Why Johnny and OScar deserve each other This Sunday at 8 p.m. I'll be on the couch with my Cokes and snacks and wife and dogs and blanket, fortified and comfortable and ready to watch the 76th Academy Awards, because "The Simpsons" won't be on. They're fun to watch anyway. Sure, they stretch on and on, and the right people never win, and by the fourth hour even genial host Billy Crystal looks like he's ready to just start pitching Oscars out into the crowd to speed things up, but I love 'em. Where else can you see action heroes, romantic leads, glamorous leading ladies, and perky ingenues act just as neurotic and fidgety as the rest of us?
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
I do like your columns, Chris. And of course, you're absolutely right.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
quote:But mainly because as soon as he walks towards the stage my wife will go into all sorts of Depp-induced frenzies and I'll be there when it happens. It worked during "Benny & Joon," it worked during "From Hell," it worked big-time during "Chocolat," and my Captain Jack Sparrow costume is almost worn out. Johnny Depp has been very good for my marriage, and this could top them all. C'mon man, we're rooting for you!
Aww...you're just a sentimental fluff afterall.
Great column. When I read the title, I immediately thought "Oh wow! Chris is taking on the Gay Marriage issue! This ought to be good!"
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I love your writing, Chris, and that has to be one of the funniest yet.
Johnny Depp has been good for my marriage. That's a classic line, right there!
Edit: Bad UBB code, BAD!
[ February 25, 2004, 08:47 AM: Message edited by: Belle ]
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Chris, another classic.
quote:Depp intentionally picks weird roles and few of them are the sorts of things the Academy will officially notice, like having a crazy uncle who keeps losing his pants at the bus station.
Yep, we gotta be related. That stellar visual has appeared a time or two in my life as well.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Yeah. Wasn't Johnny Depp in "The Astronaut's Wife"?
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Sadly, yes. All I can think of was that he needed the money, for that and for "Nick of Time," either of which could have been played as well and probably better by half a dozen other actors. I like the roles he picks that no other actor could handle.
Belle: Johnny Depp, indirectly, gave me two of the best weeks of my life. Teres wanted to set up a Johnny Depp fansite with her own movie reviews, so we spent two weeks watching all of his movies, one after the other, in bed with snacks and the lights low. Anything that gives you an excuse to cuddle up with your honey for two weeks is a Good Thing.
Related note: if you watch Chocolat with someone you love, first stop at a quality candy store and buy the best you can afford. Then bring it to bed and unwrap it but don't eat any unless Depp appears on the screen. He doesn't come in until halfway through, and then appears sporadically. The combination of watching the rich dark chocolate lovingly presented on the screen with the maddening scent of your own delicacies waiting for you, slowly melting, as the romantic tension rises and the anticipation builds and builds and builds...
[ February 25, 2004, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Me thinks the depraved Piratedness of Hatrack has slipped into your newest column
Thanks.
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
(Bob_Scopatz, I had the same thoughts regarding the thread title, heh)
Yay! Wednesday! I love Wednesday! Thank you, Chris, for making Wednesdays so wonderful.
Also, something you could have added to your column: I want Johnny Depp to win so I can hear who he thanks at the podium. I love to listen to his interviews, and can only imagine what he might say to an Oscar audience. Delicious!
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Actually I just want to watch him twitch about not being able to smoke for four hours...
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
quote:...Cokes and snacks and wife and dogs...
Do you usually list them in that order?
Good column, though considering the title, I was hoping it would be sprinkled with homosexual medaphors. Oh well.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
I was counting from the outside layer in.
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
quote:Depp is the John Edwards of the Academy Awards; a nice guy, but no one expects him to win.
I liked the article except for this part. I got him mixed up with John Edward from Crossing Over and that guy repulses me. I guess I'm too used to hearing the title "Senator" before his name. By the time I had realized my mistake I had already started writing a reply to this thread...even with knowing who he is now, I don't think it should have gone in there. These light, fluffy things shouldn't include politics.
I agree that Depp should win some year. And I'm really happy he got nominated. But I'm rooting for Bill Murray, who may never have another shot at Oscar.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Which is probably why he'll win. (Bill Murray)
The Academy makes choices like that so much...Renee will probably win this year because she's been shafted two years in a row...Nicole won last year because she had been shafted the year before. Yet, when looking at all of the people up for the award at that time, can you really say that those particular performances were the MOST outstanding of the group? I don't think so. Many of the Oscar winners are so because they didn't win it the year before for the REAL outstanding performance and the Academy feels bad. This is all according to the doctrine of Cecily, so please disregard if you think it's ridiculous.
The Oscars are ridiculous technically. But I love them!!!
By the way, your article made me laugh Chris. Thanks for posting it.
*roots for Johnny Depp*
[ February 25, 2004, 07:29 PM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
Hmm, just to be contrary, I'll offer the only valid reason I can think of that he shouldn't win.
Because it's a big budget adventure film with no deep themes like Hollywood has been pressuring him to make for years. For the Academy to reward him for that would be like patting him on the head and giving him a bone for falling in line and conforming. Yes, he gave a great performance. Yes, he made the film much better than it would be otherwise and upstaged even Geoffrey Rush. But it would be bad for the Academy to say, "Hey, we'll ignore you until you start playing ball and then we'll legitimize you by giving you an Oscar."
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Chris, have i mentioned lately how much your newspaper photo makes you look exactly like Kevin Matchstick from 'Mage'?
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I'm having my birthday party as an Oscar party this year. Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
I thought seriously about going as Kevin for Halloween one year. Local comics shop had the t-shirt, all I needed was a glowing bat.
Unfortunately I more closely resemble Kevin Smith, so I went as Silent Bob instead.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
That's awesome. Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
I like your web design and graphics. Very cool and unique.
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