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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Discussions About Orson Scott Card » Funniest moments in OSC literature! (a spoiler-rich thread, of course) (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Funniest moments in OSC literature! (a spoiler-rich thread, of course)
lego feet
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Han-Fei-Tzu arriving, and destroying the computer terminal Qing-Jao had been researching on, with ONE awesome movement of a sword! The visual I got from this scene was so hilarious that I had to put the book down and laugh for maybe 20 seconds.
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Verily the Younger
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Reverend Thrower trying to operate on Alvin's leg so he can "accidentally" kill him, and people keep losing the cutting tools on the way into the room until finally Thrower imagines the fall of Jericho and ends up half a mile away from the house. That scene was hilarious. I could practically hear the Benny Hill theme song in the background.

[ROFL]

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Orson Scott Card
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You only think that Han Fei-Tzu thing was funny because nobody ever destroyed YOUR terminal with a sword.
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ElaRibeira
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Some Speaker for the Dead moments, because I'm in a Speaker mood. *laments for the hundredth time that her Ender books are in storage for the summer*

Ender does his Speaking for Marcao and talks about the incident in which Marcao was put to blame for something he didn't do (the exact deed escapes me at the moment). Grego shouts, referring to the kids who framed Marcao, "They were liars!" Little Grego, so angry and wanting to defend his father's dignity, with all the pomp and righteousness of a five-year-old. [Big Grin]

Also in the Speaking for Marcao, when Ela explains to Quara that the man they've called their father is no longer their father, and Quara replies, "Oh. Is the Speaker our father now?"

And near the end, when Novinha clings to Ender's arm because she "can't see" in the dark (smooth one, Novinha), and Olhado pipes up, "I have good night vision!"

And just to spice things up, I'll throw in one from Children of the Mind. When Peter makes the joke that Wang Mu finds him sexually irresistable, and no one finds it funny. Sorry Peter, none of us were laughing with you, we were all laughing at you.

Oh, and my favorite line from Enchantment. "There was a bear!"

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Puppy
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The entirety of Saintspeak (though it's all inside jokes for Mormons who were around in the seventies).
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Vadon
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Good thing there's a nice warning for spoilers.

One I thought was great was towards the end of Children of the Mind. Where Peter is doing his little teleport like thing to avoid the captain and stop the destruction of the planet. I'm just trying to picture that from both sides, how confusing it'd be for the captain, and how amusing it would be for Peter.

Pretty much any conversation with the Oversoul got a chuckle out of me from the Homecoming saga. It is obvious in a sense that it's a computer and limited, yet how it also conveys an almost human sense to it and gives a very funny way of thinking about it. That computer sure had some sarcasm.

And why not? Let's throw something I enjoy from the Tales of Alvin Maker. I'll second the 'losing tools' in the Reverend Thrower part. I'm sure there's other parts that I would bring up, but none come to mind at the moment.

Edit: Over a month later, I notice a problem and fix it... yeesh.

[ August 23, 2005, 01:12 AM: Message edited by: Vadon ]

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Crotalus
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Little Alvin reaching up to touch "the moon" in Seventh Son.
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Frangy.
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When Ender returns to the school after they clear the monitor to him. First he forgets that he was looking for his writing desk and later, when Stilson says him "third", he thinks: "Peter. No, he was another one ".

Also when Peter is threatening to them of death, that Valentine says "Yes, you will say to them: I didn't know that I would kill Andrew, and when he was already dead, I didn't know that I would kill Valentine too".

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Antony
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When they tell Ender that the game was actually real,

comic genius!

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Ramdac99
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when Peter faceplants in CotM. loved it.
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Orson Scott Card
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Oh, right, Antony. If you actually thought that was funny, I have to kill myself.
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Antony
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Hey, What a prank!
"Hey guess what? You just killed 'em, killed 'em all good"
*guy slaps his knee, laughing heartily*
"Betcha never saw that one coming! I sure got ya!"

but no, of course I was kidding ^_^

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James Tiberius Kirk
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Shadow Puppets, when Peter's parents come to wake him up when he realizes he may have ruined his entire political career.

--j_k

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whatsup7196
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I can't believe this one has been left out:

Shadow of the Hegemon:

Petra is in solitary confinement and Achilles is trying to break her. At one point (and I can't be entirely sure I'm remembering the event exactly correctly, even though I re-read the book recently) some men come in during the night and tell her it's time to go somewhere immediately. She tells them she has to pee and they say she doesn't have time. She responds that if they don't let her use the restroom she'll go outside in the snow. The line reads something like:

"Women can write their names in the snow too, they just have to be more athletic".

That one was so funny I told my wife (non-OSC writer) and she chuckled.

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lcarus
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Shadow of the Giant, p. 341 - 42:

quote:
And she liked the feel of Brazil, the pace of life, the way they moved, the football in the streets, the way they were never quite dressed, the music of the Portuguese language coming out of the neighborhood bars along with batuque and samba and laughter and the pungent smell of pinga.
[Eek!]

