Hatrack River Forum: sam's astoundingly politically incorrect misadventures

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Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :

I have this usually benign habit of making lighthearted fun of all sacred cows, even the ones I totally like and/or are part of. usually my methods and intents are perfectly understood by my audience. Sometimes they are not. This creates stories that stick in my conscience until I confess them, so I'll detail a few here.

First, the most recent one: Imagine, I'm on campus. And I am talking and walking down a hallway. And a kid comes out of a room and goes to the water fountain to get a drink. And I look at his clothes -- a button-up, long-sleeved white shirt that's been starched heavily enough to halt small-arms fire. It has been lovingly and awkwardly scrunched into belted black trousers (which are worn suspiciously high) in that way which leaves a big crease-heavy protruding paunch at about bellybutton level. And shiny black shoes. His hair looks like it has been treated with vaseline.

For whatever reason, it just sticks out and confuses us. Or me, anyway. I wait a minute until we're away and then I ask "wait a minute, what? it's like he was dressing up in a mormon costume, or something"

At which point my companion punches me in the arm and points out a door sign to me which boldly announces "LDS CONFERENCE" -- two similarly dressed men who didn't stand out (because their pants were properly fastened, and their shirts were not the rigidity of boiled leather) are at this door, now staring at me curiously.

I go oh god it was a joke A JOKE aaahhh

intelligence estimates report that I will live this down approximately never

Posted by Hank (Member # 8916) on :

I'm mormon, and I find that really funny. You, sir, are one step closer to absolution. Maybe he was a spy trying to steal all our secrets.

Posted by Puffy Treat (Member # 7210) on :

It's like you described my 13 year old self, come to horrifying life.

Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :

I would think missionaries would be pleased that they're so instantly recognizable. It really is fantastic branding.

Posted by Tstorm (Member # 1871) on :

If I was your friend, upon seeing the conference sign, I would have died laughing. [Smile]

That's ok. You'll forgive yourself. Never. [Razz]

Posted by Rakeesh (Member # 2001) on :

quote:
intelligence estimates report that I will live this down approximately never

Our fact-checkers have just checked in, and they confirm these reports. *snicker*

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

I'm a Mormon, yes I am, and if you want to study a Mormon, I'm a living specimen...
... And if you think that I'm peculiar in the things I say and do, remember:
I know the rules of dos and don'ts for happy happy living.
I've learned to say "I will", "I won't" I try to be forgiving...

That possible exceed the quote maximum, but trust me, it's hilarious.

I guess I need to teach my son to sing it and then post it on Youtube.

Oh, good, someone already did. Man, that animation sucks. There have to be better ones.