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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Dear Professor, I am not a &@($&%# telepath.

   
Author Topic: Dear Professor, I am not a &@($&%# telepath.
pH
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What's the most ridiculous assignment you've ever received? Least instructions, least relevant to the subject matter, that kind of thing.

I'll post about mine tomorrow, since it's a take-home exam that's due at 1:40pm.

-pH

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Architraz Warden
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"Red is good, heavy is better."

That was all the instruction given, and it was due in two weeks.

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pfresh85
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I can't say I've had anything as bad as what Architraz Warden just posted. I've had some history assignments though where the prompts were very vague. You'd address all parts of the prompt, but then you'd get a B or something because they claim they wanted you to focus on one specific thing (although there was never any mention in the prompt or in class to focus on it). I hate vague assignments. Everything should be clear.
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Megan
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I definitely agree that everything needs to be clear in a given assignment. The assignment that Warden mentioned is right out.

I have to say, though, that I'm tempted to post a companion thread to this one, labeled, "Dear Student, Read the &@($&%# Directions."

[Big Grin]

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Wonder Dog
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I agree whole-heartedly with all of you.

Teachers and students both have the potential to be total nincompoops. [Big Grin]

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Architraz Warden
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Heh, well in defense of that project, it was intentionally vague. Poor poor freshmanm they never saw it coming.

Unintentionally vague I'd have to go back to HS, during the time before syllabi.

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jeniwren
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But you see, in the Real World (tm), you will not get all the instructions, relevance might be questionable, and the grade will be whether you get to keep your job.

The dumbest assignment I've received lately was to write all our user documentation. I thought I was equal to the task, though I had no real instructions, no one to tell me if I was on the right track, and ultimately, what I did made no difference whatsoever. Users do not actually read documentation, I have discovered. They just like pieces of paper. I did get to keep my job, but it was touch and go there for a bit.

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Sterling
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I had a professor who told us the contents of an ethics assignment were private, and the next day told us to "break into small groups" to discuss said essay...
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Belle
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I like the classes where the students get to teach. Like one of my classes this semester, each student had to choose a chapter and teach it.

Actually, I do like it - many of my classmates complained, saying it was just a way for the instructor to get out of working, but I enjoyed it because I love teaching.

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Storm Saxon
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Kind of makes sense if most of the people are trying to become teachers.
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raventh1
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I drop classes with instructors this horrible.
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Belle
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Storm, few people in the class want to teach, but we are all communications majors, so we shouldn't have much problem getting up and doing presentations in front of others.
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Paul Goldner
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"What caused the civil war?"

Which was bad, only because ccertain angles turned out to be the wrong angle to approach the question from. Given that it was a 45 minute exam, we only had TIME to approach from one or maybe two angles.

Stupid professor.

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DarkKnight
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I read this somewhere and I can't remember where....

Describe the Universe and give two examples

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pH
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There are no directions! And the questions aren't related to the subject matter of the course!

Like I said, will elaborate later.

Still trying to activate my mutant genes and read the man's mind.

EDIT: The questions that ARE articulated, I meant to say.

-pH

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Fusiachi
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Why a bison?
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Coccinelle
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These are the assignements, with complete directions for one of my current courses:

Due October 18: Resource Board entry
Due October 24: Ranking Presentations
Due November 1: Academic Freedom Report

She won't talk about them in class until they've been graded. Now, I know this professor well, so I kind of have a clue, but there are many people in my class who have no idea what/how any of these assignments are supposed to be structured. She likes to give assignments with no directions to "see where our intellectual curiosity leads us." However, if you're completely clueless, you can always go talk to her and she'll elaborate.

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Little_Doctor
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My art teacher last year once handed out blank pieces of peper to the class and said "Due tomorrow."

It turned out she just wanted to see what we would do with the paper, so she could get and idea of how creative we were.

I made a paper airplane.

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pH
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OH MY DEAR LORD.

I just got back from handing in and discussing the exam.

First of all, this is a class in Marketing Strategy. One would think, logically, that this class would have something to do with how one markets and prices a product and introduces it to consumers. And that is precisely what we've been discussing in class.

The EXAM, on the other hand, featured two sections, one of which was ENTIRELY Managerial Accounting (that is profit impact, margin, etc.). We didn't discuss any of these things until the day the professor handed out the exam. I was lucky in that I still had my Managerial Accounting notes from the summer.

On top of that, let me ask you a question. Let's say that a manufacturer makes product X, which is sold at retail outlets for $1. Said retail outlet purchases product X from a wholesaler for $.50. And the wholesaler buys the product from the manufacturer for $.25.

Well, if the manufacturer has salespeople who make a 10% commission selling to the wholesaler, doesn't it stand to reason that the 10% they make is based on 10% OF WHAT THE MANUFACTURER EARNS ON THE SALE, that is to say, $.025?

This man is trying to tell us that commission earned by the manufacturer of product X is based on 10% of the RETAIL price, which would be $.10.

That makes no logical sense to me, and I've been paid on commission on my last few jobs.

For example, if I sell someone a band shirt for $20, and that person turns around and sells the shirt on eBay for $40, I do not make 20% of $40.

