A counselor I saw for a few months after my divorce recommended to me that I should pamper myself occasionally. I’ve been going through a particularly rough time lately, so I decided yesterday to get a pedicure – my first ever.
It was nice. I sat in a large chair with a vibrating back, similar to the ones you see at Sharper Image, with my feet in an attached whirlpool tub. After about 10 minutes of my feet soaking in a scented bath, the pedicurist trimmed my toenails, treated my cuticles, buffed and filed my nails, scrubbed and scraped my feet, and massaged my feet and lower legs, before she polished my toenails and sent me on my way. It was quite an indulgence for me.
But throughout the process, I was mildly uncomfortable with the idea of the whole thing. While I can see the value in treating myself, I’ve never been good at letting other people do things for me. I feel guilty somehow, especially having this woman rub and scrub and groom my feet, even though I paid a fair price and a generous tip for the service.
I’ve been told by a lot of people that I “deserve” to be pampered like this, but I wonder if I really do. I mean, sure, the ~$30 that I paid yesterday was not a huge sacrifice to me right now (although for many years it would have been completely out of the question). And yes, as a single mom I work hard and don’t get many breaks, so I kind of have to make my own. But really, do I DESERVE to have a regular pedicure (or manicure or facial or massage or whatever other indulgence comes to mind?) Does anyone?
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
No one deserves anything, says my current, fatalistic approach.
But my humansitic side says: Yes.
The world has destroyed your ability to be confident and happy. You've let it decide for you that you are worthless. You AREN'T. You can enjoy yourself.
Excesses of anything are foolish, yes. But a little enjoyable self-care is something everyone needs. We are all humans. You are nothing less than anyone else, and you too have the right to do whatever you want.
Good luck. Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
There's certainly nothing wrong with taking a little liesure time for yourself. And there's nothing wrong with that liesure time being getting your feet massaged and nails done (or whatever it is that is done). However, don't let what other women find relaxing control what you do with your relaxation time. If you find yourself uncomfortable getting a pedicure then don't waste your precious recreation time getting one, do something you enjoy. Of course, if you do enjoy pedicures, then that's what you should do.
Hobbes Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
My family employs someone to clean once a day every two weeks. We honestly need it, or the house becomes a flithy wreck, but I feel so guilty employing this woman, even though it's through a housecleaning company and it costs a lot. Hey, it's a whole lot more than I get paid an hour.
Yet I feel guilty. It's the same sort of feeling. As if I'm doing something horribly wrong...
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I feel no guilt about having a housekeeper come once a week to clean my apartment. OTOH, I don't much like other people doing stuff to my feet.
So I agree with Hobbes. Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I guess it's because I never employ anyone to do anything for me, even like making the coffee etc. I feel wierd (sp?) not doing the dirty work myself. I've never been in a position of power that would enable me to delegate so delegation is uncomfortable.
Hm. Interesting.
Posted by BlueJacsFan (Member # 6590) on :
I like to think that folks have some choice regarding what profession they're in. There are exceptions, but I don't have a problem paying someone to do a job in their chosen profession.
As for housecleaning, I have absolutely no problem with that. The company I work for includes a monthly housecleaning as one of the 3-year longevity perks. This bachelor is definitely not complaining.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Teshi, I'm not afraid to do the drudge work. I do some at work, and I've done plenty at home. When I can't afford to hire a housekeeper, I do all of it around here.
But when I can afford it, I'd rather pay someone (who needs the money, and is glad to have the job) to do it for me. I see nothing wrong with that.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Rivka, I'm not saying it's a bad thing; there should be nothing wrong with employing someone in doing their job. It's my problem that I feel weird about it, and I just realised why. Because I've never ever had to employ anyone, I've always been the employee.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*twinkle* Maybe it's because I have kids. Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Probably. I, being a kid (though not technically anymore! ), am always being delegated to. *sigh*
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Of course you don't DESERVE it, MB. You're exploiting labor. But before you feel guilty about that, consider what other services you can get when you pay money for them:
1) Someone bags your groceries. 2) Someone washes your car. 3) Someone will paint your house. 4) Someone will come into your home and tell you how to decorate it. 5) Someone cuts your hair. 6) Someone refolds rejected clothing that has temporarily hung on your body and puts it back on a rack. 7) Someone comes along and cleans your hotel room, washes the toilet, and makes the bed. They also make your dirty, used linens and half-finished soaps disappear. 8) Someone removes your garbage from the front lawn. 9) Someone shows you where to buy lightbulbs. 10) Someone rubs your feet with abrasive rocks.
Why do you feel guiltier about #10? Is it just because you enjoy it more, or because it drives home the fact that you have the luxury of spending money to hire other people to perform services that you don't absolutely require?
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I've found the distinction between "not using people as a means" and "not using people as a means only" to be a useful one.
We all interact with others for a variety of purposes. The red flag raises for me when I view others only as a means to an end (namely, my desires).
That isn't to say that one must explore the nuanced life-vision of every store cashier in whose line one stands. However, should that cashier fall over with a heart attack (or have no access to basic healthcare, or be in fear of personal attack, or what have you), then one shouldn't just calmly switch lines and pretend like nothing was happening. Same for manicurists.
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), am always being delegated to. *sigh*