Our next door neighbor, a very nice man, nice family in general, was arrested today for computer invasion of privacy, or something like that. Until last week, he worked for the county IT department and was fired when caught reading confidential email, as well as diverting voicemails to unofficial boxes only he had access to. If convicted he faces up to 6 years in jail. He was fired last week. It hasn't been clear why he did any of this. If he did.
I haven't talked with them since I heard about it on the radio. I've always, and still do, thought highly of them as neighbors. They work hard, they contribute to the neighborhood projects more than we do. His wife was a stay at home mom while their boys (my son's age) were in preschool. They are very nice people and their boys are pretty good friends with my son.
I can't think what to say to them when I next see them.... "Hi, sorry to hear you/your husband got arrested"? I could say nothing about it, but then it's like the big pink elephant in the living room that no one talks about. What a bizarre thing.
Suggestions?
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
How about
"I heard about what happened to your husband, and I want to assure you that we'll be there for you if you need us during this trying period. Let us know if you need anything."
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
That's very good, Stormy, thank you. That's exactly how I feel.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Personally, I think I'd go with the "don't say anything" tactic. You don't know how they'll react, and I'd rather let it go unsaid than risk damaging a good relationship for saying the wrong thing. But that's just me and I'm generally a chickenspit.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Or you could go the other route: walk up to her and say something like, "So, I hear Bob's being sent down the river. Hey, I hate to mention this, but we've been using a wireless router for a few years now, and I'm wondering whether you think I should change all my passwords in case Bob has them. Because he might need the money now, after all."
Or not. That would probably not be nice.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
When you see her, you just say, "Are you doing okay?" She's going to know that you know, and if she says "I'm fine" and nothing else, you'll know she doesnt' want to talk about it.
If she says "Not really" then you've opened the door for her to talk to you. Either way, you've indicated that you care about her, especially if you ask it in a sincere "I want to know how you're holding up" way instead of "I want to ask you what's going on so I can get some juicy gossip" type of way.
If that makes sense.
Posted by Jar Head (Member # 7018) on :
Is his wife cute, maybe you should say, 'I can put you in touch with this x-marine I know while your husband is gone...
Posted by Cashew (Member # 6023) on :
What Belle said. Plus this: People often just say they're fine if you just offer general support, whereas if you offer specific help, maybe like offering to cut the grass, or wash the car or whatever, they're able to respond more 'truthfully' and accept it.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Tom, uh... his name IS Bob. And I was actually thinking of changing the password on our wireless router. Okay, that freaked me out.
Belle, I might go your route. Stormy's thought is a little closer to me though. I dunno. I guess I'm glad it's winter, since we're not outside as much and I won't run into her and have to think what I'm going to say. What a weenie I am.
Posted by Irami Osei-Frimpong (Member # 2229) on :
When I was in High School, the father of my classmates was indicted for accepting five million dollars of crooked money.
We were all 16 at the time, and the kid really looked up to his father. This kid went from a passive follower to a leader in the span of three months. He didn't make all of the right choices all of the time, but I was singularly impressed with how bold he became, even if it had a nihilist tinge. There was a no BS thoughtful rage that came along with his father's indictment that was kind of admirable. He went from Ralph on the Simpsons to the guy who didn't steal the milk money in Stand by Me.
His father getting indicted thrusted him into manhood in a hurry, and he became engaged in his decisons and did not follow anymore. I don't know how he is doing now, but I can tell you that the incident gave him conviction.
[ November 18, 2004, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: Irami Osei-Frimpong ]
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
Wow, Irami.
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
I'd probably make it a point to go see her, rather than avoiding the situation.
Going over to her and either taking Storm or Belle's route will let her know that you really do care - enough to go out of your way to make sure she knows that the community is not against her.
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