posted
Is it me or is the world just getting more desensitized about sex? I'm still a teenager, yet sex is hardly sacred anymore. More than half my friends already done it, and they're my age, which is 16, and I think 4 are pregnant. Nobody takes it seriously anymore.
Kids talk about sex like it's just playing soccer. I'm kind of lost, and am unsure of how the rest of the world sees it.
Sorry for my plain vocabulary, I can't express my opinions as well as all of you yet =/
Posts: 147 | Registered: Jun 2005
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To me, and to many others, including many teenagers, it is a big deal. but acting liek it is really isn't cool, or else it being sucha big deal, they don't want to talk about it casually. So*, all you hear is the casual talk.
Posts: 2849 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
Actually, of all the recent new posters here, that was one of the more articulate introductions I've seen Posts: 1539 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Those damn Europeans and their porn on public channels!
But seriously... ya, I think we are getting more desensitized to it. I'm all for free love, but I don't like when people use it as entertainment. Or have it under 18.
posted
It isn't just you or your imagination, and you expressed yourself just fine.
What some people don't realize is that sex IS a big deal.
It can bring unwanted pregnancies or STDs, both of which have serious consequences, but that's just the more obvious consequences. Most people these days know that STDs, including AIDS, syphillis, hepatitis, can cause prolonged illness, death, and insanity. HPV, which cannot be diagnosed unless the person is in an active stage with it, and it might not be active for years or longer at a time, and something like 70% of the population has, can also cause cervical cancer, and the younger the girl is when she has sex the first time, the higher her chances of getting it.
It can create a bond between two people who are not ready for that bond and don't know how to deal with the bond breaking when it's over.
Sex at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong person can be degrading, humiliating, painful, and emotionally chaotic.
In the right setting - with the right person, in the right place, at the right time - sex can be beautiful and can bring two people even closer together than they already were. It's a beautiful expression of love.
But when you treat sex like a sport, you ain't gonna get it.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I'm a 24-year-old male and still a virgin, and I'm pretty committed to staying that way until I have something to put on my ring finger, so yeah, you might say I take it seriously. But I'm well aware of being in the minority on that.
Of course, I might just be really, really ugly. I can't tell.
Posts: 293 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
As a teenager, I assumed everyone else was doing it and I was just out of the loop. I know now that in my school, most of the people I knew thought the same thing, it turned out that only a minority of the kids were having sex often if at all.
I don't know, the whole subject is a little spikey in the US still. I've developed a very open view (I hesitate to say position)on sex, so much so that I often inadvertently offend people I'm with. I think we are becoming more tolerant of talking about sex in some areas, but definately not others. At least not where I live
Here in Utah, a High School recently prevented a girl from recieving her diploma during her graduation ceremony because she was pregnant, on the flipside of the coin, the guy that got her pregnant was allowed to participate in the commencement.
Posts: 681 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Here in Utah, a High School recently prevented a girl from recieving her diploma during her graduation ceremony because she was pregnant, on the flipside of the coin, the guy that got her pregnant was allowed to participate in the commencement.
Ugh. That's retarded. And I mean that in the most mature and clinical way.
Posts: 1539 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote: a High School recently prevented a girl from recieving her diploma during her graduation ceremony because she was pregnant, on the flipside of the coin, the guy that got her pregnant was allowed to participate in the commencement.
Yeah, that, I have a huge problem with.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Haha, the funny thing is that somehow I know about all the STD and pregnancy percentages. I guess education finally has a subject that interest kids.
What I'm confused about is that aren't the STD percentages the same if you're older anyway? I mean, an adult who was feisty in his or her earlier years finally marries can still carry diseases, right? All the scaring-sexually active people-straight propaganda seems to be aiming at teens, as if we're the only ones taking part of this lovefest.
Well... I mean, Sex and The City was very addicting =X and everybody seemed to have a great time, not being married and still having awesome sex. That's just TV, of course. But does that hold some truth to society today?
Actually, I didn't realize how many of my friends were having sex until all those commercials about sex were being shown. Friends realized it was okay to talk about things like this. Man, pressure pressure.
Posts: 147 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
I think it all depends on who you are talking to. I won't rule out the possibility of having sex before marriage for myself, but I want to know as much as I can about the implications and the precautions that I need to take.
There have always been and in my opinion will always be people who make mistakes in what they do with their sexuality and with their body. But not everyone has to make those mistakes.
