Insist that "that movie where Burt Reynolds has to squeel like a pig" is called The Mechanic
Depsite all evidence to the contrary, just keep insisting that this is true. And that Ned Beatty wasn't in the movie at all.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Point out to people that letters are in the wrong place in words they write.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
Put letters in the wrong place in the words that you write.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Name your dog Chalo and expect street cred for it when you're a Mormon accountant.
*must. control. eye. rolling.*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
The team leader at my work controls conversations by emitting a low-pitched sound from his mouth before he starts speaking. It's like an AM radio station bringing up its carrier wave before modulating. If he has to pause for a breath, he'll leave the carrier wave on to prevent other people from breaking in. It's especially annoying when someone else is talking, and this guy starts humming.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
skillery, that's hilarious. I think you should stop the meeting and start looking around and say to the others "do you hear that noise?" "What is that?" "I think there's some sort of wiring problem in the lights or something."
Every time you hear the hum, do this.
Never let on that you think it is this person.
Even when he/she admits it.
Just say "no, that wasn't it. Man! This is really bugging me!"
Get all the other team members involved too.
[ August 22, 2004, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I think everyone in the meeting should develop their own personal pre-talk sounds. You could have cricket chirps, bird calls, buzzes.
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
lol bob. I am just picturing the amusment that would result from using your plan
btw, has anyone heard of the 'life's little destruction book' it is a take off of that instruction book about how to live life in a good way...but this one tells you how to be really annoying (ie: do your taxes in roman numerals)
[ August 22, 2004, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: Lupus ]
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
*bump*
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Ah, work...
Being annoying is one of the talents I was born with. I manage to do it without even trying.
For instance:
At a previous workplace, a committee was formed to study ways to reduce paperwork in our agency.
After months of meeting together, they gave a report at a staff meeting. After their months of meetings about how to reduce paperwork, what they had was...
A 5-page questionnaire they wanted us to fill out.
I laughed - involuntarily and loudly.
I was the only one. Cold hard stares all around the table.
It made it worse - I probably turned purple trying to stifle the laugh.
Who would have known I was the only person to see humor in the situation?
Managed to irritate just about everyone that day.
(I don't go to many staff meetings these days)
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
*bump*
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Uh, Goat...
Why are you bumping a thread when it's still on the first page???
Just curious.
(Never mind - I just got it. )
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Some Methodist moron's idea of being annoying is really working. He enjoys going to church on Sundays. However, this seems to be too much for him to do on his own, so he brings his dog. But, the dog can't go in the church, so he leaves the dog in his car, with the windows rolled down. And he parks his car right next to my wonderful porch. Now, this wouldn't be so bad if the dog wasn't a foot long yapping machine. I just want to sit on my damned porch.
Last week, as retribution, I mowed my lawn during services and they had to close the doors.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
kat, is your dog by chance named after the Zulu dog trainer in the book "Zulu Heart"?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
It is not my dog. It is the dog of a guy I know, a guy that advertised church activities as a good place to find someone to make out with, a guy who vocally disparaged a new girl, a guy who refused to go on a rafting trip because he hadn't worked out that week so his muscles weren't as whatever as they should be, a guy who brags constantly about his car that he can't afford, a guy who brags constantly about conquering the world and wasn't accepted into law school, a guy who makes everything a popularity contest deliberately and brags about the results, and this guy wears his ballcap backwards and gives his dog an appellation derived from Mexican slang for a gangbanger and tells me I need to expand my horizons when I don't know what it means.
I don't even have to control the eye rolling because he's not listening anyway, but I would not believe he was real if I couldn't see for myself. I don't have to work with him anymore, so it's mostly amusement. And really, it's sad. I have a friend here who is simply beautiful, and she didn't want to date him. This guy brought a girl to church he'd met that week, and literally called my friend afterward to make sure this girl had been seen, and said, "See. I can get beautiful girls." I can't make this up. There's a remarkable lack of self-awareness that must be seen to be believed.