If I'm managing a band, and the band is paid $500 to play a show, and the venue brings in $1000 in ticket sales, I am paid 15% of what the BAND is paid, not the venue.

When I tried to point this issue out to him, he told me I didn't make any sense. [Mad]

Fortunately, it sounds like the entire class did what I did, so at least I'm not alone in my insanity.

-pH

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pH
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Coccinelle: One of my marketing professors used to do that, just to see how we would structure our papers left to our own devices. He said that real learning only occurred when we were freaking out trying to figure out what he wanted.

Oh, and that last rant up there? That was only about Part One of the exam. Just wait until I start on Part Two.

-pH

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Lyrhawn
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I think that's a pretty cool assignment Little_Doctor.

I just had to write an eight page paper on Plutarch. Each person in the class was assigned a work by an ancient historian, and I chose Plutarch on Sparta, as I'm fascinated with Spartan culture. The instructions, more or less were "analyze the work."

I didn't really know what I was doing, but I wrote it anyway, though it was less an 8 page analysis and more 8 different ways to say the exact same thing in one page or less [Smile]

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Papa Moose
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Freshman English class, after reading the Gulag Archipelago:

Professor: "Write a paper about the Gulag."

Me: "Um... any more specifics on that?"

Professor: "Well, it should be typed."

Ah, the wonder that is U.C.S.B.

--Pop

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pfresh85
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I had a funny memory related to this. In my Sculpture class in high school, one day our teacher gave us each a large block (probably 1 foot x 1 foot x 2-2.5 feet) of stone (I forget what type of stone, but it was somewhat porous and easy to break). She gave us the stones and said "now make something out them." We pointed out to her that we didn't know how to do any stone work. All she'd say was "Learn."

I hammered away on my stone for a long time. In fact, I had to cart it around to other classes with me when I took it home to work on since it was too big to fit in my locker. I ended up making a fairly large lawn gnome. He even has a little belly that pokes out from under his shirt.

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ketchupqueen
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Soapstone?

What scriptural benefit did you derive from this exercise?

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pfresh85
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Not soapstone. It was a lesser quality stone than that. I did get to use soapstone in my junior year. That was a lot more fun (since it didn't break nearly as easy as the other stone had).
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Joldo
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Write something on social problems. Include interviews and photos.

This is for Spanish class. Social problems where? Spanish-speaking countries, I'd normally assume, but with this teacher that's not a given. And interviews? With experts? With our friends? With those who are experiencing them? Photos is easier, but still, jeez . . .

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HollowEarth
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Oh I dunno, every stat thermo problem set yet.
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Blayne Bradley
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My friend Tiff's philosophy exam.

"Anwser the Follow Question(s):

"Why?:""

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msquared
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Blayne

That one is easy.

"Why not?"

Dare him to fail you.

msquared

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GaalD
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"I like the classes where the students get to teach. Like one of my classes this semester, each student had to choose a chapter and teach it. "

Heheh. A few days ago I had to teach 5 chapters of A Tale of Two Cities to my class. And prepare a 5 question quiz on it. And grade the quiz. Each student has to teach 3-5 chapters every class. I do think it's because the teacher doesn't want to work [Smile] . That said, even though I was nervous, I was told I taught those chapters better than any other student so far and they thought I was a better teacher that our teacher [Big Grin] . I wouldn't want to do it again, though. It took me about 4 hours the night before to make sure I had everything perfect and I knew all of the points I wanted to emphasize and everything. It was kind of fun, though.

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Jonathan Howard
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In the Oxford [University] Graduates' Programme (or something of the sort) for Philosophy (I guess) there was, if I'm not mistaken, a serious question on the final test, that was very simply stated:

quote:
Why?
Some guy got full points for answering the following:

quote:
Why not?
I would choose "because", however.

Oh, and what was that question about Hell, thermic movements and a witty answer?

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rivka
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Snopes:

On the "Why" exam
On the thermodynamics of hell exam
On the "tire" exam

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amira tharani
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One of the exams for scholarships to All Souls' College, Oxford (uber-prestigious graduates-only college that you can only take the exam for if you got a First in your undergraduate degree) is a 3-hour exam in which you write an essay on a one-word topic. The two I've seen are "Beauty" and "Virtue." Perhaps not ridiculous, but by a margin the scariest exam I've ever contemplated facing...
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Melissa Dedinová
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Joldo - at least make sure to write it in the expected language. I wrote a report for Spanish class in Spanish once. Midway through presenting it in front of the class, the teacher asked me to please read the English version. Me: ...English what? Having no English version (and the rest of the class having only English versions, with one exception) I had to translate what I'd written for the class. In hindsight, I realized she had never actually specified the language for the report; the title of the class (...Spanish) cruelly misled me.
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pH
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What level Spanish was it?

By the time I stopped taking high school Spanish, we had to write all our essays in it.

Bah to you, Spanish.

-pH

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mackillian
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Not an assignment, but an odd situation regarding a class.

The language I took in college was ancient Greek. My college had a class you took along with your language called Native Speaker. You'd meet for an hour a week with a native speaker of your chosen language and converse only in that language. Now, this could only be done with modern languages. Looking at my tuition bill my freshman year, I found I'd gotten charged for Native Speaker.

