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» Hatrack River Forum » Archives » Landmark Threads » Embracing the Great Big Maybe (My 5000 Landmark) (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Embracing the Great Big Maybe (My 5000 Landmark)
AndrewR
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I must say, CT, the more I learn about you, the more remarkable a person you become. I am glad to have met you, even if it is across this thin electronic line. [Smile]

And get ready to help Tom and Christy often, because they are about to be overwhelmed (whether they realize it or not). [Big Grin]

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Kama
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*wants to be part of CT's tribe*
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Mrs.M
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CT, I'm overwhelmed and inspired by your story.

Having PCOS and being married to a philosophy professor, I've known many doctors and philosophers. Almost none have had any of the grace and strength that you have in abundance.

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skrika03
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(((CT))). Though why is your screen name ClaudiaTherese? You left out the highly dramatic events of the last mafia game [Razz] I was glad to find out I'm younger than you (by about 7 weeks). Photographs do take my soul, but it grows right back.
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amira tharani
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*hugs CT*
Thank you for that, CT... It makes me wish I knew you better... maybe someday I will...

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Narnia
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You're so beautiful CT. That was so...very...honest. Thank you.

I feel closer to you now and that makes me really happy. I'm grateful to know you. [Kiss]

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Leonide
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I came to visit Strider today and the first thing he said to me was "Go read CT's landmark post"

We were both so very moved by your life, CT. Thank you for sharing yourself with us [Smile]

[ March 26, 2004, 06:04 PM: Message edited by: Leonide ]

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Slash the Berzerker
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I've seen CT's picture.

I want that to mean I am special in some way. I refuse to believe otherwise.

(No need for me to join in the CT worshipping. My worship has a long and well documented history, and I will stand on the record.)

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Hobbes
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[Smile]

Hobbes [Smile]

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Scythrop
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Thanks so **very** much for sharing your story, CT. You are amazing.

Tony

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Alucard...
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This was the most moving thing I have read on Hatrack after being here only a year. If you do not know it by now CT, you are one of the biggest reasons I keep coming back, along with all the wonderful Jatraqueros I know and have yet to meet.

I couldn't help reading your post and being proud of you and feeling sad for you as well. A tear rolled down my right cheek and my heart actually hurt as it struggled to beat normally in my chest.

All I could think of is that if I am robbed of meeting you in person, I pray to God that there truly is a Heaven and we are both there, because short of family, you are definitely on my short list of persons I would love to hang out with for eternity.

Thank You CT.

Shane

[ March 26, 2004, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: Alucard... ]

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Annie
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Oh, how beautiful!

I must say that you are on the list of women who are "grown ups I want to be." I admire the thoughtfulness and cheerfulness and love that pervade everything you do and say.

And the fact that you have grown into such a fabulous person through such adversity astonishes me and silences any kind of gripes or complaints any of us can have about our victimhood. You're an amazing woman.

Love and hugs!

Annie [Smile]

P.S. You can have every single one of my Hatrack babies to play with.

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Shan
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Thank you, CT, for letting your light shine in the darkness -

(((Sara)))

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Kayla
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You rock, CT.

Much braver than I am. After all, you know this will be archived!

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Jon Boy
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CT, I really can't think of anything worth saying after all that, except that I've got all kinds of respect for you and hope to meet you some day.
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jexx
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CT...You are the bright shiny, not the great big maybe. You are the absolutely YES!

Did you know that March is Women's History Month? Even though you are a young woman (not old enough to be part of History, yet [Wink] ), I think it is entirely appropriate that you post this most stirring landmark in the month of March, when we honor strong women. Women like you. Women who make a difference. Women who have struggled, and blossomed.

It's a shame that you think that photographs steal your soul, because I'd like to see a pale reflection of the Actual Human who shines so brightly, even in print.

You are. And you are beautiful. Thank you.

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Emily Milner
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CT, thank you.

--Emily

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LadyDove
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CT-
The kindness of strangers has been one of the two lifelines in my life. It's knowing that I could become a stranger like you that made me cling to the belief that tomorrow was worth waiting for.

Thank you for being a "stranger".

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Eaquae Legit
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(((CT)))

I cannot think of a single thing that would not sound horribly cliche.

Thanks, CT. You are such an amazing person.

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John L
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*raises hand* has also seen photos of CT (and no, I'll never tell anyone but CT how).

You're a strong lady, kiddo (yer as much a kiddo as I am [Wink] ). I can't wait for the opportunity to meet up witcha.

