That's all. She left and said she won't be staying here anymore even though all the big furniture she's taking is still here. I guess she's coming back for that on Tuesday. Man this really sucks. Oh, well. Time to move on I guess.
Posted by Insanity Plea (Member # 2053) on :
:: Hugs :: Having seen my parents divorce, I can imagine what you're going through. Hopefully it's for the better, aye? :: hugs and proffers some chocolate :: Satyagraha
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Progress...
Hope you're doing ok. Keep us updated Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Ah, man Each step in this process is going to hit you like a blow. Just breathe, think about your kids, and let yourself hurt if you need to. You'll get through this.
Dagonee
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
Been through the pain myself. All I can offer are the same platitudes everyone else will give you. Just remember that you can always vent the pain, frustration, anger, and rage on this board and you will get sympathetic ears.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Or you can always punch us really hard if that helps. Go ahead!
*braces*
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
oh, you guys aren't who I really want to punch. His name is Vince and he deserves many fists to the face. But I unfortunately am not the kind of guy tha would go looking for a fight, even if it's with someone who had relations with my wife. Dang it, just once in a while it would be nice to be one of those meat head guys that fight for no reason at all. Oh, well. Looks like no punches to anyone at all, real or virtual.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Well, then, we're full of hugs Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
I wouldn't consider them meat heads
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Awww, beatnix. I'm so sorry. Try to put this in perspective, however. Now that she's moved out, you can truly begin to walk on the path to healing. Yes, there will be times that you miss her. But there will also be times when you begin to truly discover who you are. Focus on yourself and your children and let time help things.
space opera
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
(((((beatnix))))) It really, really sucks, don't it? But I promise, it will get better. It will be slow, but it WILL get better.
Take care of yourself, and be there for your kids. As difficult as this is for you; it's bewildering to them.
(((((beatnix&kids)))))
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Good luck, dude. It's gotta hurt, but it'll be over soon.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
(((Beatnix)))
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:But I unfortunately am not the kind of guy tha would go looking for a fight.
No, that's a good thing, especially with divorce proceedings coming up. I understand the impulse, though.
Dagonee
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I have little advice that will help you feel better but a (((beatnix))) and an understanding ear can help ease the soul pehaps a tiny bit.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
(((beatnix)))
Now the healing can begin.
Seriously. Some space and time is required to really get through this, over it, past it, whatever...
I think you'll be just great in the long run. You have shown yourself to be a great guy here, and I'm sure you will be fine eventually. Give it the time you need.
(((beatnix)))
Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :
Hang in there bud. As for revenge, I am pissed off for you too, but I think that revenge would leave you hollow.
I hope things work out for you, and will keep you in my thoughts.
But if I ever catch that Vince bastard in my back yard, don't think I won't show him the underside of my tractor and the 6 foot brush hog, all up close and personal.
(It shreds trees, my friend)
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
You've just got to love the unstopable power of a brush hog! oh, what happy thoughts. But yea, revenge is a pretty hollow thing and not really worth the conseuenses if I was to go a bit overboard in the punishment (which is not a unlikely thing).
I'm actually helping her move some stuff here in a few minutes. I've been cleaning house all day stacking all her crap in a corner and she's on her way over to pick a bunch of it up and I think we're gonna try to get her bed and some of the bigger stuff out too. I'm kind of thinking the quicker the better and I'm trying to be a decent guy and help even though I was a complete butt head yesterday as she was moving stuff. I'm all bipolar about things lately. Ok about stuff one minute and then a complete wreck and really pissed the next.
Oh, well. All part of the healing process I guess, thats why I'm trying to get her out quickly so I can start to level out a little.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
The alternating between "I'm just fine, I can be the bigger person" and wanting to scream and throw things is very normal. Taking many deep breaths helps a little; focusing on being the bigger person allows you to gradually get there.
But it takes time. It's gradual, and you will slip back, over and over, to the "I want to hurt her" mode. That's ok. Just take more deep breaths, and try again.
(((((beatnix))))) You will get through this. And good for you for helping her with her stuff -- that's really very impressive that you have the emotional strength to do that. Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
See! I told you he is a good man.
