As I was going through our cupboards, I noticed we were low on some things. Would one of you Honorary Wenches be so kind as to go to market and pick some up?
For the kitchen, we need: Sauron Lemon Juice Mt. Doom Hot Sauce Fangorn Syrup Galadrim Springwater Eorlingas Horsey Sauce Entwash Elixir But I'd rather not try any more Orc Blood molasses. Its quality was very poor.
Some of the beauty aids that were used and need to be restocked for our guests: Nazgul Night Cream Smeagol Body Paint "Cover yourself up"
and some baubles from Sauron's Fine Jewelry "It's the quality you DON'T see that counts!"
Finally, make sure you stop at Gandalf's Out of State Fireworks for our entertainment.
Whatever you do, avoid products make by Saruman's Sweatshop, located in the Orthanc Industrial Complex.
(most product names gleefully made up by Jenny Gardener's real-life husband)
Posted by BrianM (Member # 5918) on :
Oh no not this again. >_<
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Yay for Jenny! I was wondering what happened to the old one...
*brings in some ent draught*
Posted by Fool of a Took (Member # 6039) on :
*steps in*
*takes a deep breath*
"It's like coming home after a long absence."
*sits down*
"Can I get some of that ent draught?"
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
*grabs Pippin, goes off to bathroom*
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Nooooooooo! He's mine!
*steals Pippin by luring him with a pint*
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Whatever
*grabs Aragorn, prepares bubble bath*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Ahh... I'll have something from the Wells of Varda please. Mmmmm... Nothing like a little Light to perk you up. Posted by JaneX (Member # 2026) on :
*curls up by the window in her Peaches and Cream Room and opens a book* Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Wistfully peers in*
Will you wenches hold a room for me? I have to leave on business tomorrow morning. And I'm still trying to finish packing and doing the "hippity-hoppity" for the laddy-boy's a.m. surprise . . .
*Wonders if Beren will be stopping by. Wonders if he's written any poetry lately. Hopes her unsubtle jibe at his last attempt didn't scare him away from the fine arts. Realizes her humor is not so humorous from time to time. Is abashed.*
*Pats the gardening tools on her way out the door*
"I promise I'll attack the weeds with vigor when I return!"
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
*walks in
*places bag on a table
*unpacks: Sauron Lemon Juice, Mt. Doom Hot Sauce, and Fangorn Syrup
*just asks that he can watch a hockey game with a good ale in peace.
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
::hauls in a case of Entwash Elixir::
::looks around::
::settles in::
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
"Pippin, would you like some ale?" "Wait...what am I saying?!" *gets Pippin some ale* Posted by Saruman (Member # 2275) on :
quote:Whatever you do, avoid products make by Saruman's Sweatshop, located in the Orthanc Industrial Complex.
Sweatshop? I have no sweatshop. At Saruman Industries, Inc., we produce only the finest hand-crafted items, lovingly fashioned by liberated orc laborers. These orcs are so thankful for their freedom that they're willing to work for less, and we pass those savings on to you, our valued customer.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Umm, whatever. Don't you also produce that Orc-Blood Molasses?
*Starts preparing delicious treats for the Tavern's May Revel*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Yo wench! Get over here and water my roots!
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Easy, Telperion! Vana's sending along a nice spring shower any time now.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Jenny! did you get my email?
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Yes! I've been incommunicado lately, but there should be a note in your mailbox now.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*wanders in, sits down, orders chocolate milk.*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*Shines brightly with delight*
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
*walks in, sits down*
Hi, can I have a butterbeer? Oh...wrong British fantasy series. Right then, I'd like an Entwash Elixir with a dash of Fangorn Syrup, please.
I don't have any of the items you requested, but I've got a supply of Longbottom Leaf fresh from the Shire!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*ducks in through open door*
*looks around thirstily for a drink*
*Gulps down a bucket of Fangorn spring water*
*burps*
*hits head on ceiling*
*returns Jenny's mop bucket to the corner*
*picks mop threads from teeth*
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Wanders in covered in paint. Which Tavern room needs redecorating? I've got spackle and primer galore... But someone will have to take a shower with me afterwards to get all the paint off of me that I can't see.
AJ
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::wanders in and settles at the bar:: Can I have as much elvish wine as this'll cover? ::tosses a bag of gold at Jenny::
And a wench application?
And can I have some of that Longbottom while we're at it?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
BannaOj
quote: But someone will have to take a shower with me afterwards to get all the paint off of me that I can't see.
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
*Olivetta wanders in wearing the standard HobbitWench uniform, looking a bit forlorn, but her toes wiggle with delight as she notices a table full of thirsty Hobbit Lads. *
*Scurries to serve them.*
I have soooo missed this place!
*Mixes BrianM a special purgative, as he appears distressed*
If you don't mind my saying, sir, them what eats their leafy greens'll be a bit more at ease, if you take my meaning.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*observes a goat wearing a shower cap and a silly grin ascending the stairs*
*shrugs*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is concerned that Derrell still hasn't gotten any chocolate milk*
*grabs mop bucket and dashes out* . . . . . *returns with overflowing bucket of Entwash water*
*sloshes water on Jenny's clean floor*
*apologizes profusely*
*proudly presents Derrell with the bucket*
*hopes Derrell likes little fishies*
[ April 14, 2004, 08:58 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*Telperion drips dew of silver light from his leaves*
*puts silver light into buckets*
*passes buckets around*
Drink up! I heard Ungoliant is coming later!
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
*daintily sips silver light*
*Hobbit-locks suddenly go straight*
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
*wonders why he lost his hand fighting for something he could get for free from a tree*
*damn hormones*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*inoculates Telperion with spider antivenom*
*produces a can of Black Flag from his backback*
*notices a froth of pink bubbles cascading down the stairs*
*goes to investigate*
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
*wanders out of room with paintbrush in hand, paint on her nose and two hobbit-sized corgis tagging at her feet.
"I'm done priming, what color did the Head Wench want this room again?"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*realizes too late that Telperion was probably looking forward to being sucked dry by a giant spider*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thanks for the fishies. Where's my chocolate milk?
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Mayday, we're delighted to have you!
Telperion, I think I'm going to like having you around. Mind if I take a cutting for my Paradise Room?
I hear the Mirkwood Elves are coming up this weekend. They're bringing more wine from the Elf-King's halls. As we all know, these are merry elves! Bedeck yourselves in gay frocks, me ladies!
Banna, paint whatever lively colors and joysome scenes you desire.
*hums: Tra-la-la-lally, Come Down to the Valley"
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
*considers
*asks Teleperion if he would model for a wall mural
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*wonders when he's going to get his chocolate milk*
*also wonders if he's being ignored because he's not as cute as pippin*
[ April 15, 2004, 03:33 PM: Message edited by: Derrell ]
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Sorry, Derrell, there's been a shortage of brown cows lately. There have been Wargs raiding the farms. Don't worry, the Rangers are looking into it.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Then can I just have a glass of milk. Thank you. Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
If I can get one of our Honoraries to go out to the barn and milk Old Bessie? We'll have fresh, creamy milk in no time.
Don't be shy, Honorary Wenches! Old Bessie is friendly with any gentleman who handles her with that firm gentleness she desires. (She's a white milk cow).
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thanks Jenny.
*decides that Jenny deserves a generous tip*
*wonders if she'd prefer gold, chocolate, or both*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Flowers will do. That or service at the Tavern. Believe me, our yoke is easy and the burdens are light!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*traces flow of pink bubbles to the Tol Eressea Spa Room*
*knocks on door*
*waits patiently*
[ April 15, 2004, 03:48 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*leaves*
*returns with a basket full of flowers for Jenny*
I can provide entertainment for your patrons if you want.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*forces open door of the Tol Eressea Spa Room*
*notices two pairs of footprints on the bubble-sodden floor, retreating behind a partition*
*hangs soiled cloak on the partition and slides into the tub*
*generates more bubbles*
*beckons to goat*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*offers a limb for a cutting*
Ouch!
Oh darn... should've waited till after the mural painting...
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
skill wouldn't those be "hoofprints"?
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*follows the suds*
*looks both ways for giant sap-sucking spider*
*eases roots into bubble bath*
Ahhhhhh...
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
AJ: I thought Kama had feet.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I thought that you were viewing goat hoof prints not actual Kama prints.... Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
The elusive and mysterious Kama has come to the tavern!?!
*goes to look*
Um, Elves coming, eh? Could one of you ladies help me plait my newly-straightened hair in an Elven fashion?
Perhaps I'll have time to after I get Derrell's milk, since no Honorary Wenches have volunteered...
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Yay! ::straps scrub brushes to her feet and begins scrubbing the floor while taking drink/food orders::
Milk? Elves?! Weee... ::rushes outside to milk the cow::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*eases out of the tub and squeezes water from matted fur*
*scratches back vigorously against Ninquelótë*
*rolls dirty cloak and tucks it under his arm*
*looks around for codpiece*
*shrugs*
*tromps down stairs*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::comes back with a bucketful of milk::
Hmn... No straw on the clean floor...
::dunks feet in soapy water before entering the tavern, sliding to the bar::
::fills a pint from the bucket and looks at Derrell::
Hope you like lots of chocolate!
::proceeded to turn the milk a nice dark brown before setting it in front of Derrell::
Ooh! Elves!
::hops over the bar to serve the group first, scrubbing the floor as she goes::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wants to know where he can get his cloak laundered*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Ugh! Fur everywhere!
*pickes up discarded codpiece*
Hmmmmmmm....
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Laundry services are extra, right boss? ::looks at Jenny::
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thanks, Mayday
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*takes dirty cloak outside and washes it in the Entwash*
*returns wearing a cloak three sizes too big*
*feels a draft*
*retrieves codpiece from Telperion's lowest branch and fastens it on*
*feels more secure*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*offers to launder Mayday's new "gay frock"*
(secretly wants to try it on)
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Why, how nice of you! Of course you can, you kind sir! Just don't get any fur on it, please? I'm alergic, doncha know.
::continues serving ale, taking occassional sips and flirting shamelessly with the customers::
(ooc for a sec, I really hope B doesn't wander in)
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
I'll help with the washing.
*Turns coquettishly to Hobbit lads*
Any of you fine GentleHobbits want to help me haul the water to cauldron, or gather tinder for the fire?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*looks about for a place to hang freshly laundered frock to dry*
*hangs "gay frock" on a nearby tree*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Staggers in from five days on the road, locates a quiet, soft chair by the hearth and collapses*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*admires Derrell's fine elvish dagger*
*has heard that one never need shave again after shaving with an elvish blade*
*offers Derrell three links of mithril chain mail to shave my back*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
ewwwwwww! If one of the wenches wants to volunteer to shave your back, I'll let you borrow the blade.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Do you really want it shaven? Or we could put it up with some festive beads and bells...
Ah, the Mirkwood lads are here! No, wait - it's Mirkwood lasses! The lads stopped off to help the Rangers find the missing brown cows. Well, have we any Honorary Wenches willing to entertain these merry elf-maids? We Wenches will prepare rooms for the ladies to freshen up in!
*bustles off to put fresh lavender water in all the basins*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::climbs up on the elf-maid table and breaks out a guitar:: Give me a song, I'll sing it for you. And if I don't know it, I'll make up the lyrics!
::proceeds to sing and dance on the tabletops with the hobbits::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*borrows knife from Derrell*
*goes to find a mirror*
*reminds Mayday to put her dress back on before the lads arrive*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
doo dee doo...
*whittles a branch with the elvish dagger*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
But... But... I'm wearing an apron! SIGH. Excuse me, everyone.
::goes and fetches her frock from the tree and hurriedly puts it on, muttering something about nudist colonies::
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Hey! Rip it out of my branch why don't ya!
*threatens to fling whittled silver branch in general direction*
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Teleperion, you are supposed to be standing still while I paint! I have this lovely silver grey and a golden glaze to paint you with.
AJ
(the irony is that those are almost the colors that I'm using IRL!)
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Thanks for the shave Telp!
*admires new slippery me in the mirror*
*hangs a mithril ring on one of Telperion's buds*
*returns significantly duller blade to Derrell*
*apologizes profusely*
*hands Derrell a chain mail ring*
Now where's that goat?
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::wanders back in, fully dressed, and notices Shan by the fireplace:: Um... ::prods gently:: Would you like a room to sleep in? Or some food and drink? Or maybe a bath? Poor thing, you look completely exhausted...
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Wait just a minute missy! She's not going anywhere with my goat!
*tries to lure goat away from Shan with a savory section of Telp twig*
Edit: gender error
*notices that goat is chewing on a disgusting angel figurine*
*wonders how an angel icon slipped into this milieu*
[ April 16, 2004, 05:13 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Skill how can I paint Teleperion when you keep stealing his branches?!!
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::curtsies to skillery:: My apologies, good sir.
::goes back to the table and helps the elf-maids plait their hair::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is reminded by the angel of a favorite song*
Hey missy, do you know Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam ?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*yawns, stretches and blinks sleepily*
*Wonders why her dreams included goats and shining trees. Wonders if her dreams were actually nightmares. Decides it doesn't matter and staggers up the stairs to find a quieter, softer nook with "sunbe-e-e-a-a-mmmms" resonating in her head.*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*falls prostrate, arms, legs and members akimbo on the porch of the wenches tavern*
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Members? Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
see anatomical diagrams on Foobonic.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
It's big enough to have diagrams? Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
no no no..
diaphragms. The ones you can see from outer-space.
Those ones.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Gracefully descends the stairs after a soothing bath, straw hat jauntily perched upon her fair locks, gardening gloves dangling in left hand*
*Surveys Beren and fallow and smiles prettily as she sashays past them to the flowerbeds that need attention*
*Waves at Jenny and Mayday* "Good Afternoon, ladies! Lovely day and the flowerbeds await me. Shall I start with the daffodils and tulips or tie backt he roses?"
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::looks up from hair and waves at Shan:: Ho, Shan! I don't really know about the garden... Could you do something about the roses, though? Those things are vicious... ::sucks thumb, then goes back to plaiting hair::
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"Roses it is, m'dear . . . "
*Rummages in basket by door for extra-strength gloves, clippers and twine.*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Shan, watch out for giant spiders.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Casts dirty look at skillery*
*Steps outside and proceeds to the rosebeds, muttering under her breath "I am not afraid of giant spiders, oh no . . . I am not afraid of giant spiders, oh no . . . "*
*Breathes deeply of the perfumed air and basks in the sunshine*
"What a glorious day"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*fallow groans, rolls over seeking shade and returns to his dreams of the ivory merchants*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Actually, Shelob is great help keeping down the squash bugs. She's beautiful, and utterly fascinating! Once you understand her habits, she's really not all that bad.
I use her to help guard the Secret Tunnel, and as long as you carry the Light of Elendil, she won't bother you at all.
*passes out vials suspended from delicate silver chains*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Sighs in relief*
"Thank you, Jenny - - I feel MUCH better!"
*Proceeds to nearest rosebush with renewed vigor. Stumbles over object lying in her way. Blinks in surprise.*
"Umm - Jenny - is this one of Shelob's vicitms? Do you suppose one our strong warriors could move the carcass?"
*Is startled by a snore and leans closer.*
"Phew! Not a carcass - too much ale, me thinks."
[ April 18, 2004, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::shivers at the mention of spiders and clutches the vial at her neck::
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
Say, Beren One Hand, aren't you hanging around in the wrong fantasy? Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
*shows her feet, just in case*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
It's the schizophrenia, Ela - he'll be okay. We like Beren just fine, whether it's here in Tolkien-land or lost with Thomas in depressive fits . . . Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*feels a sense of foreboding as he contemplates an encounter between Ungoliant, the giant sap-sucking spider, and Shilob, the giant people-sucking spider*
If a person is a sap, does he get sucked twice?
That sucks.
*contemplates an early departure from this joyous gathering*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Wait... Shelob is AFRAID of my light?? Ungoliant thought it a great treat!
*mours for lost sister tree*
*admires beautiful mirthil ring*
oooo.... my precious! Who needs gold when you have mithril!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*tries to keep goat from nibbling on Kama's toes*
"Sorry, he's got a thing for...my, what hairy feet!"
[Edit]
*wishes he hadn't shaved*
[/edit]
[ April 19, 2004, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Strokes the new slippery Skillery...
Mmmmm.... so silky smooth...
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*purrrr*
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
It's so easy to get mixed up between Beren One Hand and Beren Halfhand. Posted by Vána (Member # 3262) on :
Oh dear, it seems I'm a bit late this year. But, I have arrived at last! I'm pretty sure I heard a request for some spring showers - don't worry, that's all taken care of.
I brought some flowers in, too. I knew you'd be looking for some, Jenny dear.
