My brother-in-law is an good man. He works hard, at his job and for his family. He likes his trucks, his bow hunting, his old rock-n-roll and his whiskey. He teaches his sons and daughter all that he knows and he loves my sister (no mean feat, that - ). He is always willing to lend a helping hand. He and I were chatting last weekend (while he installed a bedliner in my truck) about any number of things. At one point, he rather ruefully mentioned that he thought folks were maybe a little leery of him because he was too "redneck" for them. Now, I don't agree with his political viewpoints on any number of areas. He certainly doesn't agree with any number of mine. But that makes him no less a valuable and lovable person in my mind.
I have a close friend. I met her in college in NY fifteen years ago. We ran sound together for live shows and did studio sessions and took classes together. We shared dreams, hopes, fears. We laughed and cried and cleaned up each other's messes from time to time. She has spent many years since then providing hospice care for people dying of AIDs, cancer, other terminal dsiseases. She is strong and gentle. She loves music and techie things. She recently married her partner a couple of weeks ago in a civil service in San Francisco. Now, I don't necessarily agree with her political viewpoints on all things and she doesn't agree with lots of mine. But that has never stopped us from being friends and staying in touch. Our lifestyle choices are quite different and yet her choices make her no less a valuable and lovable person in my mind.
My point? It occurred to me (while sitting in the Lenten service last night) that these two people are important to me. They are special - I love them. And yet, because of the boxes they are in (whether self or societially imposed) I will never have the opportunity to share them with each other. They are so bound up by "definition" and the implications thereof, that they are trapped.
That makes me sad.
I started looking around, listeningand reading carefully, and realized that we all seem to be living in our little boxes. Maybe it's time to put some doors or windows in - for some fresh air, light, sunshine?
Just some thoughts.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
I had a friend in school who was a redneck lesbian ("and proud of it" she would say, in response to both labels).
That was a soothing post Shan. I will stand down from red alert and resume my fluff posting. Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
((((Beren))))
((((Hatrack))))
((((world))))
Goes to work.
Sigh.
Posted by Danzig (Member # 4704) on :
Could they really not handle each other? Obviously I do not know the details of the situation, but in person people are often gentler than when that which they disagree with is distanced from them. I was never extremely homophobic, but when I learned one of my friends was gay I did clean up my language a little bit and gradually I have changed some of my opinions.
Posted by Traveler (Member # 3615) on :
**starts up Depeche Mode's "People are People"**
Generally I think people put boxes around people out of laziness.. they don't want to take the time to get to know people so they make quick assumptions based on the categories of people they've created. Perhaps this is a function of our hectic, time-stressed society.
I, for one, am trying to curtail this behaviour in myself.
On a side note.. I saw a bumper sticker that I actually liked this morning. It read "Straight...but not narrow".
-Matt
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
We should keep some boxes around though. That's where we stuff the newbies. Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Shan, I respect what you're saying and see the truth in it, but I wonder...is it really so much a difference of philosophies and beliefs that leads you to believe they wouldn't get along, or is it what you sense is basic chemistry? What I mean is, I have known people who were, to a large degree, very much like me in philosophy, lifestyle and belief, yet for whatever reason, be it chemistry or something else I don't know enough to pinpoint, led us to dislike each other intensely.
I don't know that that is so much a box that we can't escape, but simply chemistry, or personality conflict. It's natural...which is to say it's not that it can't be overcome, but it takes more effort than someone you just naturally click with.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Boxes for newbies - you naughty boy, Beren.
Hi jeni - it's a rather academic point since they are geographically great distances away from each other. What got me thinking about it was the sense of distance/loneliness that tinted my bro-in-law's statement. In similar conversations I have had with my friend, there is that same sense of isolation. And it seems to me that we (all of us in general) have learned to live in a box. By a label. By a descriptor.
Rather than by a common denominator. Human being.
I am no different. And it saddens me. That's all. Just a little commentary.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
). He is always willing to lend a helping hand. He and I were chatting last weekend (while he installed a bedliner in my truck) about any number of things. At one point, he rather ruefully mentioned that he thought folks were maybe a little leery of him because he was too "redneck" for them. Now, I don't agree with his political viewpoints on any number of areas. He certainly doesn't agree with any number of mine. But that makes him no less a valuable and lovable person in my mind. ![[Sleep]](graemlins/sleep.gif)
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![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
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- it's a rather academic point since they are geographically great distances away from each other. What got me thinking about it was the sense of distance/loneliness that tinted my bro-in-law's statement. In similar conversations I have had with my friend, there is that same sense of isolation. And it seems to me that we (all of us in general) have learned to live in a box. By a label. By a descriptor.