Okay, okay, I won't keep you in suspense. Today we're doing puns about horror movie/story cliches. So, come into the light and make light of the things that scare us the most. You haven't a ghost of a chance of making it through this smackdown alive. It's a grave responsibility. Hope it's not tomb much for you.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Go ahead, shower us with your worst! It'll be a screamin' good time.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I see this thread is already going down the drain.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
What a good night for a living thread!
We're all hungry for the challenge, but to come up with a pun you need a lot of brraaaaaaiiinsss...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I found that completely jarring.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
I'd like to point out that the first known zombie story was written in latin and discovered in a deep crevass by archaeologists, but to do that I'd need a Gorge Rome Arrow.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'm telling your mummy!
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
OH MY GOD! You stepped on that blob. Wait, ITS ALIVE! (This isn't any good is it?)
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Come on Bob, that's the kind of pun we heard when we were all children of the corny. We'll take that last attempt as Signs that you're tired at this time of M.Knight. It's just not the high-quality punmanship that we's cravin'.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Don't worry Steve: It may not have been the greatest, but only puns about vampires suck.
It reminds me of my old friend Shelley. She was dating a guy named Bram who had a problem with onanism. But that all ended when Bram the stroker decided to marry Shelley. Not sure what that has to do with horror? Those two wrote the book on it!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I think you're being crypt...ick...what is that?
I decided I'd better come in here and revivify this thread. It's alive with bad puns.
Poe, poe me. I've paid the Price. I've been sitting in the Lee side of this thread ever since. It's for the birds, if you ask me. I just refuse to go Jason after new puns anymore.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
It trifles me to say this, but I think the whole "pun smackdown" idea was DOA. Yet, IT LIVES!
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I've been trying to fire off some puns but I seem unable to Lon Chaney with merit. I thought about calling my friends Pete or Lorie, bug I don't want to wake them this early. I did call them once when it was too early and they both complained, "Don't Bore us, Call off"
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
How come you finally had time to do a Pun Smackdown, Bob? Did you win The Lottery or something? Or were you just really stoned?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Your biting sarcasm leaves me drained...and strangely anxious to hear your next command.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Oh, man! I am so stuffed. The Landlady just made me a huge breakfast with a lovely almond tea.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
I have to admit that some of my puns are looking a bit ratty. Willard I be able to do better? It's just that Bob and Punwit are taking us to school here. Not to dance around the subject, but they usually Carrie most of the weight in pun threads. The whole situation has me crying to my beer mug, and frankly, stein, I'm not going to take it anymore!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, Enigmatic, I am going to munster up some courage to say that there are others who are spot on in the pun thread as well. Do you think you are so lilly white as to be able to claim who puts in more puns? Every stream has its slow flow, and sure, there are always eddies, but we all row marilyn down the stream.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
We're wolfing down the puns now. Drag you laughing all the way, I hope. I don't know about you all, but I've learned everything I know about horror movies from late night TV. Used to stay up all night watching them on the family's old black & white unit. You can't even get B&W TVs anymore, and even that company has gone out of business. I find myself in a Trans-Sylvania phase of my horror watching.
Dark Shadows are looming.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
I certainly didn't mean to belittle anyone else's contribution by praising Punwit and Bob; it was just to make the gag work. So if I've offended I'd best run and Hyde.
Maybe I just ran out of classy humor. I hear the British have good puns. Are you prepared for a bit of larceny? If reddy, let's Rob Englund of their puns. It'd be their worst nightmare.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Remember watching scary movies as a kid? You'd have the lights off and be petrified. When the movie was over you had to make sure that one light was always on. This entailed turning on the hall light before turning off the one in the t.v. room and then turning on the bathroom light before turning off the hall light and so forth. The worst thing was if one lamp didn't work. Nothing is so scary as the Silence of the Lamps.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Back in the days when Ben Franklin was inventing things, he noticed that his friend, Sam Adams, always had a drippy nose. When he invented the first soft paper to blow one's nose, he always asked: "More Tissue, Adams?" and Adams would Lurch towards the Thing.
"Wow, Ben! I really need to share this idea of yours! I am going to show my Cousin It!"
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'm really hooked on this thread. I'm disembowled over.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Bob's such a Punhead, every time this thread sinks too far on the page he'll raise 'er back up.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
While doing a search for scary "Eve's" I happened across a site that I just had to link here. I know this doesn't strictly adhere to the topic but I submit that it qualifies as horrific. Be warned, this Eve is R rated.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I like that historical one. Ben Franklin is a favorite of mine. I have one of the automatic beer mugs he designed. It was the hit of the our country. Did you know that Franklin wanted to rename the country The Monarch-free, Oligarch-free Nation? Not the U.S.A. but the M.O.N. He was really pushing that in France during his term as ambassador there.
I have one of the French newspaper accounts of the Paris Inventors Convention. It starts off with "Franklin's Stein M.O.N. Star"
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
When Stephen Drake was practicing for his last musical, he could not seem to remember even the simplest lines. He only had one, and the words were "La la la." The director hired someone to help him out. They gave him the Drake cue "la."
