So...in honor of Liz's excellence in convalescence (or her really crappy insurance that sent her home early), we're going to do puns on hospitals, therapies, treatments, doctors, nurses and orderlies. Just a bunch of medical waste, really. Or, if you've just had a tummy tuck, medical waist. I wonder, do you have to hab before you can rehab? Or maybe the world is separated into the habs and hab nots?
So, put on that gown with no back to it, shuffle down the corridor wheeling your IV stand, and dream of the day you can move into a semi-private room where you control the remote. It's time for health care puns!
I'm just pulsing with excitement!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
This thread is sick.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I just had some really great chocolate! Now I need a tongue depressor or I'll never get to sleep.
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
Label found on brownies in the break room: Hazardous Waist Material
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Sounds like that was a vital sign.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
This should inject some levity into the situation and let us get to the heart of the matter.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'll just bypass that joke, if you donor mind. I'm trying to run a smooth operation here.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Just don't nurse the same old jokes over and over again.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I'll be the judge of the quality of puns in this thread. No giving your opinion until I've made my Dagnosis.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Suture self...I don't care.
[ December 11, 2004, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I've noticed that many times rehab specialists are portrayed as sadists. I would postulate that they are exactly the opposite. They devote their time to insure the patients future good physical health as well as thier mental health, you know, to see that therhappy as well as fit.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
punwit, you were really reaching for that one. Got a lot of traction out of it though.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
My highschool music group broke up over some nasty fights about girls. When we were older, we patched things up - the band age helped heal the wounds.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
You have to watch out for pinheads - their scalp'l cut you.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
I knew this lady who was late for work so they dock'd 'er.
We'll cheer at the special olympics.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Did you hear the rumors that the clinic would switch to dart guns for giving vaccinations? Turns out our fears were needles(s).
Aorta hurt you, Bob, for starting yet another pun thread! You have been the vessel of much suffering. How vein! Please, have a heart.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Dealing with Bob requires alot of patients.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
We need to get Farmgirl's daughter to post in this thread. I know she reads them but I don't think I've seen her post in a smackdown thread but this topic would be perfect for IVgirl's first pun post.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
IVgirl...
Awwwww...topsy turvy in here today.
Quiet as a morgue.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
You know, cats are too darn picky. We have always fed them dry food, but all of a sudden, they like wet. It is so hard to open the CAT scan. Usually my husband does it, but whether it is hiMRI, it is always difficult.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Apparantly Liz intends to stretcher pun muscles in this one.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Elizabeth, I'm so glad that you are feeling better. ICU are working back into tip-top pun posting shape.
[ December 12, 2004, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Did you hear about the wino that was admitted to the emergency room for dehydration and malnoursishment? He kept fighting the staff until he heard a DR. order an intravinous feed.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
My kids are always fighting over this one stuffed animal, Cath. My son was mad at my daughter, and threw Catha at 'er. She yelled: "Urine so much trouble!"
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Ah, children often engage in such foley.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Thank God for wi-fi--it lets me, from my bed, pan this thread.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
Don't get me wrong, there's some funny material here, it's just too alimentary for my taste.
[ December 12, 2004, 02:58 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I wrote a 20 page report about Hatrack, but I had way too much material. I put the bulk of in in an addendum, but then even that was unacceptably long and the publishers had to remove my appendix.
What gall!
You all keep me in stitches.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Bob, you are one for bladdering on and on. You should really start minding your pee and q's, although I must say your humors are very contagious.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Pull up a stool and listen to my tale of the portly man who faked his own death. Unfortunately he had a runny nose, so he had to keep a die pose tissue with him.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I knew a guy who found a large beast who'd been attached by poachers who stole its horn. They found a guy who could repair it though. Took him to a rhinoplasterer.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
That's not as bad as than my story about the large beast who stepped on a rusty nail and got elephant-tetanus.
[ December 12, 2004, 07:03 PM: Message edited by: jehovoid ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
My grandfather went bonkers when they scheduled an appointment for him with an internist. Apparently he was under the mistaken idea that they were preparing to bury him.
