...because she's weaning herself, and the only times she wants to nurse are in the morning when she wakes up (several times), at night before bed (the same) and before her naps (occasionally right after, too, but not usually). She's 2 weeks away from her first birthday, and we've been nursing on demand the whole time. I had intended to get her on a schedule by one year, but she resisted all efforts, and the way she wasn't gaining very fast, I gave in and let her nurse whenever she wanted to. Now she's almost a year, and it's like she's decided it's time she have a schedule, so she's setting her own.
Everyone told me how hard it is to nurse a baby at first, and how hard it is if you have to give it up. But no one told me how hard it is when she gives it up, or even lessens it. Not physically; she's been gradual enough I'm not having problems. But emotionally. It's like she's trying to move on into the next phase of her relationships with us, and all of a sudden, she's much more attatched to her Abba than to me. She wants him all the time when she's home, she asks for him when he's gone, she pushes me away and wants to do things herself that she'll let him do for her, she won't sit still for me to read her a whole book, but will demand 5 in a row from him. While I can understand that she's probably changing her interaction with him a little because it's harder to move from "baby" to "person" with me than him, it still hurts a little. Okay, sometimes a lot. I know that when she's ready, she'll take that step with me, too, but right now, she's being cranky about it, instead of her usual sunny self.
So here I sit, typing awkwardly while I let her nurse and she kicks the keyboard. She's getting sleepy-eyed, but I don't want to let her go. I want to hold her here forever, where she's safe and still (okay, not so still, but emotionally so) and my little baby. I know one of the most important parts of being a parent is letting go a little so they can grow, but it's so hard!
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
:::ketchupqueen:::
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Oh darn it. Now I have to call my mom. Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
I realize I'm not the most...ahem...sensitive person to discuss parent-child issues with, but you'll always be mom.
That won't change.
The tone might, but that's hormones for you.
-Trevor
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
((ketchupqueen))
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Aww...letting go is hard. If it's any help, my son is almost 10, and he is still my baby (so is my daughter!). Try to look forward to what's going to happen, not what you're leaving behind. Yes, you're leaving behind that ultra-close relationship of nursing, but oh my gosh!! You're stepping into the wonder of conversations, t-ball, best friends, and all the other magical things that happen in childhood. And best of all, you are forever momma, no matter how old or how big they get.
space opera
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
wow, what an ungrateful little child!
I think you should remind her how you gave her life, carried her for 9 months, and how she practically split you in two coming out.
Start this now. By the time she's 40 and through the first round of intense therapy, she'll thank you!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I wonder if this is an oldest-girl-child thing? Because I had a very similar experience with my oldest, who at 11 months wanted me when she wanted to nurse; but otherwise didn't want me to hold her unless NO ONE else was available. (Ok, not no one -- if her father, aunt, grandmother, and grandfather were all not present, I was better than a stranger. ) Quite a shock to go from the most preferred to absolute bottom of the totem pole!
At about 15 months, after she weaned, the pendulum slipped back the other way a bit. I think weaning actually helped that. Then she was no longer getting the contact that went with nursing, and was more interested in mommy hugs and kisses again.
(((((kq)))))
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
kq, here's another thing to look forward to - right now Operaetta is wheeling herself around in her doll stroller. She has a belt looped into our dog's collar, using it as a leash, and is leading him by use of the belt and a rawhide bone stuffed into a doll stand. Just wait till Emma can do stuff like that!
space opera
edit: Oh, and I needed to add that today she wore a pair of stretch pants with a carebear nightgown over them, and then a bright orange Halloween t-shirt over the top. We went to the movies and for pizza with her dressed this way.
[ March 23, 2005, 07:33 PM: Message edited by: Space Opera ]
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
Oh, I know how bittersweet it is! All my kids self weaned, and it was hard on me. I wanted to keep them babies forever. (OK, I didn't complain when they potty trained...I have never understood why our society encourages parents to wean years before they potty train)
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
(((kq))) and (((kp)))
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
I, too, did on-demand nursing and child-led weaning (this drove my mother and grandmother nuts), but I also remember having some sniffles at the transition.
Nathan still likes to snuggle a bit, which is sweet - but folks are right - each stage is unique and wonderful - and your baby is always your baby.
Get this book to remind yourself!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Shan, we've been reading her that book since before she was born. Including singing the song-- to Robert Munsch's tune.