Stories like this make me want to share even just the last ten years, but I don't do the landmark thing any more. Still, I gotta say that CT is the kind of person I know could read it and find honest-to-goodness reasons within it that I'm a good person, and be pretty hard to convince otherwise. She makes me feel smart and strong and wise even when I don't deserve it. How can you not love that about someone?

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Wonko The Sane
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I want to say somthing but i can't find the right words so... [Group Hug] CT [Group Hug]
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aka
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Wow, Sara! Just wow!

And to think that you were in my town. If only I had known you! You could have lived at our house. We would have kept you safe!

The castle, my gosh! That's an incredibly scary drugged up place.

I understand the cutting thing completely. It's caamora. It does work. It soothes grief that is too great to be borne.

Picking up all the sticks. <cries> Yes.

Ah, Sara! I don't even know what to say. You must come back to Birmingham to visit. There isn't love and worship enough to be given to you. And there will be no pictures.

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Ryuko
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I waited until I thought I had time enough to appreciate this story before I could read it. Ironically, this ended up being 3:30 on a Friday.

I really don't feel qualified to say anything about your life... It's a life that reminds me of my mother's. Terrible setbacks, but eventually you got through it and came to be a wonderful person. (laughs) Strangely enough, my mother's going back to school to be a nurse. It's that medical mentality, I guess.

Another part of your story that hit close to home for me, CT, was the part about eating disorders... My roommate has been struggling with an eating disorder and the related depression and cutting for three years... It's so difficult to see her and have such little to do to help. I understand that it's something that never fully goes away... I hope it's come close for you.

I was glad to have heard your story, CT. Thank you so much for sharing it.

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Jenny Gardener
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Sara,

To me, you ARE the Healer. When I was with you before, you exuded a quiet beautiful wisdom. That comes through in your posting, too. It was a blessing just to be in your presence. It is as if you are the clear vessel that the light of the Goddess shines through. I can understand your discomfort with photographs.

You are not only part of the tribe, but also an essential Presence. Without your light, our world would be ever so much darker.

I loves me CT!

(edit for the following PS)

PS Girl, I really miss you, too!

[ March 27, 2004, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: Jenny Gardener ]

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Eduardo_Sauron
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I was really moved reading your story, CT. It ached a lot, while I read it, but it was beautiful, nonetheless. Its because of people like you that I keep coming back to Hatrack.

Thanks.

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ClaudiaTherese
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Gee whiz, guys, thank you for the kind words. I'm keeping them and rereading them. Thank you. [Smile] There is another part I want to say, though.

I made some terrible choices, some which were ill-advised and some which were downright dumb and selfish. Yes, I did what I had to do to get by, and I did the best I could, but there's no way I would have made those same choices again.

I've debated on whether to do this sort of landmark post for a long time. On the one hand, there's a real freedom to airing one's warts among friends, and you've seen about the biggest of mine. But more importantly, I think, is that we rarely talk about our own failures in polite company. For children (and for other adults), this means we are usually left wondering whether if it is only we that can't seem to get it right, or who do awful or bizarre things, or who are ashamed. There aren't many good role models for failure.

As I started to screw up my way through life, I promised myself that I'd be frank about my own errors. I just didn't think I'd have so many. [Smile]

Let's be clear about this, though. These aren't dramatic, exciting, romantic actions; these are bad choices I wouldn't repeat. I did a lot of running away, and I acted too often out of fear and resentment, or out of just plain arrogance.

I left a my mother when she needed me, I left a husband, I lay next to a man and longed for his death. I was too proud to ask for help, and so I put myself into dangerous situations -- situations that ended up damaging me and, in the long run, taking quite a toll on those who loved me, too. It wasn't smart, it wasn't cool, and it wasn't healthy. It happened, and I take responsibility for it, but I'm afraid that in the telling of a stark story, the idea of a bad choice goes unsaid.

I am so happy now, and I am so healthy, in large part because I learned how to make better choices. I was also insanely lucky to get help along the way from a lot of people, and so many others never get that help. Part of me would love to go on and on about the details of what I did wrong, but that's neither appropriate or interesting. Probably better is to just let this thread fade out to the archives. (Yeah, Kayla, I know it'll still be there. [Wink] A lovely little lesson in humility for me, someday. )

But if you screw up, if you are 15 or 17 or even 47, and you've done something asinine or self-destructive or you've run away from a problem, go ahead and drop me a note. Been there, done that, haven't forgotten, and maybe have some good advice. [Wave]

Again, thanks.

