments on other movies already mentioned...
Star Trek: V was a terrible movie. But it was terrible in such a campy way that you can't help but love it. And if you think the movie is hilarious, you've got to see the special features on the newly released double-disc DVD edition. All the other Star Trek movies second discs are filled with comments about how brilliant and groundbreaking the film was. This one consisted of Shatner talking enthusiastically about how it was classic cinema, and everyone else interviewed saying that it was not as bad as it seemed, or it could have been better if they had more money. And Shatner's 20-minute interview on the symbolism of the mountain is alone worth the $20. It's priceless.
The Transporter. Yes, it was awful. However, I own it, for two reasons. First off, my father-in-law came over from Albania last year. He doesn't speak a word of English, so we got a couple mindless action movies with which to entertain him. We found cheap copies of this movie and XXX, so we got them, and he dug them. The reason I haven't sold this one yet is because it was directed by Cory Yuen, who has done a lot of work with Jet Li and is really swell. Some of the fight choreography in this movie was interesting, and carried out surprisingly well by Jason Statham. However, unfortunately no one with so much talent was working on the script. Oh, it's painful to watch that movie if you're not skipping to the fight scenes. But if you want a good laugh, you must try something. My best friend married a Japanese girl who had never seen an Indiana Jones movie. Last time they came to see us, we showed her the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indiana Jones is chasing down the Nazi caravan. Then, to demonstrate the dearth of creative thinking in Hollywood, I showed them the shot-for-shot remake of that scene in the end of The Transporter. We were laughing so violently you'd have thought we were all having seizures. And yes, it only got worse from there. It's as though they thought, "let's not worry about tying up loose ends. Let's just shoot until we run out of money, then pull back in a crane shot and roll credits." Worst. Ending. Ever.
As for Enemy Mine, I don't know why anyone's surprised. Other than In The Line of Fire, I've never seen a good Wolfgang Peterson movie. Das Boot was tedious. The Neverending Story was goofy. Air Force One was okay, up until it got to the worst ending in the history of film, until The Transporter stole the title. Outbreak was a waste of film, and of Dustin Hoffman. I'm hoping he can do our favorite book some justice.
Anyway, I'll add one more movie to the list. I remember in 1994 I paid money to see The Flintstones. That one definately deserves a place of honor here. I was so mad that I left the theatre and decided to sneak into whatever movie happened to be starting at that time in the Multiplex. The only one was called Being Human, with Robin Williams. There were about 15-20 people in the theatre, and I went up to the front and sat down. It was a dull, pretentious and forgettable movie, but after having my senses assaulted by The Flintstones, I just sat in the seat and daydreamed, not paying too much attention to the plot. Robin Williams was going to different periods of time or something. Anyway, it didn't disturb me too much, so I finished it, and as soon as the credits rolled I stood up and turned around to find that I was in an empty theatre. I was the only person in that showing that hadn't walked out in disgust. I've never before or since seen anything like that happen.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
Hey, what about Space Hunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone? I saw that movie when I was about 7, and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. So when I was about 17, I had a sleepover party with some friends and we were looking for a movie. I suggested this one, since I remembered it being so good. I've never been so embarrassed in my life.
Posted by Sachiko (Member # 6139) on :
BTW, The Mothman Prophecies gave my mother-in-law a heart attack. Seriously. She's in an assisted-living facility now. Now that's a bad movie.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
And we musn't forget Omegaman or Soylent Green. I remember hanging out with a friend in high school. We were at a video store and we didn't see anything good, so he closed his eyes and grabbed randomly until his hand closed around something, and he came up with Omegaman. It was classic MST3K-fodder.
For my money, Charlie's Angels was one of the worst things I've ever seen in a theatre. "Scenes from your favorite movies, remade with much less skill and much more T&A! See it today!" Crispin Glover was the only worthwhile thing in that film, and he didn't even have any lines. Or any T&A.
