Rugged back-country conditions. Super-powerful car tearing up the terrain causing untold damage to the local ecosystem. Driver, possessed by some demon, screaming with maniacal laughter as he careens off a 300 foot cliff into the ravine below.
Voice over (in that weird kind of low growly voice):
The number of the beast is 4 x 4
[ January 23, 2005, 03:12 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
[For Tim Hortons (slogan "always fresh") or Subway (slogan "eat fresh")]
Clip from LOTR:
Orc: We haven't had anything but maggoty bread to eat for three steekin' days!
Orcs: Yeah (grumblegrumble)
Orc #2: What about them? They're fresh!
[Shot of either Tim Hortons or Subway.]
Back to the orcs:
Orcs: Yeah (happyhappy)
[Shot of workers at Subway or Tim Hortons looking worried.]
EDIT: To add the maggoty bread bit.
[ January 21, 2005, 08:10 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Not nearly so good, but continuing on the same theme (i.e. using LOTR to shamelessly sell modern products; i.e. nothing is sacred):
[Black screen. Soaring music.]
Voice over of Aragorn: The first time I saw you I thought I'd strayed into a dream.
sound: the keh-tsssch of a can opening
[Shot of coke can, frothing everywhere.]
[ January 21, 2005, 08:16 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Ha ha!
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
Sticking with the LOTR theme, which appears to be bountiful with ad campaigns...
Bounty paper towel ad:
Saruman standing at his ledge as Isengard as the Ents break the dam and the water floods towards Isengard.
[voiceover] "Saruman the White only trusts one brand of paper towel to clean up spills at Isengard"
See a giant sheet of Bounty paper towel soaking up the flood waters leaving Isengard unscathed.
[voiceover of Sauron] A paper towel worthy of Mordor.
[announcer voiceover again] Bounty, the quilted quicker picker upper.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Scene opens to Barney singing "I love you, you love me..."
A Shot rings out. Barney falls.
PikaChu goes running across the screen followed by the sound of automatic rifle fire. Off screen we hear "Pika--Kablooey."
more un-beloved cartoon characters and childrens idols roll across the screen to be met with rapid arms fire.
At the end a title emerges--"Brought to you by the NRA. Making the world better, one shot at a time."
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Well, that just might get me to join the NRA. And I've never fired a gun, let alone owned one.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
An interninably long sequence commences:
A woman is shown standing in Filene's. She sees a blouse she really likes. She picks it up, and lets the silky smoothness caress her face. A close-up of the price tag: 200 dollars. Her face falls. She glances toward the doorway. She notices the security guard talking to a hot 20 year-old shopper. She stuffs the shirt in her bag and runs out the door, as the alarm sounds because of that annoying bar-thingy attached to the garment.
As she runs out into the mall and blends in with the passing crowd, these words appear at the bottom of the screen:
Just Do It
[ January 21, 2005, 09:46 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
By the way, do either of you Barney-antagonists have or have had two and three-year-olds? Hmm"
I thought not.
No one messes with Barney.
(Pikachu is all yours)
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
You could do a close up shot of the shoes the shoplifter is wearing. Make it into more of an atheletic shoe for today's shoplifter.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Yes, Lyrhawn!
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
Also:
Call the shoe the Nike Swindler, or the Nike Vandal, something along those lines.
"The new Nike Vandal, 59.99. At that price, it's a steal."
[ January 21, 2005, 10:05 PM: Message edited by: Lyrhawn ]
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
A large man staggers around with a lampshade on his head, his shirt off wearing lurid boxer shorts while a friend films him. He has two mugs of beer in his chubby hands and is singing off key.
Beer-The ultimate blackmailing tool.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Facing a shortage of gang kids to join the ranks, the mafia decides it needs to update its image to appeal to a younger, hipper crowd:
Open on a scene of two old men bartering over who controls the west-side drug trade. Violins are playing a plaintive air.
A bunch of kids drive up in a lowered Mercedes with spinner wheels. They grab their Uzis and run inside, spraying bullets and laughing.
The old guys sit up and take notice.
They throw off their three-piece double-breasted suits and, voila, they're in nylon sport attire with loads of bling bling.
Rap music breaks out. Much dancing ensues.
Tag line: The Mafia, It's not your uncle's Cosa Nostra.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
LotR theme:
The Witch king, on the fields outside Gondor, whips out his big freaky mace thing.
Cross to: a boy and a girl in a car. The boy is a bit too close for comfort. The girl's eyes narrow, and you see her hand rummaging in her purse for a can.
The Witch King swings his weapon, putting major smackdown on everyone within twenty feet.
A shot outside the car: it sits, quietly, then suddenly a huge dent distorts its form; a dent in the shape of a mace, with a smaller man-shaped dent.
A can of Mace. Voice over: "Mace: it really works."
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Elizabeth, my children will never watch Barney. Or Teletubbies. Or anything else of that nature.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Of what nature?
Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :
(We interupt this thread for a moment of rant) Of the annoying purply-dressed things. Here's my beef with Barney. I've seen a few episodes of it, and each one was supposedly teaching kids to use their imaginations. Right. When did we have to teach kids to use their imagination? Oh right. When TV came around. Wait. TV...Barney...Hmmmmm...... (We now continue with our regularly scheduled thread)
[ January 22, 2005, 07:53 PM: Message edited by: Boris ]
Posted by Glenn Arnold (Member # 3192) on :
I have a computer game called "Barney Carnage"
'nuff said.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
[continues derail] I have three kids who were once two- and three-year-olds. They NEVER watched Barney in my home, and I did my best to reduce what they saw of it elsewhere.
Mr. Rogers (as an example) taught kids to own their feelings, that it was ok to be sad, angry, and so on. Barney teaches kids that if they're sad or angry, we should sing a happy song and make everything all better. [/derail]
Posted by whiskysunrise (Member # 6819) on :
I have a 2 year old the has never seen Barney. We hope to continue this.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
My five-year-old sister hasn't even HEARD of Barney.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
The camera shows a lovely house in the suburbs. There is a lighted window downstairs. The camera zooms in on this window, and shows a shower, with the outline of a woman taking a shower. On closer view, a head is shown looking in the window.
A song plays:
"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there..."
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
And she's not in the shower alone!!!
"You're in good hands with Allstate."
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I've posted this one before in a different thread but I'll give it one more go.
A bevy of women are discussing the efficacy of sanitary napkins. They are seated in a diner that is an exact copy of Rosie's Diner from the old Bounty paper towel commercials. A Rosie look-alike has a couple of sherbert glasses filled with red juice. Voice over says, "We're here at Rosies Diner to see which product is the quicker picker uppper" Close-up of product being pushed into the juice....
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I always think of this when I see the travel commercials where people shout don't think twice about going on vacation. Some people will say things like, "but who will feed my goldfish", and then a crowd of people yell "don't think twice" and then they go on the trip.
I think that it would be funny if one guy said "But if I go, i'll have to kill everyone!" and then when they tell him to go anyway, they switch to a scene of him strapped with dynamite shouting "Here I come!"
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I kill off one adorable child's TV star, and the world acts like its a crime.
Try this one.
Scene opens up at the Oval Office.
"Winning the US Presidential Election, 350 Million Dollars."
See President Bush happilly signing laws.
"Winning a majority of seats for your party in both houses of Congress, 250 Million Dollars."
Close up of bill--Budget for Iraq--2005.
"Spreading Democracy and our values to the rest of the world, 95 Billion Dollars."
President Bush signs, and goes on to the next bill.
Close up of bill---2005 Social Security Reform Act.
President Bush looks perplexed.
"Increasing the value of all stocks by arranging several billion dollars of Social Security money to flood the market"
The bill shows a big $10,000,000,000 Cost in large red letters.
"Allowing the people to be responsible for their own retirement."
President gets an inspired look. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out an Ultra-Platinum Master Card and puts it on the bill.
"And ensuring your legacy for history----PRICELESS."
Posted by Glenn Arnold (Member # 3192) on :
Speaking of advertising, has anyone seen this one?
I really enjoyed this thread, but people stopped making joke ads. So. *bump*
I'll even get the ball rolling again.
Commercial for the new Saturn Ion with dent resistant panels. Sequel to the commercial where it gets hit with shopping carts and buses.
[Intro] Saturn ION is sitting in a field.
Cave troll runs up to it and bashes it with it's giant hammer. No damage.
Witch King comes up and bashes it with his mace. No damage.
A mumakil rolls it over with its tusks, no damage.
Camera pans over to the three of them shrugging their shoulders at the car and walking away. Camera pans back to car. Frodo hops out and flicks the ring into the air, laughing.
Line reads: "The new Saturn ION, a new car for today's ringbearer."
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Does anyone else remember the old "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's" commercials? Here's one I always wanted to see.
Table with Reese's Peanut Butter Cup package sitting on it. 12-year-old boy walks onto camera and sits down at table.
Voiceover: "This is Timmy Johnson."
Timmy opens up the wrapper and takes out the peanut butter cups, holding one in each hand while the Voiceover says "This is how Timmy Johnson eats a Reese's Peanut Butter cup."
Timmy smashes the cups into his forehead and rubs his hands frantically on his head, spreading melty chocolate and peanut butter into his hair and covering his face.
Voiceover: " ... Okay, there's some wrong ways to eat a Reese's."
--Enigmatic
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
My girls did not watch Barney until their pediatrician suggested that we show it to them. We got a lot of second-hand video tapes and watched them all.
Then we got a new pediatrician.
Barney is crap.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Your doctor told you to make your kids watch TV? And this wasn't some sort of red flag? Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
This was right after she told us she thought they might be retarded, so we were a bit distracted.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Ah, okay. Good thing you got another pediatrician, then.
Posted by dean (Member # 167) on :
Was her evidence that they might be retarded that they weren't already big Barney fans? Because I would take their not being fans as an OPPOSITE sign.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
They were 18 months old and only had two or three words. *shrug*
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
So that makes them retarded? Quack.
Posted by dean (Member # 167) on :
I'd've been a little more worried about something like autism.
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