Hatrack River Forum: Dad just got remarried...

This is topic Dad just got remarried... in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

Well. It was nice. Wierd and stuff but nice.
But now Mom is totally flipping out. *sigh*
I hate my life sometimes.

Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :

Tlp, sorry you have to endure this. Tomorrow is a new day. [Group Hug]

Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

And of course she hates me because I went to the wedding... and Dad for some reason, either spite or being stupid, had it the day before Mom's birthday. Which is today. Ugh. And of course she is accusing me of being "an abusive husband" because I didn't do enough for her.

Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :

(Sings softly)

...suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please...

Buck up, comrade! Parents won't bother you forever.

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

Wow, Telp. I know how it is for your parents to be crazy and hate each other. I feel for you. Just keep adding to the list of "things I will never do to my children"; that's about all you can do.

Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

thanks guys. I guess all I can do is just sit back and let her scream at me for a bit.

Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

Great. Just told her that my Aunt and Uncle where there. My Uncle handles a bit of her money. Looks like Mom is about to cancel all her accounts with him and probably disown him now. Super. And now she's off to her divorce recovery class. Talk about good timing. But why she gets mad at me for "not doing enough" and being a "passive-aggressive bastard" when she had no plans to even be around tonight... arg.

Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :

[Wall Bash]

That sucks, Telp. Sorry you're stuck in the middle.

Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

Part of the problem is that I'm such an easy target. Mom sometimes tries this crap with my brother and he screams back at her, shuts her up, and puts her in her place. She doesn't talk to him that way anymore.

But me Mr. Niceguy who never gets mad and who never yells gets all this crap. It's seriously beating me down. I don't have any energy for anything.

Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :

How are you her "abusive husband" in any case?

Or is there something you haven't told us..... [Evil]

Seriously, this sucks, and I wouldn't let her get away with it any longer. It just gets harder to stop the longer you allow it to continue.

Kwea

Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

She was crying and stuff, upset that I went to my Dad's wedding and that I'm poor and that I'm a looser and whatnot, and I went over to give her a hug and she's like "too little too late" and that I'm like "an abusive husband buying roses for his wife who he just beat".

So my failures, poverty, and trying to keep ties with my Dad are basically the same as beating her up.

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :

[Group Hug]

Posted by Danzig (Member # 4704) on :

You do not need to take that. Your mother may be having a hard time coping with your father's remarriage, but calling you a loser or abusive husband is entirely out of line. Sorry you have to deal with this.

Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :

Poor Telp. You definitely don't deserve that. [Frown]

Posted by Zamphyr (Member # 6213) on :

Is she paying for the divorce recovery class ?

Can she get her money back ?

Posted by arevoj (Member # 7347) on :

It would be so much better if divorcing parents could just realize how much it hurts the kids, no matter the age, to be put in the position of having to listen to and take in the frustrations of one parent against the other. The kids are bystanders in the situation and it is very uncomfortable to be placed right smack dab in the middle.

I've been through this and all I can say is - it does get better, but it takes time. Luck to you.

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

It gets better? My parents split 17 years ago, and I'm still in the middle, even though I live halfway across the country.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

[Frown]

Posted by arevoj (Member # 7347) on :

Sorry, mine got somewhat better or more mellowed, at the very least, in the 20 years or so since it happened. Although, I do still get lots of questions from my mom if I am around my dad and his wife - they just aren't as vitriolic.

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

My parents still make completely inappropriate comments about each other to me. I think I'm a little better to deal with it, but they're the same kind of comments. And they still can't be together without tension in the room, if not shouting or worse. Although, they did both come to my ring ceremony/wedding reception. Even if my mom and her family did all leave almost immediately, too soon even to be in most of the pictures. But I think that was because they both knew I would never forgive them for skipping it. I used to plan the perfect wedding-- and agonize over which of my parents to invite, because I was sure I wouldn't be able to have them both and not have someone end up dead.

Posted by arevoj (Member # 7347) on :

That's really bad. It must have been very difficult to have had to deal with it for so long. In my case, now it is only weird if we all have to get together for some reason - which is very, very rare.

Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :

(((Telp)))

My parents are so amicable about their divorce it's kind of creepy.

Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

I don't handle stress very well...I wish Mom was nice and placid! Dad is pretty calm... but then again he did leave Mom and is now in a nice two-income house.

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

Is your mom's, ah, personality why they split in the first place? Because it seems to me like she has deeper issues than just divorce.

I'm not trying to be offensive. Both my parents have personality issues. It's rather scary that they even had children. [Frown]

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

My parents didn't stop putting me in the middle until I did exactly as your brother did, Telp, and told them LOUDLY and VOCIFEROUSLY that enough was enough, they could sue each other until the day they flipping died, but I did NOT want to hear word one about it ever again. My sibling that has not done that, still gets put in the middle. It's been over 25 years. My other sibling is struggling for equilibrium and balance.

And of course, when you add the additional marriages and divorces they each have had, it gets even squickier . . .

*hugs Telp*

Let those roots go deep, Telpy, and remember that silver can be burnished to a beautiful sheen.

Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :

my new mantra - "I will not speak badly about the idiot in the presence of the children... I will not speak badly about the idiot in the presence of the children..."
How long do we think I can manage THAT one?

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

Well, if you don't think you can, you can always re-read this thread once a week to keep up your resolve.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

It might help to try to refer to him as infrequently as possible as "the idiot" (trust me, I understand the temptation).

This thread depresses me. [Frown]

(((((Telpy)))))

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

If it makes you feel better, Rivka, I love both my parents tremendously and appreciate the good things they did for me growing up, and the help, love, and support they still give me. I just wish I'd never had to learn all my little defense mechanisms to deal with them, and that they'd stop talking about each other already.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

It does help a bit. Thanks.

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

...and although they are each very awesome in their own way, neither of my parents are as awesome as you. [Smile]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

*teary hug*

Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :

*huggles*

Dad might very well have left because of Mom's personality. But he did it in a terrible way. Having an affair for a year or so, not giving Mom the money she deserves (Mich is a no-fault State so that didn't help). But after living with her for the three years since this all went down...and if she was like this to my Dad in private then I can almost understand why he left. [Wall Bash]

Ah well. This thing moves in cycles. Mom gets upset, blames Matt and I and all her friends of being traitors, then things calm down for a couple months and are cool. Just to have some strange day or anniversary pop up to start the whole thing over again.

That one song by Jewel, "I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way", was really my theme song. But now to survive I've become so distant from my emotions. It's either that or wallowing around in the agony with Mom. I refuse to do that. Besides, I wouldn't be any good to her or anyone. But she sees my self defense as an attack...and so she attacks me...which makes me become more distant and resentful of her... rinse wash repeat... vicious cycle. Ugh.

Well, I spent my gas money on a tasty little strudel for her. Maybe I can buy my way out of this. [Wink]

Thanks for the support guys. Means alot.

Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :

*hug* The whole thing blows, man.

My mother left my father just after I graduated from college in 2002. She hasn't spoken to me since. My sister said she heard from someone in town that my mother is moving to North Carolina. We don't know when. My sister also heard that my mother was pissed she wasn't invited to my wedding.

It's hard to invite people when you don't have a phone number or address.

You know, I think it's time I wrote another landmark instead of taking up your thread, Karl.

But you're in my thoughts.

Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :

*hugs*

Strength, Karl.

Posted by Portabello (Member # 7710) on :

((Lupus Rex))