I've got a strong hankerin' to do another one, and I think enough time has elapsed to prevent me from quitting in the middle by giving in to my inner "but I already DID this!" whining child.
I just need to pick the right tract. In the past the best tracts have had very cartoonish artistry and slightly incoherent messages. A "King James is the only REAL Bible version" message, for example, wouldn't work based on it's clear agenda and boring subject matter. Plus, nobody gets poisoned by Satan or dies in a prison fire as an 'object lesson'.
I know some ideas were bandied about last time, but I don't remember what they were. Any suggestions? I'll start on the best one tomorrow.
Ok, forget about the Titanic. This is way better.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
If you go with Titanic, perhaps you can do something with the fact that they seem unclear --and inconsistent -- as to how "iceberg" is spelled. I guess an "iceburg" would be a city made of ice, neh?
Posted by Foust (Member # 3043) on :
Look at Jesus' nipple on the cross. Doesn't it look like an eye? In the "Kidnapped" comic?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I think you should do this one, in honor of Lent and all.(well, more in dishonor of Lent, and in honor of Mardi Gras)
[ February 09, 2005, 08:07 AM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I just finished re-reading Pullman's 'The Subtle Knife.'
Chick's theology is what makes Pullman's subversive ideas so. . . attractive, I guess, to so many people. In one way, Chick proves that Pullman is right about God's attitude toward humanity.
I've stopped being shocked or angry about Chick. I'm just saddened that someone could so devoutly misunderstand God.
As for Pullman-- man, he's an inspirational writer when he isn't interspersing his propaganda between the lines.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I loved that series, Scott! By the third book, though, the God business got to be a bit much.
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
Man. I think the Jesus on the cross in the Kidnapped tract takes the cake as the most horrific Jesus I've ever seen.
Angels is a tract about the evils of Christian rck music. There's several deaths and Satan appears throughout.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Wait...so...all music is bad? *blinks*
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
The beginning of the second one alone would make great mst3k faire.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
"Wait...so...all music is bad? *blinks*"
No. Music with an insidious "jungle" rhythm is bad.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
I was talking about this line:
"Next, I started invading and distorting country, classical, soul, and Christian music..."
Is the argument that the insidious "jungle" rhythm has invaded all those genres?
Am I making too much of this? Sorry, a friend is taking her qualifying exams, and much in the same way that another's death makes you aware of your own mortality, I am heavily aware of my impending qualifying exams. Hence, the over-analysis of something like a Chick tract. Don't mind me, move along, move along. Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
"Is the argument that the insidious 'jungle' rhythm has invaded all those genres?"
Yep. Remember, classical music has rhythm now, too. And a lot of the modern stuff is really weird, and we all know that weird things Jack Chick doesn't understand are of the devil.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
"...And Don is into vampirism" Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Mad Machine and Bewitched are both great, SM.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Wait, two guys get married, one immediately gets aids, and then 3 months later, he's weak and skinny and dying? This doesn't make sense...
These are funny, though.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
AIDS given to you by the Devil himself is apparently especially fatal.
What I find odd is that, in Jack Chick's version of the disease, you get AIDS by pissing off Lucifer.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Sorry, edited. I "pulled a Sara."
[ February 09, 2005, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
LOL, Kidnapped is looking good.
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
"MY goodness, Susy, we almost became Muslims! "
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I've settled on Mad Machine.
Thanks, SM. Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Suh-Weet!
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Gunslinger, jeez..."it's not about good or bad, it's about saved or lost". So, rejoice, everyone, doing bad things no longer matters. *grumbles* Eh, don't know why I let that idiot piss me off...
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
I have to laugh, or else I get the unquenchible urge to punch my hand through a wall.
Posted by Mabus (Member # 6320) on :
Hey...I've completed a parody tract of my own, for once! It's not an MST3K parody, but it is kinda funny...or creepy, depending on how you look at it. Unfortunately, I don't have a place to host it at the moment. Anybody up for it?
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
'In times like these, the only answer to our problems...is black strap molasses.'
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Have you got Photobucket?
Has this Chick guy ever heard of this part of the bible where they killed all these people except for the girls and divided them amongs themselves?
The Subtle Knife is an excellent book, but the message is sort of... more like what we do on Earth is more important than heaven....
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
I can host it, Mabus, if it's all one image. Email it to eaquaelegit AT yahoo DOT ca
Posted by Mabus (Member # 6320) on :
I'll have to paste the thing together, I suppose.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Nice, Mabus! All Chick parodies welcome. As David Brent would say, "All equal, so..."
Eaquae Legit made a very generous offer, but it is also possible that I could put your tract in with my parodies if you'd like and host a little mini-parody section in my foobonic profile. If Eaquae Legit would not be offended (hate to interlope and all that), paste that bad boy together and send it to antoniadodge@gmail.com.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Evertime I see this thread at the top, my heart goes all aflutter, thinking that maybe when I click the link this time, it'll have Ralphie's newest MST segment at the bottom.
The dissapointment is getting harder to deal with. Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Sorry, SM. I've worked out the format and I'm writing the captions even now. I should be done by this weekend.
It probably won't meet expectations. So, you know, have low ones. Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
Ah, it's probably easiest to keep them all in one place anyway.
Ralphie
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Oh sure... and get deported to Norway for being a commie.
"...gets AIDS, and then 3 months later, he's weak and skinny and dying..."
[ February 11, 2005, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: aspectre ]
Posted by Mabus (Member # 6320) on :
Figured you'd take it, Ralphie.