This may be a personal thing, but I almost cried when I saw The Tuxedo and The Medallion. Jackie Chan used to be so hip, cool, original and groundbreaking. Now he's making the worst crap in the business. At least The Transporter had some interesting fight scenes. Jackie's last few films have had absolutely no redeeming qualities. Maybe I was just expecting too much, but I'd say those are some of the worst movies I've seen.
I'm sure I'll have more later.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
Okay, one more. I don't know if this movie really belongs here. This goes past just camp value... if you want to see a movie that's so bad that it's really, really good (I'm talking about genius), you've got to see The Warriors. I actually own this movie. I've seen it about a dozen times, and I still can't decide if it's one of the worst or one of the best movies I've ever seen. It'll blow your mind.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Flatliners
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Lalo, I too have a special place for Meet the Feebles, but I never did like muppets.
Of everything mentioned, I think Star Trek V and Tank Girl are the only ones I actually saw in the theater. Huh.
Posted by MoonRabbit (Member # 3652) on :
I can't believe no one has mentioned Independence Day.
It was bad on so many levels: The plot was stupid, the dialog was inane, all the characters were stereotypes, the science was nonexistent, and the aliens were defeated because they didn't secure their Mac-compatible wireless network. Don't even get me started about the misunderstood genius cable tv programmer who makes Mac viruses in his spare time.
Oh, and it had Jeff Goldblum in it. That in itself puts it on the worst. Movies. Ever. List.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Sadly, I paid good money to see Ishtar at the theater...
I also paid money to see Mars Attacks!, another terrible movie.
But the one that has stuck in my craw as a huge disappointment, shredded the years of waiting I had spent, and dashed my hopes for a return to the great movies of my youth, was Star Wars: The Phantom Menace . Terrible piece of crap aimed at the Britney Spears demographic.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I enjoyed Mars Attacks. Don't hit me. *cowers*
Hobbes
[ February 04, 2004, 10:32 AM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
I guess I can't count anything I saw on USA Up All Night, right? Like Bikini Car Wash II?
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
Hmm... some of these choices just don't cut it for wost movie...
Pretty good movies that have been mentioned: Dances with Wolves Austin Powers Babe, Pig in the City Blair Witch Project Scooby-Doo Me, Myself and Irene The Nightmare Before Christmas Star Wars: The Phantom Menace Mars Attacks
Come on people... if these are the worst you've seen, you're doing very very well.
And then there's some AWESOME movies that have been mentioned: E.T. Mulholland Drive Moulin Rouge Independence Day
For those who mentioned these, shame on you!
[ February 04, 2004, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Tresopax ]
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
Wing Commander is right up there, or pretty much anything with Mr. Prinze Jr. How about Starship Troopers? The Island of Dr. Moreau deserves a place, especially for laughably bad make-up for the, er, whatever they were.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Nightmare Before Christmas is awsome. We put it in every year when we're decorating the tree!
Posted by solo (Member # 3148) on :
Mars Attacks Independence Day (though I think I enjoyed it when I saw it) As Good As It Gets Me, Myself & Irene Robot Jocks
Posted by Yozhik (Member # 89) on :
I'm with Robey regarding The Thin Red Line. Here's a review from Rotten Tomatoes that sums up the awfulness:
quote:William Thomas Cummings said "There are no atheists in foxholes." According to "The Thin Red Line," there was at least one, along with a number of bad poets and first year philosophy students. Visually sumptuous and astoundingly pretentious, "The Thin Red Line" takes a bracing portrayal of the battle of Guadalcanal and buries it within nearly three hours of nature footage, muddled philosophizing, and endless navel-gazing. Some have proclaimed the film a masterpiece that transcends traditional narrative structure to become a cinematic meditation. I found it more a grandiose doodle, the kind of thing a screenwriter might come up with after smoking too much dope while watching old war movies on TV. If a novice director had screened this film, he would likely have been told, "Nice cinematography, Skippy. Now put away your bong, take this self-indulgent rough cut back to the editing room and chop out about an hour and a half. You might start by lopping off that wandering-in-paradise opening sequence along with the virtually incoherent 45 minutes at the end. Get rid of those godawful voice- overs, Hallmark Hall of Fame flashbacks, and a lot of the Wild Kingdom animal shots. Turn down the orchestra so we can hear the dialogue, color-code the soldiers so we can tell one from another, and lose those distracting cameos from John Travolta and George Clooney. Oh, and you know those scenes where you were trying to show that the Japanese soldiers were scared, confused human beings just like the Americans? It might help if you added subtitles. Think about it, kid." . . . It feels like open stage night at the World War II coffeehouse as the audience is subjected to lines like "Love, where does it come from? Who lit this flame in us?" Wait, there's more. Try these on for size. "What's this war at the heart of nature? Why does nature vie with itself? Is there an avenging power in nature? '' "How did we lose the good that was given us? Let it slip away. Scattered. Careless. What's keeping us from reaching out, touching the glory?" The film is packed with gems like these.
