Okay, I'm tired of waiting for the movie, so let's put our heads together and get out a script for Ender's Game that the Hollywood execs can get behind. Something that Jerry Bruckheimer can produce and Michael Bay can direct. Possibly starring Frankie Muniz as Ender, Johnathan Taylor Thomas as Bean, The Rock as Graff, and, let's say, Mos Def as Bonzo.
Opening scene: A young Mazer Rackham, played by Ben Affleck, chomps on a cigar as he looks over a hill into a valley of charging buggers with uzis. He pulls out the grenade pin with his teeth and throws it into the center of them. As they all get blown to atoms he takes off his sunglasses, strikes a jaunty pose, and says, "you're buggered!"
Posted by Shawshank (Member # 8453) on :
He should say that with a British accent though - "you're buggered" it just seems to fit witha British accent.
Petra needs to be played by Cameron Diaz and have a softer side not seen in the book, but has to choose between the comfortable Dink and the true lover of her life Ender.
See: PETRA: "Dink, you'll always be Dink, but it's time for us to be Endered. We'll always have the battle room."
If Val (Jennifer Aniston) and Peter (Matt Damon) were schoolmates- another love plot!
Sister Carlotta (Julia Roberts) and Graff- have a relationship too... what with all the quippy conversations they have.
Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :
Bean can say, "We'll always have Rotterdam."
Posted by Nell Gwyn (Member # 8291) on :
quote:Originally posted by Shawshank: If Val (Jennifer Aniston) and Peter (Matt Damon) were schoolmates- another love plot!
Whoa, what? When did this become an incest movie? Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
"starring Frankie Muniz as Ender, Johnathan Taylor Thomas as Bean, The Rock as Graff, and, let's say, Mos Def as Bonzo" "A young Mazer Rackham, played by Ben Affleck" "Val (Jennifer Aniston) and Peter (Matt Damon)"
You guys are crazy! Frankie Muniz is too old to play Ender! I mean, come on!
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
I think Anthony Hopkins should be Ender, and Hull Cogan can be Valentine.
And Madonna can play Graff.
Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
Danny Devito will be Bean, of course, and Arnold Schwarzeneggar can play the Buggers.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
quote:Originally posted by dh: Hull Cogan can be Valentine.
You mean "Hulk Hogan"? I've never heard of Hull Cogan.
Posted by Princess Leah (Member # 6026) on :
Silly people. Val is obviously the role for Lindsey Lohan. so sensitive and empathetic, she'll win hearts in no time.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
We should work Queen Elizabeth into the script somewhere so Judi Dench could make an appearance.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Actually, I think Dame Judi would make a good Carlotta.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
The kid from Star Wars: Episode I wins my vote for Ender, but only if James Earl Jones plays Peter. And clearly, the Olsen twins are the only logical choice for Mr. and Mrs. Wiggin.
I think they should also make every army composed of segregated religious/ethnic groups, and have west side story-esque face offs, complete with musical numbers.
Posted by Princess Leah (Member # 6026) on :
And here at Hatrack we have already provided the lyrics for many of those.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
I vote for Will Smith as Graff and Matthew Broderick as Ender, coupled with Toby McGuire as Bean. They have such childlike faces.
Dame Judi Dench totally wins by vote for Carlotta, if she can beat out Maggie Smith. But those are the obvious choices. Less obvious but pershaps better would be either Kathy Bates or Queen Latifah.
As for Mr. and Mrs. Wiggin, I vote for William Russ and Betsy Randle, best known as Mr. and Mrs. Matthews on Boy Meets World. Clearly they have onscreen chemistry, and perfectly portray both intelligent people and loving caring average parents, as the roles of Mr. and Mrs. Wiggin demand.
Val should be played by Dakota Fanning. The obvious risk is that she'll scare the crap out of everyone, but I think the hardest part of Val's character to be brought out on camera is how adult she really is in her maturity. Dakota Fanning is probably the only female child actor in the right age range to bring about a real adult like portrayal.
If not Matthews Broderick for Ender, my second choice would be for the freaky kid from Godsend, Cameron Bright. He's close to the right age, and often plays very intelligent adult like characters. Though usually they come off freaky scary, I'm sure he could tone it down.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
We're forgetting one obvious role. Battle room scenes directed by John Woo.
