Most of you know my history. Out of the blue, I was diagnosed with colon cancer at age 34 - no family history, no risk factors...it was shocking. I had surgery and nine months of chemo and was then pronounced cancer free.
Well, I knew all along that I should be having more regular checkups with my oncologist. Yet, I kept telling myself I would see her "after the semester" or "when things aren't so busy." And I kept putting it off and putting it off.
Last week, a family friend died of pancreatic cancer. It was horrible, and sad, and a wakeup call. I picked up the phone and called my oncologist and my gastroenterologist and scheduled both a checkup with the oncologist and a colonoscopy with the gastro.
Today I went in to the see the oncologist, and I realized why I have been putting off going. As soon as I walked in the door, my heart rate soared and I felt light headed and sick to my stomach. All around me were people with port-a-caths, and no hair, and frail, sick bodies and it put me right back in that place when I was one of them. When I had to face the fact that I was very sick, could even die - though I was luckier than most in that I knew all along my cancer was very curable.
The doctor came in and said "Where have you been?" and I began to cry. "Hiding," I admitted. "Pretending I didn't need to be here." I honestly think part of me believed that walking back in the door would make me sick again. Or at least I would have to remember things I tried to bury away and forget about.
To sum up...I have a colonoscopy in the morning. Next week I have a mammogram and a CT scan. And I have an appointment card in my wallet for six months from now. At which time I will go to the doctor, and leave with yet another appointment card and I will keep that schedule.
It would be hypocritical of me to urge anyone who has been putting off routine checks to please make the appointments. So all I will say is think about what might be keeping you from doing what you know you need to do. For me, it was fear, and denial. As long as I didn't go see an oncologist, I could pretend I never had cancer, and didn't have to face the fact that I did, and will need to see one regularly for the rest of my life to make certain it doesn't come back. For you, it could be something else...but if there is something, think about it.
Now, on to the unenviable task that is prep for a colonoscopy Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*hugs* Oh, not fun at all, but good for you for doing it. It's so important.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Best of luck, and I hope you find out it is all OK.
You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
I went to the doctor for the first time in three or four years this past Fall to get a physical. I was finally convinced to go by a nagging chest pain that cropped up when I would really exert myself on the treadmill at the gym.
I think the biggest part of it is the belief that if we don't go, and don't find out what's wrong, somehow it can't affect us. It's a totally irrational thought, but for a lot of people knowing what's wrong is scarier than not knowing, and ignorance is some sort of magic shield.
It ended up just being my asthma acting up in ways that it hadn't before, and thankfully didn't have to do with a heart murmur that I didn't know I still had. Sadly my health insurance ran out before I could get the other tests done that the doctor recommended, and it'll probably be a couple years before I go back to the doctor cause I just can't afford it.
Belle,
I'm glad you posted that, it's a good wake up call for people, and you're to be commended for overcoming your fears and facing things head on. I hope everything turns out well for you.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Excellent post, Belle.
*hug* Good luck. Praying for you. Posted by Sean Monahan (Member # 9334) on :
quote:Originally posted by Belle: It would be hypocritical of me to urge anyone who has been putting off routine checks to please make the appointments.
Not at all. Don't feel that way. It would be wise to take the advice of someone who says, "Don't make this same mistake."
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Back from the colonoscopy...everything was wonderful. The doctor said I don't need to come back for 3 years!
Posted by adenam (Member # 11902) on :
That's wonderful!
Posted by Sala (Member # 8980) on :
Yeay! I'm so glad for you.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Belle, that must feel amazing. I'm so glad. Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
Oh, I love that feeling, where you want to plug up your ears and go 'LA LA LA I DON'T HAVE TO GET ANYTHING CHECKED OUT'
you don't get anything checked out, because you don't want them to find anything wrong. It is an example of the human psyche working against its own best interest, and it's phenomenally common.
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