*skips up to the Lilac Room to air the place out and make sure there are lots of lilacs about (pretty easy, considering )*
*sings back to the birds outside the window*
*trots back downstairs*
Is there work to be done? I'm more than willing!
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Waves at Vana.
"Wanna help with the rosebushes? Mayday says they're awful thorny this year, the spiders are out in full force, and some wanderer is passed out underneath the house speciality."
Posted by Vána (Member # 3262) on :
Sure! Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*fallow blinks and sits bolt upright*
"SPIDERS?!"
*pivots his head around to stare in horror at the forest he stumbled out of*
"guh... gh.. na.. nee, nuh.. no"
*scrambles to his feet and runs smack-dab into a*
"SMACK!"
"ugh..."
*fallow drops unconcious into the dirt*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*stomach growls*
*wants to know what's in that stew*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Those would be fresh morels, sauteed in butter and a little wine. I've added a few simple herbs, and it should be ready about the same time the bread comes out of the oven!
*scents of fresh bread and morel stew waft through the tavern*
*Jenny braces herself for a rush of hobbits*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*slides down the bench next to Derrell, leaving room for the goat*
*waits expectantly for the shroom stew, trying to sit up straight and keep elbows off the table*
*drools*
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
And I have some freshly picked strawberries with cream for dessert!
*Artfully arranges them on a platter*
"Why yes, Pippin. I'll be glad to serve you myself, but you must have some of the mushroom stew first. It is simply not to be missed!"
*Waters Telperion*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Bring on the stew.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*sips*
Thank you m'dear!
Mmmmm... mushroom water...
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*ponders the idea of drinking through your feet*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*realizes that he forgot to wash behind his ears*
*hopes Jenny doesn't check*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
The Elves won't be as eager to whisper sweet nothings to you if you are unclean...but we have lots of strawberry-scented bubble bath available!
*Serves up mushroom stew and fresh bread*
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Ah yes, but we can whisper sweet nothings in the elves' ears! *checks breath* *wanders over to Legolas*
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
*drags chair over next to Haldir*
*stands in it on the tips of her Hobbit toes*
*whispers* Boston Cream Pie
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::takes out guitar again:: And how about we make it a dinner show?
::takes suggestions::
::begins to sing in Elvish::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*rolls up sleeves*
*slurps stew noisily*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wonders what became of the goat*
*gets up from table with both cheeks stuffed full of bread*
*looks out through open door*
*sees a giant spider emerging from the woods at the edge of the clearing*
*waves arms and then tries to shout to warn Shan and Vána, but blows breadcrumbs instead*
*starts to drag unconscious Fallow through the doorway*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
*Notes skillery's sudden pallor*
Oh, don't worry! It's just a giant spider.
Frodo! Where's Sting? Mind if I borrow it for a minute? We can't have folks creeping out and leaving the party. Thanks, dear. I'll bring it back to you good as new.
*Runs out to confront the spider, knowing she'll make a good show of it, what with the leather spider tamer dress and thigh-high Sexy Boots and all*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*hands Jenny the can of Black Flag on her way through the door*
*hopes to be tied up and become Jenny's slave*
[ April 21, 2004, 02:38 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*shakes off the effects of the psychedelic psilocybin mushroom stew just in time to see Jenny going after the goat with a large knife*
*drops Fallow*
*runs to tackle Jenny*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Eyes open wide at the sight of the giant spider, observes Jenny dressed as a Mistress of Lolth and resumes tying back rosebushes placidly*
[ April 22, 2004, 08:50 PM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*stops to pick up a familiar object by the side of the path*
*examines what used to be Shan's angel figurine before the goat chewed it*
*hears a noise behind him*
*turns and finds himself face to face with a giant spider*
*holds up the masticated angel in a feeble attempt to ward off the spider*
*is amazed when the spider makes a hasty retreat*
*wonders how much his anti-spider talisman would go for on eBay*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*THUD*
*the screendoor boxes fallow's ears repeatedly*
*opens one eye*
"hmm... pretty sparse for a womanly place."
*bang goes the screendoor*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Clears throat and raises an eyebrow*
"Thank you for rescuing my talisman, dear. I'll take that now. And then you can repossess this - "
*Gestures to the goat's beard she is holding onto and grins.*
"Vana, I think the rosebushes are fine now, what do you think? Perhaps it's time for a rest?"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*thanks Shan*
*takes goat*
"C'mon buddy, let's go get some more of that psychedelic stew"
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
*Waves black flag to draw spider's attention away from the tavern. Yells "Attercop!" a couple of times to let the spider know she means business. Lures the spider away, then brandishes Sting. Spider sighs, pays tribute of spidersilk, and scurries back to its home in Mirkwood.*
Gotta tell those elves to quit playing practical jokes on the guests! Now, can I get anyone to make me a gown out of this?
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Gah!! Giant spider!! Help!
*rustles profusely*
Posted by Vána (Member # 3262) on :
Don't worry, Telperian, Jenny took care of it. That spider wasn't quite big enough to hurt you anyway.
Shan, yes, let's have a bit of a rest. The roses look lovely!
*wanders around the gardens, making sure all of the plants and small creatures are doing well*
*pots some garden plants and brings them inside to brighten up the Tavern*
*helps herself to a bit of wine*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*finishes dragging Fallow through the doorway and props him up in the corner next to the fireplace*
*starts to decorate Fallow with fallen Telp leaves and bits of Hobbit fuzz*
*recalls Fallow having said something about battling insomnia*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Here, ladies. I think we all deserve some of this for our labors!
*Passes around the miruvor*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*sighs in appreciation*
"Heavenly! Thank you, Jenny!"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
"aqua!"
"gurggles*
"velva?!"
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
*Drinks miruvor*
*hair curls again*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*vaguely recalls having seen an Aqua Velva skit in another life*
*pours a bit of miruvor into his hand*
*rubs hands together briskly*
*slaps Fallow*
*runs and hides*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Fallow... you're so fallow... eat something. I'm sure we can get you some roast spider steak...
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*opens both eyes just as two noxious palms slap and sting his cheeks*
*looks up and about*
"where am I?"
*looks down at the platter in his lap*
"AYEEE!"
*picks up fork. picks up knife. pokes gingerly at mysterious meat*
"Spider steak!!!"
*narf* *narf* *narf*
(editted for spelling and lack of table manners *props bib in fallow's stanky shirt*)
[ April 24, 2004, 12:01 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
*hands out napkins*
Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*arrives with monthly delivery of Old Toby and Longbottom Leaf*
*raps on door*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::opens the door:: Doobie! Come in, come in! Oh, why thank you for the pipeweed--we'll have some happy hobbits tonight.
Would you like something? I hear the spider steak is good.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*comes out of hiding*
*reminds Fallow that the proper response for an aftershave slap is: "thanks, I needed that"*
*slips back into closet*
Hmm, interesting stuff in here...
Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
"My master, Mr. Hornblower apologizes for the dreadful condition of this weed. It seems that something has been sucking the sap out of the plants. The entire Southfarthing has been affected. We are also sad to report that there will be no more shipments of Southern Star this year. Our crop has been wiped out.”
*eyes the “spider steak” doubtfully, knowing that spiders are all chitin and hydraulic fluid*
“Are you sure that’s spider you’re serving there missy?”
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Not everything with eight legs is a spider, you ninnies! This is squid, in a light creme sauce with fresh asparagus. We serve it on a bed of spinach noodles with a side of brown bread and a fruit sorbet.
The spiders have gone back to Mirkwood, I believe. Has one gotten lost, and is now lurking in the Old Forest? I'll have to see what we can do about that.
If Bilbo's feeling frisky, I may send him on over. He's quite good at taking care of spiders, you know.
*winks at Bilbo, coming down the stairs with mussed-up hair and rosy cheeks*
Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*grimaces at the thought of chewing the rubbery squid*
I’ve got to be getting back to my rounds. If anyone happens to see my brother, please send him home. Dad’s a bit worried about the lad.
*exits*
[ April 25, 2004, 12:53 PM: Message edited by: doobie ]
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"Fresh asparagus!"
*Looks around the room to see if Beren has arrived, remembering his fondness for fresh asparagus.*
*Tries a bite. Sighs in redolent pleasure.*
"Jenny - this is delightful! You are a marvel of a chef-ette."
*Finishes her portion and heads to the kitchen to scrub a few pots and pans.*
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
*regrets that he has but one hand to hoard the asparagus with*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*smells fresh asparagus*
*drools*
*gropes around madly in the dark closet, trying to find the door*
*feels the cold metal of a door latch*
*swings the door open and finds... . . . . . . ...total and utter darkness*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*senses a vast space, opening before him*
*smells the dank, musty odor of long-forgotten places*
*hears the echo of distant, dripping water*
*hears a faint, repetitive, metallic clicking on stone*
*senses that the clicking sound is coming nearer*
*counts 8 clicks in rapid succession, a pause, and then 8 more clicks*
*notices that the clicking pattern repeats itself, and is drawing nearer*
*can now hear the beating of his own heart*
*slowly and gently pulls the door closed*
*smells asparagus*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*flushes the toilet*
"dude!
*zips and exits*
"sorry 'bout the asparagus"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*feels around in the dark closet for another door*
*finds a door latch and carefully opens the door*
*is relieved to be back in the Wenches' Tavern*
*follows the scent of fresh asparagus to the kitchen and helps himself*
*wonders if anyone else here knows about the cavern on the other side of the closet*
*wonders if he can trust anyone here with his secret*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"Don't worry, Beren sweetie - I'll help you hoard the asparagus."
*Begins serving up a large portion of Jenny's wonderful concoction for Beren and accidently jabs skillery with a fork in the process.*
Hands off! skillery! Don't be so greedy! That was for Beren!"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*nurses a smarting hand*
*feels the paranoia mounting*
*feels an overwhelming desire to share his discovery with someone*
*goes to find Derrell*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
skillery, were you looking for me? *hands skillery some salve for his hand*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wonders how Derrell knew he was looking for him*
*a shiver runs down his spine*
*decides to risk a question*
Say Derrell, have you notice anything peculiar about this place?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Yeah, though I can't quite put my finger on what it is.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
*opens the door and steps in*
Hmmm...so this is the place my lieutenants keep telling me about.
*Inspector Javert sits at an open table and orders an ale from a passing wench*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*gestures to a table in a quiet corner*
[loud voice]
Thanks for the salve Derrell!
Can I buy you another chocolate milk?
[/load voice]
*makes his way to the table in the corner*
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
*eyes skillery suspiciously....sips at his ale*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*follows skillery to table*
Yeah, I'll have another chocolate milk
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::curtsies at Javert's order and rushes back with a mug::
::overhears skillery::
Milk? Okay.
::goes into the kitchen for another glassful of chocolate milk and gives it to Derrell::
Anything else, good sirs? Maybe a bandage for your hand, skillery?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Thank you miss. *hands Mayday a flower*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::decides the flower earns Derrell a and does so::
::puts the flower in her hair::
[ April 26, 2004, 02:07 PM: Message edited by: MaydayDesiax ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
[to Mayday]
No thank you miss; it's only a flesh wound
[/to Mayday]
*sits in the corner, facing the room*
*looks around the room suspiciously*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*mmooooooooooOOOOOOchocolate*
Wha..? What's that?
*mmooooooooOOOOoochocolate*
Oooo... it's the Chocolate Cow! Quick! Grap her! Free chocolate milk forever!
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
Excuse me, Miss?
*calls Mayday over*
What's that bloke's problem?
*gestures to skillery in the corner*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
*whispers to the Wenches*
Uh-oh. Looks like someone's discovered the entrance to the Wizard's Basement. I thought we blocked that up?
>sigh< Here we go again.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
I'm... not quite sure, good sir. Looks like he's seen a ghost or something scary-like, though, doesn't it?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*whispers to skillery*
I think inspector Javert has taken an interest in you.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*sees Mayday and The Inspector both looking in his direction*
*decides now is not a good time to tell Derrell his secret*
So Derrell, what do you think of all this talk about spiders?
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::goes over to Jenny and hears her talk about Wizard's Basements::
*wisper* A Wizard's Basement!?
::thinks slowly::
*wispers* Um, boss? What's a Wizard's Basement?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*wonders what skillery is hiding*
Spiders are OK as long as they stay away from me.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
[whispers to Derrell]
Don't you think it's a bit strange that these wenches seem to have tamed a rather large spider?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Now that you mention it,that is rather strange.
*whispers to skillery*
I seem to recall from my youth a legend about a wizard's cave that was supposed to be in these parts.
edited for spelling
[ April 26, 2004, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: Derrell ]
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Trust me, Mayday, you don't want to know. But if you must, I recommend looking up the former Wenches' Tavern threads. There's a reason we let Shelob hang out in that dark corridor.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Wizards' Cave... Chocolate Cows.... Is there a relationship??
The milk must flow...
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*wanders the way trees do over to the door*
Hmmmmmmm...
*peeks inside*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*chooses to ignore Derrell's cave comment*
...and even TAME spiders gotta eat. What do you suppose they feed that thing?
Say, what's that tree up to?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Finishes up the pots and pans, dries her hands and considers weeding the garden. Nods head decisively and heads out through the main room of the tavern.*
*Sees skillery coddling his injured hand.*
*Sighs*
*Walks over to skillery*
"Let me see, skillery."
*Carefully inspects skillery's hand. Notices the complete absence of any marks or even bruises. Raises eyebrows.*
"Next time, just ask - I'll be happy to bring you a helping. Kitchen's are dangerous places you know."
*Pats skillery's head and collects gardening gloves and tools. Pauses and glances back in skillery's direction.*
"I wouldn't open any other doors without a wench handy, either, m'dear."
[ April 26, 2004, 02:47 PM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*increases shine by factor of 10*
*looks into dank & dark room*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*looks quizically at skillery*
*light goes off in head*
*whispers to skillery*
You found it, didn't you? You found the wizard's cave.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*whispers to Derrell*
Oh, I might as well tell you. There's another door inside that closet that opens into a large, cavernous space. It was pitch black, but I heard something moving in there.
If I could find a lamp and arm myself somehow, I might venture back in there. But I wouldn't go alone.
But if that tree keeps poking around, he's going to get in trouble.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
You talking to me?
*sees something move inside the cave*
Woa!
*tries to back away quickly... but forgets that trees move none too fast*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
skillery, look at your hand. it's compleatly healed. *whispers* I'll go with youand I have an Elvish sword.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
*Shakes head*
I wonder when Saruman will pop out.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Actually, Ladyday, if you'd be so kind as to rustle up some links for our curious explorers... They've decided to check out the Wizard's Basement. They have no idea what they are in for.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Wanders in with a basketful of early greens for a salad and proudly displays them to Jenny.*
"I love this garden - it's so productive!"
[ April 26, 2004, 03:58 PM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Look Derrell, that tree's in trouble.
See its roots quivering?
Let’s see if we can pull him out of the closet.
*grabs a root*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Woa!! Easy there!
Not that root!
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
*notices the commotion by the closet door*
Aye! Need any help over there?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
skillery, should we let the plant come with us on our adventure?
*helps skillery rescue telperion*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*whispers to Derrell*
Here comes The Inspector. Act like nothing's wrong.
*drops Telp's main root*
*hopes Telp can get out of the closet on his own*
*turns to greet The Inspector*
G'day Inspector.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wonders if there might be a clue to the mysterious cavern in the guestbook*
*wonders what Telperion encountered in the closet*
Say Inspector, you wouldn't happen to know what sort of tree this is. Derrell and I were just admiring the sturdy nature of this root system.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Hey! Quit looking at my roots!
What KIND of tree??
*fanfare*
I am the one the only Telperion! Giver of light and silver dew... father to the Moon and stars!
*fanfare subsides*
Well.. in the original closet I was living with my sister Laurelin...came out and found lots of other silver trees...
*blinks*
Oh... THIS closet! Well... it was dark and gloomy and had lots of spider shapes running around. So what are we waiting for?? Let's explore! Rumor has it that the children of Ungoliant fear me and my sister's Light.
[ April 26, 2004, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: Telperion the Silver ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*bows to Telperion, Giver of Light*
[whispers to Derrell]
I think we've found a light source for our explorations.
Did you see that guestbook over on the bar? Do you think there might be a clue in the book about this hidden chamber?
[whispers to Telperion]
We seem to have attracted The Inspector's attention while you were in the closet. What should we do about him?
*wonders what role the goat will play in all this*
*looks around for goat*
*sees goat standing on the bar, chewing on the guestbook*
[whispers to Telp and Derrell]
Guys, we've got to get that book away from the goat!
