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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
...in just one comment that made you change?

About a year or so ago, I was riding in a car with a friend of mine, and she asked my opinion about a situation and the person in it. I thought that the situation reminded me of similar situations in two books and a movie, and I listed them.

She turned around, looked straight at me, and said, "Katie, I want to know what your opinion is, not the opinions of other people that you are reminded of. What do you think?"

That was it. The demarcation between information-gathering and action-implementing. I miss school desperately, but in one moment, I figured out how spending your life reading and studying without ever taking action was equivelent to staying in NeverLand. Wow. Maybe everyone else knew this already, but everything flipped for me then.

Has anything like that happened to you?
 
Posted by Just One Comment (Member # 6390) on :
 
And, because this was nice for the last thread and because I think we can trust Hatrack enough, here's a username and password to use if you have a story you don't your name attached to publicly.

Username: Just One Comment
Password: hatrack
 
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
 
Good question. I know just the feeling, and yet I can't think of a speific example at the moment.

::ruminates::
 
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
 
It happened at my last LDS stake conference, which was presided over by President Boyd K. Packer. There was a question and answer opportunity in our leadership session, and I asked President Packer a question. He responded by saying: "you have a flaw." He then told me what my flaw was and how to fix it. No, he didn't tell me to join Hatrack.

I'm working on my flaw.

By the way, whenever I see a thread with the word "anyone" in it, that E.E. Cummings poem pops into my head...the one about: "anyone lived in a pretty how town." And then I can't get that poem out of my head. Now I've got two flaws.
 
Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :
 
I've had this happen a lot lately... but that's what therapy is for, isn't it?
 
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
 
When I was about four years old, I first encountered Hitler and the holocaust. I was understandably upset, as asked my dad "So we hate Germans, right?" (Thinking that Hitler was one.) When he corrected me, telling me that Hitler was actually Austrian, I said "Oh, okay. So we can hate Austrians then."

He took the moment, then sitting in the car together, to tell me no, we don't do that, it's not right. "We can't hate an entire country for what one man did."

I think that all anti-racism campaigns and programs and education I've ever encountered together are all overshadowed by that one statement. Just because my dad took five minutes to explain to me that we don't do that, it's not right.
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
quote:
I asked President Packer a question. He responded by saying: "you have a flaw." He then told me what my flaw was and how to fix it.
I LOVE President Packer. I love that he said it straight out, with love I'm sure, and ended with how to fix it. *beams*
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
These are great. [Smile] Thank you.

It is a really personal question, I know. If you don't want to say anything straight, there's the handy username listed above. [Smile]
 
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
 
Kat,
A few years ago, my husband and I were having some issues with money, and I was really angry with him for not getting out into the regular work force. I was telling my best friend(who was there at the moment I met my husband) how I was feeling.

She said, "Oh no, that is so sad. Can't you just think of him as a stay-home dad?"

Those words snapped something in my brain, and I realized that yes, I COULD feel that way. If it were me who was home, getting the kids on and off the bus, alwasy being there if they were sick, etc, there would have been no issue. But if a MAN stays home with kids, he is not working.(Major generalization, please humor me here) Anyway, from that moment on, with my paradigm shift, it has been like the first moments of love every day. I have thanked my friend repeatedly, and she is glad she helped, but did not plan on her words having such power.

So, the short answer is: Yes, I have experienced the one comment phenomenon.
 
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
I can't think of a specific instance in my life, but I am wondering if it is more likely to happen when the person speaking has no idea they are saying something that could profoundly effect your thinking as opposed to someone who is trying to sway you.
 
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
I was struggling with something that had happened to me in my past so I talked with a pastor at our church and she hooked me up with another woman who had gone through the same thing. Ninety nine people out of a hundred would have responded, on hearing my story, that it wasn't my fault. Instead, she simply said, "You backslid. It's okay. I did too. But you don't have to again."

That struck me in a way I really needed. I needed to realize that while what had happened *wasn't* my fault, I still had a role in it happening. And that I didn't have to accept that role in the future. Most people would have thought they were comforting by saying it was not my fault, but what was truly comforting was knowing that it didn't have to happen again, because I didn't have to put myself in a place where it could. And I haven't. [Smile]
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
This has happened to me several times.

1) I used to be extremely sarcastic. In a funny way. One of my friends said "well, now you've gone and said that and I have that comment in my mind for the rest of my life." In a way, she was just kidding too, but it got to me and I have endeavored never to make a joke at another person's expense since. I slip up occassionally, but only when people really really deserve it. Um, I mean, I slip up occassionally. But I'm not nearly as bad as I was.

2) I was with my family at Tavern On The Green in NYC. I came back to the table complaining about having to tip a guy in the bathroom for handing me a towel. My grandmother calmly but firmly told me that her husband, my grandfather, had had to do exactly that kind of work for years in order to earn money and I should just tip the guy and remember that any work has honor.

Anyway, it has been said that there's no learning without a violation of expectations. I think these examples we're all posting are instances of a powerful learning opportunity precisely because they strongly violate personal expectations. Our ordered worlds are set on their heads and we learn.

It's a good way to learn if you can stand it.
 
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
 
I also had an experience in the other direction, from a student who wrote me a letter years after I had taught him. I have mostly worked with at risk kids, and I don't get a lot back because the kids have such a negative view of teachers and other adults. occasionally, though, someone will come back. This young man wrote to me from jail, and sent me a copy of his GED certificate. He said i was the reason he had gotten it, that I told him that one day he would be ready to learn, even if he rejected it now.

It was very powerful to me, and made me realize that my work was worth something.
 
Posted by Rhaegar The Fool (Member # 5811) on :
 
Katherina said:
quote:
I figured out how spending your life reading and studying without ever taking action was equivelent to staying in NeverLand.
And when she said that, I realized that too, so really that just happened right now for me.
 
Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :
 
They didn't actually make me change, but Slash had some AWESOME one-liners in this thread. especially March 17th at 3:42 am (according to my computer's clock)
 
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
 
I have TWO specific incidents where a single sentence to me made a difference in my life. I think the second one I have shared before, but I will post both:

#1 -- I had rebelled against God and family. I was angry at the world for the death of my father, and had taken off with a truck driver, living with him 24/7 and being on the road, sometimes in the low-life areas, sometimes smoking dope or speed. Not letting my family know where I was, and often times having too much alcohol.

My co-driver boyfriend was a very intelligent man (Vietnam vet, very laid back, somewhat of a atheist, but a very good man -- good at his chosen career, and good for me). We often had stimulating intellectual discussions.

One day during one of those discussions, I said something about "What my church believed" about such-and-such on some theological issue, and suddenly -- very unlike him -- he kind of blew up at me. And he said,

"WHAT church? -- you don't HAVE a church -- you don't HAVE a belief -- you are here with me, doing this crap, and spouting off how religious you are.. you don't HAVE a god.."

It was a total shock to my system. He was absolutely right -- I was living totally in denial - I was fooling myself into thinking I was still the good Christian I had been growing up, yet having absolutely nothing in my life that showed that -- I had walked away from God.

The following week I left him and returned home and began mending fences...

----------

#2 incident:
When my dad was killed -- I mean like MINUTES after I found out via telephone that he had just been murdered, needless to say, I was in shock.

My first reaction was to drive directly to the daily newspaper where I worked at the time. Because I knew they have the police scanners always on, and they would be able to give me answer immediately on just what the f*** happened. I was so emotional, it was something between shock and sheer rage and horror.

So I stepped off the elevator and into the newsroom, and you could have heard a pin drop -- obviously they knew it was my daddy that had just been murdered and that they were furiously writing about in order to hit deadline. I strolled up to the gal who listens to the scanners, and said, "I want to know what happened - now!" As she began to explain to me that dad had made a routine traffic stop, and apparently had been gunned down by the person he stopped, I suddenly interjected the question: "Was he black?" (speaking of the perpetrator).

She suddenly sat upright, looked me right in the eye for a minute, and said:
"What does it matter?"

And I felt very ashamed. She was absolutely right -- it didn't matter and I had no idea why I asked. I had never considered myself even the slightest bit bigoted or racist, yet here in my moment of pressure, that is exactly how I reacted.

It has stuck with me forever as one of the defining moments seeing the fault within myself.

Farmgirl
 
Posted by ladyday (Member # 1069) on :
 
Yeah, Bob really hit my head with a hammer in a whinging thread I started...a long time ago, I don't remember when. I don't remember his exact words (though the phrase "we all have our sack of rocks to carry" comes to mind and captures the jyst of it) but it was -exactly- what I needed to hear. Not exactly what I -wanted- to hear, as I didn't like it much *laughs*. Honestly, I think I was a mess and really beating myself up and kind of wanted everyone else to beat me up too, and Bob basically came in and said "who gives a crap about your stupid problems." In a slightly nicer way [Smile] .

Then there was my mom...*thinks*

"I can understand being stupid once, but I cannot believe I was stupid twice."

Yeah, I'm the second kid. That kind of hurt my feelings, but hell, I don't have any more unplanned kids.

Also, KarlEd said something in a gay marriage thread that really did it for me...I want to find the quote though, I don't think I would be able to sum it up as well as he wrote it.
 
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
Some years ago now, when I was involved in a relationship so unhealthy and melodramatic that some of my friends actually felt the need to intervene, one of them grabbed my arm and said, in exasperation, "No one else is going to read your story, Tom."

[ March 30, 2004, 04:20 PM: Message edited by: TomDavidson ]
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
You know, ludosti said something on Hatrack once that has really stuck with me.

She was talking about the difference between the guys she dated before and Slacker. And that with Slacker, his love didn't feel like a burden.

That completely hit me. That's what I had felt - that love and everything that went with was something I was should do and should want and should be completely happy with, and that there was something wrong with me because I wasn't happy. Well, no - it's possible to love and be loved without it feeling like a burden. That one statement eliminated all the "shoulds".

I'm not sure I ever said thank you for that. Thanks, lusti. [Smile]

[ March 30, 2004, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 
Posted by Alexa (Member # 6285) on :
 
Was he?

I am not trying to be insensitive, because it doesn't matter. But I am curious.

Reminds me of a "moment" an old professor of mine had. She was a little girl of about eight with her mom waiting for a bus.

There was a black man across the street smoking. My professor, as a child, told her mom, "someone needs to let him know smoking is bad for his health." Her mom replied, "He knows, it is his choice."

At that moment my professor understood what racism was. She remembers understanding that she had assumed the black person didn't know better because he was black. The realization of her own prejudice stuck with her for the rest of her life, and she is not prejudice now.

I always respected her for her own insight.
 
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
 
My comment is so small and unprofound, compared to all of the turnaround moments here, but it means a lot to me.

I have had a very cavalier attitude about the internet. I care very deeply about my internet friends, but it never occurred to me that they would think of me after reading my posts or once we got off of AIM. I figured they just went on their merry way and thought about other things, real life things, I guess. I certainly think about them, when I am offline. This never bothered me, it just never occurred to me that anyone would keep me in their heads long enough...

Anyway, the Just One Comment.

I was in AIM with Jamie and Matt and Jamie wrote: "Jen has the best smoker's voice ever."

Hmf.

Jamie thought about how I sounded on the phone and told Matt about it. It wasn't about my posts or funny urls I send her or anything, it was a real life thing.

I dunno, it just struck me.

Now I am much more careful about what I write, because someone will probably be thinking about it later. Or not.
 
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
Well, I know it's what I pay her for, but my therapist really snapped me out of Neverland with one sentence:

"You are not the person you would have been if your father had stayed, quit mourning the you that would have been that girl, she never existed."

