"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."
- James D. Nicoll
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*laugh*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."
- Frank Crane
Posted by TheGrimace (Member # 9178) on :
"Statistics is the worst form of lying." ~Mark Twain
also: "There's three types of lies: Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics." ~Mark Twain
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
"God once picked up this country by the eastern states, shook it, and all the loose nuts rolled down into California" ~Mark Twain
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
"The Problem with Kittens is that they turn into Cats" ~ Mark Twain
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
"You can't fight evil with a macaroni duck!" -Arthur
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
"That's the beauty of it--it doesn't do anything" ~Mark Twain
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
"Howdy" -Source Unknown
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
Noemon wins.
"Rugged, self-assured, adult…these are the words who describe a man who wears a mustache."
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
For all your days prepared And meet them ever alike: When you are the anvil, bear; When you are the hammer, strike.
- Edwin Markham
Posted by Queen Mab (Member # 9218) on :
Because, all the evidence to the contrary is not entirely dissuasive.
-Fox Mulder
Posted by happymann (Member # 9559) on :
"Because it's THERE!"
-Calvin
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
"Be the shoe."
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
"I will live in the Past, the Present and the Future." - Scrooge (Charles Dickens)
I always liked the concept of balance between the past, the present and the future in a person's life.
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
"Never raise a hand to your kids... it leaves your groin unprotected." - Red Buttons
"I once spent two weeks on this planet where the principle form of entertainment was geese juggling. Hand of god. Little baby goslings they were juggled!"
"Some people juggle geese!" - Wash
"Reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled. " - Richard P Feynman
"There is a computer disease that anybody who works with computers knows about. It's a very serious disease and it interferes completely with the work. The trouble with computers is that you 'play' with them!" - Richard P Feynman
Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :
"The Sophists were the University Extension Lecturers of antiquity."
-OCD
Posted by Elmer's Glue (Member # 9313) on :
"Children are people too. Worthless, incomplete people."
"Some trees are more useful than others."
"Nothing says classy like a pink flamingo."
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
Posted by Vadon (Member # 4561) on :
"I ran three miles today... finally I said 'Lady, you can keep your purse.'"
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
"A/B elevator is down till 7pm. We are sorry for the incontinence."
-Poster made by our receptionist for the nursing home I work in. Can we say "DOH"! Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Heh, heh. Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Picture a man and a woman getting out of a pickup in a Wal-Mart parking lot. The woman gets the baby in carseat out and they shut the doors. As they start walking to the store, she says to the man:
"But, since you got a tattoo, I gotta get something for me."
(I remember it like it was yesterday instead of two years ago.)
Posted by Mathematician (Member # 9586) on :
Upon being handed a homework assignment from a grad student:
"This isn't right. This isn't even wrong!"
-Feynman (I think)
"Winston, you're drunk" "Yes Madam, and you are ugly. But tomorow I will be better"
-Winston Churchill
"Winston, if I was your wife, I'd poison your tea" "If I was your husband, I'd drink it"
-Winston Churchill
"If you build a man a fire, you keep him warm for a night. If you SET a man on fire, you keep him warm for the rest of his life."
-a friend from HS
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
"I could kill you..."
"Yes, you could Nicky! You could cut me up in a thousand pieces and every piece will still love you..."
--The Cross and the Switchblade
Posted by citadel (Member # 8367) on :
"Oh having twins would be easy, because you have 2 arms."
-- Mother of quadruplets
Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' " -Charlie Brown
This is the worst part; the calm before the battle.
And then the battle is not so bad?
Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.
-Futurama
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." -Drew Carey
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
"So, if we go down there, it blows. If we don't it blows anyway, just a little later. It's a good thing I'm Russian, we're used to hopeless situations."
-- Ivanova in "A Voice in the Wilderness" Babylon 5
"I'll say a prayer for him." "He's agnostic." "Then I'll say half a prayer."
-- Ivanova and Franklin in "Points of Departure" B5
[ September 29, 2006, 04:40 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]
Posted by BandoCommando (Member # 7746) on :
"Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat all day and drink beer."