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
* Opens tavern door and sits down* Do you have some Celebriän wine?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*whispers to skillery* When's the inspector gonna leave?*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
[whispers to Derrell]
I don't know, but did you notice that sharp, pointy, metal object slung from his hip? I wonder if he knows how to use it. Try saying something to him in French.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Happily sautes some shrimp to adorn the bed of fresh greens.*
*Hums under her breath*
*Ponders which dressing would be most complementary to the salad.*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::shakes finger at the goat::
Now, now, you know better!
::takes the guestbook away from the goat and starts reading, until she notices skillery, Derrell, and Telperion staring at her::
May I help you lads?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Just wondering if there are any good stories in there.
We like stories, don't we boys.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::looks at the book, then skillery, then back and up again::
I dunno... I really missed the tavern last time, just came for a drink.
::walks over and hands him the book::
If there are any good adventure stories, will you tell me about them? I love a good story, especially about magic and ma--never mind.
::goes back to the bar mumbling something about magic and how breakdancing wizards are a disgrace::
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
*Has spent some time investigating this talking tree...steps back, looking at skillery and Derrell.*
You two have a liscence for this tree? If not I'll have to ticket you...
*Pulls out his sword*
...and tow the tree.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Oh!
::rushes over to Javert::
Good inspector, sir, please don't cause trouble in the tavern! Come have another ale, sir.
::drags Javert to a table and gets him another ale::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*thanks Mayday*
*thumbs through the guestbook*
*finds a page not eaten by the goat*
Hmmm...
Look here boys. Looks like a group of wizards passed through here some time ago. Says they enjoyed their time spent in the Wizards' Bachelor Pad. Some ladies signed the book too...said the wizards were an obnoxious lot.
Hmmm...
Wonder what became of those wizards.
Telp, did you see anything beyond the closet that looked like a wizards' lair?
Telp??
Must be asleep.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::looks over skillery's arm at the book::
Oh, the Bachelor Pad... they had a trampoline down there...
::mumbles something about lechery draining power::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*notices that Mayday seems to be interested in our little adventure*
[whispers to Mayday]
We're trying to find out if there are any secret chambers around here that need exploring.
Are you new here?
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Yes, but I know of the Bachlor Pad. It was downstairs... I don't know the location of it, though.
::thinks::
If we go exploring, I can defend us! I just need a sword... Or some arrows... Or a staff... Or... Nope, never mind! I'll just... yeah.
[ April 26, 2004, 10:48 PM: Message edited by: MaydayDesiax ]
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
*smiles* Does someone need a sword? *grins up at Mayday from behind his ale*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
A ha.
::flashes a knife stuck in her boot:: I can defend myself.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
I was offering to lend mine, not to fight. Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Oh! I thought you were talking about something else. After all, this IS a wench's tavern.
Thank you, Inspector Javert! You kind sir.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*keeps an eye on The Inspector*
[whispers to Mayday]
What do you suppose he's up to? Since when do talking trees need a license? Watch him; he looks like one of those fancy fencing types.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
[wispers to skilley] No, I think he's a good guy. He has trustworty eyes. [/wispers]
::curtsies to Javert:: Thank you for your kind offer, good sir.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Smiles benignly on the adventuresome group*
"I see you took my advice and recruited a wench for your explorations - Mayday is brave and true!"
*Locates a comfy seat with her tempting salad of fresh greens, sauteed shrimp and lemon-pepper dressing*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*doesn't like the way The Inspector keeps eyeing the tree*
*wants to trust Mayday*
*wonders why everyone seems to know about this caper before it's even hatched*
*wonders if the wenches are mind-readers*
*wishes Mayday would take those silly brushes off her feet*
*decides to sleep on it*
*curls up in the corner next to the fire*
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
*looks around*
Oh great...I lost my ale.
*searches*
Ale!....AAAAAAALE! Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Aw... (((Javert))) I'll get you a new one.
::takes off the brushes and promptly falls on the slick floor::
Ow...
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is startled awake by a loud, clunking sound*
*sees Mayday sprawled on the floor*
*notices that Mayday has removed the brushes from her feet*
[thinks to himself]
She must have read my mind. I'm going to have to think more quietly.
[/stops thinking]
Settles back into the corner. Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*swallows last morsel of spider steak*
*gulp*
"sigh...."
*belches*
*looks around contentedly*
*signals passing wench*
"'scuse me, Miss, but... hmm... where?"
*suppresses fart below audibility*
*turns red*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::gets up slowly::
I meant to do that.
::goes outside to put on shoes::
::begins to wonder if her fiancee is going to drop by one day...::
::goes back inside and slips again::
I didn't mean to do that.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is startled awake by a loud, clunking sound*
*stretches, yawns*
*goes outside to water the rose bushes*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*yawns*
Wha..?
Oh sorry... Was on my 7 hour sleep cycle...
Shall we explore?
*grin*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*sees that Telp is awake*
*motions for Telp, Derrell, and Mayday to join him in the rose garden*
*doesn't want the wenches in the tavern to read his mind or overhear the plans*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*practices fencing technique on a rose bush*
*en guarde* *engage* *parry quarte-riposte* *retreat-lunge* *parry septime-riposte* *attack to octave* *retreat* *feint to quarte, deceives parry, hits in sixte* *retreat*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"skillery! for shame!"
"come inside and relax - you are obviously not feeling like your normal good-natured self."
*GENTLY takes skillery by the arm and leads him into the tavern*
"Hot tea? Chocolate milk? Ale?"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
How about some OJ to get me started.
Thanks Shan.
*slumps into a chair*
*starts to itch wounded hand*
*notices for the first time that the wound has healed*
Hmmm...must have been something in Derrell's salve.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*takes stock of what he thinks he knows:*
There's a secret door inside the closet that leads to a cavernous space.
There may be a giant spider or spiders in the secret cavern.
The wenches here seem to have tamed Shelob, the giant spider.
Shan has a magic talisman that controls giant spiders.
Telperion is expecting a visit from Ungoliant, another giant spider.
According to the guestbook, the wenches were at one time plagued by bachelor wizards, who took up residence in the basement.
According to the guestbook, the Wenches' Tavern used to be a much livelier place.
The wenches didn't seem to mind too much when I discovered the secret door.
The wenches served psychedelic mushroom stew, and immediately thereafter a giant spider went on the rampage.
The only thing that saved me was the magic talisman that the goat had somehow gotten away from Shan.
Inspector Javert seems to be trailing either Derrell, skillery, or Telperion.
Young Mayday does not seem to be part of whatever is going on here.
. [conclusion] The Wenches' Tavern has become a nexus for giant spiders, encouraged and fed by the wenches themselves as a defense against obnoxious bachelor wizard-types. The dwindling number of clientele suggests that the spiders feed on visitors. [/conclusion] . [options] 1. Run 2. Search the spider's lair and liberate any surviving victims. 3. Warn the others, and then run. [/options] *slumps even deeper into the chair*
*wonders what part Javert plays in all this*
[ April 27, 2004, 04:15 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*sings*
And so Javert you see it's true, that man bears no more guilt than YOU! Who am I.... who am I...
um.. who AM I??
I'm Jean Val Telperion!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*pushes back chair and wanders over to Telperion and Derrell*
Derrell, you look tired after standing there all night.
*whispers his theory so that only Telperion and Derrell can hear*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*gasp*
We must rescue them!
Onward Valar Soldiers!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*sneaks into the kitchen and borrows a large knife*
*sneaks into the closet and waits for backup*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Enters room holding large glass og OJ*
*Looks around for skillery*
*Notices that the closet door is slightly ajar*
"Really, skillery - don't you think it's time to come out of that closet now? I have your OJ right here."
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*gropes around in the dark for the secret latch*
*discovers too late that the hidden door is already open*
*falls through the opening and lands on the damp stone floor, dropping the knife*
*hears a familiar clicking sound behind him*
*hunts frantically for the dropped knife*
*feels a stabbing sensation in the back of his right hand*
*feels a tickling sensation as he is slowly wrapped in silk*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*finds own way to the bathroom*
*squats*
*composes series of clever puns as a distraction from spider-steak-induced indigestion*
*hums a spritely tune*
*exits toilet, pausing briefly to wonder at the odd noises coming from below the floorboards*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Skillery!
Down foul spider!
*shines with glorious Light*
*spider clicks in fear and runs away dropping Skillery to the ground*
*Skillery's head meets the ground with a loud bump*
Smelling salts anyone?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
OOOF!
*wriggles around in the cocoon*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Where in Manwe's name did that elven-blade go??
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*will think twice the next time he considers barging into a girls-only, night out at Chippendales thread*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
skillery, sorry, I had to visit the little adventurer's room. *whispers* So, when do we set off on our adventure?
[ April 28, 2004, 06:00 PM: Message edited by: Derrell ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wonders if Jimmy Hoffa ended up this way*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*whispers to skillery* What does Jimmy Hoffa have to do with this? Do you think we'll find him in the wizard's cave? So, are we ready to proceed?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*thrashes about in cocoon*
*wonders if Derrell will be coming along anytime soon with his elvish blade*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*goes looking for skillery*
*finds a cocoon*
*carefully slices it open*
*helps skillery out*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Whew! Thanks Derrell. The air was getting pretty funky in there.
*holds up hand to show Derrell his spider bite*
*notices that there is no spider bite*
Say, that's funny. I could have sworn the spider bit me right there... Wait a minute. That's the same place where Shan jabbed me with the fork! Dude, it's that salve of yours! I suppose that spider venom would have turned my innards to jelly by now.
I don't know if Telp merely startled the spider or if the spider is truly afraid of Telp's glorious light. Anyway, it will probably come back.
Let's look around quickly and see if there are any more cocoons.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
This place is weird. Yeah, let's see if anyone else has been unlucky enough to meet that spider.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*finds a cocoon under the trampoline*
Derrell, over here!
*examines oddly shaped cocoon*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Should I open it?
*opens cocoon*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Now how did that stupid goat get down here? Lazy goat...could've chewed himself out by now with a little effort.
*hopes goat's innards haven't turned to mush by now*
Let's keep looking, but watch out for that spider.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*looks around nervously*
Which way should we go?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Hey Derrell, try over there behind the bachelor wizard's big screen tv. I'll look by the hot tub.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Hey skillery, there's two of em over here behind the tv.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Out of Character:skillery, I have to leave in about half an hour.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*runs over to Derrell*
The smaller one still seems to be breathing. Cut 'em open.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*opens both cocoons*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
It's Mayday and Javert! I hope it's not too late.
Do you have any magic?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*rummages through bag*
Well, I have the salve I gave you. Maybe it'll help them. If not, I'll se what else I can find.
*hands skillery some salve*
edited for spelling
[ April 28, 2004, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: Derrell ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*remembers something Telperion said about the "dew of silver light"...*
...Telp said "drink up! I heard Ungoliant is coming"
Let's get them over to Telperion. That salve of yours should work great on the bite wounds.
[ April 28, 2004, 08:14 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*helps skillery drag mayday and Javert to telperion*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*borrows Javert's rapier and helps Derrell guard the victims while Telperion works his magic*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*puts salve on the spider bites*
It looks like they're coming around.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Alright. Try not to get in too much trouble while I'm gone. Can you at least avoid the spider?
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::wakes up suddenly, gasping for breath:: Oh, did someone get the name of that Oliphaunt?
((ooc: sorry, the internet at school died))
:: Telp's trunk:: Thank you, you sweet tree.
::puts a hand to Javert's head:: He'll be okay when he wakes up.
::pulls out a sword from under her skirts that... glows red?!::
Don't worry about that spider.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is gladdened by Mayday's recovery*
Mayday, do you think the wenches are in cahoots with the spiders?
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*stumbles out of the shadows in Skillery's direction*
*sinks to his knees and sighs*
"Thank you, kind sir, for hauling this sad carcass indoors."
*coughs*
"If it would please you, I would like to be of assistance to you. To repay my debt."
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Hello Fallow. Good to see that you're up and about.
Let's see if we can get the big screen working, so we can watch Monster Garage.
Mayday can keep the spiders at bay until Inspector Javert wakes up. Hopefully he can sort this mess out for us.
I'm not going back upstairs to face those wenches until we know what's going on. Hope we don't have to survive on pizza crusts and jacuzzi water.
*starts looking around for something to drink*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
No, not in cahoots... More like they don't want anyone to get hurt, I think.
::waves sword menacingly at baby spiders::
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*produces wineskin filled with gatorade*
"I like to keep one handy."
"So, what's going on around here?"
*pause*
"Where is here, if you don't mind my asking?"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
If the wenches don't want anyone to get hurt, then why do they harbor these spiders here in the Old bachelor Wizards' Basement?
*silently wonders if Mayday is in with the wenches after all...maybe they faked her abduction by a spider to plant her as a spy...she sure recovered from the venom quickly...look at the Inspector, he's still out...naw, I'm just paranoid*
*sips some of Fallow's gatorade*
Thanks Fallow
[ April 29, 2004, 12:19 AM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::looks at skillery:: Stop acting paranoid and think of it this way: If the spiders are down here, they can't hurt people out there.
::looks around and climbs up on the trampoline:: Hmn, it goes back pretty far...
::something falls on top of her head::
OUCH! What the... DUDE!
::rushes over and shows the book to skillery, fallow and Telp:: A spellbook! ::opens it up:: Ooh, in Elvish... ::flips though:: and Dwarvish... ::flips though again:: Interesting, interesting...
[ April 29, 2004, 12:39 AM: Message edited by: MaydayDesiax ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
So Mayday, how did you end up in the spider's lair?
*admires Mayday's spellbook*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*eyes Mayday up and down*
*glances at Skillery*
"dunno... you think THAT can be trusted?"
*takes a swig and passes to skillery*
fallow
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::still flipping though the spellbook:: I was being careless and fell into the hatch. The spider got me before I had a chance to get it... Inspector Javert came in after me to rescue me.
::sighs and rubs eyes:: My Elvish isn't what it used to be... ::mutters something and sets a small fire in Telperion's roots::
By Manwe! ::puts out the fire with the Gatoraide:: Sorry Telp.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*admires Mayday's command of the elvish tongue*
*thinks this is starting to get interesting*
*wonders if the wenches are going to put a stop to our fun when they get back*
*hopes mama spider doesn't come back*
*settles into the Barcalounger and is soon fast asleep*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*clicks through the channels as he winds down*
*looks over at skillery's snoozing profile and tosses the remote*
"Whatever you wanna watch..."
*curls up*
fallow
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::collects a few fallen sticks from Telp and starts a small fire around the three::
Gonna be a long night.
::sits on the trampoline, sword across her lap and sings softly to herself in Elvish, mostly to keep herself from being scared::
[Edit for glaring spelling mistake]
[ April 29, 2004, 01:22 AM: Message edited by: MaydayDesiax ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is awakened by a flying remote*
*clicks through the channels until he finds HR Puffinstuff reruns*
*thinks Witchypoo is hot*
*falls asleep dreaming of a magic flute named Freddy*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*entranced by hillside walk among the trees*
*nudges skillery*
"where are we?"
fallow
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Dude, don't be dragging me into your dream.
*snores*
[dreams]help Jimmy, help
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*shakes skillery*
*glares directly into skillery's pupils*
"You'd rather have your fate meted out in the wizards' dungeon by a bunch of prancing rose-plucking wenches?"
*shrugs*
"maybe yer right.*
*hands skillery the remote and sets to dozing*
*snorts*
*paws skillery*
"what about the rest of the lads?"
fallow
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::hears skittering in the distance::
::shivers and clutches at the vial around her neck::
A Elbereth Githoniel...
::vial shines and the skittering stops::
::sighs in relief:: But I do hate spiders.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*finds Mayday still awake*
*offers her the Barcalounger*
*goes to check on Javert*
Still out
*remembers something Mayday said about the room going back pretty far*
*climbs up on the trampoline to take a look*
[ April 29, 2004, 02:44 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*glows and begins dripping more silver dew*
Here ya go... *passes flask around*
*russles leafy head and shakes some more leaves and silver branches for the fire*
*fire dances and silver sparks leap out*
Let me see that spellbook... I was there when the Elves first invented that language!
*starts to read*
*notices the others are falling asleep*
Hey... HEY! Don't be sleeping! Are you all under a spell?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*from atop the trampoline can see an entire passage lined with cocoons, piled up like so many miniature marshmallows*
*observes that the the floor of the passage seems to be moving*
Hey Telperion, we're in trouble!
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Hey skillery, did you say the floor was moving?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Yeah, and I don't think we need ask why.