(((beatnix))) When the last of her stuff is out, start that as day 1. Give yourself 364 more of them -- as a starting estimate -- then reassess where you are and what you want.
Really, my friend, take your time. Get to know yourself again. I'm betting you'll be very surprised to find you inside after all this time. And I believe you'll like what you'll find. And so will someone else. Someone who appreciates all that you can bring to a relationship.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Are the kids still with you, then? I'm sorry if I haven't kept up on all the threads. Have you seen a lawyer yet? The ramifications of abandonment or even refusal of relations are different from state to state.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
I think it unlikely she's going to seek custody of the children.
-Trevor
Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :
Everyone is giving you very very good advice. I took Bob's advice and added on 1460 more days just for good measure. You can do it man.
In the meantime, get a video game system up and running and play the hell out of any game that uses the lightgun.
Happy hunting.
[ July 05, 2004, 02:21 PM: Message edited by: Alucard... ]
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
beatnix, Focus on the kids. They will suffer even more than you.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Heh, I'd avoid the lightgun.
I ended up with a Sig 220 that's currently collecting dust in my closet.
-Trevor
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
As far as custody goes we've talked about a plan they call 3-4-5. Basically it's 3 months with one, then four the other than five back with the first. Over two years each parent gets a year with the kids and I guess this is what is most popular in Ohio Courtsright now, at least with the judges in our area, this is according to my lawyer. I'll probably wait a month or twoa nd thenmove to get the Divorce in motion. I want to give this new situation a minute or two to see how it goes and I also really just don't want to do the whole divorce thing yet.
And as the Video game suggetsion, i own a PS2, Gamecube, Xbox, nintendo 8-bit, and Super Nintendo, and a gameboy Advanced SP. So... I think I'm covered on that whole front. And yea, I've definately been playing the crap out of them all.
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the listen board this forum has been for me during all this. You guys are awesome.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
As someone who sends their kids off alternate weekends and occasional nights beside that, I can't say I've personally dealt with anything like 3-4-5 (never even heard of it before).
You'll be far enough from your STBE that back-and-forthing is not an option, correct? What are the kids supposed to do about school? Are they really going to not see you for months and months at a time? Mine get antsy when it's been a full two weeks since they've last seen their dad . . .
If the kids are seeing a therapist with experience in these matters, I suggest consulting them ASAP. If they aren't seeing one, they SHOULD be. Even relatively calm divorces are very tough on kids; and this one has the potential (because of the infidelity and other previous issues) to get very messy.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
Actually she moved about five minutes away so we are very close. and I don't forsee a huge problem of seeing the kids often. The idea of 3-4-5 is that they actually stay there each night but as far as we discussed it we will both have free reign to come and go with the kids as we please. But again, this is all just the beginning and I have no idea what will be the final desicion. Just trying to find best fit for the kids.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote: Just trying to find best fit for the kids.
And that's the most important thing, of course. Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
beat,
what precipitated all of this, if I might ask?
fallow
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
She says she was unhappy and that I didn't treat her very well. It's my opinion that we both became very relaxed about each others needs. I definately wasn't husband of the year but I was oblivious to most of the things I was doing that hurt her because she never speaks up about anything. When I finally did realize things were a mess, she had already given up and decided she wanted out of all this.
PLus I blame some of it on her new job she took. Right after she strated working is when all the major problems started. PLus this is also where she met Vince. She made new friends who are not the most responsible and she started working hours that kept her away from the family more and more. It's like she's reverted to being a teenager. All she cared about was hanging out with peple from work and we all took a back seat to her fun.
I can also balme a lot of other things but who knows. I definatley screwed up by being insensitive but she also made her own mistakes by forgetting about our vows and family. So, who knows...
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Other issues, eh?
I hate to sound blase about this because I'm not, but learn from your mistakes, realize all the mistakes were not yours and move on.
I have found that women can be shy about voicing problems and men can be slow in grasping the concepts. It's a double-edged dilemma with no real solution.
You might want to look into some therapy for yourself as well - talking to strangers with similar experiences (like us?) can be very helpful.
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