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Aura and I are divorced (as of 10:00 am this morning). I debated how to tell everyone here since I consider you all to be very important people in my life.
Just so you don't feel guilty (or start worrying about your own lives), the divorce has nothing to do with my Hatrack addiction. If anything, it made it easier for Aura to request the split simply because she was no longer worried about me having some supportive friends.
This has been brewing for awhile. We tried to work things out, but neither one of us was willing to change the things we cared most about. There's a strong element of selfishness in this, of course, but it's also an element of fairness too. The rules aren't supposed to change midstream, and certainly not after so many years of being together and establishing them.
On the other hand, stagnation is no good either. And Aura wants some things in her life that I can't give her. And conversely, I want things in my life that she's not able to give me. At the abstract level, that's really the bottom line in any sort of breakup, I believe.
What I really wanted to post about was the next steps in my life's adventure. Here's what I'm thinking or planning at the moment:
1) If I can afford it (meaning that we get our money out of the house), I'll be moving to Texas as soon as possible. This is so I'll be working at our headquarters office at a time when the company is doing extremely well, expanding, etc. It will mean that I can participate in that growth more effectively. No real ideas of a "promotion" per se -- were a small company and my part of it is really a group of colleagues, not a place where we need a VP or something.
2) Take some time to write, learn to play guitar, and maybe work on some other interests. But those two come first.
3) Get in shape. My life has been turned upside down for at least the past year. Some people can't eat when they are upset. I eat more. So, I'm in need of less stress and some time to exercise and get back on a more healthy diet.
4) Give myself a year (or thereabouts) to rediscover myself in quasi-isolation. In other words, I am not seeking any romantic involvements for awhile. And since I'm not the kind of person who seeks sexual conquests, it means I'm not going to be dating or hitting "the scene" for awhile.
5) Buy a new place. I haven't decided exactly how I want to live in TX, but I've seen some very cool historic houses with no land and I've seen some pretty neat parcels of land with either a lousy house (think aging double-wide here) or no house at all. I'd really like some land and a cool old house, but one that has modern utilities or can be renovated within my budget.
6) So that leads to my plan to do a heck of a lot of home improvement once I find a place. I figure I'll do most of the finish work myself and hire out the electrical, plumbing, HVAC, etc.
Well that's about it. I realize I haven't been my usual laid back self in a few of the more serious threads lately -- I've offended at least Belle, rivka and Geoff Card, that I know of. I'm not making exuses, mind you, but my mood has been a bit sour of late and I apologize if it fell on your shoulders and you didn't understand why.
If you want to offer good wishes or condolences, that's fine. I'm not really brooding over this. It's done and there's nothing else to worry about. But I'm very excited about the future. I have some good opportunities and I'm not dead yet, so what the heck. Just another adventure to experience.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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I'm sure the Central Florida Clump will probably miss you, but at the same time, I'm more likely to see you since I get to TX more than I get to FL.
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Mr. Scopatz, you rock. If I ever find myself divorcing someone, I'll be running to you for advice since you're handling this better than anyone I've ever seen or heard of. Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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Well, at least this explains why you're willing to drive to KC for Thanksgiving. I was wondering how you'd manage the drive from Florida. It's quite a bit closer from Texas. (You did say you were going, right?)
Hope it all works out well Bob. You'll be in my thoughts. (Aren't you always, though?)
My advice? Don't plan on doing too much. Don't plan on changing everything in your life. The result will be disapointment when you get only most of them done.
I was hoping to meet you when I do my next trip to Florida, in a year or so. Instead I'll have to settle on the rest of the Florida clump.
Well, that wouldn't actually be settling, now would it.
What ever you need, someone here will help. Hang on and endure.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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I’m so sorry. Support and prayers and best wishes for figuring out your next steps. And remember that you have a standing invitation to dinner if ever/whenever you’re in the neighborhood.
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Bob, I wish both you and Aura the best in your separate futures. So sorry you couldn't work out your differences. I enjoyed both of you when I met you in Orlando.
I'm afraid we won't get to see you again so soon if you move to Texas, though...
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I'm sorry, Bob. Divorce is tough. (((((Bob))))) Good for you for taking time for you before looking for a new relationship -- I think that's such a healthy attitude! Best wishes!!!
Oh, and just to allay your concern -- I was not offended. Bothered, maybe. Slightly annoyed, even. But I hope I'm a lot harder to offend than that! Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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BTW, that dinner invitation includes Christmas if you don’t already have plans. (But you have to put that “I’m not seeking any romantic involvements” in writing. I’ve already had one out-of-the-blue Christmas Eve proposal of marriage and it made Christmas dinner very awkward. )
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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I am sorry to hear that you and Aura are divorced. But, I trust that it will be the best thing for both of you. I wish you (and her) luck on your new adventures! Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001
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quote:(But you have to put that “I’m not seeking any romantic involvements” in writing. I’ve already had one out-of-the-blue Christmas Eve proposal of marriage and it made Christmas dinner very awkward. )
dkw, that sounds like an awesome story. What happened? Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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dkw -- my dad proposed to my mom on Christmas. I'll swap stories with you some time, ok?