I say we find some way to nuke the spiders, but what are we going to do with all those cocoons?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*rummages through bag*
*finds a vial of spider poison*
Here skillery, bend the vial to brak the small crystal inside, then through the vial into the middle of the spiders. Then duck.
As for the cocoons, I guess we'll have to open them.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::looks back to notice a fairly big spider right over Telp's head::
::bounces on the trampoline a few times before launching herself at Telp, sword swinging::
::neatly cuts the spider in half before crashing into Telp's branches::
Ouuuuuuuch...
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*shakes head in disgust*
Derrell, do you mean you've had that spider poison all along?
You be the hero, and throw the vial.
Or does Mayday want to try some spells first?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*helps Mayday out of the tree*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::brushes leaves out of hair:: Thank you skillery
Dude... I say we rush 'em. ::waves sword menacingly at the gathered spiders:: Da always used to say, if you want something done right, you've got to do it with your bare hands.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
skillery, I didn't want to use it unless absolutely neccessary. If any of us inhales it, well, let's just say there would be some very nasty consequences. I'd rather not say what they are. If Mayday's spells don't work, I'll use it
[ April 29, 2004, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: Derrell ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Mayday, anything in that spell book for spider infestations?
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Hmn, lemme look... ::takes the book and flips through it::
Here's one for making a river flood... ::flip:: And one for summoning giant eagles... ::flip:: 'How to get a ring to mount doom?' ::shrugs and flips::
Would a standard 'smiting' spell work, you think?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Try it. If not, I'll use my spider poison, but we have to make sure none of us inhales it.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
A smiting spell might work.
We should all take cover first in case there are any reflective surfaces in the passage.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*takes cover*
*crosses fingers that Mayday's smite spell works*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::squints and says something in Dwarvish::
::gasps as the spiders all erupt in flames::
By the stars!
::flips though the book and finds a weather spell::
::begins raining::
And I don't think we got the big guys. Those need steel, methinks.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
I'm glad that worked. I've got my Elvish blade for dealing with the big ones.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*uses the rest of Fallow's Gatorade to douse some flames in Telperion's branches*
Sorry about that Telp. Didn't give you much time to take cover, did we?
*draws Javert's rapier*
Let's do it!
[ April 29, 2004, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*moves into passage*
*sees a large spider*
Incoming spider! *charges spider with his sword*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::starting to charge when she sees the spider::
*squeak*
[ April 29, 2004, 04:44 PM: Message edited by: MaydayDesiax ]
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*throws vial of spider poison into open mouth of spider that's threatening Mayday*
*spider explodes*
edited for spelling
[ April 29, 2004, 04:46 PM: Message edited by: Derrell ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*swings rapier wildly overhead, severing spider legs, and splattering spider goo everywhere*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Are there anymore?
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::snaps out of it:: Thanks, Derrell!
::looks up and grabs a line of spider silk::
::climbs up it and looks::
Maybe... I think we scared them away with the fire, though.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Just mama
*holds cloak over mouth and nose to avoid inhaling spider poison*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Well, let's get these cocoons open.
*opens the first cocoon he sees*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Let's get Jenny over to Telperion, quick.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*grabs torch and waves it through cloud of spider poison*
*spider poison vaporizes*
There, that takes care of it.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*helps skillery drag Jenny over to Telperion*
*goes back and resumes opening cocoons*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Don't worry, skill, the rain's letting up, and it's clearing up the posion as well.
::begins to climb down but notices that she's stuck::
SIGH!
::cuts the thread and lands on her feet::
Hey! I didn't fall!
::immediately slips::
::starts cursing in Elvish::
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Are you ok, Mayday?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Watch out! Here comes mama!
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*turns to face mamma spider*
*attacks spider*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*pierces mamma spider's abdomen with rapier, spilling green slime onto the floor*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*shoves point of sword between spider's eys*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is crushed under the collapsing spider*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::leaps and cuts off Mama's head::
I don't think that's everyone...
::looks down passageway to hear more skittering::
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*slices spider in half*
*drags skillery out of the goo*
skillery, are you ok?
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*begin light sequence*
*beginning light ignition sequence*
*set level to supernova, aka: kill spiders*
*setting level*
*Shine!*
*Telperion shines like the Sun... er.. Moon*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::shocked to see a bigger spider:: Don't Mama spiders EAT Daddy spiders?!
::rushes and cuts off three legs::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Thanks Derrell.
How many cocoons do you think there are?
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
I'd say at least 20.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
What?
Daddy spider?
You've got to be kidding!
[ April 29, 2004, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
I got this one!
::dodges stinger, then cuts it off::
::stabs upwards into abdomen::
Uh-oh.
::vanishes under the spider::
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
I think Mayday and Telp have killed him.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*struggles to get up, and hobbles over to help Mayday*
*starts hacking away at the dead spider*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*stabs spider*
*slices him in half*
*pulls Mayday out of the goo*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Whew! That's some nasty stuff!
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::coughs and spits out spider goo::
Oh, I need a bath...
::hugs Derrell and skillery:: Thank you!
::runs over to hug Telp:: And you!
::goes over and starts cutting cocoons::
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Yeah, it is. Mayday, are you OK?
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*still shining at full power, a trout pops into existance among the leaves*
Woa...at full power I can alter dimentions!
*trout falls into spider wound and wriggles in*
eeewwww.... that was weird!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Derrell, dude, I've got to get an elvish blade like that.
*helps drag victims back to Telperion*
Wow, we could have the next WenchCon right here under Telperion's boughs!
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*stetches broadly*
Ahhhh....
Everyone under?
Now... about these victims...
*puts a branch up to each persons mouth and lets some silver dew trickle in*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Here's a face I don't recognize. Looks like one of those Southfarthing pipeweed growers.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::tending to the incapacitated with the spellbook and helping Telp's aim along::
::notices one small cocoon in the corner::
Hobbits?
::goes and cuts the person out::
Oh! Oh, dear... My fiancee got trapped down here! How interesting... No wonder I haven't seen him all this time!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Did you hear that Derrell, she's betrothed.
*kicks a dead spider*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Well, I guess we're going to have to run this joint until the wenches are feeling better.
Let's get them up to their rooms.
I don't know what to do with Javert. We could lean him against the bar and use him as a conversation piece.
*is looking forward to taking a strawberry bubble bath*
*thinks he may take up residence in the Bachelor Wizards' Pad*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::with everyone healing, now has nothing to do::
::starts to look at the shelves of books::
::picks up one and a Playboy falls out of it::
::shakes head::
Posted by 20X6 (Member # 6447) on :
::Wonders if it is the Elf edition, jk::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*thinks Mayday is eager for another adventure*
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Another adventure? Cool. *Wonders why he can read skillery's mind.*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
I'll bet if we poked around in here we'd find something
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Mayday: after saving all the wenches, you'll surely get invited to WenchCon 2005. You could even drag your new hubby along.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Alas, we'll still be betrothed then, but if I can make it, sounds like a plan!
Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*raps loudly on the doorjam*
*hollers through the open door*
Anybody here?
*kicks the mud off his boots and then enters*
*finds an overstuffed chair, takes his boots off, and puts his feet up*
Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*is awakened by the sound of hooves on the wood floor*
*sees a goat chewing on his boot*
*offers the goat some Old Toby in exchange for the boot*
*is traumatized when the goat takes the weed and his hand*
[ April 30, 2004, 03:05 PM: Message edited by: doobie ]
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
*Jenny sits at the bar, head in her folded arms, weeping*
...they weren't supposed to hurt anybody! And I would've fetched them out once they'd hung around for a while and learned not to go where they weren't supposed to! And now the Wizards will come back and (hic) ruin everything. And the spiders - all the beautiful spiders! They're dead!
*weeps some more*
Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*walks in stocking feet over to the bar to see what the nice lady is crying about*
What's that you say about spiders?
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
I borrowed some spiders from Mirkwood, and those Innocent Idiots Killed Them All!
They were poking around where they shouldn't be, and the Guards naturally went to investigate. They wrap up everyone who goes down there until I can decide what to do with them.
But the foolish brave eejits BLASTED them! And now the Elf-King will be made at me, and the Wizards might come back.
And I didn't even have a breeding population!
WAAAAAAHHHH Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*is taken aback by the woman’s devotion to such loathsome creatures*
Well, I um, ahem, I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
I just thought I'd drop in on my way home from my rounds to see if anyone's seen my brother since I last passed through. He’s been missing for over a week.
Oh, and I’ve got a few extra casks of pipeweed to sell cheap if you’re in need of some. This crop is so bad, that we’ve had a lot of canceled orders up north.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*overhears Jenny lamenting the loss of her preciousss friends*
*thinks Mommy Bugga Bugga has taken her hobby too far*
*wants to know why Jenny’s babies turned her into a cocoon along with all the other wenches*
*concludes that spiders must be impossible to domesticate*
Well Jenny, now that you’re up and about, we’ll leave the tavern operation to you and get back to our adventuring.
By the way, we’re thinking that the Bachelor Wizards’ Pad would make an excellent base for our activities once we get it cleaned up. How would you like to rent the space to us?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Wanders in from an exciting bout of weed-tussling and gasps in dismay at Jenny's sorrowing form*
*Hurries over and softly rubs Jenny's back*
"Oh Jenny - don't cry - there has to be a way to make it all better. Maybe I should transplant some of the extra-thorny rose bushes in pots in front of that darned cellar door? How can I help?"
*Grimaces at the adventurers* Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*turns to greet Shan*
Greetings madame. I'm searching for my brother. You wouldn't by chance have seen a young hobbit with a scar on his chin while you were out and about would you?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*remembers having extracted an unfamiliar hobbit from a cocoon*
Excuse me sir, did you say you were looking for a lost young hobbit?
My cohorts and I recently rescued a hobbit from a spiders' lair, but I'm afraid I didn't get a very good look at him.
He's still unconscious but we have him recuperating in one of the bedrooms upstairs. I understand that one of the wenches has taken quite a liking to him.
Why don't we look in on him and see if he's your brother?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*glares at skillery*
"You can be sooo callous! Look! Look at how the patroness of this wondrous, magical, hospitable establishment is feeling just now!"
*hmphhh*
*regards doobie with a jaundiced, slightly suspicious air*
"Sir, I could not speak as to the whereabouts of your brother. But, I pray you, to do no harm to our fair environs during your stay here."
*Resumes consoling Jenny*
Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*claps his hands and bounces up and down in typical excited hobbit fashion at the prospect of finding his lost brother*
*hands Jenny a clean hanky*
*quickly retrieves his boots and then follows skillery upstairs*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*grabs remote off the bar and clicks the TV off*
*glances at skillery's snoozing barcolounged form*
*watches wenches washing glasses*
"So, uh, whaddya gals do for fun around here?"
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::goes up to Jenny, face down, toeing the floor::
Sorry boss, I had no idea that they were your pets. If I had, I wouldn't have done anything to them.
::offers to go to Mirkwood to accept the Elf-King's wrath::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*climbs the stairs to ladyday's tower room with Doobie in tow*
We put the boy up here because this room has the best air circulation.
*knocks on the tower room door*
Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*impatiently pushes past skillery and throws open the door to the room*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*hauls ass up the stairs after skillery and doobie*
"guys!"
*comes to halt as doobie opens the door and gasps*
"Guys?!"
*looks over doobie's shoulder and faints*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*claps his hands over his ears and groans in agony*
Posted by doobie (Member # 6422) on :
*sees skillery and Fallow suffering*
*sighs*
I guess Middle-Earth isn't ready for rock & roll.
C'mon bro, let's go home.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*follows the Doobie Brothers downstairs and bids them farewell*
*returns to the Bachelor Wizards' Pad to resume the cleanup*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*steps carefully through the muck and scattered exoskeletons of the slaughtered spiders*
*wonders how he's going to get rid of this mess*
Maybe one of Mayday's spells...
*spots a trembling, silky mass attached to the wall*
*moves closer for a better look*
Spider eggs!
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
What? Eggs?
Egads, that wild one I ran off must have bred with our locals!
*dances*
Well, intrepid adventurers, if you want to make up for your mistakes, I will need some spider handlers soon...
See, they're really quite tame if you bring them up knowing people from the time they hatch...
Pick one out, feed it small creatures, and make sure it gets to know you. Then it will respond to you and it can be your charge.
And thanks for all the kind words.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*fertilizes Telperion's roots with shovel loads of spider goop*
*starts clearing away spider carcasses to make room for a new spider kennel*
*decides to go high-tech with the spider-raising facilities*
*goes online and orders nautilus training equipment and a treadmill*
*knows absolutely nothing about raising baby spiders*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*rises and peers into Ladyday's tower room*
*spinning*
*hears dobie call out to skillery*
*glances left and right*
"bro!"
*hears bootheels beating a retreat down the stairs*
*shields eyes from the midday sun glaring through the window and struggles to focus on the corner of the room*
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
*waits for fallow to get himself together*
"You alright, sir? They went downstairs."
*gathers up linens from the bed, eyeing the stranger in the door.*
"The lot of you could do with some fresh air."
*finishes shaking linens out at the window*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*steps into the room*
"I'm sorry, Miss, but which way?"
fallow
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
"Well, not out the window."
*smiles to herself about the joke, then notices fallow's confused expression.*
*in exasperation*
"Down the stairs, right passed ye."
*muttering*
"Twitty drunk hobits."
(edit: I'm confused)
[ May 16, 2004, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: Lara ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*turns an ear toward Lara and cups*
"The window you say?!"
*dashes directly into the sunbeams penetrating the room as a shadow suddenly eclipses their source*
*fallow recoils from the window and whimpers*
"mistress?"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is exhausted after spending most of the day hauling spider carcasses out to the refuse heap and setting up the nursery for the babies*
*wonders what baby spiders eat*
*discovers by googling that baby spiders eat their mommies*
*spends the rest of the day hauling spider carcasses from the refuse heap back down to the Bachelor Wizards’ Pad*
*discovers by googling that after the baby spiders eat their mommies, they eat each other*
*stays up all night dividing up the nursery into compartments*
*wonders why he is doing this*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*ponders* *thinks* *comes to a decision*
*offers a glowing branch for baby spiders to suck on*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wakes up from a fitful sleep in the Barcalounger*
*finds himself covered with newly-hatched baby spiders*
*tiptoes carefully across the spider-covered floor to where Telperion the Silver waits*
*places the baby spiders, one at a time, on Telperion's outstretched branch*
Drink up lads! Your training begins in the morning.
*wonders what kind of training regimen would work best*
*starts to calculate the cost of athletic footwear*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Woooooohohohohoo!
Stop that you tickeling spider babies!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*stops whimpering and straightens up*
*catches a glimpse of skillery landing on the lawn below as his parachute reliquishes the sunlight*
*fallow turns back to the illuminated room and addresses..."
"Lara?"
*paces back and forth*
"hurrumph!"
*kneels and slaps ear to floor to hear what the lads are up to down below*
(edit: *checks chronometer*)
[ May 08, 2004, 01:09 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*drops and rolls on the lawn, becoming entangled in the shroud lines and canopy*
*is quite shaken after ejecting from his F-14 Tomcat over the dense forest*
*is glad to have found this clearing for his landing*
*sees a quaint old inn nearby*
*lifts the visor on his helmet to get a better look*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*purses and hums to self*
*wonders what to do with all these linens... notes the knotted bits every 10ft or so"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*gently removes each baby spider from Telperion's branch and places each in its compartment*
G'night lads, pleasant dreams.
*goes up to the tavern for a bite to eat*
*finds some leftover mushroom stew and some stale bread and takes a seat at the table in the corner*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*removes his pack and extracts himself from the tangled shrouds*
*rolls up the parachute and hides it in the bushes*
*stumbles toward the inn*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*feels quite content, having finished his stew and bread*
*settles back in his chair and dozes*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*walks in through the open door and calls out*
Anybody home?
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*sprints down stairs, crashes out onto the porch, lights torch and waves frantically*
*SWOOSH!*
SKILLERY?!
*fallow waves torch randomly about the garden*
SKILLERY?!
*spies skillery's weary face*
*points torch in skillery's direction and approaches*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is startled awake by someone in the doorway calling out*
*sees a man in strange garb and a gaudy silver helmet*
*rises to greet the newcomer*
*watches as the man removes his helmet*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*starts to remove helmet*
*is momentarily distracted by someone outside in the garden, waving a lit torch in broad daylight*
*turns back inside the inn and finds himself face to face with...himself*
*collapses to the floor in an unconscious heap*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is momentarily distracted by a drunken Fallow, who is waving a torch in the garden*
*turns his attention to the stranger and sees that the man in the helmet is...himself*
*lapses into unconsciousness*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Hello everyone! Sorry for being gone, turns out that King Thranduil wasn't as mad as we thought he'd be, although I ran into a bit of trouble and got lost, had to have a ranger save me...
