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Author Topic: This week does not bode well with me
BlackBlade
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Are Boded or Boding words?

Anyway,

Well I just complete the sometimes constant agony of gettings married. For clarities sake I will say that BEING married is simply wonderful, GETTING married is like its polar opposite. Who would have thought that such obnoxiousness could give rise to the beautiful existance of married life.

Well I currently live Utah and my wife is from Seattle, so as custom would have it, we had the reception in Utah ironically (since half of HER family refused to go up to Seattle for a reception) and we decided to have an open house in Seattle a week later.

It was so time consuming to get everything ready for the reception in Utah, but what made it worse was that my wife's mother insisted that her open house in Washington be, in point of fact, a reception. My wife's parents are from humble circumstances as well which added an interesting dynamic. While we were trying to set things up for the reception in Utah they would complain that they couldnt afford it, but then the next day we would hear about what they had purchased for THEIR "Open House JUST KIDDING! A reception" function. Not enough money for flowers at the Utah reception, but they get a quartet to supply music for the Washington reception.

No money for a photographer at our reception, but there is a photographer for the Washington one, ad infinitum, ad nauseum, ad only the beginning of my troubles.

My parents in frustration finally just foot most of the bill for my reception in Utah and wonder of wonders it turns out just FINE! I actually enjoyed myself dispite the sweltering heat combined with the Tuxedo I had to wear.

This whole time not only have I made myself get upset and annoyed at this whole reception in Washington that was supposed to be an open house that was supposed to not take away from the real reception, I was even MORE annoyed that I would have to drive 12 hours there and back at my own expense instead of flying. My parents never ceased to take jabs at me about how they were flying and I was driving. Flying was actually around the same price as driving but my wife argued that it would be hard to haul back gifts using our luggage, and though I had this terrible portentious dream that we would get very few gifts I had no real proof that she was wrong.

The day of the road trip I do some thinking and realize that my wife wants me to enjoy this trip and that we should be having a good time. I resolve to enjoy the drive up (I spent most of it doing Chinese homework) and as we pull into a podunk town 2 hours south of seattle to get gas it all hits the fan.

The car wont start after I fill it up. Nobody can look at my car and fix it that night. I have no choice but to call a towing company to take it to their auto shop and check into a motel. The starter on my car is dead and the mechanics place does not have a starter for my particular VW. The only thing I could figure out to do was have it towed again to a town moderately close to my wife's parent's home and that runs me $400 (Plane tickets for 2 right there). They say they cannot take a look at it until monday. MONDAY!? Its already friday I was planning to drive back to Utah sunday! I take it in stride because my wife and I are already stressing about $70 for a motel, and $130 to have the car towed from the Chevron to the original mechanics.

We go to "whatever you want to call it" get together at her parents house and its practically a reception. Back into the steamy tuxedo during some sort of horrible heat wave. Only 1/3rd of the expected guests come as I had dreaded and we get enough gifts to easily fit inside our luggage.

Fast forward to right now, monday morning. I just got off the phone with the VW dealership mechanic who does not seem too concerned that I was supposed to be back in Utah today. He has 10 other cars with higher priority then mine, my boss did not seem too happy that I am getting back later then anticipated especially since I just took 6 days off work last week and now I might need another 1-2. I have a mountain of Chinese homework including a take home mid term that MUST be done by wednesday and its going to take me at least 3 hours of straight writing to get done. Not to mention the paper I cannot complete as its on my computer in Utah waiting to be finished. I already used my unexcused abcence from Chinese when I got married and here I am missing class today. I had to spend the night at my wife's parents house which has no air conditioning of any kind, and we are still experiencing that heat wave I mentioned earlier.

Well thats all I've got, I know I should just roll with it and do the best I can with the cards I am dealt, but I felt like venting all of this somewhere and letting you all sypmpathize/redicule me.

Though I confess most of you will probably just think (TLDR).

I originally though about posting this in Lisa's thread (BTW my condolences Lisa, (I hope things work out for you)) but I thought that might be a bit rude trying to eclipse her sob story with my own [Razz] Hope you all have better luck than I have had.