[ March 27, 2004, 06:17 PM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]

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Rakeesh
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I'm sure you know this, but you're awesome enough that it bears repeating [Smile]

I don't think people have responded the way they have and love you the way they do because of the bad things that have happened, or even any bad decisions you may have made. It's mostly based on the person you are now, in spite of terrible things that have happened to you.

You're a person well-worth knowing, even in an online setting [Smile] I am glad to.

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ClaudiaTherese
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[Kiss]

And you, sir, are a delightful young man, and a rather outrageous flirt. May I remind you that I am old enough to be your mother?

(Don't you dare bring up truth-or-dare, boy. There are some warts which will never see the light of day, sans the shield of a WenchCon.)

Love you too, Jeff. [Smile]

[ March 27, 2004, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]

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mackillian
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I think Sara is my hero.
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Rakeesh
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And you're simply a delight:) Heck, if I had anything to be embarrassed about in a Truth-or-Dare game with you (I admit nothing), I'd still probably share it just to brag on havin' met ya.

It's only a great deal of respect and shyness that prevents me from using a certain four-letter acronym, made infamous in a different WenchCon [Wink]

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ClaudiaTherese
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mack, that is not the appropriate response. *grin I was going more for the "horrible warning" than the "good example," but I'll take it as a compliment.

(And you are one of my heroes, too, you know. We all need them.)

Rakeesh, trust me: I don't wanna know. Leave me with some shred of innocence and virtue intact. If it embarrasses you, it would likely lay me flat. [Wink]

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Ryuko
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Hey, CT, everyone has to go through bad times in their lives. I'm sure what Jamie's saying and what I think too, is that we'd like to come through our bad times as well as you came through yours. [Smile]
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ClaudiaTherese
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Awesome. I can dig that. [Cool]
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mackillian
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You HAVE some shred of innocence and virtue intact? [Eek!]
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mackillian
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Yeah, what Ryuko said. I see, that if you can do it, then I can too.
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ClaudiaTherese
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mackillian, sweet lady, I am the very soul of propriety and virtue. Your continuing inability to see me in other than a risque light is highly embarrassing. To you, my dear, not me.

I prefer not to notice such goings on.

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ClaudiaTherese
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[Big Grin]

(A part of me would revel in being a horrid, horrid warning. To bad I am too decorous to be so indelicate. *sigh)

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Ryuko
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Maybe if you want to be a warning, you should join a biker gang and travel the country breakin' stuff.

Hey! Come by me and visit!! I have plenty of good stuff in need of a CT breakin'. [Wink]

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mackillian
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[ROFL]

Check your email.

And if you read the thread I made for FlyingCow, you'd have no doubts in your mind about my fully intact decency and virtue.

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ClaudiaTherese
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Yeah, that was the thread which made me lose all hope for you and the nunnery.

(Thanks for the heads-up, Sister of Ill-Repute.)

Abby: [Smile]

[ March 27, 2004, 06:30 PM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]

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mackillian
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How do you think Slash feels? He said I was his ticket to heaven.

Now we're all screwed.

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ClaudiaTherese
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I'm relying about 1/3 on Grace and the rest on a deathbed conversion. That means I can't die in my sleep, though, so I've rigged up a little device to pinch me if I stop breathing.

Better living through mechanical engineering.

(Um, love, are you sure that's the way he meant it? 'Cause, well ... I don't know ... [Big Grin] )

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Ryuko
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Oooo... Best hope you don't develop apnea!!

It sucks, and it'll only get worse. [Frown]

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twinky
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I'm at a loss for words...
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TomDavidson
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"Now we're all screwed."

It's so rare when this phrase LITERALLY applies. [Smile]

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mackillian
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[Eek!]

[ROFL]

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Procrastination
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Well, I'd like to think Jamie discriminates a *little* bit...

er...

...I hope.

[Monkeys]

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Ralphie
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You know, CT, Tom didn't even post in my landmark thread. But instead of merely posting, "Bitch is going down," as you most probably deserve*, I've decided to put aside completely understandable, extremely valid and unfamiliarly ego-bruising squabbles and to rather sincerely post:

CT is da BOMB.

(*and by "deserve" I mean, "deserve in that way that I need something to justify my senseless bile.")

[ March 27, 2004, 10:53 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]

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Trogdor the Burninator
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Alright Ralph. Where the hell you been?
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TomDavidson
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But I've never seen you in a hat, Toni! How could I have posted about that?

(Hello, BTW. [Smile] )

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