She was absolutely right - I was spending all my time thinking about how awful it was to feel like I'd been abandoned and thinking how my life would have been different and there was no point in it. What does it matter? I can't become her. I can't erase the circumstances that happened and suddenly become a girl that grew up in a loving two-parent household.

When she said it, my mind flashed to a book I'd read (on her recommendation, the girl is good [Big Grin] ) called Abba's Child by Brennan Manning. In it he quoted part of Thornton Wilder's play The Angel That Troubled the Waters.

quote:
Without your wound where would your power be? It is your very remorse that makes your low voice tremble into the hearts of men. The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children on earth as can one human being broken on the wheels of living. In Love’s service only the wounded soldiers can serve.
And that's when I knew that cursing God or sitting around moaning for what might have been is pointless. I may never know for what reason I grew up in the pain and trauma I did, but I do know there WAS a reason.
 
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
 
Alexa,

yes -- not that it matters!

If he had been white, would I hold it against all white people? I think it was very important (maybe even God-given) for her to say that to me at that time -- to immediately head off any animosity I might have built toward a race of people.

I have many, many black friends at this time -- not that it matters that they are black. I don't even see any difference between any of us.

FG
 
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
 
kat - Awww. [Smile] I'm so glad that something that I said was helpful to you (not to mention that it's somehow gratifying to know that people actually hear what I say to them [Wink] ).

One conversation that changed reality for me was an IM chat I had with my brother several months ago. He told me that he saw me as "the best kind of friend a person could have" and an example of what he wanted to be like. I was stunned. It made me cry. It made me re-examine myself. It has made me try harder in many aspects of my life.
 
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
I remember when I was 12 or 13... I was talking badly about my brother to my best friend. You know how sometimes your lips are moving and a part of your brain is screaming "STOP!", but you don't, and sometimes it comes back to bite you, but sometimes it doesn't? This was my best friend's response after I paused for breath. "Gee, Jen, your brother never says anything bad about you."

Really, I can't recall ever saying a negative thing about my brother since.
 
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
 
Ouch, Jen! I have to use that one on my daughter when she complains about her brother.
 
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
I used to dress kinda grungy: jeans with holes in the knees, flannel shirts, big t-shirts. Then one day my Dad said to me "Do you know how awfull you look?". I cried later, and got my parents to give me a clothing allowance. I haven't dressed like that since, and I'm pretty picky about what I wear now. And when I think back on it, I did look pretty awfull.
 
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
And you left your father alive? *blink*
 
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
Um, yeah. It wasn't one of those things that affect me immediatly, only when I thought about it later.

Actually, I'm glad he told me that.
 
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
 
Belle, I had to save your post. It made my day, and is likely to continue doing so for some time. Thank you.
Rain
 
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
(((Rain)))
 
Posted by Dobbie (Member # 3881) on :
 
I used to think that homosexuals had the same rights as anybody else. Then someone told me
quote:
God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
and suddenly I saw the light.
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Way back in the summer of 2001, I was with my then-girlfriend and we were talking about... something. I don't remember what specifically it was, but it had something to do with where I was going next (my undergaduate degree is a co-op program, so every four months I'm somewhere new, and it goes year-round, meaning I have to move all the time), and she said something about me missing my parents; my father in particular. I can't even remember what it was, but I just started bawling. Out of nowhere.

Now, I have a pretty good relationship with my parents, and for the most part, I always have. But up till then, whenever I'd come home from school (typically for a week or ten days), I was invariably ready to go by the end of it. It was too easy to slip back into old habits with them that led to friction and everyone being irritated.

Anyway. So why did I start bawling? Well, I still have no idea what exactly she said, but for some reason it made me realize something I hadn't even been able to admit to myself until right then – that I was deeply, deeply afraid that my father was going to die while I was away and I would lose him without having ever really gotten to know him at all.

See, my dad was born in 1926, and had this whole other life before me that to that point I knew very little about, other than the occasional story about the Korean War or swimming and diving competitively as a teenager or how he met mum in Switzerland. On the other hand, I knew a great deal about my mother and her culture, simply because since dad's from New Zealand I've never really met anyone on his side of the family, but mum has relatives all over the world and whenever we travelled we would meet someone or other. I have three half-brothers in New Zealand who are all grown up and married with children of their own, and they remember me as a pudgy little infant.

The girl just sort of wrapped herself around me and held me for a while, telling me all the while about how healthy dad is and how he's in far better shape than even I am at less than 1/3 his age, and how I still had plenty of time.

Since then I've gotten to know my dad a whole lot better, and I'd like to think he knows me a lot better too. I'm much more open with my parents now, particularly my father. And I finally put my foot down and said that we were going to have to go to New Zealand for a month or two as soon as I graduated.

Unfortunately, that last part looks like it probably won't happen this summer (I graduate this term), but...

Oh, balls.

All right. There's something I have to get off my chest. And don't (((((twinky))))) or anything, just read it and get on with your lives. It'll do me plenty of good just to post it.

...

......

...Dad's got cancer.

Okay, so this isn't a new development. In 1995 he had to have a kidney removed because of a tumor. It wasn't a malignant tumor, but given its presence on his kidney it still wasn't a good tumor (not that such a beast exists). It happened to work out that while he was having surgery with an 80% survival rate, I was vacationing in Greece with my aunt and cousins. Sometimes I think my parents planned that intentionally, but it made for some unpleasant nights for me as I contemplated that looming 20% chance of death. I couldn't, at that stage, wrap my brain around what my life would be like if dad wasn't there anymore. I'm still not sure I can.

Apparently when cancer migrates from the kidney it generally goes to the lung, which is precisely what happened. So this spring dad had surgery to get the tumor off his lung, and that went spectacularly well, they didn't even have to remove any of the lung itself, just the lymph nodes around it. But the kicker is that there isn't any treatment if it comes back. At least, not one that works consistently or well. Damn it, it's enough to make an engineer want to go to medical school...