[ December 12, 2004, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
We had so many people over the other day, we had to perk a set of coffee pots. Some people think it tastes more phine that way.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Do you suppose when hospitals were tying to develop plans for disaster response that they stumbled when outlining who got treatment first? I can just envision someone suggesting that the youngest receive priority. I can even hear them blurting it out; "Let's tri age"
[ December 13, 2004, 04:45 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The children were arguing over who got to play which superhero. Some wanted the smallest girl to play the big brawler super hero. "If Anna's the Tick, it won't hurt so much when she hits us."
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Liz, don't leyt the Staf see this, I doubt they would like it, no stones about it.
Unless they are bandaging some kids knees...there has been a rash of injuries to knees lately.
This humor realy gets under my skin...I guess that makes it subcutanious.
Kwea
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
A panhandler (former orderly) accosted me yesterday, and I sternly told him, "Know your place, 'bo!" He said he was a scab who was cut loose when a strike ended. I clotted him on the head.
Then he said he became an alcoholic after his girlfriend left him and became a model (a pro-tease.) After that he just couldn't stop drinking gin. I warned him, "you must avoid all wrong paths, they are unhealthy, especially a path o'gin."
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
My daughter is such a great little artist. I love it when she draws my blood.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You're so vein.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The animator wanted to add a ledge under the window in the scene, so he had to pen a sill in.
[ December 13, 2004, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: Dagonee ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Do you know why Bill Buckner has ulcers? Because he couldn't tag a Met.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
In the old days, before antibiotics, it seemed as if we were put on this Earth to sulfa.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
And we didn't have good anasthesia, ether.
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
I see you've been needling me, punwit. You are very humerus. Okay, my puns need life support. They have no pulse.
Ivygirl
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Bob, ether you take that back, or I will have my Aunt-Esther-size you up. And I know-of-a-cane that will give you quite a whoopin.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
It's all CLEAR to me now. You guys are coming through loud and CLEAR.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
IVgirl, I beg to differ. Your puns are A Positive sign. I think you are mistaken in your assesment that they need critical care.
[ December 13, 2004, 11:06 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
My house is stuffy, but it's raining outside. I think I'll vent it later so I can breathe better.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Whenver I ask somebody the time I always get a second opinion.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Good one! Sort of a temporal lob.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I love to play tennis, and I always call "Lob it to me!" Then I usually brain my opponent with a smash.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I prefer football - I like to play wide receiver. But I hate it when the defensive back is always Interferon.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Dag, you are really nursing the sports references.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
There were so many of us in the hosptital with needles in our arms attached to poles that we started our own club: The IV League.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Have you read about the controvery surrounding the latest railroad innovation. Apparently there is a company that has invented a new concept in rail system propulsion. Instead of combustion engines they have some sort of wind driven propulsion that beats the air much like a canoe paddle. The company's name is New Row and it is facing severe opposition from entrenched Rail competitors. The latest volley of propaganda from the innovative company read, Use your brain, New Row trains matter.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
When Tom was sailing his boat, it got a bit windy, so he docked 'er.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
There was a play I was in, and my friend isis was I it as well. She played the mother. The night befre the show, Isis got really sick, and so on the program, it mentions my friend Celia, who Plays Ma fer Isis.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Hey Elizabeth, did you ever get the present that Farmgirl and I sent you from Sam's club? Or hear from the hospital ward that you were staying in that they got it?
AJ
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Banna, I did not, but there are two packages there that I have to pick up. I am sure that they are the ones, or it is one of those.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Yay! There is a mild time sensitivity on them, so the sooner you can get the the better off the present will work in the long run. But it isn't crucial. Probably any time in the next week would be fine.
AJ
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Then there were the two ladies who interrupted a pun thread with personal chit chat. They asked if they could give the others candies to make up for it: "We'll give you da mint, ya?"
They were crazy to think that'd work.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
An excellent Dagonosis.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Real funny, Dag, but I heard that joke from my friend Simer years ago. Yup, that joke was all Simer's.