[ August 22, 2004, 06:27 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I was fighting with my ex-business partner when I was getting ready to leave the company over a non-dilution clause in the stock sales contract. Essentially, this meant that he could issue stock options that would take my remaining shares from 25% to practically nothing. His answer was, "We're not going to screw you, so you don't need that clause." However, before I left, I still owned 50% and had exactly as much power as he did.
He got pretty offensive, and the talks broke down. I called the CEO and told him not to send a binding offer to the new candidate for CTO, since it looked like I might be staying after all.
20 minutes later my partner calls back, demanding to know what's going on. I told him my leaving was always contingent on an acceptable deal that protected my interests. He said, "If you stick around, things are going to be different around here."
I said, "You got that right" and hung up on him.
We had the basics of the deal hammered out about 3 days later, although it took another month to finalize.
Dagonee's hostile negotiating tactic 101 - always make it less annoying for them to give you what you want.
Dagonee
[ August 22, 2004, 06:47 PM: Message edited by: Dagonee ]
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Pull up to your local fast food drive through.
"I've got twelve seperate orders. The first is for a small fry. On the second one we just want a glass of water. Nothing on the third one. Or the fourth one. On the fifth one, could I get some ketchup? Wait, on the fourth order, could I add a salt packet? Oh, and a straw? Etc."
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
in the middle of your preachers sermon, stand up and yell "AMEN!" for no apparent reason. Make sure he's in the middle of a sentence, first.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
When offered a communion wafer while attending mass, say "hold the mustard."
Yes, a resident Hatracker really did this, as a kid if I recall. This may very well be the funniest thing a Hatracker has ever done in real life. 10 points to the first person to provide this person's name.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
Make change in the offering plate. *holds up hand* I did this one. SEVERAL times.
Posted by Khal Drogo (Member # 6786) on :
When pulled over by a policeman, get out of the car, walk up to his window, lean in and say,
"Officer have you been drinking?"
Or, if they get to you first do it from your window.
Or, if they ask you if you have been drinking respond thusly:
"No, have you?"
Or, say this to the officer whenever you get pulled over:
"Hey, wanna get a donut some time?"
I have only one of these, the one where you lean into his car and ask him if hes been drinking. It was the only time iv been pulled over, can;t wait to get oulled over again.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
I saw this on t.v. and did it.
I got pulled over... HAMMERED was I. On yager. yummy. *barf*.. anyway. He comes up to the car and says "Sir, have you been drinking?" I say "Why? Is there a fat woman in my back seat?" I spent the night in jail.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Breathe in through your teeth while you laugh at your own lame jokes.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
So, wait, Drogo, you got out of your car unasked when pulled over by a cop, and you didn't end up pinned to the ground with a knee in your back? How did that happen?
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
This might only work for Mormons:
Get up in the middle of fast and testimony meeting and offer a closing prayer. Then go sit back down and see what the bishopric does.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
yeah.. that is kinda strange
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
HA HA HA HA My dad (a methodist preacher) asked some guy in the congregation to come pray. So he got up and told everyone to bow their heads... and close their eyes... He then proceeded out the door and went home. it was hilarious. We woulda been there till thursday is dad hadn't said 'Amen."
[ August 24, 2004, 04:46 PM: Message edited by: Turgan ]
Posted by Khal Drogo (Member # 6786) on :
Oh, he was pretty fat, so I was able to make it over to the window and pose the question before I got the knee.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
quote:When pulled over by a policeman, get out of the car, walk up to his window, lean in and say,
That is NOT a good idea. I'll make bets he has called for backup as soon as he sees you exit your car TOWARD him. Most officers would interpret that as an agressive move.....
FG
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:Get up in the middle of fast and testimony meeting and offer a closing prayer. Then go sit back down and see what the bishopric does.
advice for robots made me laugh out loud. If it wasn't squicky and slightly discomforting, I'd deem him the SMH of the day.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
You might just get shot.
Edit: Thanks, kat...I think...
[ August 24, 2004, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: advice for robots ]
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Yeah, I'm thinking that actually doing that would be a very, very bad move. I have to say, Drogo, I really have a fairly hard time believing that you did this.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
heh heh heh. I was out with three friends at HEB. T.C. - 20 and 4ft5 and like... 90 lbs Frank - 23 and 6ft and like 400 lbs Ronnie - 25 and 6ft5 and looks EXACTLY like a viking.