I realized recently that in all meaningful senses this diagnosis is basically a death sentence, and that I am going to lose him, much sooner than I ever wanted to, and it's just a matter of time. And because the specialist has to see him every three months to monitor his condition, not to mention that he's still in many ways recovering from the surgery (though that didn't keep him from trying to swim a few kilometres earlier this month, like he normally does three or four times a week – that's dad for you), we can't go to New Zealand. Certainly not this summer, and I'm starting to think maybe not ever. But I don't want to have to go and meet my three half-brothers without him, I'm not sure I could handle it. I want to meet them and spend time with them and share in dad's awesomeness with them... but if he's dead it'll be so damn hard...

*sigh*

My parents are being very good about telling me everything, but mum is understandably pretty stressed out. I have to remember to make sure to give her frequent updates on the minutae of my daily life, since aside from dad I'm really all she's got. But still. Dealing with this on top of everything else is getting to be too much, especially since I can't go home at the end of this term. I hope my parents will be able to come up and see me, I know dad wants to, but we'll see what happens...

Sorry, kat, for crapping on your thread. I just had to tell *someone* ...and I don't really have anyone here who can sit with me and just listen this whole thing right now. I have some very close friends, yes, but this being the last week of class in our undergraduate careers, we barely have time to say 'hello' to one another.

...that's two self-indulgent posts in one day. Bah.

*quickly hits 'reply' before thinking the better of it and erasing the post*
 
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
I'm glad you hit reply and didn't erase it. You need to tell people these things, and I'm honored you trust enough to do it here.

I won't hug you or put little (('s around your name, but only because you asked me not to.

You will have my hopes and prayers that you and your Dad have lots of time together. The time for tears is not now. Now is for loving and appreciating each other. [Smile]
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
No, twinky, it's great - thank you for posting this. [Smile] I'm glad you did.

*awkward pat on the shoulder since is forbidden to hug*

[ March 30, 2004, 08:22 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
 
Twink --- we're here for you, man -- if you need to vent some emotion.

Anytime. Really.

We want to be your friends as you go through this.

How far away from your parents are you living at this time?

Farmgirl
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
[[[twinky]]]

Big manly square type hugs.

I'm so glad you got to know your dad and can call him "awesome."
 
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
twink... Oh. Thanks for telling us. I promise I won't treat you any differently. [Smile]

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about my difficulty asking for help and my subconscious fears about insanity. I talked about my control issues and about the fact that I have to keep myself in control all the time, I always have to understand why I think something or why I feel something or why I say something... I have to know that it's my mind that's causing something and not any feelings or neuroses that might have control over it.

He looked thoughtful and said to me, "Have you ever thought about the fact that because you have to be in control of yourself all the time, that impulse to be in control of yourself is always in control..."

Thinking about the implications of that statement, my mind locked up. I realized that he was right and then tried to assert control over the impulse that was asserting control over me, and my muscles locked and for a moment I couldn't even think. It turned everything on its ear, I had never really thought of it that way before. At this point it's too close to that time to tell what's changed... [Dont Know]
 
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
Dobi- er, Dobbie: No matter what anyone else says, I think you're a comedic genius.

But you know that.

And I dig Twinky. But he knows that, too.

[ March 30, 2004, 10:24 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
 
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
*giggles* Yep.

I really like this thread.

Just thought I should let y'all know. You're one line comments are effective in changing more than just your lives. [Smile] Thank you for sharing them.
 
Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
 
Hmm. I can't particularly think of any particular thing anyone has SAID to me that really affected my outlook on life. I do know that I have had several personal EPIPHANIES that have changed my world outlook though.
 
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
 
quote:
"what's your phone number?" -- this girl i met at a Purim party a few weeks ago
::raises eyebrows at adam::
 
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
 
Twinky, I'm really sorry you're going throught this. I hope everything works out.
 
Posted by Just One Comment (Member # 6390) on :
 
Twinky, I have to say that while I feel sorrow for your father at this time, I also feel a steep pang of jealousy. However, coming from someone who does not know his father at all even though he sees him on a regular basis, I can say I know what you mean about wanting to really know your father. I'm glad for you that you had that opportunity. That really is an accomplishment I think many strive for, but only the fortunate attain, in such a situation. Thanks for sharing.

Someone recently said something to me that had a large impact. They said something to the effect of, "I don't see any point in talking to you." That made me think about what I was going to do about it. Hopefully, time will tell. [Smile]
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
katharina,

Why is this important to you? I often (ok about 99.9% of the time) look at these threads as convos among sock-puppets. Whenever I encounter the tear-jerkers, I feel a bit ashamed. A bit put-off. I don't "know" these people. (that's my perspective). I think what bothers me is that there is such a strong (very deep) culture of clever one-upsmanship among these threads that this can translate over (entirely inappropriately) to the personal and emotional regime. I'm probably wrong, but I do have difficulty reading threads like this. I'm all for sharing but sometimes these types of threads come across, to me and my biases, as a "truth or dare" game. A "how scintillating was your last epiphanny"?

fallow
 
Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
 
Fallow, some people are fascinated by not only the Human condition in general, but specifics, such as like what kind of things can cause major change.

I also tend to believe that you can LEARN from other people.

Also, to many of us, these are not 'Sock Puppets', but friends and colleagues. I have, and I know Katharina has as well, met personally quite a few members of the board, and maintain personal off-board relationships with them as well. This is like a schol roundtable discussion where everyone - friends and just mere peers alike - can gather and discuss. Those who are more personal friends will probably take the interesting things discussed beyond the 'classroom', much like regular students do.

Just because we're just sock-puppets and non-persons to you doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way.
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
That's a very fair question.

I can see how you might feel there is oneupmanship, and I can't promise that there isn't any here because I don't the motives of the posters. I know it isn't in that spirit that I started the thread.

