To make a very long story short, I was diagnosed with clinical depression in eighth grade, about six years ago. I was suicidal at the time, got better, so I stopped the medication. I was fine for a while, and relapsed, and went on medication again. Got better, stopped the medication. I have been fine- the last time I took anything for it was three years ago- but I relapsed again earlier this year, resulting in an urgent appointment to the university counseling services when I had planned to kill myself.
Now, I'm seeing a therapist, and though it's helping me deal with my issues, I'm still incredibly depressed. I haven't been able to eat more than a few bites of food a day, and while I'm tired almost all the time, I can only sleep for a couple of hours before waking up. When I do sleep, I'm awakened by nightmares that I can't remember upon waking- I just know I either wake terrified or severely depressed.
I should go back on medication of some sort- but I don't know if I can or not. Both times I did before, I stopped being depressed, but I couldn't be happy, either. I stopped caring about everything. I was quiet, subdued, didn't feel like doing anything. My friends all left me because they thought I didn't care. And while I don't really think my friends now would do that, I'm still hesitant.
So do I go to a doctor and ask for medication again, or do I wait it out and see if the therapy takes care of it? Note: I've been seeing the therapist for about a month now.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
I have no real advice to give you, having never been in your situation. But I'd rather you were alive and emotionally monochromatic than gone.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
I would try a different type of antidepressant than you've taken before - you could have a different reaction to it. Mention your history, along with the emotionless bit, to the doc and see what s/he suggests. But yes, I would definitely go on antidepressants.
Therapy can be great for long term change - been there, done that, and successfully, too - and antidepressants can make that change much much much much easier.
Good luck.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Discuss this with your therapist, and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist (NOT just any M.D., but one who is specifically trained in this field). There are more choices of antidepressants than there used to be, and there's a good chance that they can help you find one that works for you without less in the way of side effects.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
I certainly think you should go back on medication. Depression isn't something to take lightly, particularly if it's accompanied by suicidal thoughts. Studies have shown that the most effective treatment for depression is a combination of therapy and medication.
Some SSRIs, particularly Paxil, are notorious for causing flat emotions. I don't know what you were on, but there are multiple classes of drugs, some of which may be less likely to flatten out your emotions. I was on Trazodone for awhile, which didn't inhibit my ability to feel happy.
I hope you're able to find something that works for you--keep trying because sometimes it takes a few attempts before you find the right drug.
Posted by Launchywiggin (Member # 9116) on :
quote: I stopped being depressed, but I couldn't be happy, either. I stopped caring about everything.
I remember this feeling while I was on medication. I think an explanation for this feeling is that your range of emotions right now is much, much wider than that of a chemically-balanced person. Your highs are ridiculously high and your lows are very, very low. You're like a super-hero of emotional abilities.
So being on medication takes away your super-powers...and it's a tough sacrifice to make. I slowly weaned off of my anti-depressants after learning how to live a "normal" life (took 3 years). I still have my highs and lows, but they're not as extreme as they used to be.
A few more tips: -do stuff. do lots of stuff. TV and computers are your enemy. Seriously, FORCE YOURSELF to do more stuff. -elininate "negative thought loops" from your concious mind. This is a concept I read about in a awesomely cheesy book called "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. Cognitive mood therapy did more for me than medication ever did. In short, this book changed my life, and I highly recommend it.
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
It sometimes takes a while to get the right antidepressant, because you never know how it's going to affect you in particular. Definitely: a psychiatrist is the way to go.
They're not supposed to make you feel nothing. I wonder what drug that was? Maybe not the best one!
Good luck.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
quote:Originally posted by Launchywiggin: This is a concept I read about in a awesomely cheesy book called "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David Burns. Cognitive mood therapy did more for me than medication ever did. In short, this book changed my life, and I highly recommend it.
I guess I'll have to post my disappointment with the book. My therapist here recommended it to me. I read it, and I didn't get much out of it (despite doing the things in it, as well as continuing therapy, and daily doing the anxiety and depression checklists). I guess it's just different things for different people though.
[ February 19, 2007, 11:32 PM: Message edited by: pfresh85 ]
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
Ok... I think I'll talk to the therapist about it when my therapy sessions are done in a few weeks(she's a PhD student, so the sessions are video recorded and supervised, then erased). She's leaving this particualr university then, so we'll already be talking about me seeing someone else.
For the record, first I was on Zoloft, then... something else of the same type, I forget the name.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by Will B: It sometimes takes a while to get the right antidepressant, because you never know how it's going to affect you in particular. Definitely: a psychiatrist is the way to go.
They're not supposed to make you feel nothing. I wonder what drug that was? Maybe not the best one!
Good luck.
Yeah, seems like certain antidepressants are more likely to make you feel like a robot. I know Zoloft did that for me, and I think there are a few other people on this board who've had that experience, too.
-pH
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Yes, see if your therapist can recommend a good psychiatrist. Be sure to mention which drugs you've had problems with and make it clear that you want something that does not have a tendency to make you feel emotionally numb.