I'm guessing "pinga" means something different in Brazilian Portuguese than it does in Cuban Spanish!

[Eek!]

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sarcasticmuppet
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I like just about all of the banter between Jean Paul and Theresa in the Shadow series, and when Peter is thinking the whole time that his parents are really lame. Especially when he told Bean about coming out as Locke to his parents, and then saying "they pretended to know about me all along".
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Orson Scott Card
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In Brazil, pinga is cane-sugar whiskey. What is it in Cuba?
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forecast
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If Uncle Orson Reviews Everything counts as literature, I'll mention that his review of Revenge of the Sith had me rolling on the floor.
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Sid Meier
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puhleez so many parts of OSC literature has ironic irony and those funny lines thats its hard to choose just one HOWEVER one does come to mind. the exhange between Carby and Dumper this oen comes to mind in it:

"The reason why you liked Eros was because it was the closest thing to sex you ever had"

Something like that but man I laughed and cried.

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Icarus
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erm, well, feel free to use your magical administrator powers to edit or delete this, or just tell me to, if it goes too far, but this conveys both the right meaning and the right level of vulgarity:

quote:
. . . the way they were never quite dressed, the music of the Portuguese language coming out of the neighborhood bars along with batuque and samba and laughter and the pungent smell of d*ck.

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Icarus
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Now we call sugar cane juice guarapo, and it's delicious and tragically hard to find in the Orlando area. *sigh*
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Chris Kidd
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Icarus

your talking about ducks right? [Big Grin] [Blushing]

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Icarus
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Certainly my duck smells pungent; doesn't yours?

[ July 09, 2005, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: Icarus ]

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aiua
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The first thing that came to mind was the short, thick rope joke in Shadow of the Giant.
That and everytime Bean's baby, Ender, was mentioned I couldn't help but think of the original Ender. Such as, when Bean was changing Ender's diaper..

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ElaRibeira
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This isn't exactly a funny moment per se, but one I had to share. In SotG, when almost the whole Jeesh is gathered (and, you know, NOT as captives of a psychopath), reading it felt like I was at a family reunion. It had been so long since I'd seen some of the people, but they're still the same. There's growth there, but at the core, they're the same. It wasn't laugh-out-loud funny, but it was amusing. [Smile]
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ailurophobic
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Oh man. When little Alvin pokes his sister's butt, most definitely. Seventh Son, obviously. Just the way OSC described the swaying motion of her behind.

Also, in Heartfire, I THINK it is. Calvin and Honore passed out. The entire drunk scene, too-- yum chickpeas.

Finally, I agree with Sid Meier.. I LOVED the conversation between Carn and Dumper in SotG. "Ouch... ow... owee!!"

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ChaosTheory
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When in Seventh Son they talk about the girls teasing alvin...

"One time when Alvin was tormented past endurence and only Measuress strong arms held him back from hot-blooded murder with a hayfork. Measure allowed as how the punishments of hell would most likely consist of living in the same house where 5 women who were all about twice a mans size."

Sorry if that is offensive to the Women here, but I find it funny!

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TheSeeingHand
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I was laughing at something from The Crystal City...forgot what though. Think it had something to do with Arthur Stuart not knowing that Dead Mary liked him.

Oh yeah! And when Alvin says he's going to show Taleswapper a perfect baby and then someone yells 'Show him your son, too!'

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Roseauthor
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Magic Street: (SPOILER!!!!!)

Mack leaving a msg: "Puck You Cheating Fairy Get Back Home:" and it crossing over to the 'real' world on a bridge. The remaining chapter had me laughing so hard, that I had to finish reading it before fixing dinner for the family. I laughed the whole time I was cooking! Just the idea that a sudden pile of dung would show up on the stove..

Maybe I'm way to visual! I'm glad I'm reading this with a friend so I had someone who understood the humor of this scene! I'm still reading but this has to be the peek of humor in this book! I don't know if I could handle another scene like this! (I'm still laughing over this!)

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DSP_Molo
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My alltime favorite, from Ender's Shadow:

"I didn't expect you to attack him like a one-man swarm of bee.”

The appropriateness, visual, and clever construction of this sentence made me laugh long and hard, and I still laugh every time I read the book.

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Thantos_2000
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I liked the scene in COTM where the Samoan husband is telling jokes that aren't funny. I like it because i've seen my dad do it with people. And they have this strang look on their face like am I missing something?
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Orson Scott Card
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It's no surprise, I'm sure, that I love this thread <grin>. While none of my books is officially comedy, I care very much about having my characters be funny.

And so, especially, thanks for liking Mack's graffiti message to Puck in Magic Street! This is the first feedback I've had on that that wasn't from someone in my family. I was beginning to think nobody thought it was as funny as I did when I wrote it.