[ December 17, 2004, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Come on guys and gals, this thread needs some new blood.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
My mother brought home a strange cantelope one day. This melon o' Ma was unusually dark.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The doctor was in the checkout line when someone asked him about a condition she had. This is very dangerous for a doctor - if he makes a mistake, he can be sued for mall practice.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, good thing he wasn't in JC Penny's. Kwea might have handed that doctor a law suit.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Doctors are good at figuring out what stitch will suit yer.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
There's a new drug being tested - hopefully it will replace x-rays. When administered, it turns skin and muscle transparent, allowing direct examination of the organs. Doctors hope this new clear medicine will reduce exposure to radiation in patients.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
My favorite band is so great. I mean those Cats Can make an Ultra Sound, you know?
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
But they're a bad influence on the kids - they can lead 'em awry.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
True, and the kids can morph ine to little brats.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
As opposed to those teenage fighting heroes who can put their enemies to sleep: The Mighty Morphine Power Ranges.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Yeah, and the bad guy always has to Ty 'em all up. (stretch, sorry)
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
If that's ever used in a commercial, that ad vill stink.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
It would be like a baby aspirin' to be president.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Oh, I can't Bayer it!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well then, Ah'll leave you alone.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
As long as you don't make me get close to old fashioned pens. Every time I get nigh quill I get sleepy.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I know what you mean Dag, I've been feeling sleepy and achy. I've been a bit under the weather. During the day I've found I have to say "Ah sit, amen" often.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
It's probably because you've been moving the tile 'n all that other stuff.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Kudo's for the tile reference,
This awful cough is making it difficult to even enter my password for the different sites I visit. I'll be right in the middle of entering my codein when I start hacking and gagging.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, I guess your boss is lowering their expectorantations of you, Punwit.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
He's been drinking too much coughee.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Actually I've been so wimpy that I've been staying away phlegm work.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
That blows, Punwit. Heaven nose when you will feel better.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
You'd think that not working for almost 2 weeks would make a body stir crazy. I didn't do much but read and rest but the time still flu by.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Lizzy, you got some spleening to do!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Aw, Dag, I would rather write you an explanation. We can let a pen decide us.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
This reminds - if you know anyone writing explanations using a laptop, she should switch her leg position every now and then to give her knee a break.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Eeek. If she is cold, maybe she should put some mor col on the stove.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The couple that moved from Alaska was never cold - that duo de Nome thought Boston winters a joke.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
eh ... I haven't been atendon to this thread - but the puns on here are sick!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, we have been nursing this thread for a while, and it does need some doctoring up.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Dear sir, gin seems to be what's needed here.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, I have to take Pepcid becaue my sti=omach is rum balling so much. It must be a holiday thing.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Hey, Bob, how come you've been silent lately? Whatsamatter catgut your tongue?
[ December 20, 2004, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I'm sure that's knot what happened.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I miss Bob. He keeps us all in stitches.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
But he can be awfully crutchety.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Bob's a prince. I hope it's many many many years before one of us wheel chair the Smackdown threads.
[ December 20, 2004, 08:27 PM: Message edited by: punwit ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
If a woman tried to do it, I would have to whalk 'er. Some things we just cane not do.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Thought I'd come in and scope out what you're all up to. You know, take the temperature of this thread. I half expected it to be x-rayted by now. But instead I find you're all still practicing. You floor me.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
It is about time you showed up, Bob! I was going to send out an APB to find you. I had called the FBI, but they said they did not do those for citizens. They were too worried that someone might sue da Fed.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
I can certainly not think of a fitting pun.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, my friend Johnnie has that trouble, too, kaioshin. His puns tend to bottom out.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I know I doctor who started a singing group with the 4 conjoined twins he separated.
They call themselves Dr. Clampett and the Four Seps.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Since she has recieved them, I will leave the rest of you to guess what sort of "non-morbid" flower arrangement Liz got. I figured it was a fitting play on words... AJ
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
This thread is on life support. How could you pull the plug on it like that?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I was trying to make it bloom. But maybe I have foot-in-mouth.
AJ
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Man.that is the fifths disease I have heard about today!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I don't think the rest of us should stand for this treatment!
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Next thing you know a Dem or all of those other leftists will be saying that socialized medicine will help us sleep better.
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