Hatrack River Forum: If some of your family members live 2 hours away

This is topic If some of your family members live 2 hours away in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :

is it ever acceptable to stop inviting them to family events - like a wedding, a party for another family member, or a holiday luncheon?

This is all hypothetical, of course. [Mad]

If you're the family member not getting included anymore, what do you do?

space opera

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

I don't think so. [Frown]

2 hours isn't that long to see your family.

Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :

No, that's not acceptable. Two hours isn't that far, and even if you can't go, it's still nice to be invited.

So what do you do? Tell them you still want to be included. That you can use your own judgment to determine if it's too far of a drive.

Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :

I don't think so. I currently live 2.5 hours away from my family, and still go to just about all family functions.

If I didn't get invited, I would be rather hurt...and say something about it.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Not unless they asked to stop being invited. [Razz]

How rude! Most especially the wedding.

(((((opera family)))))

Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :

I think it depends upon how close a family you are.

I have cousins within 2 hours of here that I would be pleasantly surprised to be invited to anything they did. We're just not that close. I've met them a few times but that's it.

My husband's neices are also somewhat distant, though close physically. I wouldn't be offended at not being invited to their birthday parties (we always send something, and contribute to their college funds on holidays and birthdays). I would be offended at not getting invited to their weddings.

I'd be offended if my brother didn't invite me to my nephew's birthday party -- he's my own nephew by blood and my brother and I are fairly close. We almost always celebrate our kids' birthdays together. They live a little over two hours away.

So I think it depends. If we traditionally spent birthdays/holidays/special occasions together, and suddenly that stopped, I'd want to know why if it wasn't already obvious.

My brother wasn't going to invite us to his wedding (2nd marriage for both), because they weren't going to do much for it. Just a justice of the peace sort of thing. He told me ahead of time what they were planning, explained why we wouldn't be invited, and so forth. I talked him out of it. They went to Vegas instead, and anyone who wanted to foot their own bill was invited. We went, and appreciated that we got to be there.

If he'd just gone off and done it, I'd have been rather upset with him.

Posted by Talison (Member # 7935) on :

I've spent most of my life no closer then a weeks drive from extended family, but during the two three years we were closer (4 1/2 hour drive) we made the trip for every holiday and birthday.
Of course I cannot really say if that was normal, or due to some notion of “making up” for all of our time on the other site of the country [Razz]

Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :

I'm a 40+ hour flight from nearest relatives, and I've still been invited to the family reunion this summer. [Dont Know]

Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :

Depends on the function.
Would I drive 4hours to-and-fro for a luncheon/etc?
Nope, except as an excuse to schedule a drive to see a close friend that I wanted to see in person anyway.

Would I drive 4hours to-and-fro for a party/etc?
Not for most relatives: only for one who was also a close friend. Even then, not for most parties/etc (unless I wanted to see them near that particular time even without the party/etc): only for celebrations of significant milestones. And an IndependenceDay/etc picnic ain't one of them. Depending on the person, maybe not even a yearly birthday party.

Would I ask someone to drive 4hours to-and-fro to come to one of my functions when I wouldn't make the drive to a similar function of theirs?
Nope. I wouldn't wanna set up a mutual"etiquette"obligation. I wouldn't want to feel that it was "necessary" for me to attend their function because they came to mine. Nor would I want "having to" invite someone to my function because I attended theirs.

There are so many other factors inre making and accepting invitations that not being invited isn't cause for taking offense.

[ May 02, 2005, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: aspectre ]

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

I agree, aspectre. I think it depends on the event, and also on the family.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

It depends how close they are.

But I also think it happens all the time. I get left out of basically everything for my family - if they invite, it was an accident because I heard about it from someone else. *shrug* Some people are less about the important things than others.