Posted by Yozhik (Member # 89) on :
The Patriot was another awful movie. I loved Braveheart, so I had high hopes for this one. It started off OK and got progressively worse, until it reached a climax of awfulness during the church-burning scene. Also, I could have done without Joely Richardson's Colonial cleavage costumes. And "It's a free country--or it will be." *cringes*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Chopper Chicks in Zombietown Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Probably no one has ever seen this:
Fluke. Along the same lines as "Jack Frost." The dad dies and comes back as a dog. The man who killed him was a co-worker who was after his wife, etc. The dog has to watch his wife fall in love with the guy that murdered him. The worst part is, there's no happy ending. He just stays a dog. The End.
Species or maybe it was Species II. It hardly matters, both were terrible. At some point in one of these movies, the alien's nipple shoots out in the form of a rope to strangle someone. I was amazed and barely knew what to say or do by the time this movie was over. They used the shock effect way too liberally.
I have to give the nod to the last two Matrix movies. They aren't five years old and by themselves weren't really that terrible. But they built us up so much in the first movie, only to leave us hanging by the end of the series. That makes me very, VERY angry.
added: I have to agree with the one who said "Sphere". It was my favorite book and the movie had the best cast...how could it turn out SO HORRIBLE? I can't even blame expectations, it was just that bad on it's own. It makes me afraid to hope for Ender's Game.
[ February 04, 2004, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes remake.
Darkness Falls
Practical Magic
The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
The Sum of All Fears
Interview with the Vampire
Harry Potter and the Sorcer's Stone
The Prince of Egypt
The ones I hate most bitterly are the ones based on books that I love.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Tres, I can't believe you just called Phantom Menace a "pretty good movie."
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
Okay. I put a LOT of thought into this. In fact, I spent WAY too much time on it.
Several people here have named movies I kinda liked. Or at least movies I found pretty tolerable. I liked Toys. I would say you have to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy its absurdism (and its sheer visual beauty). You also have to like René Magritte. Of course, I liked Dances With Wolves quite a bit as well. Seeing that here seems out in left field for me. Can you truly say that was one of the worst ever, or are you merely using this as a platform from which to snipe at a movie you think is overrated? I found Independence Day mindlessly fun, Doc Hollywood cute, Young Sherlock Holmes charming, and Nightmare Before Christmas borderline brilliant.
Slash, your requirement that it be something I saw in a theater really put a crimp on, because there are many movies I didn't see in a theater because I didn't think I would like them. Some of these I eventually saw on TV or video, though. Night of the Lepus truly deserves a place of honor, as do Pirhana and Barracuda. It's a shame not to be able to nominate them. But the most awful movie I ever rented was Mulholland Drive. Brilliant my fat butt. >_<
As things stand, you only get bad movies that surprised us, or perhaps, that we were dragged to against our will. Which, perhaps is what you're looking for. But then I don't know if they can really count as the "worst movie ever."
ANYWAY, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, here is my real list, my hall of shame:
5) Disorderlies - starring the Fat Boys. Okay, I was dragged to see this. And it was just as stupid as I though it was. I no longer keep up with that friend.
