My friend isn't in my state, she's in New Mexico, she's alone for the next 6 weeks with a 2 year old and has a 2 month old colicky baby that won't stop screaming. I don't think she has actually stopped crying herself since yesterday.
I'm afraid she's becoming a danger to herself (she has a long mental health history) I don't think she's a danger to her children but unfortunately it isn't out of the realm of possiblity. I need a phone number that I could call for my own piece of mind that there is something I could do if it is an emergency. Unfortunately I have no way to contact her husband while he is away, otherwise I would.
I'd appreciate good thoughts, prayers etc for my friend if you can spare a few.
AJ
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
I hope she's ok, but this is a quick link to mental health resources.
You could also call the local police, but I'm not sure how official you want to get.
Good luck, Trevor
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Any mutual friends closer to her than you are? Do you know how to contact the police in her town, just in case things go seriously wrong? Might it be possible to call find a suicide prevention hotline in the town she's in, call them, and talk to them about it?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I'd already googled that Trevor but thanks for the link I at least have that as a quick reference if I need it.
The nearest mutual friend is in Arizona. Theoretically there should be military support services for her, but she isn't on base (they are actually trying to move back on so she doesn't feel so isolated) but right now, there really isn't anyone she knows in the area at all.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
DFACS might be an option, but would probably be more headache than help.
Could you tell us which town she's in? It might help narrow the search a tad.
-Trevor
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Don't most bases have some sort of family support network? Mostly informal, but it might be the help she needs at the moment.
-Trevor
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Albuquerque, The thing is I *know* I can't call anyone "official" unless I'm absolutely positive it is a crisis, because if they take her children away from her, she would never forgive me.
AJ
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
the problem at this point would be getting her to the base, she's having difficulty leaving the house with the screaming baby to do grocery shopping. Theoretically there should be something, but I don't know what that something is nor how to contact them.
AJ
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
What base?
-Trevor
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
What about the base chaplain? He or she might be able to help.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
The support group would probably be willing to reach out to her - I suspect she's not the first, relatively new mother to be all alone in a strange town.
-Trevor
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
umm whatever big air force base is in albuquerque?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I know they've already talked to a chaplain once, but I'm not sure she'd be willing to call either at this point.
They are Catholic and I was half wondering if there was anything I could look at there, but I don't think they've been regularly attending anywhere, with the recent chaos.
AJ
[ August 30, 2004, 07:28 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
On the Kirtland website they information about the Chaplain's Office. It mentions they offer counseling. Perhaps you could call and talk to them?
They should at least be able to refer you to the appropriate people.
-Trevor
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
Catholic Social Services? I believe the Catholic Church has such an agency.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
hmmm ok, thanks for finding these links guys. I was so worried I lost my head. I don't think I can or should do anything yet, but now, at least if I feel I HAVE to do something, I have the phone numbers to start calling.
AJ
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Given that she isn't Mormon, would the local Mormon ward give her a hand? I hear they are usually pretty nice people and have a thing for helping people sometimes.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
I'd suggest calling the Red Cross numbers now, just to test the waters of the available resources for your friend.
-Trevor
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
(and I'll have this handy hatrack thread as a concise reference too!)
AJ
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Trevor, I'm still a little reluctant to call at this point. I think I'd probably call the Catholic chaplian first if it comes down to calling people. Chaplians have more stringent privacy rules than the red cross does, and I don't want do do anything that would cause a bureaucratic backlash for them.
AJ
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Deal in hypotheticals then - "I have a friend who's having some problems and I was wondering if there is a support group for the families of AFB personnel on deployment."
You don't have to mention her by name, but I highly recommend connecting all the dots while there isn't a pressing need.
-Trevor
[ August 30, 2004, 07:43 PM: Message edited by: TMedina ]
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Ok you've convinced me, however I'll do it tomorrow during business hours.
[ August 30, 2004, 09:09 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
Always good to know the numbers for the local crisis shelters. Even if they can't help you, there's usually someone there who can direct you where to go.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
yeah, the question is, when do I actually do something. all of her previous suicide attempts have been pretty spontaneous as if she hides the plan from herself until the last minute. I'm hoping she can hang on by her fingernails until friday.
AJ
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
"All?"
She's tried, more than once?
What's happening Friday?
-Trevor
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
Contact the Family Support Center at: 1451 4th Street SE Consolidated Support, Building 20245 Kirtland AFB, NM 87117
505-846-0741 DSN: 246-0741 Fax: 505-846-9889
Monday-Friday, 7:15 a.m. - 4 p.m.
There are all sorts of services of which the newcomer might be unaware. Besides the most obvious, a few hours of childcare might contribute greatly to relieving stress.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, but I'm glad that you're trying to be there for her. I hope she's able to get help soon.
space opera
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
the most recent incident I know about was 2 years ago, however there were several before that. She is normally very good about taking her meds, but I wonder if they've gone out of balance.
Friday I think her mother is coming out to visit her. Though it may fall through.
AJ
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
If you don't want to make calls on her behalf, I'd suggest giving her a call once a day yourself.
If she starts to believe she really is isolated and alone, the prospect of suicide will become more attractive and it will begin to sound like her only escape.
Even just one phone call can help keep her grounded.
-Trevor
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Yeah I've been doing that! The problem is that the calls are becoming increasingly draining on me, especially because I'm not in a position where I could just fly out there and make it better.