I grew up on that book. It does make me cry since she was born, though. I never understood why my dad did that. Now I do.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
I have the funniest story about that book. I was in a hotel room one morning at about 7 and a half, with my mom, grandma, great aunt, and dad's cousin (as well as her one year old son). I woke up to all the ladies sitting on the bed crying while reading that book, and patting Turner (yes blacwolve, one of the yuppy cousins) and I on the head, telling us never to grow up. It was scary then, but cute in retrospect.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
KQ, I know how you feel. I was sad when my daughter stopped nursing. She was always and is still a prickly pear when it comes to hugging. However, I am pretty sure my son, who is 8 now, will be a cuddly puppy all his days.
Posted by Lady Jane (Member # 7249) on :
I have two stories about that book, and I think they illustrate very well why I get along better with one little brother than the other.
My mom gave that book to my baby brother Steve the Christmas he was...12, I think. I suspect now that my mom was much more sick than they ever told us (the kids), because I got something similar the next Christmas. She died the next summer.
My middle brother, about two months after Christmas, saw the same book at the house of a neighbor, so he came home and told Mom, in front of Steve, that Steven had given the book away because he didn't care about it. No, it wasn't true, but it made Steven look horrible for about an hour before he found it in the mess of his room.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Oh, how sad!
Posted by Lady Jane (Member # 7249) on :
My middle brother turned eleven and suddenly became quite a little &*$%#. This is very typical for him. Maybe he's changed since becoming an adult, but I wouldn't know. I hope so.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
AW. That book is so cute. I read it in Leaps in Literacy. It's adorable when she was holding him as a grown man. Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, Kat, there is a huge difference in fifth grade boys and sixth grade boys, and that is abput the age. Is he eleven now? Or was this a while ago?
Posted by Lady Jane (Member # 7249) on :
He's 24 now. The last major interaction was when he didn't invite me to his wedding, and the one before that was when he didn't talk to me for nine months after a fight. If he's changed, it will have to be in the last three years or so.
Still, there can be a huge difference between 20 and 24, so it's possible.
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
That book always make me cry too.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
That book makes me cry too. It's one of Rainbow's favorites.
She self-weaned too at 10 months, which was not happy-making for me. I knew she was the last baby I would nurse, so I was really, REALLY not ready to give it up. My breasts and my daughter conspired against me. Over the course of a week, there wasn't any milk anymore and she didn't want it anyway.
I was bummed about it for a month.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
kq your post is such a bittersweet one - I think it's beautiful and it also illustrates what we mothers go through watching our children grow.
Thanks for posting it.
*goes to hug her kids*
Posted by Wendybird (Member # 84) on :
My littlest weaned himself at 10 mos when S went into the hospital for his transplant. It was an emotional roller coaster. I missed my long waited for baby's first Christmas, spent the days in the PICU, and had to wean. I'm sure the stress effected my milk supply but it was so emotionally hard to have all that hit at the same time.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Oh, wow.
((((kq))))
I never had the post-partum blues, but I got the post-weaning ones in SPADES ( I even was medicated for a while after the second one weaned -- I was that brain-chemistry whmmied by it). You're in my thoughts, both of you.
*hugs*
Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
*gets all teary eyed while nursing, Sophie kicking keyboard and all*
She's been a bit fickle about nursing recently and we've had to supplement some at daycare because of my deminished milk supply and empty freezer. That was a hard thing for me, but we've made it work.
There are many new excitements going on, though, and its been fun to watch her grow and change. Still, I sympathize. *goes to cuddle Sophie who has decided not to nurse anymore, but to vocalize and tip over her toy basket*
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
The thing is, it really is true that each age has its special magic. Mine are 8 and 10, and it is such a beautiful time.
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
kq, my son self-weaned at ten months. I was *devastated*. I felt as if he had totally dismissed me. *le sniff* Now he's excessively clingy (at seven!!) and I'm wishing he'd self-wean himself from my company until bedtime. *grin* I try to remind myself of the 'sad weaning time' whenever I get frustrated with him.
I love love love "Love You Forever". My husband calls it "The Scary Stalker Mommy Book" (the woman DOES drive across town to rock her grown-up son, hehe), but Christopher and I love it. It's especially poignant now, because *he* reads it to *me*. (awwwwww)
It still makes me cry, sometimes.
*watery smile*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote: My husband calls it "The Scary Stalker Mommy Book"
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
I know one of the most important parts of being a parent is letting go a little so they can grow, but it's so hard!
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
) Quite a shock to go from the most preferred to absolute bottom of the totem pole!![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)