Bored with swapping wives? Tired of pushy millionaire bosses? Running out of things to get made over, traded, nipped, tucked, renovated, or pimped? Is there nothing too weird for your daughter to marry any more? Then you'll love the newest reality show that takes you to the very edge of mortality!
This average American family has been injected in their sleep with the Ebola virus and whisked away to a fabulous, quarantined house in the California hills. And their teenage son has been given exactly two doses of antidote!
Watch as Sheldon and his wife Anka, their daughter Rosalind, their infant son Emil, and their dog Sparky deal with their impending doom, knowing that their boy Hugo holds their very lives in his vindictive palm. Will they beg? Will they plead? Will they nobly sacrifice themselves, asking only that he spare one of the others? Not during sweeps week, they won't!
[ November 10, 2004, 10:20 AM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Arab-Fart dies, that's for sure.
(Nothing against Arabs.)
And people say I am eccentric!!!
Jonny
[ November 10, 2004, 09:24 AM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Welcome to the Non-Sequitar Society!
Our Proud Motto: "We don't make sense, but we do like pizza!"
[ November 10, 2004, 10:20 AM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Careful, Chris. You don't want to be branded one of those grumpy anti-newbie folks.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Couldn't I be the forum crank? The one that sits on Hatrack's front porch and yells at everyone walking on my lawn?
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
JH. That had nothing to do with the topic.
CB. Cool. I bet they will probaly do something like that soon. Dang I HATE TEE VEE!
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
You know although this is hilarious it is also rather horrible. I'm torn between laughing and crying because it's almost true.
My favourite line, without a doubt:
quote: EMIL: Viggo!
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote:Couldn't I be the forum crank? The one that sits on Hatrack's front porch and yells at everyone walking on my lawn?
Admittedly, I've been "on the porch" for about a year now.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Chris, This is hysterical, yet I fear someone will read it and get an idea. Cripes, we have Mexicans battling for a chance for a green card, why not a modern, real life version of "The Lottery?"(shudder. That story still creeps me out)
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
Too sad, to true.
ELizabeth, wasn't "The Lottery" one of the most lingering short stories you've ever read? I don't think I'll ever forget it. Amazing how many people have it lodged away in their memories.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
No kidding. I still have a mental image of this toddler waddling around with a stone to throw at his mom, all giggly and happy.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Sara, when I read it as a kid, I had daymares for years, putting myself in her place. Sometimes I still have dreams that are similar to that story, that feeling of inevitable, impending doom. (shivering again)
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
I think it was the first short story that jolted me, and I'd read a lot by then. The sick building dread, the awful realization ... oh, wow.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
They actually used that piece?!
You are not only hilarious, Sir, but your paper is quite enlightened! Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
quote:Couldn't I be the forum crank? The one that sits on Hatrack's front porch and yells at everyone walking on my lawn?
You'll need a cane to shake at them.
The Lottery freaked me out, too.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
Wow, I hadn't even thought of the Lottery for a while, but it definately freaked me out too.
And Chris, you are amazing.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Raise of hands, who read The Lottery in school? Ok, now who WASN'T totally freaked by it? (we read the play . . . but I had already read the short story)
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
Who wrote it?
That was pretty disturbing... while being funny...
And all this talk of disturbing books lingering in the subconcious has brought forth a memory...
A story about a town where everyone was afraid of this one kid who'd seemingly ripped the entire town out of time and space and could literally do anything. Even his parents tiptoed around him with faux smiles, too scared even to reprimand him. Lots of hints of other horrible things he made people do or had turned them into...
Any clues?
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Sorry, Troubador, I don't recognize the story. However, I did find a story called "The Lottery" online. The author is Shirley Jackson.
Chris, I'm glad you put in the bit in the end of the column about the family finding out there's no cure. I was going to have to complain about somebody just making up an antidote. Anyhow, this one was a bit darker than the others and I didn't laugh as much. I guess the disturbing thing is that I could almost see someone pitching this show to one of the networks. To quote Weird Al: "Next week on FOX watch lions eat Christians!"
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Chris: brilliant!
NOW can I have the antidote?
Now, repeat after me:
Get off my lawn! Get OFF my LAWN! GET OFF MY LAWN!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Could someone explain the EMIL: Viggo line to me? I don't get it.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
quote: story about a town where everyone was afraid of this one kid who'd seemingly ripped the entire town out of time and space and could literally do anything. Even his parents tiptoed around him with faux smiles, too scared even to reprimand him. Lots of hints of other horrible things he made people do or had turned them into...
This sounds like a Twilight Zone-type episode that I liked. Might not have been TZ specificially. The kid demanded that it was his birthday every day and sent one relative into TV Land for not playing along, he wiped off the mouth of another for talking back, he managed to lure a woman from outside who eventually got through to him and got him out of the house.... but he still had his powers.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Is that the one where he sent them to the cornfield?
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