I see Hatrack...as a place for stories that for whatever reason, rarely get told among our friends and family in person. If you belong to a family or circle of friends in which people discuss these things openly, you have my accolades and envy. Really, I like these threads because I've gathered so much wisdom from the personal stories people share here, because I think these stories do make each of us more real, and because I believe in the power of the stories that we as human beings tell to each other. It's how we make civilization, and how we learn what it means to be a citizen, disciple, a grown-up, a daughter or son, a sweetheart, and a human being.
 
Posted by aka (Member # 139) on :
 
I just want to refute fallow's post. (Y'all post too quickly for me to keep up!) The very thought seems to cast an ugliness on something that was really great. I reject the ugliness. I affirm the greatness.

I can't think of one myself or I would post it here.

Twinky, I feel for you. I don't have anything to tell you except that your relationship with your father doesn't end with death. My father is as much a part of my life now as he ever was. And maybe even more, though that's sort of weird, I know. But some of the inessentials have been swept away by his lack of physical presence. He's just as big a part of who I am as ever he was. Maybe I see it (and him) even more clearly now than I did when he was alive.

Though I hope you have many more years with your own father while he's living, yet don't worry that he will ever really leave you, because he won't.

[ March 31, 2004, 12:24 AM: Message edited by: aka ]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
*shakes fist at Bob*

[Smile]

Thanks, everyone.

Farmgirl, I live about 1,800 km from home right now, but after I graduate that's all up in the air. There's a chance I might wind up considerably further away – twice this far or more. There's also a chance I could cut the distance in half. It all depends on where I finally find a job...

I just hope it's not to much to ask to get to see his home country with him.
 
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
 
I sort've agree with fallow. Clearly, you people are people who have met in person before and are part of a faith which I am not a part of... So often I feel sort've like an outsider. I avoid the deep threads, usually, and stick to the flippant fluff. I don't want this to get into a debate about anything, and the bit about a different faith was by no mean a cheap shot, but that's just kinda how I feel. Lots of relationships and first names and history fly by that I don't really understand.
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
aka,

I wasn't casting ugliness. Just a question. The kind of question that I often feel compelled to ask, as that is my nature (ugly or not).

Katharina,

Thank's for responding. That's a rarity for me. I "think" I understand what you are saying. For me, though, the public display, the need to cast one's personal life into a narrative format with dramatic highlights makes the person "less real". I don't feel that I'm reading someone's personal account so much as reading a dramatization of that account. So, I feel ridiculous when weeping or elating. How can I extract something meaningful from something I'm perceiving as being fairly fictionalized for the reader?

fallow

[ March 31, 2004, 12:38 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
 
Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
 
quote:
you people are people who...are part of a faith which I am not a part of.
If by "You People" you mean Hatrack in general, by no means are we all of the same faith. There are many different representations of faiths - and lack thereof - on Hatrack.

So contrary to popular belief - we're not ALL Mormon [Wink]

---

And Fallow - how would you like people to talk of their lives? In a droll, Scientific Journal dry just-the-facts manner? While I'm sure often times hyperbole is used (and often times accepted that the reader will be wise enough to read it as such), most of us write the way we feel. We put our thoughts - including hindsight and contexctual information - into the stories to make them more understandable, and interesting.

Telling your life story is still a form of storytelling. It just happens to be literally true, and not just philosophically True.

[ March 31, 2004, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: Taalcon ]
 
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
 
Man... I feel ridiculously guilty for saying "you people."

But you get what I mean, right? You guys know each other, and I'm just sort've trying to piece things together.

[ March 31, 2004, 12:46 AM: Message edited by: Book ]
 
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
 
Someone once told me "You're as welcome as you feel welcome."

Book, fallow, feel welcome already!
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
Taalcon,

I understand a bit of that. My "sock puppet" perspective is entirely my own (and not entirely negative, either <- incomprehensible fallow-sentiment).

fallow
 
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
quote:
incomprehensible fallow-sentiment
Most fallow-sentiments are like that. [Wink]
 
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
 
quote:
Someone once told me "You're as welcome as you feel welcome."

Book, fallow, feel welcome already!

Hmm... That's pretty reflective.

[ March 31, 2004, 12:57 AM: Message edited by: Book ]
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
Ryuko,

Obviously I don't find my own sentiments incomprehensible. Often I think I'm tossing them right down on the table, face-up. Subsequently, I'm usually baffled by the reactions.

but my follow-up question was for katharina.

fallow
 
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
quote:
How can I extract something meaningful from something I'm perceiving as being fairly fictionalized for the reader?
fallow, all forms of self-presentation are themselves presentations, even face-to-face interactions. Some are more stilted or artificial than others, but each is always filtered through the lens of self-consciousness and intentionality.

I understand what you mean about your discomfort, though. I really do.

twinky, you are in my thoughts.

[ March 31, 2004, 01:12 AM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]
 
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
 
Book,

Hmmm... It WAS said in another language. Is it too deep to make sense when translated into English? [Smile]

Hatrack IS like this though. Extremely welcoming. It may not show right away, but people notice and enjoy fresh voices. If your voice sounds like it belongs here--no matter how long it's been here--you're an accepted part of Hatrack. No need to go through some weird initiation process. So ... to a large part it's up to you, to how much you feel you fit in.

Edit:
See, I used to feel insecure, asking myself all the time, 'Should I stay or should I go?' Fidgeting. Being a drag. Hungering for a sign of welcome that rarely came.

From that one sentence, and after several years of practice, I learned that a much healthier attitude was, 'Here I am, thoroughly enjoying your company. Hope you're enjoying mine, too.' It almost always works.

[ March 31, 2004, 01:59 AM: Message edited by: Sal ]
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
Claudia,

Thanks for your response. I

Fallow
 
Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
 
I think each of us chooses how much of these stories are "real" to them. I know it has caused disagreements in the past because some people empathize deeply with others on this forum, considering them perhaps even greater friends than those "in real life" And that doesn't just apply to people you've met in person.