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Epictetus: Here in Utah, a High School recently prevented a girl from recieving her diploma during her graduation ceremony because she was pregnant, on the flipside of the coin, the guy that got her pregnant was allowed to participate in the commencement.
WHAT?! That has to violate some kind of law... right? I mean, I would just say I got fat or something and it's none of their business! The poor dear earned her diploma, just like everyone else. Dude, not even like everyone else, she had to adjust her lifestyle to accomodate such a big change! AND she still succeeded! Such perseverance!
ah, I'm always so late ._.
Posts: 147 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Kitsune, starter of this thread, it's funny to me cause i think people have forgotten that sex=reproduction. Alot of people just see the appeal side of sex, and the experience. Most of the time said people barely even love eachother, there just so into the "moment". At my school there are kids who had sex in 6th grade. Non the less the GIRL(not women)was 12, and the guy was 14. The worst was that they did it on the track mats for our school. It just suprises me how some people live for sex and drugs. Like on their mind is that 24/7. Not to say i don't think of girls, me being a teen with raging hormones, but control is just a major issue in todays world. And the media isn't playing a big part in stoping this. Aproval for what airs on tv is nothing like it used to be. This generation is drived on it, though there are those who turn all that away. It's just appals me, people forget, this feels so good it can't leed to me being a father or mother. Just gets me angry.
Posts: 262 | Registered: Jan 2005
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kitsune, welcome to hatrack. You have no problem expressing yourself and I think we will definitely enjoy having you around. Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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Kitsune, I know what you mean. I've noticed that too, and I've found it very disturbing to think of the lack of weight placed on the subject by today's youth. To me, it is a big deal (ok, so I'm not even nineteen yet, but that doesn't mean I can't take it seriously), and I don't believe it should be treated as lightly as it is. I don't foresee any sex in my near future, at any rate!
Welcome to Hatrack, btw. You seem like a very mature person, and I look forward to reading some of your future posts!
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
You know this whole sex thing is really funny, because its one of those issues that you can't look at objectively, since there are other considerations (religious, moral) that creep into the picture whenever you try to.
Personally, i think that sex in an incredible thing, and it can be a very passionate way for two people who are in love to express that love for each other. I have never had casual sex, only sex in committed relationships, which i think is the most appropriate setting to have sex in (i don't see why sex with a committed and loving boyfriend or girlfriend is any different than sex with a wife or husband personally). That being said, i know many people who tend to lean towards sex as an instrument of pleasure, which i agree with, but i think that being in love with the person you are having sex with intensifies that pleasure, because you are not only thinking of yourself.
The tricky part comes when we have to decide how to teach or deal with sex to the children. I will raise my kids in an open household, where they are free to ask any type of questions they may have about sex, and i will strongly encourage them to wait until they are in love to have sex. I find this apporach more suitable to today's world, as well as my own personal beliefs. I fail to see how the pro-abstinence approach towards sex is rational, since if we do not teach our children about sex, they will not know how to do it safely. I read an interesting survey which said that th incidence of STDs was actually higher among kids who were taught the pro-abstinence approach to sex, as some of them were invariably goingto break their pledges, and when they did, they did not have the tools or the knowledge necessary to engage in safe sex.
Posts: 441 | Registered: Jun 2005
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quote: I fail to see how the pro-abstinence approach towards sex is rational, since if we do not teach our children about sex, they will not know how to do it safely.
Teaching abstinence does not preclude the possibility of teaching about birth control, STDs, pregnancy, and other concerns about sex.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
It's difficult to find a source of mainstream media that isn't deluged in sexual innuendo, soft core porn posing as music videos and so on.
I don't think that having a casual attitude toward sex is bad, per se, but a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Making the subject of sex taboo will not temper the attitudes of teens and adults towards the act(s).
Not knowing about the dangers and pitfalls of the consequences from sex is amazingly dangerous and would go a long way to adjusting attitudes.
It's one thing to hear the word STD - it's another to see color photos of the consequences from some of the more graphic ones floating around.
And before you ask, my old Boy Scout Master was an ex-Navy corpsman working for the CDC as a researcher.
quote: I fail to see how the pro-abstinence approach towards sex is rational, since if we do not teach our children about sex, they will not know how to do it safely.
Teaching abstinence does not preclude the possibility of teaching about birth control, STDs, pregnancy, and other concerns about sex.
Especially when you realize that no - let me repeat no form of birth control or other device is 100% effective against pregnancy or STD transmission.