Maybe this school was even better than I thought!

So I went up to the business office to investigate. "Did you guys manage to resurrent an ancient Greek for native speaker?"

"No, it was a mistake."

"Damn."

[Frown]

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ricree101
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PH-

I have no experience in sales, but my dad has worked for flooring manufacturers since he graduated from college. From my understanding of things, the manufacturer's salesmen mostly sell directly to large end users (usually schools, hostpitals, ect in the case of flooring). The distributers, who stock various brands, are mostly competing against each other once the user has decideed on the order.

That part, I am fairly sure about. I'm not as sure about commissions, but I do believe that it is actually based on what the end user buys. I am, of course, less sure about other industries. For retail, I would guess that it is similar to commercial sales, except that the salepeople probably focus most of their attention on their product's placement and stock within actual retail stores.

Like I said above, I've never done this sort of work, so there is no guarantee that I am correct. This is, however, the impression I got of how it works.

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pH
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ricree: So what you're saying is, a manufacturer focuses its selling energy on the consumer directly, and then AFTER said consumer has placed an order, various middlemen compete to be the one to supply it to him?

Hmmmm. The thing is, I'm not so sure how that would apply to a low-cost item being sold in a retail outlet. In the case of this exam, the product's retail price was $1, and it was going through manufacturer, wholesaler, and retailer.

From the example you're giving, does the retailer even exist, or is the end user of the product buying directly from some other distributor?

-pH

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ricree101
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No, in the case I am familliar with there is no retailer. I don't have any knowledge about how the actual retail works, so I can't help you that much there.

As a guess, it's possible that the retail does pay some fee based on product sold. if that is the case, I could see the salespeople getting their commission based on retail price. I'd also suspect that the answer is far less cut and dried for discount retailers, since they doa a lot of special price bargaining that a normal retailer cannot do.

Honestly, though, this is almost entirely speculation on my part. Sorry that I can't help more.

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pH
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If the retailer paid an additional fee in order to pay the commission of the salespeople for the manufacturer (despite the fact that the retailer is buying from the wholesaler and thus has no direct contact with the manufacturer's salespeople whatsoever), then I would think that such a fee would simply be added on to the price somehow...

I don't know. My professor's logic makes no sense to me in this instance, and on top of that, we never discussed issues such as these in class. As I said before, it's a Marketing Strategies class, not a Managerial Accounting class.

I just feel like there should have been more pertaining to marketing on the exam.

-pH

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MyrddinFyre
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The other week I got assigned: "Three minutes."
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Brinestone
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The worst I ever got was an essay for a history class. We were supposed to read a book and write a 3-5 page response to the book. The instructions in the syllabus said we should talk about something in the book that we found interesting and explore the ideas in the book.

I did. I'm a good writer. I'm good at giving teachers what they want, even when they don't say what they want. I thought the things I said were interesting. There were no grammatical or structural errors in the essay.

I got a C- because there was no thesis. Um, isn't a thesis necessary only when you're arguing something? There was nothing in the assignment that said I should argue a point--rather, it emphasized the exploratory, explanatory aspects.

I went up and complained that the assignment wasn't clear and that there was no way I could have known a thesis was required. The teacher said she had mentioned requiring a thesis sometime during the second week of school. [Roll Eyes] This assignment was due six weeks into the school year, and I am terrible at remembering things if they've only been told to me, there is no visual, and they've only been mentioned once. I told her this. She told me tough luck with the C-.

I had a thesis in the second essay of this type for this class. Yep, I got an A. I'm still mad about the first one.

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Jonathan Howard
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I just got an essay to summarise this Thursday. It was an aticle about short stories, and we needed to mark the important bits, then summarise into bullet form the main things that the author was stating in the essay.

By the time I was done with my annotations the paper was full of tiny ink markings of all sorts, highlights et cetera. On the back of the page there was a little blank space where we were dupposed to write the final bulleted summary.

I used it as a draft to categorise all the things I found into general tables, then use that to write my final. I was halfway through writing the final when my teacher turned to the whole class and said that the important work was detecting the main points and annotating the article correctly; my paper he used as an example for the whole class to show what comprehensive analysis is.

Gee, thanks, Mr Robinson, but couldn't you tell me I've done the important part of the work and that I don't need to write a final after I've written a whole page of it, when its skills are now useless if I annotated well - according to your OWN WORDING?!

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GaalD
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The stupidest assignment I ever got was when my teacher made me read this horrible, irrelevant, pointless book. It was called "Andy's Game" Or something like that. I couldn't stand it. Longest 2 hours of my life.
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ambyr
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Back when I was taking high school biology, we had an assignment where we were supposed to identify which parent contributed which parts of their theoretical offspring's DNA. "Use M and F to label each segment," the assignment said.

I, and four other people, decided that meant use M for Male and F for Female. Not until I received the graded assignment back, with a nice big zero at the top, did I realize that there was an alternative possibility -- M for Mother and F for Father.

Oops.

We did eventually convince him that it was a valid interpretation of the directions and got our grades changed.

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