This is topic Tired and Lonely in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by crescentsss (Member # 9494) on :
 
I’m tired. Tired and lonely. I have so many friends, and yet there is no one that I can truly talk to. When I’m here, I wish that I were in Israel, where my real friends are; when I’m in Israel I wish to be back in America, because that is where my true friends live. The fact is that I have no real, true friends.
I tell myself that the future will be brighter, that once I leave my parents’ home and go to college things will be better. But will they? I sure hope so, because if they aren’t I don’t think I have the energy to push forward.
The thing is, I know things will get better. I’m not a depressive person. At all. It’s just that my life right now is hardly bearable.
My life is composed of a constant struggle with my parents and there is no one that I can talk to, or rather, no one that will understand.
Because none of my friends had sex at age fifteen and a half, needed money to go to the ob-gyn, told their parents about having sex in order to get much-needed help, and had their relationship with their parents almost completely destroyed. I hate the lies that I constantly have to tell my parents. My parents don’t trust me and that’s understandable – at this point I no longer care. It’s just that everything with them is an argument. Not an argument like when I was twelve years old, but an ever-present tension that never goes away.
I need the next year and a half to pass quickly. Maybe once I go to college I’ll be happy. Because working so much that the loneliness is pushed back isn’t cutting it.

Is all of life this lonely?
 

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Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
 
I'm sorry you're feeling lonely, Crescent. I know what it feels like. This is a lonely time of year and the weather makes it even worse. I see you're from New York. I hear the winters there are brutal. I think you might want to consider trying to talk to your parents about the way you are feeling, perhaps even talk to a counselor. I know it helped me. If you like, I could email you with some information. Let me know.
 

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Posted by Anshi (Member # 9643) on :
 
Loneliness can be a very isolating emotion, and I emphathize with you. Telling your parents in order to get the help you needed at the time was a real gut-check and brave thing to do, in my opinion. There is now tension in the relationship, yes, and at the same time, my feeling is that perhaps your parents are under the cultural pressures that they grew up with and possibly directing the disappointment/frustration in themselves towards you. This isn't an attempt to let them off the hook for how they've treated you. Rather, I'm also seconding the suggestions that Valentine014 gave you, to talk to your parents and let them know how you feel. Sometimes, parents don't do such a great job, and they're never mind readers, no matter what they say. Sometimes they just need to know that you still love them and that you hope you can all come together again to help them break through the barriers holding them back.

Talking to a counselor can also help, as speaking to an "outside party" can give you the freedom to do so without the fear of being judged. No one likes being passed judgment on, when one is already under stress for it, and especially not by those around them. A counselor can give you the privacy and listening ear if you allow them to.

True friends are those where the two way street of communication is open. Sometimes that friend can be there, if you'll allow yourself to take that step and speak about what happened to you. It can be scary. Ok, more than scary. But having true friends also require that you to trust them as well, not letting the idea that since it didn't happen to them that they won't understand stop you from doing so. They may not understand, not 100% it's true, but that doesn't mean that they wouldn't still listen to you and continue doing so.

Friends can only be as close to you as the distance you hold them apart from you. There will always be people whom to you will forever remain outside that circle simply because the compatability isn't there, but give those others a chance. You never know until you try.

College will take you out of the house, but your parents remain your parents. Don't run away, well, maybe not so far away. There are times when you need your own space before coming back. But your parents remain your parents, and my hope and wish is for you to be reunited with them in all your hearts.

I hope I didn't come off sounding preachy or anything. That really isn't my intention, and I apologize if I sounded like that (and for rambling on).

Take heart. You'll be in mine.

[Edited to finish a sentence so that it actually makes a sentence. Oops. ]

[ December 21, 2006, 07:10 AM: Message edited by: Anshi ]
 

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Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
I know how you feel. I spend a lot of time alone, and I get lonely a lot. Winter does have a big effect, especially further north.

If you want to talk, email me through my profile, okay?

-pH
 

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Posted by crescentsss (Member # 9494) on :
 
thanks all!! very very much.

i have told 3 of my friends, and they are great. but there still is a wall of invisible fuzz that keeps me isolated.
why invisible fuzz, you ask? im actually not sure, and as i have to run out i will think about it and explain the fuzz later.
 

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Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
 
I genuinely hope things get better for you, crescentsss. I am curious what you mean by

quote:

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I hate the lies that I constantly have to tell my parents.

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