The great thing about this forum is that you can take from it what you want. If you want flippancy or fluff there's plenty here, personal stories abound as well as current events and discussion.

I happen to really like these sorts of personal threads. I like to connect with people and share stories -- thanks for this one Kat [Smile]

The interesting thing is that I've been trying to think of epiphany moments in myself, and the thing is that I don't think I've ever let someone's direct opinion change me.

I think I continually change from things I see in other people, little things that affect my perception of the world a bit at a time, but any time I've had a direct confrontation with anyone, it has reinforced my stubbornness and resolve to continue on my path. Some of these things I should've heeded, others not, but I've taken great pride in "making it on my own"

This is something I guess I've always known, but this thread has made me think about that quality of myself.
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
quote:
So contrary to popular belief - we're not ALL Mormon
Yet. *ominous music* [Razz] [Razz] [Razz]
quote:
Thank's for responding. That's a rarity for me. I "think" I understand what you are saying. For me, though, the public display, the need to cast one's personal life into a narrative format with dramatic highlights makes the person "less real". I don't feel that I'm reading someone's personal account so much as reading a dramatization of that account. So, I feel ridiculous when weeping or elating. How can I extract something meaningful from something I'm perceiving as being fairly fictionalized for the reader?
My pleasure.

Before I address your question, I have to admit that if I had seen Taal's post, I probably wouldn't have. Not because I didn't consider yours to be a good question, but if someone else says basically what I would have said, I often don't post. That's because...I post so much that sometimes I want to tell myself to pipe down and listen instead of talking. But if I had done that here, you might have thought I was ignoring. That's not the case. I didn't answer this question earlier because I had access to the internet for a grand total of about a minute and half last night. <sorry>

As for how you can extract something meaningful? Honestly? Trust us. [Smile] Have a little charity, and trust us. [Smile] I don't know everyone's hearts, but I'm pretty sure the motives here are generally good. No matter where you encounter a story, it will have been filtered through someone's perception of themselves and what they think will please the audience. There's not necessarily infinite wisdom here, but there's some. Like in most things. [Smile]

[ March 31, 2004, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
*bump* [Smile]

Any more stories?
 
Posted by Just One Comment (Member # 6390) on :
 
My dad told me something that changed me for the worse. He confessed to having a certain weakness, and I lost all hope of ever overcoming my own weaknesses. I thought if my dad still had problems that I didn't stand a chance.
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Yeah, I guess the life-changing statements work both ways.

Many of my epiphanies lately have been of the irritating kind - things I do not WANT to be true.
 
Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :
 
Once, a while back my mother was explaining to me why one must go to such efforts to avoid people on the internet knowing anything about you. “It’s a one in a hundred chance of getting a stalker,” she told me, “but when you do, it’s so horrible it’s worth any precaution to prevent it.”

I knew that was wrong, but I didn't argue with her at them time-I waited, and thought it out thoroughly, wrote an essay about how foolish it is to go so far to avoid getting hurt that you block chances for friendship. And doing that made me realize how much I'd been doing that with other people, keeping them away. Since then, I've been trying to stop doing that so much-with the result that although I have been hurt a lot more, I made more friends, and good ones-and am generally happier and more comfortable in myself because I'm not keeping such huge walls between myself and the world.
 
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
 
Hey, "Just one comment", I think your conclusion is totally backwards and invalid!

Sons and daughters, as a general rule, are meant to go WAY beyond their parents' achievements. How else would mankind ever have evolved into what it is today? Yeah yeah, I know, I also sometimes explain the state of my bedroom with the fact that my forefathers used to live in caves. But it's nothing but an EXCUSE.

On the other hand, some "weaknesses" are more than weaknesses. Sometimes some folks really don't have much of a chance, no matter how much they want to be different.

Hey, did you ever watch "Smoke signals"? A wonderful little movie. It ends with an Indian prayer "How do we forgive our fathers" that makes me cry every time I hear it.
 
Posted by knightswhosayni! (Member # 4096) on :
 
My stepmom and I got into an argument a while back about me having mormon friends, and she was trying to convince me that they held joseph smith in higher regard than jesus. which is of course ridiculous to anyone who has had any exposure to mormons at all. I refuted that, and she came back with "oh, well, you're not christian anyway, so you don't count." It just blew me away.

I don't often go to church with her and my dad, because the church they attend is too much fire and brimstone, and not enough God, for me. for her to decide that I wasn't christian with out EVER asking me what I believe about anything just slaughtered me. I couldn't stay in the house.

And that i didn't count hurt even more.

THis happened a month ago at least, and it still rips me up.

Ni!
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Oh... [Frown] Oh, I'm sorry. [Frown] She wasn't exactly proving her Christianity there, was she?
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
katharina,

I was kind hoping for comment on my observations. Additional pigeon-holing wasn't really necessary. I think I've gotten used to this particular hole. No need to rub my nose in it.

fallow
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
fallow, I'm sorry. Did I say something to offend you?

Which observation should I comment on? *happy to*
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
katharina,

yes you did. but it was my own foul mood that made me post in peevishness.

I think the idea that well-constructed narratives = "getting to know the real person" is fundamentally flawed.

You didn't really address this point (I hope I didn't miss it) Is narrative construction and trauma-trading melodrama a requisite to getting to know somebody or garnering a sense that they are real?

fallow
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
kat,

I would like to ask you something.

fallow
 
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
"I think the idea that well-constructed narratives = 'getting to know the real person' is fundamentally flawed."

You only say that because you don't construct narratives. [Smile]
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
What Tom said. If you don't understand it, that's okay, you don't have to participate, but there are more things under heaven and earth, fallow, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

Answer your own questions. Assuming Hatrack is filled with intelligent people with all sorts of backgrounds and personal situations, why would they participate? You may consider it to be empty, but the evidence belies you.

*scowl* You killed my thread. I liked this thread! I like the stories. I like unexpected epiphanies. And I love these people.

You're welcome to ask me anything.

