I just wrote it in 5 minutes, 10 minutes ago, so I'm sorry if it's imperfect.
quote:A sky of red, with trees there – it to hide, And winds of might blow round me all the night; This is the nature in which I reside – The natural feeling gives me most delight. To stand behind a window and to feel The winds of joy blow through a frame of bliss Is more that one believes today is real, Just listening to the wind’s most silent kiss. One cannot try to state the pleasure nightly Felt by those whose deep sense of awe is there, When you are bound to nature and so tightly With your eyes at silent night you stare. While friends of mine don’t see the nightly world Of tender, calm sensations; idle acts; My motions and emotions are all swirled, And mystify the world, obscuring facts – Then I can see the worth of life, its sake, The actual euphoria and joy: Conventionalities, watching them break, As if the horse had never entered Troy. You are united with yourself once more, When sensing chill of winds rise up your back, You know, though, that in this state there’s no gore, For harmony you have and will not lack. Remember that the night’s a home for this, And day will make this vanquish down to nought; Remember now the wind’s soft, subtle hiss, And let your idle dreams come from this thought.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
So, I guess you're what they call a "night person"?
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
No one called me that. It's just that at this period of the year, the night is the only pleasant time of the 24-hour cycle. I walked out of home to a pizza place today. I had my pizza under a roof and returned home (5 minutes). I was wxhausted and roasting when I returned, and my breathing was so quick I couldn't even sip water for a minte and a half.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
OK, I'm going to bed.
*Reads poem again, opens window, in spite of pidgeons penetrating room.*
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
"A bird, so rare", perhaps?
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
The rest of the poem's pretty mediocre -- remember my warnings about Yoda syndrome, Jon -- but I loved these two lines:
quote: Conventionalities, watching them break, As if the horse had never entered Troy.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
Many people do some of their best work between midnight and 3 am. Myself included.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
I half expected this thread to be about how many dust mites there are in your pillow.
I agree with Tom. I personally would rather see a poem that sacrifices rhyme for good meter and coherent sentences than the other way around. The poem is a little vague right now. I'm not entirely certain what it's about--wind, night?
Thanks for sharing.
Posted by Haloed Silhouette (Member # 8062) on :
I'm glad some of you liked some of it.
I tried to get something about nature - standing behind an opn window - looking at nature at its darkest and at its best, and just feeling the wind blow through the window across your body (best when you have few or no clothes on).
quote: I personally would rather see a poem that sacrifices rhyme for good meter and coherent sentences
The meter's an iambic pentameter through and through... But I didn't mark it in the Milton way - thousands of apostrophes, acutes and spelling differences in order to make it so visual.
As for the coherency - the clauses just flow on from one line to the other; not all of my lines fit whole units into them. We're not all Miltons...
quote: remember my warnings about Yoda syndrome
quote: Conventionalities, watching them break,
I tried to make it "watching all conventionalities break", except that it's a little over-syllabled. "conventional'ties" didn't seem right.
Even at mediocre - it's pre-polished and it was mde rapidly...