Oh, and I had a bad experience with Effexor (Venlafaxine). It works ok, but the withdrawal period is long and extremely unpleasant. I'd also get horrendous symptoms if I missed a single dose. If you're not planning on being on something for long periods of time, I wouldn't take it if I were you. On the other hand, Prozac and Trazodone have worked well for me without dampening my emotions. Your individual experience will vary, of course, and you should definitely let your doctor be your guide in deciding what to take, but I thought I'd offer my own experiences in case it's useful information.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
Ild suggest (although you may nto want to take my advice considering my lack of experiance or any medical knowledge) going out for like mountain hiking/biking you know fun outdoor but slightly dangerous sports to get the blood running, however I'm probly just ignorant of what depression is and its affects so only take my post with a pinch of salt I just wanna see if I can help.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
I recommend going back onto medication, if only to get you out of the rough spot. It's not worth it, running the risk of becoming suicidal and not having the gumption to get help. Being dead makes you pretty blah too. What LaunchyWiggin said rings true, at least in my particular case - it does make me a bit sad that one of the byproducts of controlling my depression is that I don't exhibit my trademark intensity as much. But, having been about as close to the edge as you can get, it's simply not worth it. I want to live. On medication, I have a much greater chance of that than off medication. So that's my two cents on that particular aspect of it.
Also, exercise. I know the feeling of not being able to eat or sleep. It is extraordinarily difficult to force yourself to do those things. Exercise I've found to be easier though. Nothing too crazy. If you like jogging or walking do that, but I've found that that sometimes is counterproductive. I would recommend just doing some sit ups and push ups and pull ups, maybe get a few weights. If you do it enough, you will get hungry and you will be more tired. It's not going to help amazingly, but it should help some. It helps for me at least.
Also, talking to people helps me. This may just be me, but no hard in offering it as advice to you. Find someone to talk to as sort of a journal. Actual journaling never worked for me because it was still contained in that unhealthy loop in my head. But when I actually go outside of that loop and talk to someone, even if its the exact same things I just journaled about, it helps put things in perspective. And it also lets someone else know how I'm doing, so if I start to get dangerous they'll be there to blow the whistle. Kind of an accountability/journal person. Again, it's not something that will necessarily 'fix' anything, but it can help.
Posted by stihl1 (Member # 1562) on :
Dr Drew says the first thing people on medication do when they start to feel better because of the medication is to stop taking their medication. Even if that's the last thing they should do. You should not stop taking your medication, maybe find some better medication that doesn't make you numb.
Good luck.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I agree with stihl1. The reason you feel back in control is because your medications are working. They're helping. By all means, find the right medication that makes you feel the best. But don't stop taking it altogether just because you feel back to normal. If you're prone to cycling, stop medication and you'll likely relapse and have to go through it all again.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
A psychologist (who is not an M.D., granted) once told me that going off my medication repeatedly was likely to cause it to stop working eventually.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I couldn't handle the robot feeling, myself. It took me a while to find a medication that really worked, and honestly, I don't feel numb at all, most of the time. I mean, I still have some points in time where I'm really sad or blah feeling, but they don't last as long as they used to. But I definitely don't feel robotic. And I still feel like ME. So I'm sure if you work with a psychiatrist, you'll be able to figure out some way to handle depression while still being able to feel like you.
-pH
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
If an SSRI you are taking is causing the flat emotional crap, you could try a more selective SSRI. The field of available reuptake inhibitors has evolved significantly over the years. You could go over to crazymeds.com and check out Lexapro.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
Lexapro! That was the name of the other one I took! And it had that same numbness as Zoloft. So...
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by Shigosei: A psychologist (who is not an M.D., granted) once told me that going off my medication repeatedly was likely to cause it to stop working eventually.
This might be (at least in part) due to the proposed kindling effect of depression.
quote:However, researchers have theorized an explanation called the "kindling effect," or "kindling-sensitization hypothesis." This theory surmises that initial depressive episodes spark changes in the brain's chemistry and limbic system that make it more prone to developing future episodes of depression. This may be compared to the use of kindling wood to spark the flames of a campfire. Since early episodes of depression make a person more sensitive to developing depression, even small stressors can lead to later depressive episodes.
It's something to take into account before going on and off medication therapy oneself, or before advising others to do so. Not that this settles the issue, but definitely it is something that should be dealt with upfront as a potential risk: putting oneself at risk for future episodes that a longer, deeper, and more difficult to treat, to the point of medication failure.
Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :
I have depression also, and I found that while SSRIs (which family includes Zoloft and Lexapro) didn't do much for me, Wellbutrin worked like a charm. It's a dopamine reuptake inhibitor rather than serotonin, so you could ask your doc about giving that a try.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Tinros, what you describe is definitely cause for concern. Medication and medical supervision is warranted. If the medication you took before didn't work right for you, then make sure that your doctor knows what you took, and your problems with it. I'd pursue this sooner rather than later, since it can take maybe a month for the neurochemical balance to become therapeutic after starting on the meds. Why wait until you are finished with therapy for that? Starting now makes more sense. Also, therapy and medication in conjunction works better than either one separately.
Feel better, honey! You deserve good health.
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
I will never ever stop taking my meds again. I think after a long time, the flatness gradually goes away, or you learn how to really feel happy again. I used to be on for a year, off for a few months, on again, off again. Since I decided to stay on (generic Zoloft/Sertraline, probably about 4 years now), things are so much better.
Of course, I am working with a psychiatrist, therapist and my family doctor to make sure I am doing the best things for me.
At the beginning I had to try quite a few because some did have odd side effects. Paxil was like having my jaw wired shut. Prozac worked for the depression but made "certain activities" no fun at all.
In your situation, I would definitely work with a psychiatrist to go on meds ASAP.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Originally posted by Stray: I have depression also, and I found that while SSRIs (which family includes Zoloft and Lexapro) didn't do much for me, Wellbutrin worked like a charm. It's a dopamine reuptake inhibitor rather than serotonin, so you could ask your doc about giving that a try.
I take Wellbutrin as well...I tried a whole bunch of SSRIs, and they weren't too helpful, but a lot of people seem to like 'em, so I wouldn't discount 'em right off the bat.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)