*sighs romantically*
::goes outside and makes a pen for the baby spiders::
(sidenote: I actually had a dream in which my fiancee was a ranger... An Asian ranger, very curious...)
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wakes up with a nasty headache*
What a strange dream...darned psychedelic mushrooms!
*retrieves the pot of leftover stew, takes it out to the privy, and dumps it down the hole*
*brings the baby spiders up for a bit of fresh air*
Look lads what auntie Mayday has built for you.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*wakes from fitful sleep only to discover he's been blinded!*
*slaps hands to eyes and discovers hard metal surface*
"what's this?"
*removes helmet*
*turns helmet over and over in hands, inspecting*
"well, that's odd."
*spies reflection in visor and shrieks*
"somebody needs a shower and a shave"
*pauses to reflect, crunches numbers with fingers*
1. Exited the forest.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is surprised at how quickly the spiderlings are coming along, thanks to a steady diet of Telperion's dew of silver light*
*wonders how spiders raised as vegetarians will fare in the wilds*
*spends the afternoon teaching the spiders to do somersaults on the Bachelor Wizard Pad's trampoline*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Hmmm, I wonder if folks would pay to see a troupe of giant acrobatic spiders...
*finds an old, broken down wagon in the shed and starts to fix it up*
*paints the wagon in bright colors, with the name of his traveling show in golden runes*
*signs a lucrative endorsement deal with a major athletic footwear manufacturer*
*straps hi-top sneakers onto 328 spindly feet*
*harnesses 40 bulging abdomens to the wagon's traces*
*climbs into the seat next to the show's star performer*
Heeeyaaaaw!
*disappears in a cloud of dust*
*hopes someone remembers to feed the goat*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
2. Passed out in garden. Ladies voices. Talk of roses and spiders.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Mmmmm... goats... jumping spiders
Posted by Mabus (Member # 6320) on :
(Hmmm...what the? What's going on here? ROLEPLAYING?)
HOOOM...what could this be? A tavern?
*a huge creature strides out of the forest*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
3. screen door *bang* screen door *bang* screen door *bang* screen door *bang*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Aren't those spiders such cuties! We'll have to have a Spider Festival!
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Yay! Spider festival! ::pauses and thinks:: Boss? How do we have a spider festival?
::slaps away a spider leg crawling under skirt:: Bad boy.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Well, we'll have to have decorations, and dinner, and the spiders will provide the entertainment...
And we'll all dress in new silk gowns, which our sweet baby spiders have provided. They're so light and strong! And we can make new silk garments for our favorite Middle Earth heroes. Lots of fittings...
Silk is actually a wonderful fabric for warriors. It's strong, supple, and light. It goes well under leather or metal armor. And we can dye it so many fabulous colors!
*contemplates making Boromir some new garments*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*hears voices*
"Concentrate!"
*resumes counting*
4. Warm hearth. Sizzlin' spider steak.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Yay! New gowns! ::looks at all the spider silk hanging from the trees:: Well, I'd better get started...
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*brushes cobwebs out of the way*
4. Stews, wizards? something about a room, a dungeon. Skillery in the kitchen. wizards under the floorboards.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Ah, life on the road...
the crackle of an open fire...
the stars overhead...
the snoring of 41 exhausted spiders.
[ May 16, 2004, 01:52 AM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*cackles to self*
*hears echo of own voice*
"concentrate!"
4. Wizard room. Tower. Stairs. Fright. Big screen?
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
*wanders in dejected* Why am I always attracted to the transient musician types? *steps on a hobit who appears to be doing the hand motions to itsy-bitsy spider* *leans in for a closer look* Oh, I know you. Really now, are you going to be able to sober up on your own, or do you need a hand with it?
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
5. Big Screen.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*trudges up to the Wenches' Tavern, dragging a wagonload of dehydrated spiders and collapses, exhausted on the tavern porch*
*reminds self not to take spiders on road trips until they've been weaned*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Awwww... babies... have some sap.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*sees a Spider Festival banner stretched between two trees*
*wonders what that's all about*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Purses lips at the banner which is tugging on slender willow tree limbs*
*Roots around in her gardening basket, extracts gardening shears and heads purposefully over to the banner waving gently in the breeze . . . *
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*gets an idea, watching the refueling spiders and the banner waving in the breeze*
Suppose I had a big enough kite, and strong enough line...just need a brave volunteer...
*goes searching for the goat*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
5. big screen?
*counts fingers on one hand*
*sighs*
"This just isn't adding up!"
*stands up and heads outside for breath of fresh air*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::trips and tumbles down the stairs, a basket of clothes falling around her::
I meant to do that. Honest.
::gathers the fallen clothing into a laundry basket::
The silk our babies have given us makes strong, light clothing! I've made clothing for all of our brave warriors, and new frocks for our lovely wenches.
::hangs the clothing up outside for people to take at their leisure::
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*bangs through the screen door and hears a bustling behind him*
"Miss May? Can I help you with that basket?"
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Why fallow! Thank you, but I'm almost done.
::hangs more shirts on a shorter line::
Here's one that looks about your size.
::takes the last shirt out of her basket and hands it to fallow::
Is something wrong? You look like something's bothering you.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*furrows brow*
"umm.... nothing. it's quite nice... this is a shirt?"
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Yep! Sewn by yours truly. It might not look like much, but it should fit...
::stares at the shirt and furrows brow::
Should... Darn my sewing skills. Try it on, let's see how it looks!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*borrows one of Mayday's silk shirts*
*thinks to himself*
This should make a good sling for the goat.
*finds the goat by the fireplace, once again chewing Shan's angel figurine/anti-spider talisman*
What luck!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Ms. Mayday,
Little help trying it on?
fallow
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Hands up, boyo.
::helps fallow put the shirt on::
Hmn... It might be a little tight... How does it feel?
::pulls on the sleeves and measures fallow's chest with her hands, muttering under her breath::
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*coughs*
Little tight. *squirms*
what's it supposed to do?
*cast glance back to house thinking of silver helmet*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
I'm sorry!
::helps take it off fallow and puts a bigger one on him::
Much better.
What does it do? Well, silk is one of the strongest fabrics in the world. Some races wear them under their armor to deflect arrow fire.
Plus, it's lightweight and cool under all that armor.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*breathes...*
Ms. May,
What's with the holes down both sides? Ventilation?
fallow
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Holes?
::looks down::
Oh no! My sitching fell out!
::takes a needle and thread::
Stay very still...
::quickly sews up the holes::
There we go. Didn't stick you, either!
::promptly pricks her thumb::
Durnit.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*clenches teeth and grins ear to ear despite the pinpricked rivulets of blood forming*
right. so this spider silk. good stuff? what's with that empty wagon yonder?
edit: "r" for white "r"hino
[ May 28, 2004, 01:41 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
I think Skillery's planning some grand scheme to make some money.
::notices some blood on fallow::
Oh my! Did I do that? I'm sorry!
::holds up a hand and a white light emits from the palm, healing the cuts::
Better?
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
yes. better!
*notices throngs of threads hanging on the lines in the garden*
who are those for?
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
I don't rightly know... Maybe they're another one of skillery's ideas... I though I heard him say something about kites. I do so love to fly kites... But maybe they shouldn't fly them in the middle of a forest, no?
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*glances down*
*notices small metallic triangle at v-neck*
Ms. May,
what's this?
hold's up triangular bit.
fallow
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
That's a good-luck charm of sorts. The elves made them. I've got kin with... Ties to the elves... They gave me some. I would hate for any of my friends to be hurt.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Ms. May,
what do you mean? charms are meant for luck.
fallow
[ May 28, 2004, 02:18 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::thinks::
What I mean is, it's protection from harm. It'll deflect some things--arrows and such. Close combat, too. Be careful, though, it's not foolproof.
::leans down and pets a baby spider::
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Ms. May,
May I sleep in it?
*shimmers*
fallow
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*takes the talisman from the goat and leads the goat outside*
*flashes the talisman at a nearby spider-ling, which immediately streaks off, trailing a silken dragline*
*flicks the dragline with his finger*
-twang-
Excellent!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*waits until Shan isn't looking and cuts a few supple willow switches*
*lashes the willow limbs together with spider twine to form the framework for a large kite*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*holds shears up near skillery's throat*
"Would you mind explaining just what you think you're doing, child?"
*smiles sweetly*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*gulp*
"I'm errr...well...I'm uhhh...making a kite?"
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::smiles brightly::
Of course you can! I'll even make you a night shirt, if you wish. I still have plenty of fabric left over, this was just my first set.
::picks up basket and smiles::
Anything else, good friend?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*overhears Mayday say that there is plenty of fabric left over*
*was going to use the banner for a sail, but a silk sail...*
hmm
*slowly inches away from Shan's sharp shears*
*breaks away suddenly and runs after Mayday*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::turns when she hears skillery running towards her::
Skill! Wanting some silk for your kites, no dobut? It's up in my room, go ahead and go in. Take as much as you wish.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*tells Mayday his plan*
"I had this strange dream awhile back, after eating some of Jenny’s mushroom stew, that I was slowly descending through the air, suspended by gossamer threads from a billowing canopy of gauze. As I descended I looked around and could see for miles in every direction. Just as I was about to alight in a meadow of green clover, a gust of wind caught me and carried me aloft once again. I must have soared for miles, covering the entire expanse of the Mirkwood before the wind finally carried me back and deposited me on the porch of the Wenches’ Tavern, where I awoke."
"It was the most exhilarating experience to be able to look down on Middle Earth. But the thought of being subject to the whim of the wind was frightening. What if the wind deposited me in the middle of Fangorn Forest? Then I thought of using spider silk as a tether to hold me securely to the ground. Better yet, what if I could get a spider to tow me aloft. They’re really quite strong runners, you know. We could call this new pastime “spider kiting.†It would be a great attraction for the Spider Festival."
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*shrugs, chuckles, tucks shears away in gardening basket and looks more closely at the banner*
*decides to call it a day and see who might be still awake in the tavern*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::claps hands and bounces up and down with glee::
That sounds like a wonderful, wonderful idea! I'll have to make a very large piece of silk for the kite, but it shouldn't be a problem.
::smiles broadly::
I'll be in my room if you need something else for the kite!
::goes upstairs and begins to weave bolts of spider silk::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*cooks up a new batch of psychedelic mushroom stew, in hopes that all who eat will gain the glorious vision of spider-assisted flight*
*leaves the pot to simmer on the fire*
*goes outside and measures the kite frame*
*returns to the tavern to take the measurements upstairs to Mayday*
*is surprised upon entering to find Fallow collapsed on the hearth next to the nearly empty pot of stew*
Pleasant dreams my friend.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*returns downstairs after delivering the kite measurements to Mayday*
*sees Fallow struggling in a fitful sleep*
*slips a cushion under Fallow's head*
*resumes work on the kite frame*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*notices that Fallow is looking a little greenish*
"If this spider kite works we'll be able to see for miles."
"Fallow..."
"are you feeling alright?"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
"I was thinking of sending the goat up first."
"If the goat flight goes well, then you can go up next."
"You might want to find some protective headgear."
"Let's see if Mayday is ready with the sail."
*notices that Fallow's knees are starting to buckle*
"Fallow?"
"Are you sure you're all right?"
*catches Fallow as he collapses*
*carries Fallow upstairs and tucks him into a big, overstuffed, goosedown bed*
*has one of the wenches watch over Fallow*
*goes to check on Mayday's progress*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
"Hey Fallow..."
"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic agnostic with an insomniac?"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
"...someone who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a dog."
"g'night"
[ May 30, 2004, 03:21 AM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*scratches*
*slumbers and dreams of skillery*
*snooze*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*slumbers*
*giggles at skillery's jokes*
*snort*
*snorfuzzles!*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Sits next to the fire meditatively sipping tea wondering when skillery and fallow will be joined by Curly*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
"Nyuk nyuk nyuk"
...and Shan could be Shemp.
Posted by Gandalf (Member # 3361) on :
Anyone want to see what's under Gandalf's cloak?
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Whew! Partway done!
::stands and stretches::
Hmn... something smells good...
::goes downstairs and serves herself a bowl of mushroom soup::
Mmm... Good!
::floats upstairs, huming songs from Mary Poppins::
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*starts fashioning a sling for the kite, using leftover strips of Mayday's super-strong spider cloth*
*is enjoying very much wearing his new spider cloth shirt*
*wishes he had some trousers to go with his shirt, but is glad for the breeze anyway, knowing that it will soon carry the kite aloft*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*pokes skillery in the eyes with fingers and grins*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
"Oh...a wise guy!"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*still smarting from the poke in the eyes, stumbles upstairs to look in on Mayday*
*admires the beautiful Jackson Pollock pattern woven into the fabric of the sail*
"Somebody's been at the stew."
*wonders if Middle Earth is ready for Mayday's art*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
nyuck, nyuck, nyuck
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*straps the goat into the kite sling and cinches it tight*
*throws a length of spider cord over a tree limb, and hoists the goat off the ground*
*quickly lowers the goat when it pitches forward in the sling, its rear end high above its head*
*turns the goat around in the sling and tries again*
Perfect
*imagines Fallow similarly trussed up*
*chuckles to self*
[ May 31, 2004, 02:32 AM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*begins the process of selecting the ideal tow-spider for the spider kiting*
*lines up forty spiders and flashes Shan's talisman*
*is sprayed by sticky draglines as all forty turn tail and gallop off in random directions*
*is alarmed as the draglines solidify and pull taught*
*is pulled in several directions all at once*
*loses several patches of hair and skin from his face*
*is relieved when the spiders attached to his spider-silk shirt finally come to a stop*
*is alarmed when the spiders turn and start to retrieve their draglines in typical spider fashion...by eating it*
*wonders what Mommy Bugga Bugga would do in this predicament*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*awakens in soft downy bed*
*looks around the unfamiliar room*
"hrumph! no suprises there!"
*plants bare soles to cold floor and teeters over to the window to have a look*
*spies a chaos of silk-strewn garden down below, shiny..*
"spiders! argh!!! I'm still here?!"
*running back and forth blasting, spinning, and reeling in and out some fool holding tight to what appears to be a giant kite*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*does multiple somersaults, twisting and tangling the draglines as the spiders eat their way toward him*
*watches with relief as the spiders stop eating their own dragline when they encounter the crossing or tangled dragline of another spider*
*makes a mental note that spiders don't seem to like the taste of other spiders' silk*
*peels off the spider-silk shirt and wades through the tangled drag lines back to the Wenches' Tavern*
*goes upstairs to check on Mayday's progress*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Skillery! All done, and rolled up so it's easier for you to use.
::waves hand at a bolt of silk::
C'mere, you've got a little--bit of--
::peels some spider silk off head::
Hmn... Been playing with the babies again, I see...
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*retreats from the window feeling faint*
*stumbles backward toward the bed, noticing nightshirt*
*strokes knightly self*
"hmm... silky"
*tumbles into bed*
*notices plate of crackers on the nightstand*
*snags a cracker, takes a nibble*
"hmm... saltines!"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
"Mayday, can you help me stretch the silk onto the kite frame?"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*fiddles with triangle charm, munches cracker, and ponders*
*eyes bowl stuffed high with crackers*
*coughs - blows cracker spray across clean bedspread*
"hmm... mighty dry."
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*tucks Mayday's kite fabric under his arm and goes down the hall to check on Fallow*
*opens the door to Fallow's room and is immediately covered by cracker spray*
*realizes that sticky spider silk and crackers don't mix*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*munches cracker and listens to intercomm.*
*hears ruckus*
*punches button and screams into intercomm*
"SKILLERY! THAT'S NOT ME!"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Hmmm. It would seem that the Keebler Elves have taken up residence in the Wenches' Tavern.
*wipes the crumbs out of his eyes and makes his way downstairs*
*is greeted by an eager goat, which proceeds to lick him clean*
[ June 02, 2004, 02:21 AM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*lies back to think with prolonged -sigh-*
*perhaps I'll wander down those stairs*
*arrives at landing*
*peeks a glance at skillery's unwanton amusements with the goat*
"skill, dude. where's that wizard chamber the clatter was all about yon back some time ago?"
*presses palms to walls*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Floats through with gardening basket over one arm and gloves in her hand*
*Pauses and looks suspiciously at the two frightening characters in front of her*
*Wonders whatever happened to the sylvan graces of moonlit nights, soft music and heated wine*
*Wonders if Jenny will EVER come back and take charge*
*Crosses room to door, stops and stares in dismay at the yard*
"Skillery! Clean that mess up! How am I supposed to tend roses while I may if they're covered in spiders and - and - and gossamer threads! Fallow! Go help him! Whist - go on you two!"
