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Okay, so I'm getting pumped about going to the book signing this Saturday - even stopped and picked up another copy of "Enchantment" so I could get it signed for a student of mine.
I was reading the suggestions of what to do at a book signing on this site, and trying to figure out how not to make a fool of myself, and thought it would be funny to collect the top things that you should NOT do/say at an OSC signing.
A couple off the top of my head:
"I just LOVED your Dragonriders books!"
"So, when are you going to write a Star Trek novel?"
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1) Don't call him Orson. 2) Don't squeeze his belly. 3) Don't tell him how much you liked his earlier work, but think his newer stuff doesn't measure up. 4) Don't ask him how he can write such affecting prose about such open-minded, atheist characters when he's really such a bigot. 5) Don't tell him that you were a super-intelligent child prodigy or are secretly a Maker, and you're so relieved to find someone else who knows the Truth.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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6) Walk up with your iPod in tow, and proceed to show him that your listening to Shadow of The Giant on audiobook?
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I think that would create a slight ackward moment just before you are asked to leave the store.
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"Hey, I think it's really cool that you modelled Ender after Hitler; he was such a misunderstood man!"
What you SHOULD do, though, is start up an intensely personal conversation about his family, based on things you read in "Lost Boys," and be sure to refer to everyone by their first names, then go home and cry when you learn that he never actually knew you existed.
On a related note, where can I learn, like, general book-signing etiquette? I've never been to one before, and I'm planning on going to see OSC when he's in town this month. Is it one signing per person? "A few" per person? That sort o' thing.
Posts: 88 | Registered: Apr 2005
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I think the best response in that situation would be either to feign amnesia or break down and admit that you're actually just an OSC look-alike, OSC having tired of book tours some time ago and resolved to spend more time with his family.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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quote:Originally posted by Orson Scott Card: Here's the biggest one:
Don't say: I bet you don't remember me!
But, what if you really *don't* remember me? *sob*!
It would break my heart and all, knowing that you don't remember someone as important as me, even though we've never ever met before. Posts: 89 | Registered: May 2005
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Ask him to sign your latest copy of Michael Moore's work.. Ask him why he makes mistakes in his books 10 years after writing the first one.. Ask him why he hasn't written anything other than the Ender books...
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Oobie, of course I remember you. I've had a webcam in your bathroom for years now.
As for an OSC clone ... a friend of mine, Dan Shade (of "Lost Books" fame), looked enough like me, about twenty years ago, that we joked about how I'd send him to conventions claiming to be me and see if anyone noticed. We never did it, and now he's all grown up and doesn't think it would be fun.
Of course, back then I didn't have my picture anywhere. I finally had to start putting my picture up online and on my books so that the twits who've been getting laid by telling women they were me, writing under a pseudonym, can't get away with it anymore. The irritating thing is that BEING me never got any woman to feel all romantic; apparently you have to claim to be Orson Scott Card AND be devilishly good looking and charming all at once.
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OSC, have you ever seen a picture of the Hatracker known as punwit? I'm sure he'd be happy to stand in for you if you get tired of touring Posts: 957 | Registered: Aug 2002
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oh god this was funny, umm lemme see now... Damn I can't think of anything mean. But the wives reference was I think the funniest.
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Don't bring a printout of the entire Atomic Rockets web site and a guide to bringing his next book "up to scratch" for the hard sci-fi community.
BTW -- I love Atomic Rockets, but it's definitely incompatible with OSC-style science fiction. Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2003
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When we got married, I was not the author of anything much, just an editor. She married me out of optimism, untempered by experience.
I'm fine with "I love you man." I just answer the way Jack Nicholson did in Terms of Endearment. Or was that the sequel?
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"So* what was your inspiration for the Red Prophet series" or "What was your inspiration for Memories of Earth?"
And, one of my all time favorites I have heard before "Do you think you could tell me where I could read Zina's real Journal? I teach Sunday School using your book."
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I just about choked when the guy at Borders in Madison called you Orson and I couldn't stifle the giggle when the second question was about the Ender movie.
Hope you arrived back home without much ado and thanks for stopping in Madison!
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Unfortunately, due to some car-seat issues and a weak diaper, I missed part of the question/answer session. I loved what I heard, though I wish the PA system was a little better we had a hard time hearing from the back...especially when the "bathroom reader" alarm kept going off!
Christy - I must confess, I was a little nervous when some of the questions turned to politics and religion, considering the average political make-up of Madison. I was glad to see that everyone behaved, though!
Thank you, Mr. Card, for a great experience, and your graciousness - rest assured, I'll be watching for more signings in the future!
So, one more "no-no" to add, based on the Madison signing:
- Do NOT take an OSC book into the bathroom at a signing - the alarm confuses everyone.
Posts: 51 | Registered: Jun 2005
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Hey, Don, were you Julianna's (sp?) father? The guy with the tattoo partial to opera (the guy, not the tattoo)? We're Sophie's parents.
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I liked the "do you have the gift of prophecy, too?" question. *grin* Mr. Card handled it very graciously, I thought, although that poor woman probably drove home in tears, thinking, "Not even Orson Scott Card thinks I can see the future."
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