[ April 03, 2004, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 
Posted by Eljin (Member # 6354) on :
 
I can't think of any specific examples, but I know it has happened to me. As for the usefulness of these threads, I see where you're coming from, fallow, but if done in the right spirit, this can be a very useful thread. I don't know about other people, but I can't arrange my thoughts coherently unless I right them down. It is because of this that many of the one line life-changers have actually been said by myself.

Explainage: I have been posting at Pweb for over a year, and the only thread I posted in consistently and still do is the "Dear Bob" thread. I don't know how many times I've sat down to right a couple of sentences, and it just starts flowing out, and becomes a few paragraphs, in which I realize something about myself that I never saw before. This kind of thread doesn't necessarily about discussion between people, but it can be a useful opportunity to examine yourself, and figure out who you really are.
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
TD,

touche!

Katharina,

I liked the thread, too (minus the trauma stories) and would have posted some of my own but they got pushed aside by my headlong rush into jerkiness.

Here's a question, though. Something I'd like some insight into. When I was younger, epiphanies seemed to come along fairly frequently and with great force. As I get older, they seem to have diminished in frequency and don't have that kick-in-the-pants, reeling, punch-in-the-gut, crystallization of a whole-new-world-view feel. It's a real shame. Is this common?

fallow
 
Posted by @Ease (Member # 3066) on :
 
fallow-
At a certain point, I think everyone has most of their opinions set in stone, including their opinions of themselves.

As we get older, it gets tougher and tougher to overcome the inertia of our own assumptions.

[ April 03, 2004, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: @Ease ]
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
why do you think this is?

fallow
 
Posted by @Ease (Member # 3066) on :
 
*As the brain ages, it doesn't learn as quickly or as easily.

*Since it is harder to gain new knowledge, we lean heavily on the "tried and true" strategies rather than searching for new ones.

Anecdote:
At a funeral mass today, the Priest waved the incense over the body. I've got more anthopology training than religious training, so my thought was not for the beauty of the ceremony, but for how this practice had postdated its need.

I sat there wondering how a child would have interpreted the rite.
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
you think it's neurological?

fallow
 
Posted by ssywak (Member # 807) on :
 
This is a watershed thread for me. I think that I was of the "Sock-Puppet" attitude, for the most part, on Hatrack. Words on the screen, very little more. I had read some of the other "personal stories" threads, and had started to realize the depth of souls behind my computer screen, but Fallow's (was it Fallow?) "Sock Puppet" reference really put it into perspective for me. I feel like I;m starting to wake up a little bit here, on Hatrack (let's see how it carries over on P-Web).

Hi, everyone.

I have had one "One Comment" moment that sticks in my mind, and I know I was able to provide one, many years ago, to my dad.

My dad used to smoke a pipe. Don't worry--there won't be a sad ending, he's still doing quite well! Before the pipe (before I was born), he would smoke cigarettes. Even though there were/are some pretty wild smelling pipe tobaccoes (Dan Quayle--how do you spell that?), there is still that strong, underlying tobacco odor. I had tried (through logic and reason, as well as lots of pleading--I was probably somewhere between 8 or 10 at the time, as best as I can remember) to get him to quit, but to no avail.

One day, after he left the bathroom and I went in, I said something innocently that wound up having the desired effect, "Dad, I can tell when you've been to the bathroom, because it smells like tobacco."

That was it. He stopped smoking completely, right at that point.

My dad's 79 now. Knock on wood, he's going strong. He's got some medical issues (heck, I'm 42, and I've got "some medical issues"!), but nothing at all related to smoking.

I'll work my way towards telling my own story, later. Don't want to crowd the floor (feels like an AA meeting...).

[ April 03, 2004, 10:29 PM: Message edited by: ssywak ]
 
Posted by @Ease (Member # 3066) on :
 
That may be one factor, though I don't believe that it is proven. My belief is that as we get older, we don't "need" to learn, so we don't.

Regarding epiphanies and self-actualization ::shrugs:: I don't know about you, but nearly every moment of my life is filled with input and demands; visual, auditory, time... I do all the things that need to be done without much thought. The epiphanies in my life have come when I didn't know what to do next or found a moment of quiet.

::thinks::I wonder if self-actualization is like a wave; cresting during youth and old age, ebbing in the years between 25 and 65.
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
quote:
was it Fallow?
quote:
heck, I'm 42 and I've got some "medical issues"!
Sounds like a clear case of ballzheimer's. Might wanna get that checked out.

[Razz]

fallow
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
@Ease,

I'm reminded of the debates I had in my 20s with older folks (not that much older) regarding the popular music of the day.

Then, one day I was driving around on the freeway listening to a popular channel and I couldn't identify the band/group of the song I was listening to, despite that I'd heard it probably dozens of times. Then it hit me! "All these bands sound the same, and I can't remember their names! They all sound a bit crappy, too, actually. Oh, dear god, it's happened! That thing!"

sort of an inverse-epiphany.

fallow
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
If it helps, I've ALWAYS done that with music. [Smile]

What do you consider older? I'm in my twenties, and I had the epiphany that started this thread last year. I've had several in the past year that have changed some aspects of my thinking pretty profoundly, but they were long overdue, so I don't know if you can count them.
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
Share?
 
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
 
I used to be really idealistic, to the point of feeling personally responsible for figuring out a solution to all the world's problems. A couple of years ago my academic advisor wrote me an email- I still have it, so these are the exact words. I had written to him about my dismay at a lot of things I 'd learned about the education system in the US:

Hi there...just back from a family trip back east...visiting early American sites. I agree with your sentiments completely, so would folks like Tom Jefferson & Ben Franklin. Unfortunately, the predominant culture in America today is just not receptive to these ideas. We are self-centered, selfish, and intellectually lazy. No one wants to hear about or even pay someone else to work on the problems of the world.

I was so indignant at first. He's such an awesome professor.