*Shakes head and heads into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the two knight errants and whomever else might be hungry*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
"Fallow, the entrance to the Wizards' Basement is in the closet."
*begins fastening the sail to the kite frame, using bits of spider thread gathered from the yard*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::smells Shan cooking and rushes to the kitchen, plate outstretched::
Breakfast! Pleeeeeease?
::holds out two other plates::
For Skillery and Fallow. No crackers for Fallow, though.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*smells breakfast cooking and washes up*
*leaves bits of spider thread floating in the rain barrel*
*goes inside*
"Good morning Mayday, the kite's coming along nicely."
"I may need some help stretching the fabric after breakfast."
Posted by Vána (Member # 3262) on :
Afternoon, all! I'll just be outside tending the garden. I'm going to take Nimrodel outside with me, let her romp around in the grass for a bit.
Does that sound good, honey?
Posted by Nimrodel the Kitten (Member # 5244) on :
Meow!
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Awww... it's a kitty!!
Did Amroth leave you?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*rescues the tiny kitten from the jaws of a hungry spider*
*unwraps the silk cocoon from the lifeless, white and orange form*
*lays the kitty at Telperion's base*
Well, that's one way for a cat to get its shots.
*returns to working on the kite*
Posted by Nimrodel the Kitten (Member # 5244) on :
(*psst!* Nimrodel is black and white, as she is in fact Valentine using her middle name as a username - the whole "her hair was long, her limbs were white" thing. -Vána)
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*considers the effect spider venom had on the cat's coloration*
*decides that spider venom is good for cats*
*affixes the goat harness to the kite*
Now for a few hundred yards of sturdy spider twine...
*flashes Shan's talisman at a fat spider*
*chases after the spider, waving the talisman until the spider is out of sight*
*wraps the spider's dragline around a board as the silk solidifies*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*notices that the kitten is now able to talk*
*decides that spider venom is NOT good for cats*
Posted by Nimrodel the Kitten (Member # 5244) on :
> <
[ June 02, 2004, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: Nimrodel the Kitten ]
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
Nice kitty...
Kitty...what are you doing...
GAAA!! Don't pee on me! Blah! Posted by Nimrodel the Kitten (Member # 5244) on :
*trots away from Telperion*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*sees the kitten coming his way*
*has seen that "yellow" look in a cat's eyes before*
Oh no!
*quickly straps himself into the goat harness*
*ties one end of the spider twine to a fence post*
*runs away from the kitten to the full length of the spider twine*
*turns to see the kitten bearing down on him*
*jumps into the stiff breeze*
*is immediately carried aloft by the kite*
*feels a nice wedgie coming on from the ill-fitting goat harness*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*wakes from a good night's sleep*
*brushes cracker crumbs off cheeks*
*wanders downstairs following a faint scent trail of the morning's breakfast cooking*
*plucks what looks like an overlooked extra-crispy strip of bacon from the pan on the stove*
"crunch. narf"
*walks over to the coat closet in the foyer, closes the door behind, and searches for a lightswitch*
edit: *trips and bonks head against closet wall*
[ June 02, 2004, 11:35 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*clings tightly to the board onto which the kite twine was wound*
*can see lights coming on in the Wenches' Tavern far below*
*is relieved that the wind seems to be dying down as the sun sets*
*hopes the kitty has had a chance to whizzle*
*remembers with disgust having been whizzled on once*
*notices a plume of green smoke rising from a clearing in the woods a short distance away*
*needs to whizzle*
*wonders if the kitty is somewhere below*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is getting a bit thirsty after a day and a night and a day in the air*
*was finally able to somehow wrap the kite twine around the harness, freeing up his arms*
*was glad not to have been wearing trousers when he could hold his whizzle no longer*
*is not looking forward to another night attached to the kite*
...such strange sounds in the forest at night, and that plume of green smoke coming from the mysterious clearing...
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Peers out the tavern door at the deepening gloom*
*Sees blessed emptiness*
*Hears soft breezes and muttering crickets*
*Sighs in utter contentment as the moon slowly crests the tree tops and the stars twinkle in delerious delight*
*Sinks down on the front porch step and notices a pretty little kitten nosing around*
"Oh, you darling! Are you hungry? Let me get you some goat's milk."
*Bustles inside for a saucer of goat's milk*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*meow*
*chases butterflies with murderous intent through the garden*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*rubs forehead and staggers to feet inside the dark closet*
"I just had the strangest..."
*doubles over gagging and coughing up a hairball*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::opens closet wide to find Fallow::
Fallow, what in Middle-Earth are you doing in my closet?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*sets saucer filled with goat's milk down on the porch step*
"Here, kitty kitty"
[ June 03, 2004, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*gives up all hope of being rescued before dying of thirst*
*releases the kite twine*
*spirals downward, out of control*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Screams and ducks in the tavern as an unknown shape hurtles past to thud on the ground*
"Mayday! Come quick! A dragon just fell out of the sky!"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Ms. May,
Some joker told me there was an entrance to a wizard's dungeon in your closet. But, there was no secret entrance. It was dark and smelled of moth balls.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*stops in mid-spring butterfly pursuit*
*looks skyward at falling, flailing figure*
rrreow?!?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*smells kitty whizzle*
*feels warm wetness on his arm*
*blacks out*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*licks paw*
"stares at wet wrist*
*grooms self*
"stares angrily at limb's odd behavior"
*squats*
Ms. May? *gulps*, Shan? Would you be so kind as to direct me to the facilities?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"Stay out of the rosebushes, pussykins, and all will be well."
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*feels an alarming sense of thoracic vibration*
*wheels around in confusion*
*curls up by the hearth*
*purrs*
"PURRS?!"
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
::rushes outside, waving a sword::
Dragon?! Where-- Skillery!
::rushes over untangle him from the kite::
Skill?
::slaps cheek lightly::
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*dreams of lasagna and a drooling idiot of a canine*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*opens one eye, tries to raise head*
"Yowww, my back!"
*head drops back in the dirt*
"Water...thirsty"
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"What do you think, Mayday? Will Skillery survive?"
*Rushes off to pull a bucket of water from the well*
*Lumbers hurridly back with slopping overfull bucket of water*
*Drenches the thirsty and mostly unconscious skillery in water in a hopeful attempt to revive life signs*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*lifts head out of the mud*
"Thanks...kite works...who wants to be next?"
*drops head back in the mud, muttering something about green smoke and a mysterious clearing in the forest*
*sleeps*
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Poor Skillery... Yeah, he'll be fine, just some sleep.
::carries Skillery up to a room with Shan's help::
Mysterious clearing and green smoke? What do you think, Shan?
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*licks self with sandpaper tongue*
*watches wenches carry limp body upstairs*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
mmm...goose down...
What's with the cracker crumbs though?
*snores loudly*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
It sounds intriguing Mayday - shall we explore?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*stiffly rolls out of bed*
*finds slippers, a bathrobe and a towel at the foot of the bed*
*limps to the window and looks down on the wreckage of the spider kite*
at least the sail isn't torn
*hobbles down the hall to the bathroom and slides into the warm, strawberry-scented tub*
ahhhhhh
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*awakens to sniff a strange odor on the wind*
*gags*
*coughs up hairball*
*stands up on two feet*
*shivers head to toe shedding kitty fur*
*heads for the garden*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*enjoys a relaxing and reviving soak in the tub…*
*…but feels a nagging sense of guilt over having kept Shan’s anti-spider talisman for so long…*
*…wants to return the talisman and make peace with the owner*
*reluctantly climbs out of the tub*
*dries off and hobbles back to the room*
*finds the bed made and his clothes laid out*
*slips into his Mayday-made silk shirt*
*notices several cut threads in the shirt just over the area where his ribs are bruised and sore*
*wonders if perhaps the spider silk shirt saved his life*
*hobbles downstairs to find Shan and Mayday*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*streches on the porch*
*follows a silken line to the...*
"gasps"
"wreckage of a beautifully conceived vehicle"
*rubbernecks parts, pieces, lines and intents*
*closes eyes and reassembles cognitive blueprint*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*shakes head as he examines the wreck with Fallow*
"I'm sorry Fallow. I know that I promised you the first ride, but I panicked when that cat came after me."
"I'm sure we can rebuild it."
"I could have used that silver helmet of yours, neh?"
"By the way, have you seen that cat?"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*rubs skillery's leg*
*surveys wreckage*
*gags*
"'scuze me!"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wonders if Fallow is having an identity crisis*
A nice shave with an elvish blade would do that fellow some good.
*wonders what became of Derrell's knife*
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*stops pruning silver branches with the elvish-knife*
Did you want this? If it's good for shaving trees it's good for shaving people.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
"Telp, I was thinking you ought to do the shaving. You did such a good job on me."
"Here, I'll hold him...squirrelly rascal, isn’t he."
"He'll thank us later..."
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*cackle*
Oops.. hehe... *rustle*
*holds fallow down and proceeds to full-body-shave*
Quit quirming!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*constructs a memorial to Fallow the Cat out of bits of fur, cracker crumbs, and spider silk*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
"Oh no! He really was a cat!"
"Now what are we gonna do?"
*smears sunscreen on the hairless Fallow*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Surveys the interior of the Wenches Tavern*
*Wonders what happened to the Wenches*
*Grasps a broom and begins to slowly sweep the floor, pondering where her next journey might take her*
*Hopes the spider problem is under control when she returns*
*Sweeps the dust out the door, places her straw hat on her head, and heads down the road whistling Bilbo's walking song*
"The road goes ever on and on down from the door where it began . . . "
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*runs to catch up with Shan*
"Wait! You may need this!"
*hands the angel-figurine/anti-spider-talisman to Shan*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*returns from happy place*
*admires new suntan and chuckles*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*scratches fallow between the ears*
"Nice kitty"
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*regards the angel figurine quizzically*
*can not for the life of her remember when, where or why skillery determined it belonged to her*
*shrugs and tucks the figurine away in a pocket and continues whistling while walking*
*looks forward to beautful countrysides, mild adventures and new folks*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*pensively purruses the Tavern's lot and grins Chesire-like*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*heads into tavern*
*finds old-school fashioned telephone*
*deliberately places a few strikingly rotary phone calls*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*dons silver helmet*
*exits tavern*
*surveys lot*
*toggles helmet's zoom lens*
*trains visor's eyeline down wench hill at the train of cement-mixers meandering their way up the hill*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*gently marks outlines of tavern driveway with 1X2's and tidy little red flags*
*straightens and checks progress of cement mixers*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*plays boggle with baby spiders*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*retreats into the tavern to dial the local porche dealership*
[ June 12, 2004, 09:46 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wonders if Fallow is going through a midlife crisis too*
*notes that Fallow will have a grand total of 50 ft of paved surface on which to drive the vehicle of his dreams*
*hopes Fallow is dreaming of an OHV with mud tires*
*peruses the contents of the Wenches' Tavern Memorial Library, looking for a road atlas*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Hmmm...road trip...this is gonna be fun.
"Hey Fallow, let's get a Porsche for stylin' in the driveway, and one of them Hummer things for the road."
"Dude, check out these shades."
"Do I still look like an old fart?"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*ignores skillery for a moment*
*plucks out trusty trowel with a quick-spin flair and commences to directin' the pourin' 'o' the Tavern's gentrificated driveway*
edit: crossing T's and trowelling smooth as silk
[ June 13, 2004, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*sneakily leaves a handprint in Fallow's silky smooth concrete*
*wonders whether to inscribe the date*
*observes that it is usually the cat that leaves prints in the fresh concrete*
This Fallow is one gentrificated cat...righteous and outa-sighteous!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*surrepticiously drops trowel and trou' to make bum-print in wenches' new driveway*
*watches concrete harden*
*idly wonders if he should have notified mysterious wenches of landscaping alterations*
edit: (to find fasteners on silky trousers)
[ June 14, 2004, 11:18 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wonders how long it will take for the lime to start burning Fallow's nethermost regions*
*hands the cat a jar of soothing ointment*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*takes jar*
"mmmm... might come in handy"
*gives Skillery a thumbs-up (*whispers* "this is gonna be a bit silly") and scampers down the hill*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*backs dream-car off the trailor, taking care to ease the rear payload onto the pavement*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*drops clutch and vroom-vrooms up the hill*
*squeals to a stop inches away from the rose-garden*
*removes helmet*
*plucks keys from the "f###-me" porche's ignition and tosses them to Skillery*
*wrestles with the padlock on the porche's tow-trailer*
"skill? little help?"
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*uses incredible tree-strength to pry lock apart*
There you go!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*slides into the Porsche’s driver's seat*
*turns key in ignition*
*hears engine purring like a kitten*
*presses accelerator*
*hears engine growling like a wildcat*
*removes foot from accelerator*
*purring resumes*
*removes key from ignition*
*purring continues*
*scratches head*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*pops rear engine compartment*
*is lept upon by a half-starved bobcat*
"Ummm, Fallow?"
"May I ask you a question?"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
thanks Telpy!
*peers into trailer*
*plucks old deflated basketball out and drop-kicks it over the horizon with disgust*
"gah!!!"
*recomposes self and carefully backs Harley down onto the pavement*
*spies Skillery wrestling with cat*
*sighs, gets off bike, walks over and kicks kitty arse over the horizon*
"skillery, sure. can it wait?"
*stomps back to the Harley, clamps helmet down and tears off across the landscape in pursuit of that huffy walking wench with the basket*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Finds a peaceful nook nestled between a tree with trembling, golden leaves and a gently whipering brook*
*Sighs in delight*
"Ah - peace and quiet. What a delightful thing."
*Leans against the tree and closes her eyes*
"Just a wee sleep and then I'll be off again . . . "
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*off-roading across the unfamiliar countryside beyond the wenchy-tavern's rosegarden on an ill-suited vehicle, a singular thought crosses fallow's sun-bedappled thought textures*
"note to self: moto-cross, not harley!"
"riverbed?!"
*in an indescribably hurried sequence of events, Fallow is herkily-jerkily propelled from the gasoline-powered steed, across the aforementioned brook into a tree of uncommon arboreal resilience and shaded delight*
"ouch!"
[ June 17, 2004, 12:53 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by Vána (Member # 6593) on :
*strolls back to the Tavern after a holiday in the woods*
What on Arda is going on here? Why are there motor vehicles??
*is amazingly confused*
You'd better keep those beasts out of my garden!
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
It HAS been a bit strange around here of late. Someone just came in trying to find the "Good Tolkien Wizards" downstairs so they could defeat the "Evil Rowling Wizards" who are apparently also Hobbits of some sort.
Of course, I may be a bit confused. The fellow was most strange.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*moves pieces of spider kite wreckage to a more secluded location*
*cuts fresh willow branches to replace the broken kite spars*
*is relieved to find the sail undamaged*
*remembers having seen a useful item in the Porsche*
*removes the steering wheel from the car*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*blinks drowsily at unfamiliar birdsong*
*falls back to sleep*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*shakes dazed head and removes helmet*
*knocks on wood... err, tree root*
*looks up into the branches of the tree to glare at the angry squirrel derisively chittering away at him*
*stands*
*a well-aimed chestnut glances off Fallow's noggin*
"bonk!"
"Sigh"
*Fallow surveys the cozy locality, nearly dipping into a brook-related reverie when his attention is stolen by the sounds of ... snoring?*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Meanwhile, back at the Tavern..
Jenny is harvesting fresh peas in the garden. They are so sweet and fresh straight off the vine! Will any make it indoors for supper?
Also, there are ripe raspberries growing on the edges of the woods. Be careful! They have thorns and poison ivy grows nearby. But Oh! Taste the summer-sweet juice that stains your lips and fingers. I think you'll agree that any degree of scratches and itches are worth this brief hedonistic moment of pleasure...
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*awakes mid-snore*
*spies fallow standing over her shaking fist angrily at the squirrel preparing to launch another projectile*
*giggles*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
REELing from a head-on collision with a tree, Fallow mistakenly identifies the sound of giggling with his new-found nemesis - the squirrel.
*bonk*
Fallow curses under his breath and attempts to gain a foothold on the tree in pursuit of the irritating rodent when he falls face first into a basket of...
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*stinging nettles - collected for herbal remedies relating to women's monthly cycles*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Thank you, Shan. Nettles also make a very healthy spring tonic.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*tries to raise paw to scratch face as the poison works it's way into his face*
*recalls convo with dealership proprietor as consciousness fades*
Herb, "Whatcha lookin' for?"
Fallow, "Not sure, really. Just kind of pokin' around."
Herb grins.
