or, as might call it, a caged teller. That's right! puns about banking and high finance. As I was told when I boarded a helicopter recently: "mill yon air." And this is going to be as choppy as possible. I raise a silent alarm to get us started Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Bob, your secrets are always safe with me. Whatever you want to say about Dana, I promise, I won't teller.
(edit to say, I know I used "teller," but I used it differently.)
[ September 24, 2004, 03:51 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
My dad's sisters are the greatest. I really have some fine aunts.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I can tell Bob's been saving up for this one.
Just checking to see how money jatraqueros use Quicken. I hope I'm not a loan in saying that this instrument is worth the investment. It helps you take stock of your finances so you aren't always walking the wire between black and red.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
(anyone heard from punwit? He hasn't posted in 4 days) *this is not a pun*
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Just to put my 2 cents in...
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Yes, Farmgirl, I noticed a change in Punwit's posting style as well. Maybe he isn't feeling 100 percent.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
This thread doesn't really yield high interest for me.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Hmm. I felt it was high dime for a new pun thread, myself.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I'm checking in so folks don't raise an alarm on my account. I'm a bit shamefaced that I didn't alert everyone about my withdrawl from posting for a few days.
Edit to add that I appreciate y'alls interest.
[ September 24, 2004, 05:42 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I wasn't sick or anything. I suppose I was feeling a bit solitary. I guess I just needed some a loan time.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Also, Cheri has been complaining about my lack of attention to her. She needed some TLC so I had to adjust my schedule so I could fiduciary's plans better.
[ September 24, 2004, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Lost Ashes (Member # 6745) on :
So puns will be the currency of this little social exchange? Will I attempt to make a deposit? You can bank on it...
Well, just the other day I was working on getting together a mule team made up of the foals of cross-bred Shetland ponies and burros. So, as I was getting my assets in line for the big run between indian Wells and Fargo, north dakota, this guy named Igor Krosanic asks if he can hitch a ride.
I offered him the seat next to me, cracked the whip and the mule team vaulted down the road, with the Eastern European fellow safeguarding his own life by holding onto the bench.
We had quite a bit of mutual fund as we careened down the road until we hit the Wasatch mountains. There, armed robbers tried to make a hasty withdrawl of our strongbox.
To get away from these fiduciary felons, I guided the wagon off the beaten path up the old Paper Trail, which was rough and rocky, littered with boulders here and there. The wagon rattled down the trail, jumping and heaving, saving and loaning all the luck I and Igor had.
It wasn't until the wagon came roaring into the Dakotas that I noticed that old Igor had somehow fallen out of the wagon during that wild ride.
But yanno, I can honestly say, that was the first time I had ever bounced a Czech that badly...
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
How many of you realize that our present banking priviliges are, in part, due to a small town in the Czech Republic? Kutna Hora, a small city roughly an hour from Prague, was the home of free Czech Kings.
[ September 25, 2004, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Why did Bob take off on his inner tube in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? Because he wanted to float alone.
You know, I feel like we're really bonding on this one.
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
I enjoyed visiting the Czech area, especially the weather when it was clear enough to kite.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Howdy reparty! I can tell you're going to be a real asset to the community.
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
A teenage, Mortimer, hated to be alone. You could get the point his interest in companionship was compounded as a Mort eyes the debitants(sp).
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
Thanks for the welcome Bob. I hope I don't make too much of an asset myself or show up where the negative call 'em. Let me know if I do and I will cap it all.
[ September 25, 2004, 01:48 AM: Message edited by: reparty ]
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
Just read about a very successful talent agent. He represents Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Sean Connery, Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnon. Yeah he has quite a portfolio of Shticks and Bonds.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Wow, Rep, you really Excel at punning! Let's have a picnic to welcome Reparty! We could spread a sheet and have some fun. Bob, if you get me everyone's numbers, I will column.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I'm not sure but I believe that the witty reparty might be a good friend of mine. Whether or not this is true I extend a sincere welcome.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, that figures.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
If reparty is my old chum I'd like to credit our hours of witty repartee for my joy in punning.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Whatever became of Linda Blair. I always wondered if she wouldn't end up as an accountant. She consumed several priests didn't she? She had a grasp of de priest, she ate some.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
(took me awhile on that last one, punwit) Had to say it outloud several times because the comma really threw me) LOL -- FG
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
Elizabeth, thanks for your summation and offer for a fun ancillary function. Punwit has netted my present value since my joining coincided with a recent transaction of our own. I paid him on an estimation and now he thinks he are owe I.
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
I knew a guy in Greece that worked in pest control. He would fill in the gaps of homes to keep out very small ants. Alas, he was arrested for stealing local fruit. When the seriousness of his offense was explained he agreed to quit. Yes, he was a terrible date raider but a reasonable, fine ant seal planter.
[ September 25, 2004, 01:56 PM: Message edited by: reparty ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Did he steal it from the fruitgal? She was always so cheap. Why would he due that? Now, he will have to pay the price.
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
I was there during a yacht outing. The theft of fruit there was awful though. It made for a bare market and made my sailing short.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I don't see what all the fuss is about with melting icecaps - isn't increasing liquid assets a good thing?
