This is topic How we treat young people in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
I wonder why there's such a discrepancy in the respect, support, and charitableness I see exhibited here toward young people vs. older adults.

It strikes me that when older people talk here about their problems with ex-spouses or financial difficulties or whatever, they are not usually shot down with a lot of open speculation about how they are the one who got themselves into this state, and it is they who are actually the problem. Yet I seem to see that happen again and again to young people who post here asking for our advice and help.

If anything, young people need a lot more patience, kindness, friendliness and encouragement than adults, not less. What is the point of shooting someone down? How does that help anything? What does it prove? If you are wanting to teach someone something about life, isn't it more effective to do it with loving kindness, patience long-suffering, gentleness, mildness, and humility? Adults screw up their lives quite as often as do kids, in my experience. Comparing the young people to the old people I know, the old ones don't strike me as being generally wiser, saner, happier, or smarter. Why the discrepancy in respect?
 

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Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
 
Because kids are always wanting to be treated like adults. If I posted to this forum that my husband caught me in beg with another man but it was so not my fault, I think a lot of people would tell me to get a clue.

Keep in mind that I have been reserving judgement on Pepek until I learn more. I did make a bit of a sassy comment, but it was regarding another adult's assessment of the situation.
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
On top of that, kids generally have a lot of growing up to do. If they mess up, they're often the ones responsible, or their confused moods. I don't know that it merits mockage or dismissal, but I do know that when people are a lot older than you and have already gone through something like what you're going through, they'll often remember it as being more trivial to them at the time... And this is coming from someone who most of the old farts on this board would call a kid...
 

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Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
 
I think it's because I've been there, I've been stupid in the ways that the young are stupid, and I recognize it when I see it.

I have never been elderly and been stupid in the ways the older are stupid.
 

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Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
 
Is this about Pepek's thread?

I just went and read it now. I didn't see anything there that really threw me. He asked for advice, and he got it, some tough love and some not-so-tough love. I didn't see anything I saw as mocking or as not having his best interests at heart. I saw some people speaking from experience.

In all harshness, the only post I had a problem with was Pepek's response to "Jeniwren's shpeel." That seemed an immature (and hostile) response after having asked for advice, because he did not like the advice he received.

I have certainly seen adults told they were doing something wrong, and I have also seen adults rebuked here.

I haven't seen Pepek get rebuked yet in that thread, though I think he has opened himself up to it, now.

I haven't posted because I don't have advice. I came from a toxic situation but I don't know if his is as bad or not. He's nineteen, so I don't know that I would encourage him so strongly to return home, though I might concur with those who say try to return for now and make a plan to leave after X period of time.

Even if your child living with you is older than 18, and living rent free, I think they are generally entitled to notice that that status will change, unless they are doing something likely to bring the law down on the parents.
 

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Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
 

quote:

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Is this about Pepek's thread?

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quote:

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...there's such a discrepancy in the respect, support, and charitableness I see exhibited here toward young people...

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quote:

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...when older people talk here about their problems with ex-spouses or financial difficulties or whatever, they are not usually shot down with a lot of open speculation about how they are the one who got themselves into this state...

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