*the grin makes a 90 degree turn as Herb's wife emerges from the dealership's ladie's room*
"The boy looks a little raw, Herb." says Nettie.
"I reckon he does. I reckon he does."
[ June 18, 2004, 12:35 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"My pleasure, Jenny. Any other gathering you'd like me to do?"
*Pauses long enough to crumple some ferns between her hands and dab at fallow's face and arms*
"At least you have a sense of humor about it all."
*Adjusts straw hat and picks up basket of stinging nettles*
"Jenny? Shall I bring these back now? I can't remember if we need to dry these out before we can use them or if we need to immediately steep them . . . "
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Let's use 'em fresh. I'm in the mood for fresh today.
*lays out fresh cream and raspberries, pea and lettuce salad, and freshly caught and fried fish*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"Oh, that looks delightful, Jenny! Let me just get fallow tucked in upstairs for yet another restorative nap"
*Tucks fallow in and pats him gently on the head*
*Joins Jenny in a delightful repast*
"Jenny - things seem a little different around here this time - or is it just me?"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*rolls over and buries face in soggy pillow*
*raises head*
"mmrruphle?!"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*fallow raises his head from a tear-streaked silken bosom*
"bonk"
a walnut bounces off Fallow's cranium and plops into the brook
"plop"
*fallow leans back to take a look at the dozing beauty murmuring strange names in her sleep*
[ June 18, 2004, 01:07 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Definitely different.
But interesting, definitely interesting.
I'm going to visit Boromir and Faramir. Perhaps they might be interested in a sandwich.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
*glows with silver light*
Hey! Don't wake her up from her sleep. Gods and angels have rested in my flickering beams.
*glimmers some more*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*smells fried fish*
*leaves work on the kite to see what's cooking in the tavern*
*loads up a salad plate with fresh greens from a basket near the front door*
*makes his way back outdoors, balancing a second plate loaded with fish*
*slides onto a bench at a trestle table, shaded by an ancient willow*
*digs heartily into the salad*
*feels a sudden relief of tension in his midsection*
*feelth hith tongue beginning to thwell*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Wonders if she is dreaming reality or if reality is dreaming or who the heck is supposed to be asleep anyhow?*
*Wonders if she is awake or not*
*Wonders if it really matters*
*Wonders if Jenny has found Boromir or Faramir yet*
*Debates the wisdom as to whether sandwhiches were a part of Tolkien-land or not*
*Decides that if Harley's, sports cars and talking cats can exist in this current tale, sandwhiches undoubtedly can*
*Is startled out of her meditations by a grumphhl-snore-gasp and realizes that truly she is the one awake and fallow is fast asleep on the plush grass under Telp's shimmering boughs*
*Wonders if she merely imagined Jenny's presence . . . and what is to become of the current incarnation of the wenchly tavern*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*fallow's fingers run through the deep plush carpet of Skillery's taste buds*
"huh?"
*fallow follows the beckoning light as a gagging gaping maw opens over a trestle table*
*does a jig on the tip of Skill's swollen tongue and stares deeply into hound-dog eyes*
"Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth."
*resumes native size on the table*
*is momentarily distracted by the noises emanating from the porsche in the driveway*
*wonders why anyone would choose to make sandwiches in a small sports car?!?*
"thump"
"bonk"
*fallow catches the nut rebounding from his noggin, makes a vulgar gesture at the offending and persistant rodent, and inspects the pea-sized projectile*
"Telpy?! I had no idea!"
*tosses golden nugget into the whispering brook beneath the benevolent boughs and watches it settle*
[ June 18, 2004, 11:49 PM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*putheth the nettle thalad athide*
*smells a strange odor and notices a faint green vapor wafting through the trees*
*is reminded of a mysterious clearing in the woods*
*finishes his fish and hurries back to his work on the kite*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*wakens from a peaceful slumber at brook's edge to the buzzing of a host of gnats hovering overhead*
*swats at blackfly pestilence*
"murmers a request to Telpion*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*after a good night's rest, notes that the wind is blowing in the general direction of the mysterious clearing*
Ah, the perfect day for spider kiting!
*has rigged a new spider twine retrieval mechanism and steering mechanism to the kite*
*makes a quick trip to the privy*
*fastens the end of the twine to a stout peg in the middle of the Wenches' Meadow*
*stretches a hundred yards of twine across the meadow, checks the soundness of the harness and rigging and then launches into the wind*
*grips the Porsche steering wheel tightly as he feels the exhilaration of flight once again*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*yawns, stretches, blinks and peers through the glistening leaves in shock*
*elbows fallow's snoring form*
"Wake up! Look! Skillery's at it again!"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*wakens, smacks lips, breathes into cupped hand, sniffs, smiles and rolls over*
huh?
*follows wench's line of sight skyward*
*chuckles and puckers*
*turns back to Shan and plants one*
[ June 20, 2004, 02:38 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*spends a glorious afternoon soaring in the sun*
*practices steering the kite by shifting his weight from side to side*
*finds that he can climb and dive by pushing and pulling on the steering wheel*
*keeps an eye on the mysterious clearing, which is some distance downwind*
*waits until the wind shifts direction so as to carry him directly over the mysterious clearing*
*releases the tether and glides with the wind*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*slaps fallow across the face*
"Unhand me, sir! How dare you take such liberties with my person!"
*Is terrified the convent will no longer accept her now that she has been kissed and begins sobbing hysterically*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*nuzzles Shan thru hysterics - keeping a watchful eye on flailing slappy-hands*
"you done, yet?"
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Peeps through her hands at fallow in best Scarlett O'Hara fashion*
*resumes crying*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*sticks fingers in ears and wonders if the rosegarden needs a latenight weeding session*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
tend ye rosebuds while ye may . . .
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*despondently watches etherial wench gather her basket*
*yanks hair, gesticulates at the moon, considers dropping trou, and commences to sobbing amidst the moonlit thorns of the garden*
[ June 20, 2004, 04:55 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"Silly boy! Come help me with the roses."
"Or rock me to sleep."
*Notes that the neighbor's dog has remained quiet and contemplates the possibility of sttempting to sleep again*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*tosses T-bone to neighbor's dog (if indeed that howling can be attributed to a dog 'round these parts), frenzilliantly weeds rosegarden without aid of nightvision goggles, waxes and polishes the porsche in the driveway, sweeps the tavern's steps, staggers into the tavern making sure not to bang the screen-door... *takes a deep breath*...
*rushs up the steps of the tower to deliver pecks g'night to sleeping wenches (oddly visible in slumber) then back down said steps to...*
*collapse beside the hearth, drawing his cloak tight and squinting through the tavern's windows at the moon*
*wink*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is alarmed that at the current rate of descent he will come up well short of the target clearing*
*looks frantically for a place to land in the dense forest and finds none*
*spots a huge spider web strung between two towering trees*
*steers the kite in the direction of the web*
*slams into the web, the kite sticking fast*
*anticipates the arrival of the orb weaver at any moment*
*lowers the remaining twine from the spool and prepares to slide to the ground*
*with twilight approaching is not anxious to spend the night on the forest floor*
*remains in the sling, hoping that the orb weaver will not notice the huge kite and its Hobbit cargo*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Abruptly awakes from bizarre dreams during her snooze under the leafy tree near the babbling brook*
"Gracious! I'll never get to adventuring at this rate."
*Stands up, dusts off skirt, jauntily places straw hat atop her golden curls and sets back off down the road swinging her basket*
"Upon the hearth the fire is red, Beneath the roof there is a bed; But not yet weary are our feet, Still round the corner......."
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wakens at dawn, sore and kinked after a fitful night's sleep in the kite sling*
*takes note of the general direction of the mysterious clearing*
*slides down the kite twine to the forest floor, lamenting the loss of the kite*
*visually lines up a succession of trees in a straight line and heads off in the general direction of the mysterious clearing*
*makes his way cautiously in the permanent twilight cast by the dense canopy overhead*
*notes that the forest floor is baren except for an abundance of a familiar species of mushroom*
Wench Jenny would be in stew heaven.
[ June 21, 2004, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*fords a small stream*
*notices that there seem to be fewer mushrooms on this side of the stream, and that the ground has been disturbed in places*
Hmmm, somebody's making stew...
*comes across a footpath*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*putters around the tavern*
*gets the nibbles and checks the fridge and cupboards*
"what kind of wenches would have such a barren kitchen?"
*finds a lone sheaf of saltines, departs the kitchen and settles into the watch some TV*
*finds remote and begins clicking through channels*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*follows the footpath, keeping several feet off to one side so as to not leave footprints on the trail*
*notices that the trees seem to be thinning ahead*
*hurries anxiously*
*stops short as the trees give way to a glade*
*sees a rickety old shack in the center of the clearing; a plume of green smoke is rising not from the shack's chimney, but from a strange contraption near the edge of the clearing; an old crone is tromping barefoot in a pool of brilliant blue muck; a large pile of mushrooms lies on the ground next to the pool of muck*
*is nearly overpowered by the stench of the place*
*freezes stock still as the crone raises her head and looks about*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*fallow watches a round of golf*
*a hush falls over the televised spectators as Meager Woods steps to the tee*
ANNOUNCER: "here at the 9th hole, Meager is trailing by 5. He steps to the tee. He adusts his grip, and he swings!"
*smooft!*
*the ball arcs high over the fairway*
cut to blimp-cam:
ANNOUNCER: "the ball has left the fairway and appears to be heading for a " --broken-broadcast-zzz--
*blimp-cam zooms in golfball as it sails into an odd clearing tinged by greenish emanations of smokiness*
*CLICK*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*looks on in horror as a speeding white spheroid nails the crone dead on the noggin*
that'll leave a mark
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*CLICK*
"Today on Ye Olde Kite..."
*watches with interest*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*rushes to help the crone, who is face-down in the muck*
*drags the old hag from the pool*
*kicks the white spheroid angrily, sending it flying back into the woods*
now I may never know the secret of this place...
*notices the crone stirring*
*quickly ducks back into the cover of the trees*
*discovers that he is covered with fragrant blue froth*
booze?
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
cut to commercial:
chameleon 1 "they let him go?"
chameleon 2 "yeah, you don't remember?"
chameleon 1 "the ferret?"
chameleon 2 "yeah, the ferret! don't you remember?"
chameleon 1 "no need to get testy"
chameleon 2 "was I getting testy?"
chameleon 1 "yes. yes, you were."
*CLICK*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*watches as the old woman slowly gets to her feet and staggers to the edge of a stream, where she wets a cloth and holds it to her head*
*notices that there are several small kegs stacked on a pallet at the edge of the stream; the old woman is gently placing the kegs into the flowing stream; she watches the kegs out of sight and then staggers to the shack, still holding her head*
*rises from his hiding place and runs to catch up with the last of the kegs bobbing its way downstream*
*wonders where the kegs are going*
*follows the kegs*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*click*
"Legs! From toes to heaven I tell ya. Gams. Hi and mighty as you please..."
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is concerned that it will soon be too dark to follow the stream*
*runs ahead of the kegs*
*sees a bridge over the stream just ahead; a dwarf is waiting on the bridge*
*freezes in his tracks, hoping that he hasn't been seen*
*watches out of the corner of his eye as the kegs tumble by*
*ducks behind a rock as the dwarf makes his way down the bank and begins lifting the kegs from the water*
*counts the kegs as the dwarf hauls them to his cart and notes that one keg from the crone's pallet is missing*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*clicks tele off*
*goes to take a shower and start the day*
*borrows towels from the wenches linen cabinets*
*lathers up and croons*
"there never seems to be enuff time to do the things you wanna do..."
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*searches upstream for the missing keg*
*finds it bobbing in an eddy*
*finds over a dozen open kegs nearby*
*settles against a tree for the night, waiting to see if anyone comes to retrieve the lost keg*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*bellows*
"ONCE YOU FIND THEM!"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*slips in the tub, conks noggin on sparkling wenchie's tub and reaches for Croche's timely embottlement of...*
ANNOUNCER "Find out next week!! Same Fallow time. Same Fallow channel"
*cut to commercial*
chameleon 1: "Didn't you mean Chanel?"
chameleon 2: "Whaddya mean?"
*CLICK*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*grows tired of waiting for whoever has been pilfering the kegs of mushroom ale*
*the gnawing in his belly tells him it is time to get back to the Wenches' Tavern*
*begins to rise from his hiding place*
*hears a twig snap in the woods on the other side of the stream*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*wakens prune-like in the wenches' tub transfixed by the discovery channel's investigative report*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*watches program to its conclusion*
*towels off*
*dons silken drawers placed tidily within neat'n'modest reach*
*commences to prowling the confines of the tavern hoping for a map*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is overcome by hunger*
"But I can't leave that keg here for someone to steal."
*decides that the keg doesn't contain ale at all, but rather, something much stronger*
"Distilled mushroom spirits perhaps?"
*remembering the after-effects of Jenny's mushroom stew, decides that he had better not leave the keg for some unfortunate soul to discover*
*retrieves the keg from the stream*
*heads downstream to the bridge*
*finds the road a familiar one and begins the long march back to the tavern*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*heads upstairs to rummage through the wench's rooms*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*drags into the Wenches' Driveway*
*passes the freshly-polished Porsche on the way up to the porch*
"Oh no, I forgot the steering wheel!"
*collapses on the porch, the keg still under his arm*
*imagines that a cat in wench's undies is holding the door open for him*
*crawls through the doorway*
[ June 24, 2004, 01:50 AM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*consults list of wenches*
*glances at door*
"Out? That doesn't sound right."
*opens front door and peers out at the garden*
"hmm..."
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*climbs into a mossy chair and sets the half-empty keg onto the lovely grass-covered table*
*adjusts the antennae on a grasshopper for better reception*
*click*
♫ ...a might sailor man, the skipper brave and sure, five passengers set sail...♫
*click*
*notices that the lion in panties is eyeing him hungrily*
*crawls under a toadstool to hide*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*scratches Out off the list, taking little note of the 'get' before it*
*adjusts drawers*
*eyes steps up to the tower*
*makes notes on checklist sidebar regarding impact of fluctuations in size and fur appeal in headlong trajectory*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is swallowed by an earthworm, slowly digested, and then excreted as tiny sapphires*
*becomes the blue stripe in the rainbow, nestled snuggly between green and indigo*
*is crowded out by the greedy colors and falls into the gray sea, staining it slowly in an outward spiralling vortex of blue*
*washes up on a distant shore and is slowly baked by the sun*
*is lifted by a gentle breeze and joins the sky, adding to its blueness until there is nothing but blue*
[ June 24, 2004, 02:53 AM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*slaps skillery soundly across the face, knocking creeping bits of moss loose*
(ignores creeping moss scuttling away)
"we've got WORK TO DO!"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
huh?
Fallow?
What's that on your head?
Dude, try some of this mushroom juice!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*wonders why the blue in the blue blue sky is downing a torrent of stew on his noggin*
*licks sleeve*
"note: fix tavern's skylight"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*pours Fallow another glass*
"Thanks a lot Gilligan!"
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
"don't mention it, professor."
*consults best hand-sketched map of tavern's bewildering expanse*
*slings skillery over shoulder and huffs it up to - pauses to double check - maryanne's room*
*deposits skillery and makes with short prayer to resident wenches to see the lad through a peaceful slumber*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
page dropped from "The Very Secret Diary of Jenny Gardener"
Kiss List
Aragorn - very polite and respectful, savors the moment, waits for you to lead
Boromir - passionate, uses tongue
Frodo - sweet and shy
Gandalf - expert, lights a fire
Gimili - aggressive, hungry
Legolas - sensual and teasing
Merry - playful, usually end up bumping noses
Pippin - unsure but eager to learn
Sam - honest and firm
All in all, a very nice Fellowship!
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Space Opera enters the kitchen with a large squash freshly picked from her garden. Setting the squash aside, she places a large pot of water over the fire to boil.
All too soon the water is ready, interrupting her cup of tea. She dumps loads of pasta into the pot and deftly peels and slices the squash. She cooks the squash with a wee bit of olive oil and a whole lot of lemon pepper. Mixing the drained pasta with the squash, she pokes her head out of the kitchen and yells, "Food's up!"
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Wanders in from wandering*
*Smells food and tea, sees cheerily burning fire and sighs in pleasure*
"Jenny's back! Yeah! And she's recruited a new wench! Yeah!"