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Now, I know you love crafting graphically violent murals by splattering soup on the walls, but could you finish already? Ma is still here, but Da gone to the grocery store cuz we went from beyond hungry to nearly starving while you wasted the soup. What do I think of the painting? I give it a B, moving along: In case you'd like to do it again, I took pictures of the last time so we can just put together a flipbook to re-animate it instead, ok? Are you finished? Is your stew art gore done?
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My wife got really mad at me. I was trying to hire a secretary, and one cutey was trying to seduce me. My wife caught her and got so mad she still hasn't forgiven me. I will never forget what I've come to call her "Interview with a Vamp, Ire."
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
It was so sad when Jerry Garcia died. I cried hard. The band is still playing togteher, and we went to see them. It was OK, but not great, to spend a night with the living Dead.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
When a mob boss kills off all his underling, what is really the point? All he is then is the Don of the dead.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Do you know what's worse than a blade-nailed madman from your dreams chasing you around in you pajamas? A blade-nailed madman from your dreams chasing you around while he's wearing a lingere'. Yes, its horrible, the "Night Wear on Elm Street" starring Teddy Kruger.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
This thread is a scream!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
More like a groan.
Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :
or a creak.
As in, the penduliforous swing
Skips a beat
Pauses voluminously,
And resumes the beat of normality (all a sudden-like)
*SORRY, THAT'S NOT A PUN!*
umm... creaking, groaning, screaming... ?
Not my thing. This is best left to the professionals.
<Language --PJ>
[ May 18, 2005, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: Papa Janitor ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I think you were getting a little cyclical there. But it wasn't such a horrorble pun, really. I'm kind of back and forth on it, really.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I say he's left us hanging a bit, pundulous like.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Are you saying he is leaving us in suspense?
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
Yes, Elizabeth, he's left us hanging. I suggest a fallow up post.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, that is such terrible noose.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
No noose is good noose, said the pardoned horse thief.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
What did the guy in Misery say to his captor when she offered him a piece of cake?
"I'll have some torte, sure!"
[ May 17, 2005, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I was playing tennis the other day. Boy, I forget how rude some people can be. This guy had broken his Head racket from pounding it on the tennis court, and was screaming so much he could hardly make a sound. But I didn't feel bad at all for that Headless hoarse man.
[ May 17, 2005, 11:30 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Bump
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
That should've been a bump in the night.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I knew you would go for it, Bob!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
They called him a Zero. I called him the Indivisible Man.
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
Would you folks have anything againSt even keenly written puns? Cujo Stand to let me have a try? Maybe I could Carrie a couple of Shining examples. Don't Misery'd my attempts as being like the Regulators. I know you are probably getting tired and I can just see your Languor leers, just like from a Creased teen. I have tried to be an Apt Pupil and don't mean to be a Pest. Me tarry, that's It.
[ May 18, 2005, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: reparty ]
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I know that part of this pun was previously posted but I think I have a new spin.
Trashy women with bad tempers are repelled by fishy breath. Thats right, you can frustrate those conniving wenches by licking a fish from the family Lepisosteidae. You learned it here, Gar lick repels vamp ire.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
*Waves to Reparty*
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
Punwit, glad to see you still have a stake in the art, not afraid of ire and can still verbal it.
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
I did some research on the musical based on Anna Leonowens. She was an English tutor for a prince in Bangkok in the mid 1800's. The king, being Budhist, preferred that the Christian Leonowens be discrete. She would apparently take communion while traveling in Chinese taxis that had just been introduced to the region. She would quietly leave the palace every Sunday and that's when the teacher's rickshaw Mass occured.
Posted by reparty (Member # 6884) on :
Did you know that after the liberation of France in WWII the women of the US Army were treated to very luxurious lodgings. The manager was not at first in favor, but considering the improvement over Nazi occupation he felt obliged. After further consideration, the head of Paris Hilton was impelled during the host of WACS.
[ May 23, 2005, 04:18 PM: Message edited by: reparty ]
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
This thread seems desolate and deserted, but I've been infected with a desire to write some puns. It's all the rage in London, you know. So don't just lay there, hurry up to catch the spreading pun fever! Hmmm... No bites yet? I've got my eye on the new blood (or vice-versa) to liven up this dead thread. We're starving for puns here, it's plane to see. Or is the pun smackdown all over? It looks like I was 28 days late.
--Enigmatic (perhaps more reference than pun, but I had to do it)
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Enigmatic, this pun thread is dead. Why dig it up? Tomb many puns are just not good for us.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
I like the tomb pun, Elizabeth. I almost came up with a Tomb Raider pun to go with it. But then I remembered* that the thread was about scary movies, not horrorble movies.
--Enigmatic
*this must be what you do after you've dismembered.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I think only the mod and our hosts can dis-member you.
I came out here to relay the story of a guy I met who absolutely hates public transportation. Every day you can see him down by the corner heckling passengers and drivers alike. He waves a sign. Since this is a family forum, I really can't print what it says on there, but let's just say it rhymes with succubus and leave it at that.
then there was the guy who died when he fell into a vat of Gold Bond medicated ointment. The good news is that his family saved a lot on the funeral costs. Heck, he was already in balmed.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
I'm glad I wasn't the only one to take a stab at this thread. It's always been very near to my heart. You could even say I have a stake in it.
--Enigmatic
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I can't take much morgue of this.
Of course, I will have to give you points for showing such spirit!
![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)