Bob, to throw a totally selfish thing into your thread, are you still planning to visit Santa Barbara in October?
Posts: 6213 | Registered: May 2001
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I'm very sorry, Bob, but I'm glad that you're excited about the future, and that you're making solid plans. I know things will work out well for you, because you'll make sure they do.
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You know, I'm having a hard time imagining Bob as a Texan, but I'll get used to the idea. Good luck, man.
I'm glad that you and Aura realized the situation and did this now rather than remaining in the grip of inertia. It's always sad to see a couple who perhaps would have been better off separating (or aggressively fixing their relationship), but instead have stayed together and sucked each other dry.
Posts: 3423 | Registered: Aug 2001
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I hope to come back to visit the Central Florida Clump on occassion -- Bike Week, for example.
special to dkw -- in writing??? All of Hatrack would dogpile me if I ever treated you so shabbily as to make an unwanted proposal! Anyway, I don't think I'll be able to do the Christmas thing, but I will in fact be in MN for another one of those traffic records week-long meetings. It's 9/14 - 9/19 in St. Paul. I'm not likely to be able to tack many days onto the trip this time, but if I can get in or stay for either the 13th or the 20th, I'll see if you're in town. That'd be totally safe as I'll still be too shell shocked and misogynous to propose all through the month of September.
zgator -- I'm going to miss jai alai season! I'll really miss getting to know the little z. Although you may not have wanted me anywhere near your offspring anyway.
To the Texas clump -- I'll be in College Station. Home of the Aggies. IF all goes according to plan. It may not, though. Still waiting to hear on the financial side of things. Might get stuck here in Orlando for awhile if we have to sell the house instead. I'll keep you posted.
Papa MOose -- the October plans are still on. I haven't purchased plane tickets yet because I don't know where I'll be living at that point. But as soon as the dust settles, I'll contact you with possible itinerary ideas.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Perfect. Dinner on Sunday at my house the first day you can after you arrive. College Station is almost exactly midway between Houston and Dallas. Everyone is invited. Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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Bob - just don't become one of those Texans who is obsessed with the fact that Alaska is bigger and there are other states with larger cities. . . and please, please, whatever you do, don't shout "WOOOOOOOOO!" every time someone says the word Texas. Please? I respect you far too much to let that happen to you. If there is even the slightest possibility, tell us now and we'll arrange an intervention of some sort.
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Strider, I'm not sure Aura could go for a man with such a low post count. (Bob's replacement, that is.) Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Well, damn. I sincerely hope that you two remain friends, you worked well together. And I wish you both all the luck there is.
And there had better be a gathering before you leave, or I'll post the Bob drawing here.
On the plus side, that means you're available for the mass Hatrack wedding! No pressure, you can ease in anytime.
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
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I thought being married was no obstacle to participating in the mass marriage.
Out of conscience, though, I can say that I'm only consenting to marry the unmarried and male of the pack. It's kind of like beta testing.
Posts: 499 | Registered: Jan 2003
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Well Bob, you seem to be dealing with this pretty well, if your posts here are any indication. I'm really sorry that this is something you're having to experience though. Do you expect that you and Aura will remain in contact with one another, or will you be heading your seperate ways completely?
Good luck--you know we love you.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Sounds like big life changes, Bob, couldn't think of a person more likely to succeed in every way. Keep strong, be happy and the best of luck to ya!
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote:Strider, I'm not sure Aura could go for a man with such a low post count. (Bob's replacement, that is.)
i never was an adequete replacement for the real Bob. Damn his wit. Probably why I suffer from such a low post count. There's only one Bob and he's irreplaceable. Posts: 6 | Registered: Jan 2003
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You and Texas...seems right to me, for some reason.
If you ever want to come to the Netherlands you are very welcome to stay in our old house.
I hope everything will work out fine for you and especially do I hope you will write (and publish of course, because I want to read it).
Posts: 1247 | Registered: Apr 2000
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But I'm glad you're thinking about moving to College Station. Hopefully you'll move there before I leave Houston in May, and we can have a Texas Hatrack Picnic while I'm still in the state! Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jan 2000
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I'm really sorry, Bob. That's hard even when it's fairly amicable.
Good luck in the move. As a fellow telecommuter, I think I can sympathize with the desire to be in the home office during expansion time. Probably a wise decision on your part. We need a packing boxes smilie.
As a fellow divorced person, (other than the move) I recommend you not make any major, life-changing decisions for the next year or so. It takes a while to work through it and adjust to being single. A friend of mine gave me that advice during my divorce, and in hindsight, I could see that he was right.
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