And of course, the phrase "The enemy's gate is down" will have to be replaced by, "Lock and load. We're going in hot. Exterminate with extreme prejudice."
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
We've got to include a training montage prior to Ender meeting Bonzo in the shower. During the fight, Ender will get every bone in his body broken and have his brains mashed into a puddle on the floor, until he has a flashback to a crucial scene in the montage. Then he will stand up, strike a mighty kung fu pose and wave Bonzo over. Bonzo will run at him full-speed, letting out a barbaric yawp, and Ender will perform a slo-mo flying tornado kick throwing Bonzo back with such force that he will crack all the tiles in the shower wall. Then he will slowly fall down, face first, never to arise again. Or at least not until just before the credits roll... there's got to be a sequel, you know.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I think it would be cool if Ender beat Bonzo with the crane move from Karate Kid.
Which makes me think Pat Morita would make a good Graff.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Somewhere Orson Scott Card is vomiting, over and over again...
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
I'm not enough of a writer to tackle this one myself. But I think someone really needs to write up the final inevitable double/triple/quadruple-cross scene. You know, the one where, after Ender beats the buggers, Mazer will reveal (in a long-winded exposition) that he deactivated Doctor Device and reprogrammed the computers, since he was really working for the buggers all along. It must include phrases like "you were such a willing pawn in my game" and "you played your part so well." Then Ender explains how he knew it all along, and pulls out a hidden button that will destroy the buggers for good. Then Mazer calls in all of his lackeys with laser guns to take the button away from Ender. Then Ender makes a moving speech and all the lackeys turn their guns on Mazer. Then Mazer gets the fevered look in his eyes and rushes Ender, only to be mown down by laser fire.
I can't write it, but I know someone here is just looking for a warm-up for the novel you'll be writing next month. I have faith in you. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:Somewhere Orson Scott Card is vomiting, over and over again...
No, that's just me you hear.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
No, No, No. The obvious choice for Ender is Brad Pitt.
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
"The first rule of the battle room is that the enemies gate is down. The second rule of the battle room is that the enemies gate is down."
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
The enemy's gate is down. So's the server.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
quote:We've got to include a training montage prior to Ender meeting Bonzo in the shower. During the fight, Ender will get every bone in his body broken and have his brains mashed into a puddle on the floor, until he has a flashback to a crucial scene in the montage. Then he will stand up, strike a mighty kung fu pose and wave Bonzo over. Bonzo will run at him full-speed, letting out a barbaric yawp, and Ender will perform a slo-mo flying tornado kick throwing Bonzo back with such force that he will crack all the tiles in the shower wall. Then he will slowly fall down, face first, never to arise again. Or at least not until just before the credits roll... there's got to be a sequel, you know.
Some important details about this scene include shots of slow motion water droplets flying through the air and splattering on walls, bodies and floor.
Also, this entire scene is silent, except for extremely magnified water droples, the blows and Bonzo's final yell (Noooooooooooooo).
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
Aww. But any scene that has the word "montage" in it HAS to have music from Rocky.
Isn't that written in stone somewhere?
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
You're gonna need a montage... (montage!) A sports training montage...(MONTAGE!)
They really ought to just get Square Enix to animate the movie, Advent Children style. Mmmm, with Uematsu doing the score...
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Hm. If Brad Pitt plays Ender, will Ender take his shirt off much?
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Of course. Whenever it's remotely possible and the lighting is good.
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
You people are so out of date.
These days, the obvious pick for Ender is Dakota Fanning.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
And he will be chronically unshaven.
Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
Who, Dakota Fanning?
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
Whoops, that was supposed to go for the Brad Pitt post.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
;( I've always wanted to be Val.
Anyhoot, Alai can be played by Oded Fehr and Achille can be played by Jake Busey of course. BTW, I think Jake was PERFECT for the role of the guy that steals Madeye's identity in GoF. As I was reading the book, the scene in my mind was played by him. He's got the most psychotic look on his face! Anyhoot, back to Ender...
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