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Chris Bridges
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I read it smiling and thinking, "No way he can't know what that's gonna look li... yup," when it was commented on.

Sorry so vague, but if you haven't read the book you should read it without hearing me spoil it.

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Miro
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Maybe it's just because Magic Street is freshest in my mind, but I'd have to pick the scene between Puck and Ceese in the 'tween house.

"It's dark."

"It's raining."

[Big Grin]

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Peter Howell
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Did anybody else find the part where Mack tells off the bus driver funny? Just the thought of a guy catching up to a bus and then jumping on the front bumper and yelling through the windshield cracked me up when I read it... don't know why exactly.

That and the whole "Puck playing pool" scene:
"Quiet. This is a tricky shot."
"It's the break!" [ROFL]

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Narnia
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JTK, I loved that part in Shadow Puppets too, when Peter's parents come and dump him out of bed. I love that he realized that they're smart and that they actually can help them. I think it shows how smart Peter really is that he came to these realizations at quite an early age...for a teenager. [Smile]

I think Enchantment is full of most of the funny for me, all of the stuff with Ivan's mother ignoring Ruth, and all of the stuff with Ruth losing her hair. Ivan's snarky but sweet sense of humor is one of my favorite parts about that book.

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Roseauthor
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Peter... All I could think about at that point was.. "That's something I would have done ... and much sooner!" (Based off my intolerant adult personality now!.. teehee)
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adamsfrood42
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I have to say one of the funniest moments in all of science fiction history was Ender's famed Battle-School-Desk-Retaliation:

"Cover your butt. Bernard is watching." -- GOD

And, who could forget...
"I love your butt. Let me kiss it." --Bernard

My friends and I laugh about that to this day...five years after we initially read the book.

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Doctor Snack
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One of my faves is from "Xenocide", when Valentine goes to Olhado's house and they discuss his profession. He says that he's a brickmaker, and Valentine counters that he doesn't really make bricks, he makes brickmakers.

In response, Olhado says, "I make brickmakers *tired*". [Smile]

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TL
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I laughed pretty hard when I read:

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes.

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Omega M.
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Earthfall, when a batlike creature first sees the humans' farm and realizes you can "herd vegetables like turkeys."
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ElaRibeira
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Alvin Journeyman - When Alvin leaves Hatrack, and someone says that Measure can teach the Maker classes in his stead and that, since he's a married man, there won't be any more fiascos like the one with Amy Sump. Measure responds, "I don't know. I'm pretty cute." ^_^
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Soara
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damn i want Magic Street. >.<

anyway...

everything Ta-Kumsaw says in Alvin Journeyman.

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Celebrindal
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I loved the conversation between Bean and Petra and Ambul in Shadow Puppets.

And in Red Prophet when Measure observes Ta-Kumsaw "made pot-toting downright noble!" [Smile]

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Scooter
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The whole bear and the pit scene in Enchantment had me laughing (once she awoke). I also liked the part when (IIRC) they marry and they are walking through the villiage and little children are making vulgar jokes about them (or maybe it was when they first came through the villiage and he was naked.)

I laugh while reading all the books (not at them, of course)--there are always some very witty lines to count on.

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Daric
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I'd have to say from Issue 3 of Ultimate Iron Man:

"Don't act like you know anything about me just because I'm black."
"I know you like watermelon, can dance funky, and can slam dunk a basketball."

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ElaRibeira
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Had to bump this thread, and figured I might as well share some funny bits I read today in Alvin Journeyman.

-When Arhtur Stuart quotes Horace talking about Peggy and Alvin, in front of Peggy and Alvin. "Why don't those two just get married and make babies?" "You're pretty and he's a good-looking man. You'd have damn cute babies!"
-"Dammit." "I heard that, Your Honor." "Bailiff, remove Horace Guester from the courtroom!"

And since I finally read Magic Street:

-Puck's speech about how he invented shit, and it was an improvement.
-Yolanda's nicknames for Puck.

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Jaha Canon
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I laughed when Mazer Rackman told Ender that self-cannibalism wouldn't get him out of Command School. Maybe the concept of eating oneself out of one's misery is just a funny idea to me.

Anyway, I regretted not using that for my senior quote in high school.

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BlackBlade
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My favorite line and it actually made me laugh out loud in an airplane full of annoyed passengers is in Enders Shadow. Bean has to run to the bathroom with dysentary and Nicholai runs into him there and while they are conversing about their friendship Bean gives us comedy gold with "For you, I'd get dysentary" and I believe Nicholai says something like "Isnt that what true frienship is?"

I dont know why people say that space is the final frontier, I still cant recognize let alone figure out how I got to half the uncharted places conversation is always taking me.

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Zarex
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In Ender's Game, when on his first day at battle school, Ender beats the older kids at the simulation in the game room, and their reaction to it.
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