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TomDavidson
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Meh. Weddings aren't meant to be fun for the groom. Did your wife enjoy herself?
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Anna
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Preparing a wedding isn't supposed to be fun for anyone, if you ask me.
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lem
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As a man who has been married FOUR TIMES, I feel your pain. I really do.

Before everyone thinks that I am a flake in relationships, I have only married two people.

My first wife was a college thing. She was 19; I was 22, been off my mission for a year, and going to BYU. Need I say more to anyone who is LDS?

After a year we realized it was a mistake and divorced amicably.

I have been married to my current wife for 4 years (and going strong). We married civilly. A short time later we married in an LDS temple. A short time after that we had a Japanese marriage in Japan.

All I ever wanted to do was elope. H. still gets jealous when she sees a wedding dress. I don't get it. I think most men won't ever get it.

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Farmgirl
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Everyone should just elope. So much easier on everyone..
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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by TomDavidson:
Meh. Weddings aren't meant to be fun for the groom. Did your wife enjoy herself?

Wife had mixed feelings. On the one hand she was happy to be back in Washington, on the other the low turn out and amount of gifts compared to the reception in Utah, coupled with the obnoxiousness of the car and the costliness thereof has made her shift back and forth.

As of right now she is fairing pretty well and we both agreed going out for some breakfast foods and renting a movie would do much to help us just relax. Hopefully the mechanic will call me up today and say "Hey I realized that you might lose your job, fail Chinese, and have your whole future messed up if I dont fix your car, so hey I got it done just now come pick it up!"

Heck if I knew he would call at 5:00pm just before closing and say it was all done I would be more than happy to drive through the night in order to get home. We shall see if I can break the pull that this Washington black hole has got on me and Tiffany.

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Farmgirl
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Hey - it could be worse! You appear to at least have internet connection! [Smile]
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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by Farmgirl:
Hey - it could be worse! You appear to at least have internet connection! [Smile]

I am at her parents house, JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!
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TomDavidson
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quote:
On the one hand she was happy to be back in Washington, on the other the low turn out and amount of gifts compared to the reception in Utah, coupled with the obnoxiousness of the car and the costliness thereof has made her shift back and forth.
Let me point out that the gifts are not meant to be the justification for a "reception;" one does not measure these things by their cost-effectiveness. [Smile]
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Farmgirl
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*this convinces me all the more to never attempt marriage again*

I don't remember being newlywed as being so difficult, but I must have a faulty memory. Many newlyweds these days really worry me.

My favorite nephew just got married to a wonderful girl, and they just returned from a great honeymoon in Cancun.

However, when over there the other day, they were already arguing heavily about "his cat" not getting along with "her dog". Apparently they have not yet got to the point of thinking of everything as "ours".

You marry more than a person, that is for sure. You marry (in a way) their family, their pets, their friends -- and you learn to embrace them or be miserable.

FG

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ketchupqueen
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quote:
I don't remember being newlywed as being so difficult, but I must have a faulty memory.
...or it really wasn't that difficult for you.

Our wedding was a nightmare to prepare, but still fun because, heck, I was marrying the man of my dreams. And, well, money was tight (tight is not actually the word, but I don't know what is-- nonexistent is a little extreme), I was pregnant and therefore crazy, had morning sickness, I was put on bed rest so I would hopefully not miscarry for a month early in my pregnancy and so could not get a job before I was showing and then no one would hire me because I was showing, my husband was for a while working three jobs, and we lived in a depressing apartment, but still, overall life was good, we were happy to be together, and somehow didn't seem to fight about the things I hear all newlyweds fight about. [Dont Know] Things are still pretty good for us after three years, at times they're hard and unexpected things happen, but that's life. We get along (okay, I don't get along that well with anyone when I'm pregnant, but my husband forgives me) and are generally happy with each other and our lives and our family, even when it's rough. I wish I could quantify why if it would help others. I really don't know what it is, though. All I can say is, I hope your marriage is as good as ours has been, for the most part.