We're walking through this HEB and Ronnie sees a ham and IMMEDIATELY begins yelling out "I LIKE HAM!" to everyone he sees. We go out to the parking lot... he's stil doing it. we get in T.C.'s jeep and he's STILL doing it. We begin driving down the road and ronnie sees this white chevy and screams at the top of his lungs 'I LOVE HAM!" Lights appear on the top of the car and we're pulled over.. not twenty feet away from T.C.'s house. He thought we meant ham = pig = cop This cop comes up to the jeep, sees Ronnie and Frank... walks back to his car... calls for back up. So there we are... 20 feet from t.c.'s house... four cop cars... and we're all being frisked.... stoopid ronnie. lmao
Posted by Khal Drogo (Member # 6786) on :
When the guy weighs about six hundred pounds you have time, if he doesn't wait till he comes to your window to ask. Plus I knew the guy.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
My Dad had a gun pulled on him for getting out of the car once. His wallet was in his briefcase and he was going to get it out of the trunk so the officer wouldn't have to wait.
Dagonee
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I knew it was squicky, but I didn't think afr would react that dramatically. Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Stick 'em up, kat!
This board moves too fast anymore.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
This one is more for highschool students than anything else
At the end of a major exam.. say finals or the SAT or something... as sson as your done, stand up quickly, flail your arms in the air and yell "EUREKA!" as loud as you can.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
When a telemarkerter calls your house. Answer and say "Hello?" "Is the head of the household home?" "Speaking" AND THAT IS ALL YOU SAY. Let them go through their entire speech and when they ask you another question. STAY QUIET... Time how long it takes them to hang up the phone. I once had a guy on for 4 minutes and 37 seconds.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
stand up in the middle of ANY movie and yell "I GOT IT!!! ROSEBUD WAS THE SLEIGH!"
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
Not posting and making this go to the bottom of the list is annoying to meeeeee.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
If your a secretary and hafta answer the phone all day, work on your accents. For instance, one day... answer the phone while pretending to be an angry Frenchman/woman. Great fun for the whole family.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Another good thing to do with the long-distance telephone companies that call you is to say that you don't have a phone.
Never look people in the eye.
Repeat the last three words of everything you say.
Everything you say.
Fidget.
When stopped at an intersection, get out of car, look both ways, and fire a bullet into the air before proceeding.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
I'm going to do the last one on may way to work tomorrow. Seriously.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
When in church, if the preacher EVER asks the congregation to pray silently while he prays silently as well... wait for about 3 seconds then whisper, loudly and audibly, "Skittles. Taste the rainbow."
Posted by resnos (Member # 6730) on :
Turgan...that is probably the funniest thing I've pretty much ever heard. I don't know if it fits in the annoying section. I suppose it does if you are self-righteous adult who frowns upon all attempts at the ridiculous.
Here be mine:
When at some sort of table this works particularily well. Look at some object on the table, say a jelly pack, then look up at some one's eyes at the table. Continue to do this brief glancing proceedure until either they ask you if you would like the jelly or they tell you to stop being annoying. *has worked wonders for me with my anti-vocal disposition*
Much like a previous posting, always insist that running is bad for your heart and therefore it is evil. It tires out the muscles, and your heart is your most worked and important muscle...and running is bad for your heart.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
I'm gonna do the table thing as SOON as possible.
Posted by Yozhik (Member # 89) on :
This isn't really annoying, but...
If somebody is tailgating you (especially at night where they're shining their nasty headlights into your rear view mirror), start weaving.
The tailgater usually backs off real quick.
Also, if someone honks at you, especially if you deserved it, just smile brightly and wave at them.
This will really piss them off.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
If you're ever a designated driver for three or more hammered people, stop at every gas station you come to and make each of them pay top dollar. "Damn, Bill, the mileage on this thing SUCKS.' for added affect, drop them off at the wrong house.. preferably... their bosses. "WHERE THE HELL ARE MY FLAMINGOS???"
Posted by Eduardo_Sauron (Member # 5827) on :
Hijack a thread.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
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