Noah, I owed you a pun on the word string. This is it: I've started a thread.
But the thread is not about string. It's about you! Well, not you, but that other Noah. The crazy bugger who built a boat while the sun was shining and put animals two-by-two into it and left out the darned unicorns.
Just to make it less limiting, we can include all the patriarchs. That should be the genesis of many a fine pun.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Thanks Bob, we need a fun fluffy thread.
You've made me an offer I can't refuse. I'm gonna have to Don my thinking cap for this one.
Edit to say I misunderstood the intent. I'm gonna leave the post even tho it is off topic.
[ August 21, 2004, 10:19 AM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Lost Ashes (Member # 6745) on :
And all of Noah's sons got along well with the animals, except for Ham, whom the pigs simply didn't trust.
Bob, this is a nice idea, but I think, in the end, it's all going to be a big wash.
Do you think God may have told Noah to "go for wood" rather than to use "gopher wood?"
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I like to think of the animals all strung out in a line, or the Ark bobbin up and down in the water.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Actually, I think the ark landed on a mountain that thereafter was called "Mount Ararat" in honor of the most pressing need after more than a month closed up with pungent rodents.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
I predict this thread will be full of arkane references that noah one will understand.
Posted by Lost Ashes (Member # 6745) on :
Water, water everywhere, and boy this Ark's beginning to stink!
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I suppose Noah took some pride in building a boat the like of which had never before been seen. He probably boasted that his archetype was a trend setter.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Oh, man, you are flooding this thread with terrible puns. Water you think you're doing?
I for one am off to a four day tea party. You know, four tea days, and four tea nights.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
One of the hard parts about building the ark was calulating the volume needed - Noah had to take the length of the Ark and cubit.
And they only had one type of fruit on the voyage - pears, of course.
Posted by CalvinMaker (Member # 2032) on :
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
When the deluge subsided and the ark hit land, Noah could barely control the excited horses who were doing their best to crash through the gates and race out across the land.
You know what some horses can be like without the rains to hold them back.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
One of the younger children on the trip had a brief accident when he tried to go sledding during the storm. He was just wild about de luge.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
One of the folks on board was puzzled to see two aquatic birds waddling around below decks. Noah decided to ask God why they didn't just float out there on all that water. God replied that it was pair o' ducks and everyone should just marvel at it and be quiet.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The family kept badgering Noah about who got the biggest cabin.
And everyone was annoyed by the 800 pound gorilla that slept, well, wherever it wanted to.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I can't resist a pun thread. Saw the title and dove right in.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
A giant long-toothed cat had been acting up throughout the entire voyage. Finally, when the boat landed, Noah looked at him and said "I'm not taking this lion down." And that's how the sabre-toothed lion became extinct.
This is not a pun, but I just thought you might be wondering what Noah et al did during the long voyage. Well...a good part of the time was spent making up those jokes that start: "What do you get when you cross a ..."
[ August 21, 2004, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I'd be lion if I didn't admit that Noah took a fierce pride in his ark.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Everyone probably has a theory about the Ark and how it was able to stay afloat considering the pounding it was likely to have encountered. I'll share my theory with y'all. The Ark was engineered to withstand more abuse than any vessel before or since. Not even the most modern ships can boast the number of braces that the ark can.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
God wanted to be sure that Noah and his precious crew would be safe.
So he sent an Arkangel to watch over them.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Noah kept records of everything. By the time the voyage was over, he had an extensive arkive compiled.
Unfortunately, Noah had many allergies. The wood, feathers and animals set off his migraines. He suffered mightily from his headarks.
There was another person in Noah's village that built a vessel too. He tried to follow Noah with his boat when the waters rose, but Noah was a hard ark to follow.
OK, I'm done. For now. Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
That last one was just arkane.
The floating of the ark was a feat not equaled until the voyage of Jason and the arkonauts.
Years later, when human society had finally been reestablished, Noah was a successful banker. He found that sitting in his office making lending decisions gave him the solitude he most craved after all that time in the cramped boat. Yes, he was living out his life-long dream of floating a loan.
[ August 21, 2004, 09:10 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:a good part of the time was spent making up those jokes that start: "What do you get when you cross a ..."
Those weren't jokes, they were the first sentence of grant applications for zoological studies.
Or the deluvian equivalent of "Hey ya'll, watch this..."
Nothing pretty, or safe, ever follows either statement.
Dagonee
[ August 21, 2004, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: Dagonee ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Noah had to cut a lot of wood to make his boat. While cutting trees, he came upon an old sack with a gem inside, very tiny but exquisitely cut. His most valuable possessions were his little rock, ark an' saw.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Dag, that's an old, old joke. One might even say it's arky-hick.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The worst part was having to endure the arktic weather.
Luckily they had a couple of seals to put around the windows.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
How did Noah fall off the ark, you ask? Well, the Sumerians were mad that Noah got credit for saving the world, so Utnapishtim off the boat.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Classic pun!
In case anyone wonders why this is so good, click here.
[ August 21, 2004, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: Dagonee ]
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
quote:Yes, he was living out his life-long dream of floating a loan.
All this finagling meant he had to get some insurance. You know what that means. They had to determine his rates by examining the arkuarial tables.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The ark was kept from capsizing by a giant squid. That's right - arkituethis.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
"seals around the windows" Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
*cough*
Dag,
That wasn't a squid, silly man.
It was an arktopus.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Arkeology will prove me right!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Come on you two, stop fighting, and pass the olive branch.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Elizabeth's right, Dag.
There's noah way science will resolve this. The truth is lost in arkaic lore.
Speaking of which, did you know that Noah built a game room? Yep - they had their own arkade.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Interesting. Did you Noah that Noah used trigonometry to figure out when land would appear.