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BlackBlade
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The marriage has been wonderful, I really cannot think when we last fought about something in any sort of serious way. We disagree, but its hard to fight when both sides refuse to yell and rightfully demand honesty and clarity of expression when discussing our different ideas.

If I start complaining about all this she tells me that its probably for the best and there might be a reason it all happened. 1 hour later when she is on the verge of tears I tell her I'd rather be stranded with her than be at work anyway [Smile]

We are both quick to apologize but neither of us apologize for the wrong things. I wont apologize if she took offence wrongly, but I will say I am sorry that she is upset, or if I didnt say something the best way.

As an update the mechanic said he couldnt even look at my car today and it will have to wait until tomorrow morning. How does one express the urgency of his needs without being a jerk about it, yet adamant about it to the point that the other person actually cares?

Anyway marriage has BlackBlades seal of approval, I am having a blast so far.

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Lissande
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quote:
If I start complaining about all this she tells me that its probably for the best and there might be a reason it all happened. 1 hour later when she is on the verge of tears I tell her I'd rather be stranded with her than be at work anyway
My husband and I do this - usually only one of us freaks out at a time, and the other concentrates on calming and comforting. Then a while later the calm one freaks and gets comforted. [Smile] I think it's a good system, ensures that there's always a good dose of common sense in the room.

As for the wedding disaster - I really hope you get down to Utah in time to not have an even bigger disaster. Let us know how it goes! And, hey - you're married! Isn't that worth walking through fire to get? Just consider this the entrance fee for the privilege of spending the rest of your life with Mrs BlackBlade! [Smile]

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El JT de Spang
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quote:
However, when over there the other day, they were already arguing heavily about "his cat" not getting along with "her dog". Apparently they have not yet got to the point of thinking of everything as "ours".
I'm not sure that everyone ever gets to that point. My parents, even when I was a senior in high school, would say things like "Talk to your son." When I was being a pain in the ass.

Er, which was never.

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Mathematician
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quote:
Originally posted by Farmgirl:

My favorite nephew just got married to a wonderful girl, and they just returned from a great honeymoon in Cancun.


My cousin just got married to a wonderful girl, and they just returned from a great honeymoon in Cancun.


I myself have LOVED the newlywed thing (we're coming up on one year in August). I also thought the whole wedding/reception process was terribly boring (but hey, that part isn't about me anyway)

As far as the "yours, mine vs ours" debate. My wife and I make a joke out of that. For instance, she'll say, "How was your day at work?", to which I'll reply "No, no, How was OUR day at work?"

I hope we still get a kick out of eachother in 75 years :-)

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ElJay
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quote:
As an update the mechanic said he couldnt even look at my car today and it will have to wait until tomorrow morning. How does one express the urgency of his needs without being a jerk about it, yet adamant about it to the point that the other person actually cares?
Um, in this case there is absolutely no reason why the mechanic should put you in front of his other customers, who are also without their cars, and to whom he has presumably also given an estimated completion time. Not only because it would be bad business for him to have to call them and say their vehicles aren't done when he said because he worked on someone else's car first (and you know that they would never agree that your emergency was more important then their's, and for that matter you don't know that it is, either,) but most of them are probably from the area, and so providing them with service in the time frame he gave them could lead to repeat business when they next have a need for a mechanic, whereas putting you ahead of them both wouldn't lead to repeat business, as you're going to take your car and go back to Utah, and might very well lead to lost repeat business from the local customers he delayed in order to help you.

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, it certainly sucks, and it's understandable that you're frustrated. But in this one area, you're asking how to convince the mechanic to harm others and himself in order to help you. The answer is, you shouldn't. When you first brought it in and he said there were 10 cars ahead of you, you could have offered to pay time and a half labor charges if he'd stay late to do yours outside of normal working hours, and he might have agreed. But it's too late for that, and at this point he knows your story and re-stating how important it is has as high a likelihood of irritating him as doing any good.