AJ
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
I wish I could say this is going to be easy - but you're her rock in this storm.
Good friends are hard to come by.
-Trevor
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
*Sigh* Mack, I called NAMI's helpline and told him I need a plan, and all he gave me was less than the stuff I got here on hatrack, said I'm basically doing the right thing and to call 1-800-Suicide and talk to them. (I don't know that I actually want to call that 1-800 number from work for obvious reasons.)
Should I try the Base Chaplian?
AJ
Posted by Theca (Member # 1629) on :
Is she breast feeding? The local La Leche group can sometimes be of help, I think.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I did try the base chaplian. He was very nice. They can arrange respite care for the kids to give her a break. The problem is getting her to drive to the base and do it.
There are a couple of other things I can suggest that he mentioned. So at least I can give her some ideas.
AJ
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Not breast feeding, the meds she is on might have come through in breast milk, and they didn't want to risk it.
AJ
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Can you call the suicide hotline on your cell phone instead of work phone? Just to ask their advice since they deal specifically with this type of situation all the time?
Farmgirl
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I may later in the evening when everyone is gone (I come in the latest so I work the latest) But, we aren't supposesd to be on cell phones at work, cause it looks bad.
AJ
(This whole mess is making me want to cry and I don't cry.)
[ August 31, 2004, 03:07 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Odd that no Mormons replied to my suggestion.
Posted by the master (Member # 6788) on :
~~~AJ~~~
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Stormy--beats me.
*kicks NAMI for being useless*
I'm still even unsure about the suicide hotline, but it's worth a shot.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Is her husband deployed? I am so sorry.
Some post partum doulas in Albequerqe: It sounds like a person calling on her on a regular basis could be helpful.
Not fully deployed but gone for 6 weeks of training.
AJ (I shudder to think what would happen if he was actually deployed at this point.)
[ August 31, 2004, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
*has to scroll up to see what Stormy is talking about*
Well, it looks like there are 9 different buildings containing 23 different wards and branches in Albuquerque. Finding the ward that she is in would require her address, and then you'd need to look up either the Stake President or Bishop in the phone book. I would hope that they would be willing to help - it's just a matter of figuring out who to call.
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Is there any way to contact her mother and let her know she really needs to go?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I used to have the parents phone number written down on an obscure piece of paper. Where that peice of paper is is beyond me.
AJ
Posted by kyrie (Member # 6415) on :
Make sure to take care of yourself through all this too.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
(((((AJ))))) You're a good friend.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I just called the Red Cross. A mutual friend who has been through similar experiences, (though not when children are a factor) is on the phone with her.
AJ
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
Good!
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:(((((AJ))))) You're a good friend.
Ditto.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
crisis averted, for the moment.
AJ
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
*throws things*
So the Red Cross called me back. They can't contact the husband unless they have medical proof something is wrong, and I can't get her to go to the doctor without her husband's influence. She doesn't want to go to the doctor, because she knows how unstable she is, and is afraid that if the doc finds out how bad off she is, he will take her children away from her. They were willing to call her, but I doubt they will be able to do anything either. I need to talk to her husband before I/we have anyone outside intervene. Gahh, all of these agencies that are supposed to help are absolutely useless.
The only thing I can actually do is have the New Mexico DCFS number handy, and if I truly think she's a danger to the children, call them and tell them she's threatened them. This gets them put into foster care (which I've heard is pretty bad in New Mexico) and her clapped into a mental ward for 72 hours. And then she'd have to go through a bunch of legal rigamarole to get them back. I can't do that unless I'm *absolutely* sure she would harm them, because she'll never forgive me if they take the kids away from her.
I'm going to try to figure out how to contact her husband through the Air Force base, but I don't know if it is possible.
AJ
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Maybe the chaplain from the base nearby can find a way to contact her husband?
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
You're right, AJ, you can't go through DCFS, not yet. Hopefully you can get in touch with the husband and he can talk some sense into her.
How goes it with the other stopgaps we discussed?
Goody
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Goody, I know we talked last night but in my delirious state I can't remember what the other suggestions were. Could you post them here for my faulty memory?
AJ
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
quote:Goody, I know we talked last night but in my delirious state I can't remember what the other suggestions were. Could you post them here for my faulty memory?
You said that a local church group was going to visit her and something about somebody helping take care of the kids for a few hours so she could unwind, if I recall correctly.
Goody
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Oh yeah, they should be there about now. drat, I don't have time to call her.
AJ
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*hopeful* Any news?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Yes, things are Much Better! I still haven't gotten her to go to the doctor, but the situation isn't at the crisis level it was before. They were able to find a colic remedy (chammomille, dill and ginger) that has helped the screaming baby considerably (he's actualy sleeping!)
There is a lady that has been helping her with the kids too, and is another adult to talk to during the day. Also now if she does go to the doctor, I'm not so worried about them immediately commiting her, and taking the kids away. Her mother is now visiting.
I'm sure it is going to get bad again (5 more weeks before her husband is back) but for now there is a bit of a breather.
AJ
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Yay for respite and improvement. Hopefully, it won't get as bad as it was.
You're a really good friend, Anna Jo. *hug* She's lucky to have you in her life. Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Majorly glad to hear that things are starting to settle down a bit for her! Can we dare to hope that having adult interaction outside of immediate family is going to be enough to help her get a grip?
![[Smile]](smile.gif)