If you want to be (edit)completely (/edit) safe, abstinence is best until you're "ready" - whatever ready means to you.
quote:More than half my friends already done it, and they're my age, which is 16, and I think 4 are pregnant.
I am a little confused at your friends attitudes. One one hand they seem to think it is no big deal, and on the other hand 4 are pregnant.
Isn't pregnancy a BIG...HUGE deal? Are they just aborting? Adopting out? Keeping the baby and being blissfully unaware of the changes? How are the other students feeling about all these pregnancies?
Sounds like you made the connection that it is a big deal. Every time I feel like my feelings are in the minority, I find that a lot more people agree with me then I ever imagined.
oh, and welcome to Hatrack! Posts: 2445 | Registered: Oct 2004
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quote: Waiting longer: First-time moms were about 25 years old on average - an all-time high in the United States. In 1970, the average age for first-time moms was about 21. How old were you when you had your first child? Take our poll.
Midlife mothers: Birth rates for women ages 35 to 39 were higher than ever (moms in their mid to late 30s accounted for more than 450,000 babies). The number of moms in their 40s also increased - the birth rate for women ages 40 to 44 has gone up 51 percent since 1990, mostly because of fertility treatments.
More unmarried moms: More than a third of all babies were born to unmarried women, a record high.
quote: The men and the boys Boy power: Boys outnumbered girls among new babies, with 1,048 males for every 1,000 females. (That ratio's remained almost the same for the past 50 years.)
Father time: Like women, men are waiting longer to become parents. The median age for new dads is almost 30.
quote: What I'm confused about is that aren't the STD percentages the same if you're older anyway? I mean, an adult who was feisty in his or her earlier years finally marries can still carry diseases, right? All the scaring-sexually active people-straight propaganda seems to be aiming at teens, as if we're the only ones taking part of this lovefest.
I think the difference is supposed to be that if you wait until you're older you're more likely to take responsibility for your actions, discuss your sexual history with your partner before having sex, and use appropriate protection than you are when you're younger. Now, 'adults' can also get swept up in the heat of passion and do stupid things... but it's also to some degree an old dog new tricks message, I think. If people get in the habit of always using condoms when they start having sex, they're more likely to stay in the habit. Whereas if they start having sex without condoms, they are not very likely to pick the habit up, regardless of how good the advertising is. So aiming it at people who are just starting to become sexual active or consider becoming sexually active provides a lot more bang for the buck, so to speak.
Also, if you wait, you're more likely to have a healthy level of self-esteem and do something because you want to, not due to peer pressure. At 16, a girl might have sex to try to keep her boyfriend. At 20, she hopefully knows that if he's going to leave her because she won't have sex with him it's his loss, and there are plenty of other men out there. STDs and pregnancy are still a concern, no matter what age someone becomes sexually active. But adults tend to be more emotionally ready to handle those concerns. Not because teenagers are irresponsible or stupid. . . just because sometimes the only way to learn things is through life experience, and at 16 you just haven't had enough time to experience as many things. I think it's better, then, not to make important decisions until you've had time to live a little more. That includes decisions like what you want to do for the rest of your life, and if you're ready to have sex yet.
For the record, I'm 31 and female, unmarried and sexually active. I waited to have sex until I was 22, and I've never regreted that decision. I would highly recommend everyone wait until at least 18, but 20 would be even better. No facts to back that up, just my opinion. Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Iem, it is because my friends don't take it seriously that 4 got pregnant. I think they were too lazy to use a condom or the guy forgot to pull out or something. I'm not sure what they're all doing, but I know one's due in July, actually. Sigh.
What I get pissed at, actually, is how people are using the word "rape" like it's not a big deal! I know that there are new connotations to the word, but the concept is still there. People are saying like, "You got raped!" when someone loses in a game terribly. Or had no chance of winning in the first place. I hate to admit that some of my girlfriends would literally say "I'm gonna rape you <3" as a joke. Gosh.
Yeah, I heard kids vowing to abstain find other, crazier forms of sex, thinking it's a flippin' loophole or something!