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Synesthesia
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I must not be a girl
The thought of weddings, marriage and wedding dresses scare me.
My ideal wedding would be just me, a certain person getting married by a judge or someone of authority and then having a party so people can bring us presents that we sneak out early of...
Sweetness...
Also all the presents would be computer stuff, guitar stuff, CDs, video games and an old 100 year old pocket watch with at least 18 jewels and a hunting case. *hearts*

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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by ElJay:
quote:
As an update the mechanic said he couldnt even look at my car today and it will have to wait until tomorrow morning. How does one express the urgency of his needs without being a jerk about it, yet adamant about it to the point that the other person actually cares?
Um, in this case there is absolutely no reason why the mechanic should put you in front of his other customers, who are also without their cars, and to whom he has presumably also given an estimated completion time. Not only because it would be bad business for him to have to call them and say their vehicles aren't done when he said because he worked on someone else's car first (and you know that they would never agree that your emergency was more important then their's, and for that matter you don't know that it is, either,) but most of them are probably from the area, and so providing them with service in the time frame he gave them could lead to repeat business when they next have a need for a mechanic, whereas putting you ahead of them both wouldn't lead to repeat business, as you're going to take your car and go back to Utah, and might very well lead to lost repeat business from the local customers he delayed in order to help you.

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, it certainly sucks, and it's understandable that you're frustrated. But in this one area, you're asking how to convince the mechanic to harm others and himself in order to help you. The answer is, you shouldn't. When you first brought it in and he said there were 10 cars ahead of you, you could have offered to pay time and a half labor charges if he'd stay late to do yours outside of normal working hours, and he might have agreed. But it's too late for that, and at this point he knows your story and re-stating how important it is has as high a likelihood of irritating him as doing any good.

Already knew all that which is why I didnt ask and I was hoping somebody clever could come up with a way I had not thought of. Guess you refuse to fit the bill [Razz] j/k

Update: The mechanic has decide my starter is dead and I need a new battery, so color me broke. I am almost to the point that if he told me "Give me all the money you saved up for college this fall," I would hand it to him and thank him for giving me my car back.

I might actually get on the road by noon today and get home at midnight!

Marriage Update: I am still married and we still love each other [Big Grin]

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BlackBlade
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FINAL UPDATE: Its a bit late but I pulled my car triumphantly out of the dealership in Bellvue WA and promptly smacked into a passing Nissan Pathfinder. Its all my fault and almost as a sort of final send off the cop took 45 minutes to get over to the scene and gave me a ticket for failing to yield the right of way. As if paying for my own car repairs and the repairs of the girls car I hit was not enough.

Tiffany and myself slowly pulled onto the freeway. When we got into Oregon I didnt realize Tiffany was speeding as I was frantically trying to finish my Chinese midterm. We get pulled over for going 85 in a 65 MPH zone. The cop hardly reaches Tiffany's windows when she unleashes a flood of tears and blubbers through an explanation as to why she was speeding and why we were supposed to be back in Utah 2 days ago and we are already going to be driving all through the night and how she has never had a speeding ticket before, I sort of forget the rest because it was drowned in wave of sobs. The cop walked about halfway back to his patrol car then came back and said, "Drive slower and more safely folks, you have a good day."

Moral of the story: Well theres 2!

1: Stephen Hawking should do his studies of blackholes in the state of Washington, that place would not let me leave unless it pulled every last dollar out of my wallet [Frown]

2: Emotional Girls are a safety shield against speeding tickets, at least in Oregon, its likely had we still been in Washington we would have certainly sustained the speeding ticket.

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Demonstrocity
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On behalf of Washingtonians, I apologize.

Where are you registered?

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BlackBlade
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Bed Bath and Beyond / Target
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JennaDean
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Well, I just found this thread - what an experience, reading it all at once. All I can say is,

Congratulations, BlackBlade! Welcome to married life. It's how we were meant to live. Isn't it fun? [Smile]

(Not being even a little bit sarcastic, there.)

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