Yeah, I know we're talking about the lack of women on the Comedy Central 100 funniest stand ups of all time, but I'm actually protesting the lack of John Mendoza. Here's some good lines.
Feel free to use this thread to share your own favorites.
I went skydiving the other day with a blind man. You ever hear a german shephard screem at thirty thousand feet?
Fear is being stuck in traffic after you just had 2 cups of coffee and a bran muffin.
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see okay?
I was a shepard once ... but I got fired because I always fell asleep during inventory.
Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Oh, I thought this was ganna be a pick-up line thread.
Here's my favorite pick-up line:
Hey, Does this smell like cloroform to you?
[ May 03, 2004, 08:55 AM: Message edited by: MEC ]
Posted by docmagik (Member # 1131) on :
Alright, let's try Mitch Hedberg. He's the guy that comes across as slightly stoned, with one-liners that would probably seem really deep if you were stoned.
If you're sober, they're just funny.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...
I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.