The questions below, about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney—can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville, and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here, and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees, and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I am laughing so hard, my side hurts!
Posted by Kent (Member # 7850) on :
I haven't laughed out loud while reading this forum, until now. Hmm, interesting sensation.
Thanks for sharing, it was awesome. I can't wait to share it with someone.
[ April 23, 2005, 08:22 PM: Message edited by: Kent ]
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
I'm just glad all the questions didn't come from the States.
-Trevor
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
That's hilarious!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
No, Trevor, people all over the world are equally inferior to Aussies!
Posted by bunbun (Member # 6814) on :
Yes, we have {misstatement} every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
I loved this!
Eve
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
Aussies are proof that God has a sense of humour.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Because we're all so witty - right, tt&t?
I'm sure that's all you meant. Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
It's even funnier if you know what King's Cross is like.... Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
Speaking of Australia, is there really a serious movement to change that flag, or is this just a fringe thing that will never come to fruition?
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
The debate aboout changing the flag has been about for some time.
There is an Aboriginal Flag which was recognised as an official flag in 1995. Since then the movement to re-do the flag has gained in popularity.
The pro-redesign camp argue that our current flag is not indictitive of our nation today. The flag has the Union Jack on it, and many see that as a sign of oppression, and at the worst, genocide.
The anti-redesign camp argue that our flag has withstood 100+ years since federation, represents a united Australia and at this stage, has come to stand for the whole country. They also argue that a lot of people have died under our flag (and ANZAC day is tomorrow) and changing it would be disrespectful.
**
I personally think we should change the system (ie: constitutional monarchy) before we think about changing the flag. When we do change the system, the flag debate will be on the agenda.
Edit: to take out a stray bracket. Also, in the last paragraph - I think we, as a country, should become a republic *and* change our flag.
[ April 24, 2005, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: imogen ]
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
quote: No, Trevor, people all over the world are equally inferior to Aussies!
Being inferior to a nation that created Home and Away is pretty bad.
[sings] You and I forever and eeveeeer...
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
You're forgetting Neighbours.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
[ April 24, 2005, 11:35 AM: Message edited by: jebus202 ]
Posted by digging_holes (Member # 6237) on :
I dunno, imogen. We have a constitutional monarch here (Canada), and we're happy with it, and we have a cool flag. Also, we fought all our major wars under the Union Jack. *shrug*
My main problem with the Australian flag is that it's almost exactly the same as the New Zealand flag. It's confusing to remember which one has red stars and which has white stars.
[ April 24, 2005, 05:00 PM: Message edited by: digging_holes ]
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
Yeah, witty. Exactly. Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
quote: Aussies are proof that God has a sense of humour.
Thanks!
Of course, all that is true... I'm not surprised at the answers (particularly those laughing at Americans). But... some of them are truly idiotic; you don't make a fool of yourself by publically posting those questions!
JH (In my Aussie character)
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Here's a good place to solve something: Does either the Australian or the New Zealand flag have a "bonus star" (Twinky's words) on the left side underneath the union jack?
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
The Ozzie one does. They have 6 stars I think, we have 4.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
The Aussie one has, as an addition to the Southern Cross. I forgot what it represents.
[Singing] Beneath our radiant Southern Cross, We'll join with hearts and hands; To make this commonwealth of ours, Renowned of all the lands! [/singing]
How many versions did they have for the continuation of the stanza? 3 or 4, no?
Feels so good to listen to Down Under again!
[Singing] ...I met a strange lady, she made me nervous, She took me in and gave me breakfast. And she said... [/singing]
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
Now CSN's "Southern Cross" is stuck in my head.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
quote: Ozzie
That's "Aussie". We do have 6 stars, and thy are STARK WHITE. We aren't as bloody as the Kiwis. I don't know what OSC thought, but we definitely like having ourselves seperated from NZ. I love Australia, and always will. Imogen, can you transfer me there? I miss walking down Darling Harbour... and going round that big mansion on NSHR in Double Bay... Looking at a sunset from Rose Bay, and sunrise from Huntes Hill... Taking a ferry from Rushcutters Bay to the Quay, and then either one to Manly, or to Balmain...
God, I MISS Sydney!
JH
[ April 24, 2005, 06:36 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :
The "bonus star" under the union jack on the Ozzie flag represents the Commonwealth.
Aussie, Ozzie... Blue, Sheila, they're all the same aren't they? Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Maybe to you, Sheila.
[ April 24, 2005, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Speaking of flags, what about this New Zealand site? Is the movement bigger in NZ, or is it just a coincidence that the site looks nicer?
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Damn the Union Jack!
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
Jon you can't start getting all nationalistic in every thread.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
And hold up a second.
Are you people trying to tell me that New Zealand and Australia are different countries?
Hahahahahahahahaha.
Not buying it.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
BTW, we're really probably going to Australia this summer.
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