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
I am more concerned about the melting midcaps that seem to keep my assets frozen.
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
I needed an adhesive to repair the Bristol stand upon which my nest egg rested. I found some folks who use Linux. I am not sure how secure it is but the gunk bonds the blue chips.
(I don't know if editing is encouraged but this has some interesting twists for those who care to look more carefully, punwit)
[ September 25, 2004, 07:11 PM: Message edited by: reparty ]
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
I once belonged to an investment club, Disposition of our money was the rub.
After investigating many options found, There was only one decision could be bound.
The only choice to end our fuss, was it could not be discovered in its matter us.
[ September 25, 2004, 07:10 PM: Message edited by: reparty ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
In my youth I once ridiculed an old gypsy crone. Somehow she found my place of residence and sent me a note cursing me. She promised that one day I would be as old and grey and bent as she. That was my very first promise hoary note.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hmm...after reviewing this thread, I fear this topic was not as rich as I'd hoped. I simply cannot endorse any more posting.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
I agree, Bob. I haven't even entered this one and I'm going to withdraw.
Posted by Vadon (Member # 4561) on :
I'm bankrupt for ideas.
Corny, but I just put my dollars worth in.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Has anyone else heard the tale of the German immigrant that was set on opening his very own bank in America? His thick accent normally didn't cause much trouble but he had a heck of a time borrowing money to finance the construction of the safe. Everytime he broached the subject of "de fault loan" financiers just shook their heads and walked away.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I've thought of another young actor that could perhaps find alternative employment in the banking world. I understand that McCauley Kulkin has been through a rough couple of years. If he ever needs to he could work at a bank helping folks finance there dreams. After all he has lots of experience in Home A Loans.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I guess all that solitary time was just preparing for his latest installment.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Coroners have special cooling agents. When they need to keep a body cold over a long period of time, they grab a mort ice.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Good heavens, Dag, do you really have to compound the problem?
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
I am sure you heard the story of Dorothy, the girl from Kansas with a penchant for diamonds. When she went shopping in the land of ice and found her toto she went screaming, "ATM, ATM".
I scare' crow that she had selected more diamonds than ten men could carry. I am no how hardly lie'n.
(sorry if that is too much Frank Baum and not enough bank foam)
[ September 26, 2004, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: reparty ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
bank foam...
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
This reparty's puns are really good - I like de bit about Dorothy.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Oh, do you mean "Borrow thee," a clause in an old Revolutionary lending agreement?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I'd respond more, but me and my computer have the same problem, not enough Cache.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
That's cold and hard, Dan.
[ September 26, 2004, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
Thanks, Bob and Dagonee for the garnish on my account.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Your accounts have been filtered again, Rep. Yup, they have been resieved.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I wanted to be either a miner or a pilot when I was young, but my father said "Neither a burrower nor a lander be."
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
After we drink the first quartile tell you my story, Dag. Where can we median, the lounge? Don't be mean, and come, OK? If you are feeling low, we can get high, by whatever mode you like. I am like this in the summer, you know. They used to call me that fine number, "Summer E."
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
A guy was at a party and needed something to apply some ointment with. He took the host's Mountblanc writing implement and used it, then hid it in the host's uncle's ashes so no one would know.
The pen he salved was the pen he urned.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Dag, that joke really smelt. And yes, I mint every word I said. It was no better than a Knox Knox joke.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Reparty, The ATM pun was great. Re your earlier edit, I should step up to the plate but alas the Windows of opportunity is closing fast and I am in the Unix position of trying to play catch up with my old friend.
I am surprised at the number of puns we have wrung out of this topic. At first blush I thought there would be insufficient punds.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Elizabeth, I just have to say that statement is an ocean-going vessel carrying nothing but gold bars: pure bullion ship.
[ September 26, 2004, 06:12 PM: Message edited by: Dagonee ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
The FDA has come out with new regulations on chicken strips. Soon you'll be seeing packaging bearing the label "Legal Tender."
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Is that REIT?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Yep, you can take that to the bank!
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
We have a tradesman here in Ottawa that does flooring and countertops. The funny thing is that this guys last name is Crooks and he is the best counter fitter around.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Sounds like he's cornered the market. No bull!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, we are certainly trying to trim the fat in this house. I am sick of meating out so much money to these kids! They have no steak in anything if they don't work for it, you know?
It's like the say about lice: In hair, riddance!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
That was just taxing. In come I seeking shelter, and out go I, spent.
Let's face it Elizabeth, after that last set of puns, there will have to be some cuts around here.
Posted by Lost Ashes (Member # 6745) on :
You tell-er, Bob!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Oh, no, not the coatcheck girl! She has small kids to feed. Please don't make her an ex-checker!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
May I be franc? These pun threads just pound a topic into dust. Euro din here thinking there'd be some sort of reasonable exchange. But if I had to rate this thread, I'd put it a mite low. I just can't peso round this anymore.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
*tries to think of pun*
I'm drawing a bank.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I heard a new musician tonight! He calls himself Badly Withdrawn Boy.
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
bank foam...![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)