4) Hideaway - I never liked Jeff Goldblum. I always found him to be pretentious and not particularly talented. But in the glow of Jurrassic Park, which not only did he not ruin, but he actually brought a quirky charm to, I was willing to reevaluate him. Okay, I did. I was right in the first place. He sucks.
3) Event Horizon - My wife loves Sam Neill. I like Lawrence Fishbourne. We both love science fiction. Sounds like a great match, right? This is one of the most tedious, disgusting, and unpleasant movies I have ever seen. The power went out halfway through, and we all groaned when it came back on. When a mother went to take her crying baby out (of this R-Rated movie) I asked her if she could please stay, since the sound of baby shrieks was actually making the movie less unbearable.
2) TIE: Kill Castro and Cuba. Although these movies are set in different times (and regimes) they are virtually indistinguishable. (Except that the second stars Sean Connery and Hector Elizondo.) Foreign agents trying to topple a Cuban dictator, lousy ending. Lousy movies.
And the Worst Movie I Ever Saw In a Theater: The Late Great Planet Earth - Now you might argue that it doesn't belong on this list, because it's a documentary. But being as how 1985 has come and gone and the world has not ended, I say it falls firmly back into the field of fiction. What makes this movie particularly bad was that the advertising did not at all make clear that this was a "documentary" by religious fanatics detailing how the world was going to end in six years. Rather, it showed shots of cavemen fighting and rockets going up, leading Young Icarus to believe that it was ome sort of time-travel action film. And my parents were game to take me, because, hey, it "starred" Orson Welles! A movie starring Orson Welles had to be good, right? This was the first time (since infancy) I ever fell asleep in a movie theater. I very much doubt anybody here has ever seen a worse movie. If you can find this embarrassment anywhere, I urge you to include it in your next Campfest.
-o-
Dishonorable mentions I considered for my list (which I saw in theaters): Ishtar, Flinstones, Star Trek V, Lost in Space, Starship Troopers, Fire in the Sky, Congo, and Spacehunter.
[ February 04, 2004, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: lcarus ]
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
In defense of The Matrix II and III, you have to keep in mind that the first one wasn't anything special. The footage great but the acting was nothing to write home about and the story has been done before. The philosophical questions were great, man has been debating the nature of reality for centuries and how many answers have we come up with? The first Matrix movie asked all the questions and somewhere along the line people started to think the next one would provide all the answers when human history, to this point, has been unable to. A little unfair if you ask me. And so the next two had good action sequences, creative cinematography and ended the story as best they could. I think they got caught up in the hype and thought they WERE smart enough to actually say something deep, meaningful and new which is why the third one was weak. It tried to be something it wasn't for about an hour before righting itself and becoming an action flick.
Anyway, Matrix rants are how many months old now? I'm way behind the times.
Posted by AndrewR (Member # 619) on :
One of the worst movies in my memory (that I saw at a theater) was Zapped!, a teen-comedy with Scott Baio that defined mediocrasy. Truly a hour-and-a-half of my life I want back.
But that just opens the whole teen-movie genre...
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
Oh right, as to the point of this thread. The worst movie I've ever seen in a theatre, bar none, was Tomb Raider: 2. What the hell was I thinking? I'm still ashamed.
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
BTW, read the viewer review of Disorderlies--it is brilliant!
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
I can believe I forgot Event Horizon. That. Movie. Sucked.
You know a kid wrote the "Disorderlies" review, because they don't know that PG-13 came around after PG and R.
[ February 04, 2004, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by Livious (Member # 2326) on :
Godzilla 2000 Le Divorce Congo Star Wars: AOTC Matrix: Reloaded
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Ack! Indenpendence day is the worse! My friend was flalling her arms wildly all through it! Which was funny. And also I hated pratical magic. They had to turn a wonderful book into a yeeky stoopid movie WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THAT!
