This is topic "Normal" Weddings in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Hank (Member # 8916) on :
 
The groom's gifts thread made me think of this. I'm LDS, but my brother converted to Catholicism, and I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid in his wedding this June. LDS weddings are pretty different from most other denominations, so I wondered: what traditions should I expect, and what role do I play?
 
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
 
Catholic weddings have their own traditions, and I'm not as familiar with them as I am with Protestant wedding traditions. I would ask your brother what exactly they're planning and what to expect on your part. [Smile]
 
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
 
Expect to be standing for a long time. Make sure you buy the most comfortable shoes you and the other bridesmaids can afford, then buy insoles. Your role during the ceremony shouldn't be anything complicated, your role prior to the ceremony is important. Help plan and pay for the bridal shower, get your alterations done in a timely manner, ask the bride what you can do to help in the planning process....
 
Posted by swbarnes2 (Member # 10225) on :
 
At the ceremony itself? Almost nothing.

Bridesmaids hold the bride's flowers when she needs her hands free, and might fix her train, if there is one. That's about it.

Stand and sit when the rest of the guests do, if you get chairs. Join in whatever prayers you feel comfortable going along with. If there's a mass, don't take communion, but you may approach the priest with the rest of the wedding party with your arms crossed over your chest, and the priest will know that you only want a blessing. And if you don't want that, then just stay wherever you are put. In some communities, every stands till everyone has gotten communion, in others, people sit: do whatever everyone else does. There may not even be a mass, it's not required.

You aren't expected to do anything in the ceremony itself. If you are wondering if the priest to ask you to affirm the couple, or say something during the ceremony, that won't happen.

The rest is the stuff that is pretty common to all American weddings: bridesmaids plan the bachelorette, the maid of honor gives a toast.
 
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
 
I'm not sure there is a such thing as a normal wedding. I've been to quite a few non-LDS weddings and no two have been alike. Even within Catholic weddings there is an enormous spectrum. There are weddings with a full mass and those without. There are priests and families who are very traditional and those who are innovative and incorporate novel things into the ceremony.

I'd talk to your future sister in-law and find out what she'd like you to do as a bridesmaid because no amount of study of Catholic traditions is going to give you the right answer. They will very likely have a rehearsal where you will get specific instructions on what to do during the ceremony but be sure to ask.
 
Posted by Hank (Member # 8916) on :
 
I know that "normal" is pretty variable, but even some of the things mentioned here are new: the bridal shower and bachelorette party, for example. I've been to both, but I'm not sure what kinds of things I should plan for one. I know better than to look for a definitive answer, but I appreciate any input.
 
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
 
Hank, I've been a bridesmaid several times and the maid/matron of honor has always done most of the planning for both of those events (non-LDS circles here.) I was asked to kick in toward the cost of a group gift several times, and asked my opinion, and helped set up some tables; that was usually the limit of expected involvement. So that's going to vary too. If your brother's future bride has a maid/matron of honor, I'd talk to her and expect her to be in charge of these things (at least in charge of delegating who does what.)
 
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
 
The bridal shower is usually hosted by the maid of honor, but bridesmaids often pitch in with planning and cost. It can be held as a lunch or dinner, alcohol is sometimes served. Games are played, usually lame ones (do a search for "bridal shower games". Having a theme is popular right now. For example, I have heard of a honeymoon theme. Guests bring gifts that the bride can use on her honeymoon (lingerie, swim suit, beach bag). Typically a gift is purchased from the couple's registry. If you choose to attend this event and the wedding, a separate gift is given for each. Gifts given at the shower are opened at the party, wedding gifts are not.

A bachelorette party is to signify the bride's last night out as a single woman. Alcohol is consumed (the bride should not pay, drinks are bought by the bridal party or other bar patrons). Everyone knows she is the bride because she is wearing a t-shirt advertising that in conjunction with a cheap veil. Fun things to do: rent a limo, rent a hotel room, have a scavenger hunt (very fun).
 
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
Basically, I've found that you just do whatever the bride tells you to do. [Wink]
 
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
 
*sigh* Where's the thread about unusual weddings? [Smile]
 
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
 
I was a bridesmaid this past summer. I second a lot of the advice and thoughts -- you just have to stand up there and smile during the ceremony. The bridesmaids walk in before the bride, and are paired with groomsmen. But don't worry too much about knowing where to stand and what to do. That's what the rehearsal is for.

As for things you should do before the wedding, talk to the bride and the maid of honor. They're the ones who do a lot of the planning. I didn't do very much before the wedding. It's possible that I wasn't asked to do much because of my illness, but it's also true that the pre-wedding festivities was very low-key. The bachelorette party consisted of us hanging out at the bride's apartment, playing games, and chatting. It really varies, so find out what's going on.

Other activities include getting fitted for a dress and buying shoes. The bride will tell you what's going on with that. You may need to get the dress altered for a better fit, so look into that ahead of time. You don't want to be rushing around trying to find someone to fix it for you a week before the wedding.

My friend, being the awesome bride that she was, didn't expect us to have our hair professionally done, and signed us all up for makeup at a department store (I think she may have even paid the initial $15 credit toward an item of makeup, so I think I paid about $7 and got a tube of lip gloss out of it).
 
Posted by Dan_Frank (Member # 8488) on :
 
Um, does nobody else find it slightly odd that a person named "Hank" is going to be a bridesmaid?
 
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Dan_Frank:
Um, does nobody else find it slightly odd that a person named "Hank" is going to be a bridesmaid?

Of course not, even assuming that Hank is male.

When one of my cousins got married, back in the early 1980s, she had a "man of honor" rather than a maid of honor. He was her best friend. It would have caused complications if she had asked a sister to be maid or matron of honor, since she has four of them. So it was the logical thing to do.
 
Posted by Dan_Frank (Member # 8488) on :
 
Okay, but they're consistently calling the role "bridesmaid", not "bridesman" or some such thing.

I'm no stranger to rearranging traditional roles at weddings, or anywhere else. I was just surprised that not a single person seemed the slightest bit confused.
 
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
 
Many of us are aware that "Hank" is a woman. [Smile]
 
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
 
He is? [Big Grin]
 
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
 
No, she is. [Razz]
 
Posted by Hank (Member # 8916) on :
 
Yes, she is.

Thanks a lot, everyone. I guess the thing to do is just ask what they want help with.

On the plus side, my sister-in-law to-be is an actress, and she has referred to her wedding as "the biggest production of my life," so I guess my experience stage managing should come in handy.

At least now I have a better idea of what to ask about. I wanted to be a little informed so that she didn't think of assigning me a job as one more thing on her already-crowded to-do list.
 


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