*Spies paper on floor*
"A kissing list . . . hmmm . . . yes, exactly, . . . no, no - he never was like that, . . . reaaallllly - I'll have to give him a try next time he's a round, ahhh, how sweet . . . "
*Looks around for possible owner of list and decides to place under the candle on the hearth*
*Dishes up a plate of delicious noodles and squash. Daintily chows down. Heads into kitchen to wash dishes and then heads up the stairs for a lengthy, bubble-filled bath*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*sits on hearth while pulling on boots*
*sees a sign-up sheet under a candle*
*adds name to list*
Skillery: A friendly peck on the cheek
*has a bit of squash and noodles before going out to the tool shed*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*throttles squirrel*
*descends tree*
*takes care to gingerly step over sleepwishily-inclined wench*
*inspects Harley for damage*
*keys ignition*
*stomps*
[ July 01, 2004, 03:20 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*brakes to sudden halt, stirring up a dust cloud*
*sniffs the wind*
*coughs*
*sniffs again*
*blows dust-caked nose nuggets into a hanky and turns the bike around*
"lemon pepper!"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*borrows a saw from the tool shed, gathers some spider twine, and heads into the woods*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*performs an unintended skidding donut of a halt at the steps of the tavern's porch*
*falls over*
"ouch"
*pushes bike off self and sniffs*
*climbs porch stairs, lays paws to screen door and notices a loose leaf of paper skittering about the porch*
*snags piece of paper*
*empties caked nostrils and reads:*
"BABY SPIDER BENEFIT"
*scans down page impatiently, half-reading, lips moving awkwardly over hard words (cue: VO?)* . . .
"fund-raising activities to include:"
"Jenny's KISSING CONTEST"
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Do I get to be the judge or am I a contestant?
Posted by Morgan Sylvia (Member # 6660) on :
*wanders in, looks around, fluffs hair*
*sits in corner, eats cheese and olives*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*emerges from the woods astride a huge, black and yellow orb weaver *
*guides the giant spider toward the Wenches' Tavern using the Porsche steering wheel, which is lashed to the back of the spider's head*
*wonders why everyone seems overcome by a sudden itching sensation*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Wanders downstairs after a relaxing bubble bath, still dreamily contemplating the kisses of Boromir as compared to Legolas*
*Wonders how the kisses of Turin, Beren or Gil-Galad would rate . . . *
*Pauses in a sunny well-lit nook in the staircase and glances out at the yard*
*Spies a very large spider heading towards the tavern and faints*
[ July 02, 2004, 11:36 PM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*turns at the crashing sounds coming from the edge of the forest*
*waves to Skillery*
"well, I'll be damned!"
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
*kisses skillery's Argiope spider*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*jumps down from the spider and hands the reins to Jenny*
We're going to have lots of fun with this one. Web's got lot's of spring to it.
*unties the disassembled kite from the spider's back*
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
I wonder if I could get her to spin me a hammock for the Paradise Room?
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*hails Skillery from the porch*
Nice ride!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
She'll make you a hammock and then give it a good twang with one of her legs.
Hey fallow, watch this!
*climbs the old willow tree, ties one end of some orb weaver twine to his ankle and the other end to a stout branch*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*settles onto the porch railing*
*raises an eyebrow*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*launches head first off the tree limb*
Oooof
Little too much slack...
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*winces*
superb! hey skillery!
*gestures at the wench holding the ride's reigns*
who's that? the missus?
*wishes there was a porch swing*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
We call her Mommy Bugga Bugga. I don't think she swings with anything less than six legs though.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*checks translator device*
*gestures at Skillery and points at empty space on porch*
*points at own butt on porch railing*
I meant, it would be nice to have something to sit on!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*takes Babble Fish out of ear and gives it a shake*
*tosses the Porsche keys to Fallow*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*snags keys*
"clink"
*shouts*
Need any help with that kite?!
*peers at Skillery dangling by his ankle from the willow*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*Hollers to fallow*
I'm just going to hang out here for awhile. You can give the kite a try if you like. You know where to find the steering wheel.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*saunters out to the willow tree*
*passes Jenny holding onto spider reigns and staring blankly at a page in her diary*
*flashes a diamond-edged smile at skillery*
*proceeds to gnaw through spider-silk line with gilded canines until skillery is free*
*gives a hand up*
yeah, I dunno how to assemble that kite of yours?
*pauses*
*jerks thumb over shoulder in the direction of orb weaver*
I do fancy a ride on that one, though.
*grins*
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
*decides to set off all-natural organic firecrackers*
*shoots one off front porch, barely missing fallow and skillery*
*whistles and looks innocently around*
space opera
[ July 04, 2004, 12:34 AM: Message edited by: Space Opera ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*yawns*
*clicks remote control*
*numerous roman candles blaze on the tavern porch, setting fire to anything sheer, shimering, or otherwise daintily giggling nearby*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*watches in horror as the Wenches' undies on the clothesline go up in smoke*
*notices that one unmentionable item escaped the blaze*
Lucky panties...
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*snaps fingers in Skillery's face*
snap out of it, man. they'll take care of it, or not...?!
*gestures at the kite'n'kidoodle unloaded from the gigantrificus spider, the death-defying leap from the tethered willow-branch, the wench at the reigns, the new guests in the tavern...*
hello?! little help?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Say Fallow, why don't you take this beauty for a spin.
*offers to give Fallow a leg up to the back of the giant orb weaver*
Keep her out of the woods. If she gets within reach of a tree she'll go up it like one of Gandalf's rockets.
Oh, and hang on tight to that steering wheel!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*clambors up*
thanks skill! can I ask you a question?
*notches the steering-wheel down a notch*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
A question? Sure.
*give fallow most of his attention*
*is trying to remember how the kite goes together*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*slaps helmet in place*
murrph muffle durff duffle...
*doffs helm, dons driving gloves*
you had a question for me earlier. what was it?
*places hands at 2 and 10 'o' the clock*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
I had a question? Oh yeah. That bobcat in the engine compartment of the Porsche, was that your doing?
Seems like I had another question...
*scratches head*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*thumps skillery*
that wasn't my only question!
I had 20.
give or take a few...
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Can they all be answered with a yes/no answer?
Watch out! That's a semi-dangerous critter you've stradled there.
*extracts leg from spider's jaws*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*keys spider ignition off*
*eyes skillery*
yes they can.
what were your questions, sir?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Well, I was going to ask you about some strange behavior that I've noticed around here when the moon is full, but I pretty much figured that one out. It seems that someone here has discovered a secret source of hallucinogenic liquor. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
In fact, we're about due for another round of strangeness.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
as per your request...
Question(s) 1: do you
A. enjoy the strangeness? B. wish to strangle it (aforesaid oddnilarity) into submission? C. don't give a rat's arse one way or another D. wished thou wouldst'n't have never stumboled upon this or any other thread of it's (s)silk? E. all of the above? F. wuld like to proceed to next question?
*furrows brow and taps pencil*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
A: Wish I had stumbled upon a Three Stooges thread.
Next question?
*leans against the porch railing*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*clears throat*
Question 2 (a):
If you were a tree, what kinda tree would you be?
A. A wicked Willow B. A stout Oak C. A seditious Cedar D. how much wood can a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck can't chuck wood? E. If I get my hands around that varmint's neck, I'll wring the...
*taps pencil, checks stopwatch*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
None of the above.
I kinda admire that silver one over there, although it's a bit twisted.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*bling bling!*
*hands skillery a glittering piece of plastic in a shape most bemusing to wishes*
feels an odd itch to answer a question.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Oh no! It's that darn flute!
*looks around suspiciously for Witchy Poo*
♫Help Jimmy♫
Shaddup flute, or you'll find yourself embedded in a cat's rectum!
Fallow, maybe now's a good time for that spider ride.
[ July 04, 2004, 04:11 AM: Message edited by: skillery ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*purrs*
*lowers spectacles*
purrhaps it is!
Question (3)
A. Have you ever cavorted with or otherwise been admonished for your alledged cavortings with a kite? B. Do you prefer leather or lace? C. Do you fly commando, or do you perfer to gird? D. What does the term "word" mean, insofar as you use it on a daily basis? E. What color is your parachute?
*looks pensive*
fallow
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
C: Freedom is what flying's all about dude. Gotta release the monster, if ya know what I mean.
*orders milk and cookies for a bedtime snack*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*munches cookies, downs milk*
*blinks at skillery*
you had an unanswered question?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*falls asleep halfway through third cookie*
*drools*
zzzzzz...Soitainly!...zzzzzzz...Nyuk nyuk nyuk...
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*heaves Skillery over his shoulder*
*hikes carcass up the stairs muttering to himself:
"unasked questions go unanswered"
*deposits skillery in nearest downy-silken wenchy bed*
"g'night, sweet pal."
[ July 04, 2004, 04:35 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*snoozes*
*feels a pawing at the book in his hands*
*hears a voice*
"but what happened then, grampa?"
*snorts awake*
huh?
"what happened to skillery and the kite? did you ride the orb weaver? did the wenches ever come back to the tavern?"
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*Moans and clutches head*
*Slowly sits up and tries to focus as the world spins*
*Reaches hands up to windowsill and peers over the edge*
*Sees the humongous spider still sitting there and slumps back over in a continuation of her earier faint*
*Her head makes a resounding thud on the wooden floor of the landing*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*thud*
"what was that?"
what was what, son?
"that noise!"
what noise? where did it come from?"
"from up there!"
up there? the attic? it could have been a ghost, you know. I've met plenty in my travels.
*pause*
hey, did I ever show you my tatoo? here look...
"grampa!"
what?
"I think it was gramma trying to put on her drawers."
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*groans*
*Attempts to stand*
*rolls down the - mercifully short - flight of stairs and lands in a heap at fallow's feet*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*thud*
"grampa!"
so, you wanna skip a few chapters?
*flips pages back and forth searching for "The Spider Ride"*
"grampa!"
yeah? you don't wanna hear about The Great Spider Ride?
"grampa?!"
no?
"shouldn't you go check on her?"
*pause*
listen kiddo, if your grandmother weren't resourceful enough to take care of her...
*pauses to peer over reading glasses*
did she put you up to this?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*soaks blissfully in a strawberry bubble bath, contemplating his next adventure*
drain the swamp behind the Wenches’ Tavern and perhaps discover some ancient artifacts
visit the old crone in the woods and discover her secret for making distilled mushroom liquor
perfect the sport of spider twine shock cord jumping
fix the kite, send Fallow aloft, and see what trouble he gets into
*decides to consult with the goat*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*falls asleep with book open to chapter 402 - "The Pet Goat Rides a Kite"*
"grampa?"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*expertly lashes kite frame together and stretches the sail cloth over it*
*finds goat nibbling on Shan's roses*
C'mere goat; I need you to help me improve the glide ratio of this contraption.
*Feeds goat a basket of raw cabbage, supplemented by hard boiled eggs and a pound of cheese*
...vectored thrust...
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
"grampa? grampa, are you asleep?!"
{{{
*hails skillery*
skill? what are you doing with the goat there? I think that beast belongs to the wenches.
}}}
*snorts*
*coughs*
Yes, I think I may have been.
*hefts book*
So, it's the story of the Pet Goat and Skillery's
"he's funny!"
who?
"Skillery. He's funny."
well, he wasn't always so, but that's another story. should I continue with the goat and the kite?
"yeah"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*suspends goat from a sling behind the pilot's sling*
*affixes a wooden rudder to the goat's tail*
*looks around for a volunteer test pilot*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Let's see what he's up to, then, shall we?
{{{
*hails skillery*
*brushes cracker crumbs off chest*
Nice rig, sir! does that thing fly?!
}}}
*hears a derisive sigh*
"grampa?"
what?
"you read that part already!"
I did?
"yes, you did!"
well, I'll skip forward a bit then, you're majesty. how's about that?
[ July 07, 2004, 02:50 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Ah, a volunteer!
*begins strapping Fallow into the pilot's sling*
To turn, just lean to one side or the other.
This mechanism releases the tether.
And this is your supplemental propulsion unit...
*points to the bloated goat*
Any questions?
Good!
*checks the wind*
*secures the free end of the tether to a fence post*
...now I suppose I should warn you...
...where'd he go?
*squints into the glaring sun as Fallow and supplemental propulsion unit soar heavenward*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
YEEEEE!!!
"munch munch"
HAWWWW!!!!!
"munch munch"
*fallow sails into the wild blue yonder, tears of joy beginning to form as he reaches out to touch the face of...*
"munch munch"
what the?
*turns around in his seat as the goat bites through the last fiber of the tether*
oh crap!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*waves goodbye to Fallow*
*rushes inside the Wenches' Tavern and runs up the stairs to the tower bedroom*
*watches as Fallow glides into the distance*
*takes note of the general direction of the kite's travel*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*throws some stale biscuits in a poke, climbs up on the orb weaver's back, and heads off in search of Fallow*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*relaxes into his seat as a stiff breeze promises to keep the untethered kite aloft*
"munch"
*admires the scenery drifting by, semiconsciously wondering what the goat is nibbling*
*the fields... the forest... the streams. the lake off in the distance. the odd scorched-earth scattered here and there.*
"munch"
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*crosses a familiar stream*
*wonders if it's keg day*
*decides to take a brief side-trip*
*notices that Argiope minuta seems a bit on-edge*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
"munch"
*reaches hand over shoulder and swats goat's muzzle*
cut that out!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*feels a shudder go through the giant orb weaver*
*is terrified to find that the trees on both sides seem to be following him*
Not trees...no roots.
Legs?
*tilts head way back and looks up*
Holy Mommy Bugga Bugga!
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*closes his eyes to nap and rubs his nose at the slight tingle of ozone burning his nose*
*the kite flutters a bit*
*opens one lazy eye to see a melon-shaped airborne vehicle in the distance behind them*
bleet?!
*turns to the goat*
what is that?
*shockwaves buffet the kite*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*is deftly plucked from the orb weaver's back and finds himself being crushed in the pincers of the mother of all spiders*
*watches as the tiny orb weaver far below scurries up the nearest tree*
*feels his head spinning as the air is forced from his lungs*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*a small hand slaps down hard on the open book*
"grampa!"
*pause*
what?
"Is Skillery gonna get eaten?"
well, what do you think?
"I think you should have saved him!"
how could I? I was stuck up there in Skillery's contraption with that infernal goat!
"so."
so?! what do you mean so?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*hears the universally recognized sound of expectoration*
ptoooi!
*feels like a watermelon seed as he sails through the air*
*waves at Fallow and goat as he passes*
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*picks her frail old body up off the floor*
"Grandson - Gramps is NOT a gentleman. Never has been, never will. You want skillery saved, go have an adventure and save him."
*Pats the l'il tyke on the head and glares at fallow.*
*Hobbles outside to inspect the rosebushes*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*what happened then, gramps? are you snoozing?"
*snorts awake*
just catching a bit of shut-eye. what happened next?
*stabs finger down on page*
well, near as I recall and as what's written down here, the spring came early that year. The gourds and melons of the wenches' garden grew thick and ripe for the harvesting. The roses bloomed in beautific varieties crossing the spectrum from blue lush to lavendar crush.
"grampa?"
yes?
"are you talking about gramma again?"
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
*decides that after the fireworks excitment she needs to relax*
*pours herself a glass of rock rabbit and sits under a tree humming a Nat King Cole song*
space opera
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*peers over his reading glasses*
no. no, I wasn't talking about your grandmother.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
"When he gets to the part about the thorns, grandson . . . "
*Stalks back upstairs to her boudoir*
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
"well, then, howcome the book keeps talking about you?"
when?
"every time you doze off."
yes?
"and it 'sounds' like gamma, but she's upstairs and her voice is coming from the book!"
*shrugs*
what do you want me to do about it? your grammy was never much of a navigator. they took her kite-license away, you know?
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*wearily pushes through the front door of the Wenches' Tavern*
*kicks off dusty orc-skin boots*
*collapses into the overstuffed chair by the fire and props his feet up on the hearthstone*
*snoozes*
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
The original thread is gone. I have a copy if anyboy's interested. Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
oooo... Go Olivetta!
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*packs up the spider kite and stores it in the shed for the winter*
*makes his way through the cobwebs down to the Bachelor Wizard's Pad to check on the spiders*
*hears the crunching of what sounds like bones under his feet*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*feels a cold chill as the bones at his feet begin to move of their own accord*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*stands in awe as the bones begin to assemble themselves*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*Is awakened by the swiping of a wet and raspy goat tongue across his unshaven face*
How long have I been asleep?
Not long enough?
Okay.
ZZZZZZZZZ...
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
So this isn't the real Wenches tavern?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
<-- fantasizes about being a tavern wench
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*Dreams of tavern wenches*
Posted by Evie3217 (Member # 5426) on :
quote: <-- fantasizes about being a tavern wench
Me too! I think we should star a club Tante.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
![[The Wave]](graemlins/thewave.gif)
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and does so::![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
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