That's right, he used the Ark sign.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
yeah, but God charged him for its use. He called it the depth charge.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Hey, let's not get off on tangents here! It's a bad sine when threads drift so soon.
*song that keeps running through my head: "Noah body Noahs the trouble I've seen..."*
[ August 21, 2004, 11:25 PM: Message edited by: sndrake ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Whatever floats your boat, Drakester.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
This is crazy - we'll all end up in Arkham Asylum!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I think I will keel over and die if i read more of these! It is so hard, as it is, to keep my ballast.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The Ark cost a lot to build - there was no sail on it.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, Noah should have had some fore thought. Aft er all, he WAS on God's star board.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
But he was a little port-ly, I think.
[ August 22, 2004, 12:21 AM: Message edited by: Dagonee ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
If I explain that a flood in Hebrew is a mabul (said: MAH-buhl), I expect that could launch a whole new raft of puns.
Like the kind of cake Noah ate . . .
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Or what wood he built the Ark from...
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Sndrake mentioned that Noah kept exhaustive records. What he didn't mention was Noah's acerbic wit. The arkhive is full of stinging references.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
rivka, that was just mabullous!
Even though God told him to focus on the future, Noah became fond of giving a stern look now and then. because the boat was symmetrical front to back, however, he never knew what fore.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
One of Noah's sons was billeted next to the enclosure for spiders. He woke up with spiders all over him on more than one occaision. Once they landed he would never get close to the ark. He had the first verified case of arknaphobia.
[ August 22, 2004, 01:48 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The living quarters were cramped - Noah didn't use an arkitect.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I understand that there were some heated arguements over whether all the Ark surfaces should be sanded smooth or if very low traffic areas could suffice with rough hewn products. It seems that the Arktexture debate caused some splinter factions to break away. This dichotomy was left to fester and ultimately caused delays in the completion date.
[ August 22, 2004, 05:54 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
It must have been something when they saw that rainbow arking overhead. As the water receded, the tops of mountains formed an arkipeligo.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Most people don't know, but God had narrowed his choice down to two people. It came down to Noah and Herman, a long-time competitor of Noah's.
But Noah beat out his ark-rival.
[ August 22, 2004, 06:29 PM: Message edited by: sndrake ]
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Noah was a good man and took no satisfaction that while he was safe and dry (mostly), all his arkenemies drowned in the flood.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Or the adversaries he really dreaded confronting: his ark enemas.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Too bad he didn't have better technology. He could have used an ark-welder.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
His problem was trying to build it himself. He should have just bought one of those Roman arks.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Nah, anything Roman moves around too much to be useful.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Noah was accused of many things, hubris as well as many others. Not many are aware that he exhibited the unmitigated Gaulle to attempt to name his ship The Arche de Triomphe.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
He even tried to create a comic book after he landed, riding on the fame of his boat: "Arkie," it was called.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
It's a little known fact that Noah really enjoyed floating around with all those animals. When they finally landed, however, Noah did give in to dis-pair.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Frankly, I think the whole original point of this thread is coming unraveled.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I guess he was sinking into deep pression. Sad.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Dag, are you saying you want to bail?
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Dag, feeling like you've been strung along?
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Surely that's Knot what you meant?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Punwit, he is still floating in a sea of newlywed bliss. Give him a break.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Come on, Punwit, league him alone!!
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Sew, I guess no one cares that I'm just twine to keep this on track.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Dag, I was just trying to stop you two from having a row.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
It's true God gave Noah the instructions to build the ark, but Noah had to gopher wood himself.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Thanks, I felt swamped.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I'm thinking the original thread was just something to string us along. Something to tied us over to this Ark/flood thread. Probably knot what Noah envisioned.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
When Noah built the model of the Ark, he accidently put it on his best hat. So he had to tun the Ark over to get his cap sized.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Yes, it seems that these threads ebb and flow.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
But there's been a surge of posts recently.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Well, punwit, I'm embarrassed to say that my oldest son got your one pun that I didn't (that you had to explain to me)
quote: Not even the most modern ships can boast the number of braces that the ark can.
He was reading through this thread (all my kids love the pun threads) and thought that was hilarious. I asked him how he knew "braces" was two of an animal, and he said, "Don't you remember in LoTR where Samwise says he wishes he had a 'brace of coneys.'"?
I hate it when my kids keep proving they are smarter than me.
Farmgirl
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
At one point during the construction of the Ark Noah found himself seriously in debt. He couldn't find anyone to lend him the financing he needed to complete his project. He was sinking into despair and finally the family got together to brainstorm. They came up with the idea to host a circus-like benefit. They had many fun games and appearences by famous perfomers. They gathered enough money to complete the Ark and everyone agreed that The Arkaide was a huge success.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Fortunately, Noah was soon awash in liquid assets.
<good one on the brace thing. I missed that too!>
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Bob,
quote: Fortunately, Noah was soon awash in liquid assets.
Liquid assets... are these related to paired seahorses?
[ August 23, 2004, 08:39 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I think those were pared, not paired.
For years after the flood, and before the forests had reestablished well, the boards from the ark were used to make torches to brighten things up a bit. The wood burned so brightly they naturally called them ark lights.
Okay, that was lame, but I'm running out of ark jokes.
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
*I pause here for a moment of silence, since punwit is unable to respond to Bob_S's pun....*
FG
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
When Noah assigned his crew to different tasks, everyone wanted the lookout job, even though the crow's nest was so tall as to be scary.
Being in the ark was worse than the heights.
Dagonee
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
God let two twin brothers named Frank come on the boat. They loved to play ball. Baseball, soccer, tennis, basketball, they just played every ball game they could think of or create materials for.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Hail]](graemlins/hail.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
I hate it when my kids keep proving they are smarter than me.