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
I can't believe I missed Independence Day and The Island of Dr. Moreau. Oh, and Jurassic Park: The Lost World. I was on my mission when all of those came out, and I nearly went insane with anticipation waiting to see them because I was sure they would all rule, and they all absolutely blew. I should have stayed on my mission forever. The worst was The Island of Dr. Moreau. I grew up with H. G. Wells, and that was always my favorite of his books, ever since I was a kid. I was so pumped when I heard they were turning it into a movie. I can't believe Marlon Brando came out of retirement for that piece of pig's garbage.
The ironic thing was that Mission: Impossible also came out when I was on my mission, and I didn't see what the big deal was. About a year after I got home I checked it out just to see what I'd missed, and it turned out to be ten times better than all the movies I wanted to see put together. Such were the days before Rottentomatoes.
Posted by SirReal (Member # 5257) on :
All right, here's some with more to come. And yes, I did see all these in the theater. In no particular order.
Nothing but Trouble-Dan Akroyd, Chevy Chase, Demi Moore
ConAir-All star cast, 5 star loser
Doctor Detroit-Another BAD Dan Akroyd movie.
Modern Problems-Another BAD Chevy Chase movie. (I have a theory that 3 out of 5 SNL related movies SUCK. Can you proove me wrong?)
And finally,in my opinion the worst, Ice Pirates- Robert Urich, Ron Perlman & Angelica Houston. The Spaceship gets "space herpes", nuff said?
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Oooh, I loved Con Air. Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
SirReal, I think your theory is absolutely wrong. At least 4 out of 5, if not 9 out of 10, SNL-related movies is garbage.
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
quote:Tres, I can't believe you just called Phantom Menace a "pretty good movie."
6 out of 10, actually - that's what I rated it.
It's easily better than half the movies out there. Its main problem is failing to be as great as Star Wars movies had been expected to be. But it does have excellent special effects, a decent plot (better, at least, than the Star Wars novels I've read), creative characters, nice action sequences, acting on par for the series, offering an interesting look at pre-Imperial Star Wars, and an appropriate set-up for the next film made. I know plenty of kids who absolutely love it, in fact.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
5. Jurassic Park 2&3 get lumped together 4. Congo 3. Event Horizon 2. Highlander 2 1. the absolute worst movie ever (I didn't see it in the theater, but I've still got to mention it: Rollerblade Posted by Danzig (Member # 4704) on :
I think the movie is called Double Take, but I am not sure. Basically two guys trade places, and one of them is (both of them are?) an undercover cop doing something. The plot was very incoherent. I think it is not yet five years old either, but that has got to be the worst movie I have ever seen.
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
Icarus:
quote:The Late Great Planet Earth - Now you might argue that it doesn't belong on this list, because it's a documentary. But being as how 1985 has come and gone and the world has not ended, I say it falls firmly back into the field of fiction. What makes this movie particularly bad was that the advertising did not at all make clear that this was a "documentary" by religious fanatics detailing how the world was going to end in six years. Rather, it showed shots of cavemen fighting and rockets going up, leading Young Icarus to believe that it was ome sort of time-travel action film. And my parents were game to take me, because, hey, it "starred" Orson Welles! A movie starring Orson Welles had to be good, right? This was the first time (since infancy) I ever fell asleep in a movie theater. I very much doubt anybody here has ever seen a worse movie. If you can find this embarrassment anywhere, I urge you to include it in your next Campfest.
Oh my! I often completely forget about this until it's mentioned by someone else. Now that it has been brought up, I might have to revise my list to also include Left Behind (I won't even mention the sequal). Ugh!
Of course, I've always liked Ishtar and although I don't believe anyone could argue the merits of Congo effectively, Bruce Campbell is in it... Posted by MattB (Member # 1116) on :
Hate Jurassic Park 2. Love Jurassic Park 3, because of this conversation:
Tea Leoni: (surveying the wreckage of a dinosaur cloning room) So, this is how you make dinosaurs.
Sam Neill: (extremely raspy) No. This is how you play God.
That, and the pterodactyls who walk around on their wings. Couldn't get over those.
I nominate Camp Nowhere. Or Batman and Robin. Can't decide.