It's based on Li'l Suzy , but the subject matter is more of a mixture of tracts about the End Times scare. I've been meaning to do something like that with one of the actual End Times tracts--I'm partial to parodying a Weird Al song ("The Night Jesus Went Crazy")--but I haven't been able to manage it yet. So I picked a fairly generic tract and went from there.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Geez, Ralphie, I feel like I am waiting for "A Feast for Crows" or something. I mean, it has been DAYS here!
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
"Stop it! My husband is watching us!" "(*&$%#! You know he doesn't care!"
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
A word of warning: not my finest work. I'm hoping it was that the pacing of tract didn't pan out like I thought it would and not that I'm losing my touch.
At any rate, it was still fun to do. And so I give you: The Mad Machine
edit: Oh, and yes - the "Futurama" line is a tribute, not shameless plagerism.
[ February 14, 2005, 09:15 AM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
"If I've learned anything from Chick tracts, it's that God hates a comb-over."
Ha ha!
Thanks, Text Ralpie.
[ February 14, 2005, 09:07 AM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Oh, good! Someone liked it and/ or is being incredibly nice!
Whew. Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
I wanna be Ralphie when I grow up.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
There were many more funny things, but I could not copy-paste, and had to just plain old copy, so I chose the comb-over.
It took me a minute to see the little heads-I only saw that cartoon-guys-review-the-movie show a couple of times. The text Crow thing was hysterical. You will always be Text Ralphie to me now, dear.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
"Crow!Now I'm in Dutch with the Mafia!"
Reminds me of one of my favorite Simpson's lines: "Oh no! Maggie's in the middle of an Italian-American Mexican standoff!"
"isn't Koffenheimer German for "comb-over" "Yeah, it's in the bible."
"Frankenstein, human pez dispenser"
Good stuff, Ralphie. I think "Death Cookie" was your best, but DC was a gold-mine for satire.
--Text Morbo
[ February 14, 2005, 02:12 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I like Text Crow. Sweet!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Ralphie, you might want to change the title of the thread so people know there is a new masterpiece in the house.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
"Other, lesser proselytizers may shy away from making an object lesson out of a completely fabricated situation they themselves evented, but Jack clearly has no such qualms."
"I wish Jack would stop giving everything even remotely phallic those little wiggle lines. Makes me uncomfortable."
Ralphie has done it again! Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
"I wish Jack would stop giving everything even remotely phallic those little wiggle lines. Makes me uncomfortable."
You noticed it too?
Great job, Ralphie.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
That was awesome, Ralphie. Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Thanks, guys.
quote:Ralphie, you might want to change the title of the thread so people know there is a new masterpiece in the house.
Okey doke.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
*wipes tear from eye*
Beautiful, Toni.
Are ya gonna link to the original Death Cookie? I'm too busy (read: lazy) to look for the link
[ February 14, 2005, 09:37 PM: Message edited by: Leonide ]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Kira, they're all in my Ralphie album in the Jatraqueros portion of foobonic, here. Just click on the parody and then again to get the full version. Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
"You think YOU'VE got problems! My clicky pen just jammed on me! Oh, and, uh, it's got cancer."
Holy cow, I'm going to laugh up a lung!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
A cancerous lung?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
with wiggly lines around it.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Oh, Dan!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
That was *great* Ralphie.
I'm a toss up between text crow and "SOMEbody needs some Black Strap Molasses" for my favourite. Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
That was so funny when they became text Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Thanks again, guys. For taking the time to even read it. Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
You know, Ralphie, I might actually consider serving you Nescafe naked as a fitting tribute for these.
I've just always had a thing against Jack Chick ever since he bashed Christian Rock. I got saved the first time I heard The Triskadecapobian Apostles sing "Hellfire Swirlie (Satan gave me a wedgie)". Sure, the music sucked, but it led me to avoid an eternity of demons giving me wet willies and pushing me into the infernal girl's bathroom, so they're alright in my book...which is The Bible.
[ February 15, 2005, 06:54 PM: Message edited by: MrSquicky ]
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
It's been said before, but it bears repeating:
Ralphie, you rock. Seriously.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
amazing. Ralphie
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Mabus also made a Chick parody at the time, and I completely forgot to upload it (like an idiot). I've corrected my mistake, and you can find "The Day of the Lord" here.
Unfortunately, the text is small. But hopefully it's readable. Give all kudos to Mabus, as it is his brain child. Posted by Mabus (Member # 6320) on :
No responses, eh?
This is encouraging.
I should've known better than to compete with Ralphie.
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
Mabus, I don't know if that's neccesarily a parody. It's more like a retranslation with some exaggerated extrapolation thrown in. You made an argument, not a pardoy. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I don't know so much that people are going to find it entertaining or funny.
Posted by Puffy Treat (Member # 7210) on :
It seemed to be "anyone who disagrees with me is a fanatic who secretly loves Satan, hate, and other bad stuff".
In other words, it was just another typical Chick Tract...only mirror-image reversed.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
"once you are saved you can be as awful to people as you want, especially those nasty A-rabs"
AJ
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
but I would agree, most of it was pretty deep and you have to know eschatology in order to see what you are making fun of. But if an audience is versed in pre-trib eschatology,they can see the sarcasm. I also need to go back and read the original too for comparison.
AJ
Posted by Mabus (Member # 6320) on :
Hmm.
Thanks for the feedback. Maybe it will help to think of it as a satire rather than a parody.
And maybe now that it's out of my system I can make something funnier, neh?
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Ralphie
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