Fallow- I think when you're younger, you're building a foundation for yourself and the epiphanies you have early on really are critical for the rest of your life, and you can feel that, especially if you're sensitive. As you get older, hopefully you've built on those defining epiphanies and are just molding. Like the weathering of a mountain. It had a violent creation and afterward most of its shaping is gradual, usually hardly noticeable, but it's still happening. [Smile] Wise words of a 23-year old.

[ April 04, 2004, 06:07 AM: Message edited by: Lara ]
 
Posted by ssywak (Member # 807) on :
 
quote:
ballzheimer's
???
 
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
 
I agree, ssywak. It seems fallow got infected by the pun fever of Hatrack of late. Makes it sound like Alzheimer's is a guys-only disease...
 
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
 
Fallow, didn't you make a goodbye thread?

I know those are always temporary, but I think its customary to wait at least 24 hours before coming back.
 
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
Hey, it got Lara -- 43 posts since May of 1999 -- to post, so it can't be a bad thing. [Smile]
 
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
 
Can't resist a wit.
 
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
 
OOOOooh
the ballzheimer's remark

[ROFL]

[ April 04, 2004, 03:01 PM: Message edited by: Lara ]
 
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
 
This is a kind of self-comment, and it's kind of a little self-centred and very odd, but anyway:

So I was editing a story after I had finished it about a year ago (now re-editing for the third/forth time!) I was thinking about chapter names and I came up with one that I thought was brilliant and fit very well (that's the self centred bit), so I scroll back up to edit in the chapter name, only to discover that the chapter I was editing was already called that.

It was in that moment that I suddenly realised that I was actually Me. It sounds weird and strange, because of course I'm me, but maybe it was for the first time I realised that I had a personality and a mind of my own that consistantly had the same ideas. Occaisionally I still get these flashes of me-ness and it's comforting to me to know that I am Me, even if the moments are few and far between.

Told you it was strange.
 
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
 
Hey, Teshi, I know that one! It happens regularly when I look at older programs I wrote. I'm very bad about adding comments on what I do, so my first reaction is usually, 'what kind of moron wrote this nonsense?!'

Then, after starting over from scratch and spending two weeks getting back into it, I tend to come up with a brilliant [Smile] solution here and there--only to discover it's exactly the same thing I had done before.
 
Posted by @Ease (Member # 3066) on :
 
Teshi and Sal: Proof that cloning works.
 
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
 
[ROFL]
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
ssywak,

apologies for the cross-posting. got carried away.

fallow
 
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
 
"All your going to be worth is driving a garbage truck."

Harsh words that I've kept.
 
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
 
at bay, hopefully.
 
Posted by knightswhosayni! (Member # 4096) on :
 
Nathan, don't you EVER believe that. For one thing, you are going to make some girl the happiest person in the world, and that's not nothing.

Just cause you don't know what you're doing right now doesn't mean you never will.

Anyway, you're much better than that person's giving you credit for.
[Kiss]

Ni!
 
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
 
At a time when I said to myself: "No more crying !!! Think first, and think deep and keep away from that kind of problems !", I stumbled upon this song:

"You say you wanna learn
How to live your life without tears
But we've been trying to do that
For thousands of years

So go on and cry, Ophelia,
It's the only thing to do sometimes
You know, I'm crying too, right there with you
It's all right, Ophelia,
Everybody cries"

     Adam Cohen - Cry Ophelia

I'm someone who really takes interest in the lyrics in a song, to the (crazy) point where all that comes in this form from a song I love becomes true... That can be quite annoying when two songs state contradictory things. [Grumble]
 
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
 
T, there was a teacher who told Einstein in his youth that he won't amount to anything in his life... Boy, was he wrong or what !!

The point is, you're the one person that really knows your strong points, so you decide what you can and what you cannot do. And while I don't think low about driving garbage trucks - someone has to do it, and I'm glad they're doing it - you were probably meant for something else, and you're conscious about it. So go on living YOUR life, not the life others tell you to live !

Aside: I don't know if you saw the add on Discovery about city cleaners. Their job is to keep the city you love clean, to provide you with a nice place to live in. Take just two seconds to think about it.
 
Posted by Just One Comment (Member # 6390) on :
 
bump
 
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
:wonders when mack will come in and hail kwsni as a prophetess: [Big Grin]

You'd think in that short sentence I wouldn't misspell anything.

[ March 11, 2005, 03:31 PM: Message edited by: Belle ]
 
Posted by Lady Jane (Member # 7249) on :
 
Awww, thread. An old friend. *patpat* That epiphaneous flip caused by my friend's comment is exactly why I'm soliciting projects from people for my Photoshop kick instead of doodling off on my own. I want what I have learned to be turned into something that is useful and makes people happy.

[ March 11, 2005, 03:34 PM: Message edited by: Lady Jane ]
 
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
Becky: Huzzah! [Big Grin]

Belle, I'd totally forgotten about this thread.
 
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
Me too. And yet, that comment I talked about on the first page is still one of the most significant turning points for me. [Smile]
 
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
 
And I'm going to add one of my aha moments. [Big Grin]

It was back when I was around 20 and had a lot of emotional problems. Lots and lots and lots of them. And I had major problems with God, too. I thought he had two sets of rules - one for those he loved, and another for people like me. Because, yes, despite all the hell I'd been through, I still believed in God and the gospel according to the LDS faith. But I had a lousy relationship with God.

I was talking to the institute director (in Edmonton, Alberta) one day, and he said to me that usually, the relationship we have with God is a mirror image of the one we have with our biological father. Not because that's how God is, but because that's how we perceive it to be.

He was so right. That one comment changed everything for me. It helped me make major emotional breakthroughs and finally develop a relationship with God that I like and enjoy, and it helped me finally realize that God loves me, too. It also finally helped me to realize that other people can love me, as well. I'm not that unloveable good-for-nothing that my parents created and made me into. I'm loveable! (And now I have Fahim. [Kiss] )
 


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