Posted by Mankind (Member # 2672) on :
Something in my psyche just peeled back and revealed Cabin Boy.
I think I may need to go back into therapy.
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
Oh, come on! Cabin Boy? That movie rocks. It's right up there with UHF. Haha. Haha. Haha.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
House of 1000 Corpses
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
I think The Late Great Planet Earth is what brok Hatrack.
Sorry guys.
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
Anyone mentioned Xanadu?
Also, my friends and I rented a horror movie called Uncle Sam once, about a zombie back from the dead who terrorizes people dressed as Uncle Sam. Chef from South Park is in it. The tagline was "He wants you..... dead!"
Posted by ssywak (Member # 807) on :
Book,
quote:Also, my friends and I rented a horror movie called Uncle Sam once, about a zombie back from the dead who terrorizes people dressed as Uncle Sam
You'll have to be more clear: was the zombie dressed as Uncle Sam, or did it only attack people who were themselves dressed as Uncle Sam?
How about the movie: "The Postman", which (of course) ranks right up there with "Waterworld."
And you shouldn't forget Highlander 3, 4 and 5, and The Howling 1,2,3,4,...,n.
Event Horizon? Ye gods, man--what a stinker! (Though the Space Station effects were pretty good...)
--Steve
Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
Oh, come on. The Postman was far from great, but it can't even compare with Waterworld. The latter was absolutely hideous -- had no redeeming qualities at all.
Of course, at the time I watched it I was hooked up to a device with a needle in my arm, being drained of plasma. That probably doesn't have anything to do with it, though. (Hmm. I saw Dracula: Dead and Loving It at the same time. Another stinker.)
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
I was just flipping channels, and I noticed that HBO is playing Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever. That's got to be on the list. Even Darth Maul, the only good part of Episode I, was powerless to save this stinker.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
I liked Waterworld, and I don't see what everybody has against it.
Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :
5. Event Horizon – How sad is it that Michael Crichton won’t let you put his name on a movie based on his WORST book. He’s still got his name on ER for pete’s sake.
4. Spaceship: A Takeoff – Granted, I thought it was really funny when I was eight, but hey, kids are stupid.
3. Stone Cold – Starring Brian Bozworth!? Football players are not freaking actors!! Howie Long’s movie is in the bottom half of my top ten.
2. Star Trek V – William Shatner should be beaten to death with his director’s chair.
1. Cool As Ice – With, that’s right, Vanilla Ice. And yes, I saw it in the theater. Because my girlfriend at the time was sadomasochistic. And an idiot.
Others might have made the list but I didn’t see them in the theater. Some are, Highlander 2, The X-Files Movie, Bordello of Blood, The Substitute, John Carpenter’s Vampires, Major League 3, and Toys.
Posted by thrak (Member # 5499) on :
A few movies that I haven't seen mentioned yet, and I can't still find it hard to believe that I sat through in the theater, are Titantic and Tombstone.
I know that many people consider Tombstone a good movie. Even a few people, whom I really respect, think it is one of the best westerns made. But the fact is that after the OK Corral scene, the rest of the movie swtiches style. I couldn't stand the last part of the movie. When I walked out, I mentioned this to my friends. They BOTH said that they wanted to walk out at that same point. Maybe it was our mood that night.
I went to see Titantic solely for the special effects. In the end, I wished the boat would go down sooner and quicker, and for goodness sake take the lead characters with you.
[ February 07, 2004, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: thrak ]
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
I frankly don't know why people keep posting movie titles, when clearly, I have already settled the issue. Posted by Cor (Member # 4295) on :
yellowbeard....enough said
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Alien 3 and Highlander 2.
What made these movies so unbarable isn't just that they were terrible movies, but that the previous movies were SO good they built up expectations to an unreasonable level. I went into them expecting to see greatness and instead I saw a grotesque distortion of something I had previously loved.
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[The Wave]](graemlins/thewave.gif)
Robert Urich, Ron Perlman & Angelica Houston. The Spaceship gets "space herpes", nuff said?
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)