Hatrack River Forum: Working Moms

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Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :

I have just been hired for a part time job and I don't like the idea of leaving my 17 month old. [Cry]

Thankfully we have fam near by to babysit him while I work. But does it feel normal to feel guilty even if I'm supporting my husband who is going through graduate school? Any tips or comfort to give a first time working mom would be very much appreciated. [Frown]

[ November 04, 2004, 02:02 AM: Message edited by: unicornwhisperer ]

Posted by signal (Member # 6828) on :

((unicornwhisperer))

My mom was a full time working mom and when I was little, I'd go to my aunt's house. It's tough for both the child and parent, but you will get through it. I can only imagine what you must be going through. Take comfort in the fact that you are doing what's best in providing for your family. They are very lucky to have you. If it's any consolation, I turned out well adjusted [Smile]

.

My mom met this one lady who was a single mom and only got to see her son only on the weekends. She had to work and live in a completely different town and her son stayed with another family who weren't even relatives. Last I heard they recently moved and her son stays with the father's parents while she is away at work, but now she is able to see him everyday.

Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :

(((((unicorn))))) I understand, even though I'm not a mom.

Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :

(((unicornwhisperer)))

I was lucky to get to stay home with both of my boys when they were babies. After my daughter was born, I left their father. I had to immediately start working. Even though I left her with my mother during the day, I was sick about it. I couldn't stand being away from her. I struggled with guilt daily about not being there for her. Guilt I really should not have had, because I needed to provide for my family, and I was trying to do just that. I nursed my babies, so that added to the difficulty. Thank goodness I was working near home. It sounds crazy now, but my mom met me a couple of times during the day and I’d go home at lunch to nurse her. You see, my mother was determined that her grandchildren got all the “goodness” that nursing provided. She was wonderful.

I worked full-time for 10 years until I recently remarried last July. My daughter and my mother have the closest relationship. I was very fortunate to be able to leave her with my mother. I don't know what I would have done if I would have had to leave her with complete strangers. So, while it was good for them, I still feel like I missed out on something.

What is it with women and guilt?

So yes, it's normal to feel guilty. You're a woman and a mother. For some strange reason that seems to come with the territory.

Fight it! You're doing a wonderful job! You're taking care of your family.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

I have tried staying home with an infant, and I am not cut out for it. I need to have a time I must be out of the house, specific daily externally-imposed goals, and many other things that come with a job that pays money. [Wink]

Additionally, the financial option of staying home has not been available to me since my oldest was small.

Leaving your baby with someone else for the first day of work rips a little chunk out of your heart. [Frown]

But it gets a tiny bit easier each time . . . and maybe it will help to realize that you are doing what is best for your family, and that your child is getting the opportunity to interact with other people who love him.

*hugs* to you and your baby. And good luck!

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :

If you have no choice but to work - then do it and make sure you have the best care in the world possible for you child. Sometimes it is best for the long term good of the family to do things like this.

As for feeling guilty - I think that's normal and I doubt it will go away. I struggled with guilt for all the years I was a working mother. It never went away until I came home.

Yours is the best possible scenario for your child - you are only working part time, and you have loving relatives caring for him. You've done your job as a mom making sure he will be in a safe, loving environment. (that environment is also available in quality daycare facilities, but it's harder to find and it's not reliable, since staff turnover is so high in that profession)

Go to work, focus on the fact that you are doing what is right for your family, and keep on being a fantastic mom. [Smile]

Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :

When I was born, my parents started out each working half-days. Mom would work mornings, then come home at lunchtime and take over while Dad went to work in the afternoon. I don't recall her ever saying she felt guilty about it. Problem was, Dad wasn't holding up his end--she'd come home and find him asleep in the recliner, holding me, and none of the work done. So they found a babysitter--luckily, an excellent one who took care of me and my sister for 10 years, and maintaned a close relationship with my sister even after we were old enough not to need a sitter anymore. Mom and Dad were both able to work full-time, and my sister and I were very well taken care of.

It sounds like you have a good situation there, you can be sure that your child is loved and cared for while you're away. I think you're definitely doing what's best for your family.

Posted by Arthur (Member # 4026) on :

(((unicornwhisperer))) I had to go back to work when Thomas was 10 weeks old. My 88 year grandmother watches him and he loves her. Thomas has a wonderful time at grandma's house. There are days when I wish I could stay home with him and there are a few times I called in sick to spend time with him. I try to make the weekends fun family times. I love my job but I hate being away from my little man. Since my grandmother lives only a few blocks from where I work - I used to go at lunch, but he would get upset when I left. I taught preschool and worked at daycare centers for almost 8 years most of the children loved being there playing with other kids. I know it's really hard, but you'll both do fine [Group Hug]

Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :

I know how heart wrenching that is- went back to work when Matthew was 2 months old, and we worked split shifts til he was 15 months old. It's never easy to loeave your little one, but it sounds like you have great situation set up.

Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :

((Hatrack))

Thank you for all of your support. You guys are so awsome!
I would say more but I need to get ready to go see my brother who just got back from his mission today! [The Wave]