I know there are a good number of people (including my mother) who find a response of "no problem" disrespectful after they've finished thanking someone. To these people, I always try to respond with a "you're welcome."
But I think "no problem" serves a useful function in discourse. I've found that, among my friends at least, I use both "no problem" and "you're welcome," depending on which one the context calls for. "No problem" is used when the favor I'm performing is small, and it really is not much of a hassle for me. Letting someone borrow my notes from a lecture, for instance, so they can copy them, would call for a "no problem" after I'm thanked. There really wasn't much effort required on my part.
If I photocopy the notes myself for this person, however, and make a special trip to the library to do so, after I'm thanked, I would say "you're welcome."
I think the two responses are useful for signaling willingness to do favors. If someone did me a small favor, and then made a big production when responding to my thanks, I would be less likely to ask for favors from them in the future - they've clearly signaled that the favor I asked of them seemed to require more relative effort (to them) than I had anticipated.
Likewise, if someone simply brushed off a thanks with a "no problem" when they'd done me a really big favor, I would be more likely to restate my thanks, simply to make sure they recognize how much they helped me.
Thoughts? Am I the only one who uses these responses depending on the situation? Are there any other purists like my mother, who simply can't stand a response of "no problem?"
Posted by Miriya (Member # 7822) on :
I agree that it depends on the situation. With a peer, like in your borrowing notes example, I can see "no problem" being an appropriate response to their "hey thanks!"
I think that for either a "thank you so much" or a variation on that, especially from someone less casual, that a more formal "you're welcome" is called for.
I think the casualness of your relationship with the person may be more important the how much trouble the favour was.
Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
I will use "no problem" to minimize my role in something. Sure, if I did something small, like pass someone a bag of potato chips. It's sort of a more colloquial "don't mention it", or "it was nothing, really".
Thing is, I also use it for very big things when I'm trying to downplay my involvement. Normally this does result in a second thank you, at which point I come out with "I'm just happy to help" or "it's my pleasure."
This is often when I'm doing a big favor for a pretty girl in the hopes that she will sleep wi... I mean, think fondly of me.
In fact, I think I use "you're welcome" more often when someone *hasn't* said thank you... just to prompt them that they forgot, or that they were being inconsiderate. Or once or twice, when they were just speechless.
You know, I'd never really thought about it until now.
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
Weird... I always, ALWAYs use 'no problem'. I dunno saying 'you're welcome' feels arrogant to me. I always feel slightly embarrassed when I say it. I only really use it in as a sarcastic response. I've never realized that people might see my casual 'no problem's in response to thanks as rude. But that's the response that feels right to me. And its true, it really isn't a problem for me to do a favor, if I've done it, then I'd be willing to do it again and it wasn't a problem.
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
I have a problem with using "you're welcome" because, well... maybe the person isn't, you know?
I don't want to say that they are welcome to whatever I did for them... I might not be inclined to do it again...
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I'm very much a "no problem" person. The way I take "no problem" is "Hey, this wasn't really that big of a deal for me to do, no reason to thank me." I take "You're welcome" as more "wow, yeah, I did something monumental for me, you were right to thank me."
So to me "no problem" is more appropriate.
Please note that when I say that's how I take it, I mean that's how I perceive it when I'm saying it. Not when people say it to me. If I thank someone and get a "You're welcome" or a "No Problem" in reply I appreciate both equally. It's just nice to know my thanks has been acknowledged, and if someone is willing enough to acknowledge it out of politness I'm not going to quibble over how they said it.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
"You're welcome" can have a bit of a snarky overtone. You know, left over from when your Ma would say things like "I landed up feeding the cat for you. You're welcome."
Here, folks are most likely to respond to a "Thank you" with "No problem" or "Fuhgeddaboudit" or "No, thank you." Depending on who's thanking me, I'll either say "My pleasure" or "No problem". You hear "You're welcome" so rarely, except in its snarky guise, that, at least for me, it has come to be associated with a smug, self-satisfied, tight-lipped attitude. But, of course, no offense intended towards Jhai's mom, I'm sure.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
I think I tend to use "no problem" more often if someone thanks me before the task is actually done, and "you're welcome" more if they thank me after I've done something for them. That's probably not the case 100% of the time, just a general trend.
--Enigmatic
Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
I've spent a good bit of time thinking about this in the past, as I have three responses.
I use "No problem" (or Kein problem) the most often, despite my best efforts. It does seem approprate for small favors and quick errands that end with just "thanks." "You're welcome" is the more serious and respectful response, I agree. I try to use it exclusively during my routine workday, as well as with people who are less familiar with my quirks. Fairly involved favors for really good friends (or when I'm being particularly frivilous it seems), I might use "My pleasure." I think I've used this... twice in the past year, so it's more of an isolated incident.
As far as people responding to my thanks, I don't think I have a preference for either of the first two. I don't associate any disrespect with "no problem" or any snarkiness with "you're welcome." Well, at least not with the phrases, the tone may be another matter entirely.
Posted by dean (Member # 167) on :
I read advice columns all the time, and Miss Manners said once that the only polite answers to "Thank you" are "You're welcome" and "My pleasure."
