This is topic Advice on Women in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
 
Before anybody asks, I'm not giving any advice (nor am I at all qualified to).

I just got dumped. The ex is with another guy. She says she wants to get back with me someday. Riiiight.... So I put her the back of my mind under the category "Things/People I wish I could forget".

I went to church 3 weeks back. A petite girl with long black hair and athletic build with a beautiful face comes up and hugs me, borderline affectionately. She was an old friend from years ago. I have always liked her. She likes me. I catch her glancing at me all the time. No doubt she sees me as well.

Here is my dilemma. I can't get the courage to simply go up and ask her on a date. I'm very comfortable with women. I have lots of friends that are women, and she's no exception. We talk quite often, it's just that we are both so painfully shy toward each other that neither has the guts to make a move. We're both young. She's 17, and I'm 19.

What should I do?
 

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Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
 
Get a friend or two or three to go with you to some event, bowling, movie, pizza place, whatever floats your boat.

Ask her to come along.

See getting a date with a girl very rarely starts with a no warm-up formal date question anymore.

Theres millions of ways to get a girlfriend without having any formal dates at all. Maybe you could start by asking if you can call her sometime. Thats pretty easy to slip into a conversation. "Wow thats really interesting, but I'm afraid I have to go now. Can I call you to continue this conversation?" Stuff like that.

Or you can give her a note that says "Do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe. Check one box please." Girls love that type of thing .

[ May 14, 2004, 06:54 PM: Message edited by: Xavier ]
 

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Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
 
I understand your situation.

Unfortunatly, you're not going to like my advice: meditate on the situation until you build the courage up.

If you truly grasp the importance of hooking up with her, if you truly grasp the implications of not doing it, then you should be able to fortify your resolve.

My advice sounds hollow. But I am quite the coward myself, and meditation and understanding has served to grant me resolve in the past.

...or you could just do Xavier's simple trick.

[ May 14, 2004, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: Phanto ]
 

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Posted by ak (Member # 90) on :
 
Yeah, I'm in favor of the gradual build up. Make up excuses to talk to her and be around her. Ask her to do stuff with groups of friends first, if that's an option. Pay lots of attention to her. If she is interested too, then she'll be doing the same thing. You may not even have to ask her at all, just say "yes" to whatever she asks you.
 

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Posted by Polio (Member # 6479) on :
 
OK, move over and let the girl give advice on the female species. First of all:

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Or you can give her a note that says "Do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe. Check one box please." Girls love that type of thing

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quote:

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OK, move over and let the girl give advice on the female species. First of all:

quote:

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Or you can give her a note that says "Do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe. Check one box please." Girls love that type of thing.

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Maybe we did like it in grade 5. And maybe some girls would think it was cute. Nonetheless, my first piece of advice to you would be NOT to do this.

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Polio, the wink ( ) that was at the end of that quote normally means the person is joking.
 

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Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
 
Polio, I think Xav was joking.

Also, I think he had some pretty good advice, Nick. Get her to do something with you and some others. Easier. Less pressure for both of you.

EDIT: Rrrrrrrrr beat me to it.

[ May 14, 2004, 08:17 PM: Message edited by: tt&t ]
 

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Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
 

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I would say to all those people who are in favor of straightforward no nonsense unambiguity in budding romance that you are very much mistaken.

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quote:

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I would say to all those people who are in favor of straightforward no nonsense unambiguity in budding romance that you are very much mistaken. Nothing is understood. It's a very tenative, delicate, magical thing in its nature.

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Romance??? Magical??? *gag*
Nothing is understood if people aren't straightforward, in my opinion. Granted, there are many people who aren't as outspoken and, well, loud-mouthed as I.
 

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Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
 
So it would seem.
 

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Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
 
Sometimes it takes a while for things to be understood, Polio. There's more than one way to skin...err....a cat.
 

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Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
Yeah, I'm another person who definitely favors straightforwardness, to a certain extent. I don't mind a bit of guessing, since it keeps things interesting, but that only works if I already know for sure that the guy likes me. Otherwise, I get really fed up with the guy for messing with my mind (intentionally or otherwise) and usually end up turning my attention elsewhere, where I know I'm appreciated.
 

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Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
 
Ditto to what both Jon Boy and pH said.
 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
Dunno, note passing seems to work.
 

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Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
 

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Granted, there are many people who aren't as outspoken and, well, loud-mouthed as I.

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That's my very problem. I am the epiphany of the opposite of an outspoken person. If there other people around, I would lose my nerve.

And there is always the worry that she even likes me. I'm almost positive she does, but you never know with women, what's in their minds. Boggles the mind...

Anyway, I'm going to see her on Sunday at church again, so I hope I can talk to her where she won't be around a whole bunch of people.
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
Is your church that unpopular?
 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
*snort*

That's TWICE today, Tom. TWICE.
 

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Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
 
I meant: I hope she won't be around a whole by choosing to stay away from the groups of people.
 

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Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
 
Just to add to my previous post:

Nick, I'm incredibly shy as well, especially in group settings. I realize and understand how frightening and intimidating all this is or can be. ::laughs:: For example, it actually took me two weeks to work up the courage to tell Paul how I felt about him.

What made me tell him in the end was the fact that if I didn't tell him, I'd never know for sure if he felt the same way. Most importantly, I'd always have wondered what might have happened if only I'd said something.

It turns out that I would have missed some of the most amazing experiences of my life and a love that moves both towards and from each of us - something I find simply beyond myself and that is incapable of being fully expressed in words alone.

My point - take the chance. Yes, you can fall. If you do, you pick yourself up again. The important thing is, if you never take that leap of faith and hope, you'll never know who's waiting there to catch you or fall with you.

Anyhow, best wishes to you and good luck!
 

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