And thanks for all your welcomes, everyone I really like this forum, it has waaaaaay more articulate people than almost all the forums I visit xD
Posts: 147 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
age does not play a factor, you cannot set an arbitrary age and say, well wait until you are 22, etc. it's much more a factor of maturity. if you are 16, and you feel that you are mature enough to deal with the responsibility of sexual relations, and you havea loving partner who is equally ready, then i cannot see a reason not to have sex, as long as its protected, and concentual
i was not saying that all pro-abstinence approaches neglect talk about birth control, but most do, and if they don't, then they do not go into much detail, and have been shown to provide false information regarding forms of birth control (a news segment i say today said that many pro-abstinence campaigns spread such lies as "birth control pills reduce your chance of fertility later in life", and "swapping saliva can get you an STD"). If you are teaching a pro-abstinence approach to sex to teenagers, why would it make sense to teach them about birth control? they aren't even supposed to be having sex according to the teaching. That is why you see more incidents of STD in kids taught the pro-abstinence approach who break their pledges than kids that are taught sex-education who have sex.
Posts: 441 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
In my experience, sex among twenty-somethings tends to be less problematic then teen sex for a couple of reasons. High school students tend to have to hide things from their parents. This means few of them would ever make an appointment with a gynecologist. Fewer still get tested for STD's before being with a new partner. Relationships are shorter leading to more partners. Birth control pills are difficult to obtain for many not living in an urban area and unwilling to meet with a doctor their parents might know or even buy condoms at a store where they would be recognized. Once the twenties hit these responsible behaviors are much easier to undertake.
Emotionally, it also seems that more teen sex is a result of peer pressure and misconceptions than twenty-something sex.
Finally, if a pregnancy results, the consequences are more easily handled the further along in life you are. So I think it makes sense to target the majority of advertising/education at the teenage group.
Posts: 416 | Registered: May 2005
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Especially when you realize that no - let me repeat no form of birth control or other device is 100% effective against pregnancy or STD transmission.
If you want to be completely safe, abstinence is best until you're "ready" - whatever ready means to you.
-Trevor [/QB]
theoretically, condoms offer 100% protection, but because of certain factors, such as improper use, or too rough sex, that % goes down to something like 70% realistically. The same goes for the pill, it offers 99.99% protection if used properly, but if you do not take it within the 3 hour time frame every day, that % lowers to around the 70's as well. (used together, there is almost no risk % wise)
the same goes for abstinence. theoretically, being abstinent provides you with 100% protection against pregnancy and disease, but of the people who are taught this approach, not 100% of them follow it, so even the asbstinence approach is NOT 100% effective (no formal studies have been done to calculate the average rate of breaking abstinence pledges yet to my knowledge) also, seeing as how the kids who do break their pledges aren't taught as much (if at all) about safe-sex, they have a higher chance of getting pregnant and catching STDs
Posts: 441 | Registered: Jun 2005
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quote:the same goes for abstinence. theoretically, being abstinent provides you with 100% protection against pregnancy and disease, but of the people who are taught this approach, not 100% of them follow it,
Abstinance is not "pledging not to have sex, but slipping up every so often." That is having sex. Abstinance IS 100% percent effective because you DO NOT HAVE SEX. That is the meaning of abstinance. If you "break your pledge" then you are no longer abstinant.
quote:seeing as how the kids who do break their pledges aren't taught as much (if at all) about safe-sex, they have a higher chance of getting pregnant and catching STDs
Abstinance should not just be an ignorant promise, it should be an adult decision that knows the issues when facing sex and wants to be 100% sure those issues do not become unexpectedly personal, especially on a throwaway relationship.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I think sex is a big deal. Perhaps because I would like to have some one of these days. It seems like the longer I wait, the more of a big deal it becomes as I begin to romantize it too much.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote: Youngest Mother The youngest mother whose history is authenticated is Lina Medina, who delivered a 6½-pound boy by cesarean section in Lima, Peru in 1939, at an age of 5 years and 7 months. The child was raised as her brother and only discovered that Lina was his mother when he was 10. And you thought teenage pregnancies complicate matters.
Girls such as this suffer from a hormonal imbalance, or precocious puberty, which is characterized by premature secondary sex characteristic development. In a small percentage ovarian and uterine development appropriate for fertility also occurs, making pregnancy possible. Lina, for instance, began menstruating at age 3.
What is the world coming to when a 5-year-old is on record as having a baby. I'm with you guys-- the world is not only desensitized about sex, it's got the idea of it all messed up. They look at it like a sport (if it ever becomes part of the olympics, I'll throw a 3-year-old-esque tantrum ).
Really, though, what makes us different from all the animals is that we can excercise judgement in where, when, and with whom we decide to have sex and children.
So, if you want to be more than a dog or cat, have some self control!
Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
how bout this, the abstinence approach towards sexual education is not 100% effective, just as the sexual education approach isnt 100% effective, but at least when kids taught the sexual education approach have sex, they know what they are doing, and how to protect themselves, where as the abstinence approach kids DONT
Posts: 441 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Most dogs and cats are way happier than most people. (Insert joke revolving around the flexibility of dogs and cats here.)
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
"The Sun: Is it still our main source of light?"
As a twenty-something year old guy, I can tell you that if sex and the sun both disappeared at the same time, my peers would definitely notice the former sooner than the latter.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I'm afraid I really have to disagree with the proposition that a 16 year old is EVER mature enough to make the decision to have sex.... Okay, I can concede that perhaps 1 in 1,000 16-year-olds is actually ready to make the decision (if that), but a much larger number thinks they're ready when they are not. How does that 16 year old know that they're the 1 in 1000 rather than one of the foolish?
No, it's better to err on the side of caution and wait longer.
I say this because thinking you know everything and are ready for everything seems to be a very big misconception among teenagers. Most of us are guilty of it and only realize it when we grow up. I know I was. I was lucky enough to believe that waiting was the right thing to do (because of what I noticed happened when people didn't wait and becauase of my upbringing), so I waited.
So is it so wrong to say that no 16 year old is ready to make the decision, at the expense of that 1 in a 1000 16-year-old that is? It won't hurt him/her to wait a couple years either.
posted
I think you'll find that large numbers of 16 year olds have been having sex (and until relatively recently, getting married) for thousands of years, without society facing imminent demise.
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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posted
Since you're including in the "moral" period times with lots of 16 year olds getting married, I'd be interested in hearing how the mere fact that 16 year olds are having sex constitutes a necessary mistake in almost all cases.
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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posted
I don't think it's the 16 year olds having sex... but the promiscuity of it. Long ago, people were getting married at 16 and having sex -- but they were married to the one person.
Now, though, what 16 year old actually marries their sex partner at the time (unless she gets pregnant and the "have to" get married)?
Not to say no 16 year olds marry, but the VAST majority don't. Thats where the morals degrade, imo.
Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Where 16-year-olds are capable of taking care of the consequences of sex, it is much less of a bad idea. Very few 16-year-olds are capable of supporting a child in our society.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
I'm not sure if that question is directed at me, but I'll take a swing at it.
I don't think 16 year olds getting married (I'm assuming you mean arranged marriages in 3rd world countries and in the not-so-distant past) is a mistake.
I make a big distinction between marriage (kids trying to be adults) and casual sex (kids trying to be adults). I don't even necessarily think a 16 year old is always inequipped to deal with sex. I wasn't. I know a lot of my friends who were sexually active at that age, and we all turned out pretty good - married and productive.
I think the attitude towards sex is more dangerous than the actual act of having sex.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Katarain: I'm afraid I really have to disagree with the proposition that a 16 year old is EVER mature enough to make the decision to have sex.... Okay, I can concede that perhaps 1 in 1,000 16-year-olds is actually ready to make the decision (if that), but a much larger number thinks they're ready when they are not. How does that 16 year old know that they're the 1 in 1000 rather than one of the foolish?
No, it's better to err on the side of caution and wait longer.
I say this because thinking you know everything and are ready for everything seems to be a very big misconception among teenagers. Most of us are guilty of it and only realize it when we grow up. I know I was. I was lucky enough to believe that waiting was the right thing to do (because of what I noticed happened when people didn't wait and becauase of my upbringing), so I waited.
So is it so wrong to say that no 16 year old is ready to make the decision, at the expense of that 1 in a 1000 16-year-old that is? It won't hurt him/her to wait a couple years either.
-Katarain
i take it that you pulled that number out of your behind right? i was 17 when i first had sex, and it was with a girl that i had been dating for 3 years. i am no longer with that girl, but it had nothing to do with sex, it was a distance thing when we went to university. that being said, we had a very healthy relationship, and we used sex as a means to show our love for each other. is that wrong? am i screwed up now? no. we practiced safe sex and were aware of the possible consequences, but we were mature enough to be responsible about it and not abuse the privelage of loving sex
Posts: 441 | Registered: Jun 2005
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WHAT?! That has to violate some kind of law... right? I mean, I would just say I got fat or something and it's none of their business! The poor dear earned her diploma, just like everyone else. Dude, not even like everyone else, she had to adjust her lifestyle to accomodate such a big change! AND she still succeeded! Such perseverance! ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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