Hatrack River Forum: Things you say (shout) to (at) your computer

This is topic Things you say (shout) to (at) your computer in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :

Don’t make me come in there!

Are you going to load that, or am I going to have to beat you with a stick?

The click, a signal of my discontent, made glorious visuals by that CPU.

What, you think I like waiting 30 seconds to see a darn website?

OK fine, load at this speed, I’ll entertain myself by watching Hedio Nomo wind-up.

Hobbes [Smile]

Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :

Sooo... Hobbes, have you ever thought that your computer too can get tired on Friday evening?! That you should give it a break?! That shouting at the poor retarded inanimate (I don't care it cannot be retarded AND inanimate at the same time, I'm trying to make a point here! - now imagine ALL that in caps)... So, where was I?! Oh yeah... That shouting at the poor retarded inanimate thing (are there *animate things* aswell?! hmm...)... Errr... Right... Once again: That shouting at the poor retarded inanimate thing will make it work faster?!

IT WON'T! What you might see as a consequence of your screaming is in fact only a coincidence... How many times do I have to tell you not to jump to conclusions like that?! Oh, today's youth... :shakes head:

The end.
Corwin [Big Grin]

Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :

[fake Russian accent] Zat wass an ORDER, Comrade.[/fake Russian accent]

(On a particularly nonsensical error message) Jawohl, mein Fuhrer!

Posted by Anthro (Member # 6087) on :

I find curses generally work on my laptop. And occasional exorcisms.

*sprinkles holy water on keyboard*

Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :

This usually works. "If you don't straighten up right now I'm calling IT." My computer is scared of those people.

Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :

I find patience and understanding generally works with my computer. Sometimes it tries to act up, but mostly, its trying very hard for me, and comes through on essential points.

(I actually like my computer have quirks. It gives it personality.)

Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :

"stupid program" as the unstable proprietory word processing program performs an illegal operation ... yet again.

and when my (work) Mac freezes up and I have to reboot, I wish that the restart sound was the sound of breaking glass. It wouldn't help the computer, but I would feel a tiny bit better.

and: "NOOOOO"

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

I love my computer and it loves me and we never yell. We do, somtimes, burst into song simultaneously and wile away the hours.

(like these hours, when I should be in bed)

Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :

"Damnit, 'Nashi, work!" (My computer is named Nanashi, which is Japanese for "no name")

"Come on, come on, come on! Gooooooood girl." (This also works with my car)

"ok, that's it. You're going off."

Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :

About IT scaring computers, it's true. I should know, I've been IT before (Tag, I'm IT). Heh, no. My computer behaves, because if it doesn't, I format (Oh how I love having two hard drives).

Posted by Cashew (Member # 6023) on :

C'mon you piece of junk!!!

Posted by J T Stryker (Member # 6300) on :

" I have half to mind to download every vid on the net.... we'll see how you like that B****"

"If I had money, you'd be getting a lobotomy" (thats what i call replacing my hard drive)

"I love you baby... Now please cooperate"

Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :

"Why do you hate me? Why?"

Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :

I usually grab the tower and say in a whiney voice, "Nooooo!" or "Why???"

Posted by FoolishTook (Member # 5358) on :

"Don't DO this to me!!!!"

This, after five pages of work are erased because "Microsoft Works Word Processor has encountered a problem and needs to shut down." ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

I have a new compulsion thanks to computers. I save every ten seconds now.

Posted by Coccinelle (Member # 5832) on :

"Come on baby, just one more time"

Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :

Don't be such a grouch.

Stop sulking.

Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :

percussive maintenance is a wonderful thing...

Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :

please don't die

Posted by Vadon (Member # 4561) on :

Do you want me to put Windows 3.1 on you? If not, work! (I use this one often)

The evil spawn of microsoft is sucking your soul! I must preform an excorsism. (I actually have black robes for this) Go to the Open Source! Move from your cursed ways! (Waving linux CD's at the monitor)

That one actually worked once...

You know, it's tempting to fill you with water and put a gold fish in you.

Perhaps a magnet or two would fix your wagon.

(Scream a line of profanities in German at it.)

Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :

quote:
percussive maintenance is a wonderful thing...

Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :

Has anyone seen Hobbes? I think he got busted for computer agression...

FoolishTook, that's a very common mistake for unfrequent users. The first thing you have to do is make a new document AND THEN SAVE IT! And keep saving it from time to time. I almost never lose documents this way, or even if I lose something, it's still in my oww memory! [Big Grin]

Hmmm... I'm sure in a thread about "things you need to know" I wrote this stuff awhile ago. Even I don't apply it to the full extent - I write mails in the webpage and sometimes the connection breaks just when clicking on "Send". However about 3 out of 4 times this happens I can *feel* it's gonna crash and quickly copy everything... Stupid computer, he's giving his evil plans away! [Evil Laugh]

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

What I say to my computer:

quote:
Don't have to make me have to kick your @$$