This made me notice how often I say "No problem," even at my job.
Like if I'm cashing a check for someone and they ask if it would be possible to get twenty in ones, I say, "Sure, no problem." Then if they happen to thank me again, I'll likely say, "You're welcome."
Posted by Lord Solar Macharius (Member # 7775) on :
I tend to use "No problem" when being thanked by friends and people I know/work with. "You're welcome" is more my responce to being thanked for holding a door for a stranger.
[ August 12, 2005, 06:44 PM: Message edited by: Lord Solar Macharius ]
Posted by Goo Boy (Member # 7752) on :
"No problem" is more like the typical responses in Spanish, "de nada" or the more formal "no hay de que." So I think it's silly to consider it disrespectful. It's a perfectly good response.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
I think you read too much into people's word choices Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
Same in french, goo boy. Du rien, if I remember... though this phrase book sas "pas de quoi" instead... sort of the same, I'd imagine.
Any actual french speakers out there who can confirm or deny? It's been sooo long since I studied it.
Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
Personnally, i always say "De rien". Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
Thanks. See? Been too long. Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
No problem
We also say : "pas de problème" or "ce n'est rien". Sometime we say : "Je vous en pris".
Posted by whiskysunrise (Member # 6819) on :
It depends on who I'm saying it to. Someone I know well I pobably use "no probalem" someone I don't know so well will probably get a "you're welcome."
I also agree that tone has a lot to do with how I take what someone has said in response to my thank you.
I think that either response is fine.
Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
I'll just add that i discover the idiomatic of "you're welcome" in Ireland. At the begining, i cannot understand why they wish me welcome. I have such an accent they knew i am French ??? Fun.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
@ Choobak and Myr
What a coincidence that this subject came up here now. I just read a few days ago in one of my "How to be an awesome teacher" books that we shouldn't say 'No Problem' but "My Pleasure" instead. I am very much a 'no problem' kind of a person. In fact, I don't think I ever say anything else. (Even in Portuguese it was "sem problema" or "de nada" or even worse "foi nada").
"My pleasure" just sound so...hoity toity and pretentious. To me anyway.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Those "How to be an awesome teacher" books are generally garbage, IMHO. Harry Wongs is the best of the lot, but take all that stuff with a block of salt.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
It was in Harry Wong's that I read it. Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
*nod*
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
quote:"No problem" is more like the typical responses in Spanish, "de nada" or the more formal "no hay de que." So I think it's silly to consider it disrespectful. It's a perfectly good response.
Personally, I always consider suspect any argument that says such-and-such a construct is acceptable in language X, so it must also be acceptable in language Y. If you said to me, "But that's what they say in Spanish" in defense of some usage in English, my response is likely to be a sarcastic, "I'm sorry, were we speaking Spanish just now? I didn't realize." The fact is, English and Spanish are different languages, and have different rules of grammar and idiom.
Not that I'm arguing against "no problem". Regardless of what they may or may not say in other languages, I am one for saying "no problem". "You're welcome" seems a little too formal for most of the situations I find myself in. In my everyday life, I say "no problem" almost exclusively.
Posted by Goo Boy (Member # 7752) on :
I wasn't talking about the construction, but the meaning behind the words.De nada, No hay de que, Don't mention it, and No problem all convey a similar meaning. A gracious/modest demurring (is that the right word?) from gratitude. It's no big deal. It's modest, and, I think, a polite response to polite gratitude. "You're welcome" means . . . what, exactly? You are welcome to thank me again? You are welcome to call on me any time? You are welcome to shut the hell up? Beats me. It's idiomatic, in English, but it doesn't really make any literal sense to me as a response. The fact that a lot of people do use "No problem" already justifies it's acceptability. A lot of people accept it, so it's acceptable. My point was to defend its sensibility.
Posted by ReikoDemosthenes (Member # 6218) on :
I used to say "you're welcome" a lot more...then I actually started paying attention to the other languages I was learning and realised that, from the way I see things, it's far more polite to say "de rien" or "de nada" or "it's nothing." Especially as it generally is, for myself. And even when it really isn't, I often would rather that they think it was nothing.
Posted by Jhai (Member # 5633) on :
I think I read the same Miss Manners column as you, Dean, which might have been why this issue started simmering in the back of my noggin.
My mom doesn't really have a problem with "no problem," but she believes that other people might, which is why she raised me to say "you're welcome" along with "please" and "thank you." Now it's just natural to me to always use "you're welcome" around her. I was under the impression that the older folk, at least, see "no problem" as something vaugely disrespectful. I guess Hatrack folks don't, though.
When I lived in Germany, I first used "kein Problem" a lot since it's just a straight translation from "no problem." It got me strange looks, however, since Germans would typically say "bitte" after being thanked. ("Bitte" also means "please" in German, which means a whole conversation can run like this: "Bitte." "Danke." "Bitte.")
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It's just nice to know my thanks has been acknowledged, and if someone is willing enough to acknowledge it out of politness I'm not going to quibble over how they said it.
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