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
"He thinks we need a socio-political nerd to offset our overwhelming coolness."
- Jack O'Neill, episode 601, Stargate: SG-1
That is the line that made me love stargate.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Vadon: You quoted Emo Phillips!!! He's Hilarious!
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
"How long have you been working at that office ?" "Ever since they threatened to fire me."
"I've drank to your health in public. I've drank to your health alone. I've drank to your health so many times, I've damn near ruined my own!" -- Adm. William Halsey
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
"I drank what?" - Socrates
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen
You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours. -Yogi Berra
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." - Woody Allen
[ September 30, 2006, 06:48 PM: Message edited by: mr_porteiro_head ]
Posted by Luet13 (Member # 9274) on :
"When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. When I look up I just trip over things." -Ani DiFranco
Posted by Hank (Member # 8916) on :
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
--Albert Einstein.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
“It's a sorry man who can not invent an Oscar Wilde quote to fit his situation.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Making up Oscar Wilde quotes
Posted by aragorn64 (Member # 4204) on :
"People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children." - Calvin
Posted by JimmyCooper (Member # 7434) on :
"Better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven." -Milton
Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :
"Good has two meanings: it means both that which is good absolutely and that which is good for somebody." - Aristotle
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Kramnik goes into an endgame where he's worse, and there is nothing you can do about it.
-Kaidanov
Posted by orlox (Member # 2392) on :
If change is the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premiss of our philosophy.
Larry Darrell
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross." - Sinclair Lewis
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
'Truth, good Brutha, is like the light. Do you know about the light?'
'It...comes from the sun. And the moon and the stars. And candles. And lamps.'
'And so on,' said Vorbis, nodding. 'Of course. But there is another kind of light. A light that fills even the darkest of places. This has to be. For if this meta-light did not exist, how could darkness be seen?'
Brutha said nothing, this sounded too much like philosophy.
'And so it is with truth,' said Vorbis. 'There are some things which appear to be the truth, which have all the hallmarks of truth, but which are not the real truth. The real truth must sometimes be protected by a labyrinth of lies.'
He turned to Brutha. 'Do you understand me?'
'No, Lord Vorbis.'
'I mean, that which appears to our senses is not the fundamental truth. Things that are seen and heard and done by the flesh are mere shadows of a deeper reality....'
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
I love "Small Gods" (and many other Terry Pratchett books)!
(edited to clarify: in response to previous post, not a quote on its own)
Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
"I believe in taking a positive attitude toward the world, toward people, and toward my work. I think I'm here for a purpose. I think it's likely that we all are, but I'm only sure about myself. I try to tune myself in to whatever it is that I'm supposed to be, and I try to think of myself as a part of all of us - all mankind and all life. I find it's not easy to keep these lofty thoughts in mind as the day goes by, but it certainly helps me a great deal to start out this way." - Jim Henson
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
"I was put here on Earth to do a certian number of things... its my Mom who keeps adding more" -Jeesh's brother
"You're supposed to be a detective on steriods!" -the same brother
"Just because you see flames doesn't mean there's a fire" -the same brother
This one was during a mock gun fight, using our hands for guns: "Stop cheating! This is real life!" -Jeesh
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
(Council of Blood in comparison to Vietnam) APEuro Teacher: It’s not like the Netherlands is a jungle and they run around with napalm. Girl behind me (to another girl): See? I told you.
Posted by KetchupPrinceConsort (Member # 8047) on :
Some of the crazy things I hear at work:
"If I was a Ruffle, I would eat myself" -my co-worker
"I have come to a determination that they have changed the a toilet paper." -my manager
And then one that is sad, but almost true:
"The only houses you will find in California for less than a million dollars are the ones that are on fire...those usually go for $600,000." -Unknown
Posted by The White Whale (Member # 6594) on :
I'm not totally sure who originally said it, but I heard it from one of my professors:
"Statistics are like bikinis. They can be very revealing, but it's what they conceal that's important."
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