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Subtitle: If I Have to Keep Eating My Words, At Least They’re Tasty.
Sixteen years ago my pastor tried to convince me that I should plan to attend seminary after college and go into the professional ministry. I made an impassioned speech about the importance of committed laypeople to the future of the church, and told him I was going to be a mechanical engineer.
Seven years ago, I was forced to admit that, while I still passionately believe in the importance of laypeople in the church, God had other plans for me. I could still support and encourage laypeople in ministry, but I was no longer going to be one of them.
Five years ago I talked with my spiritual director about being intentionally single. At the time I had been not dating (by choice) for five years and I felt like I wanted to make some sort of commitment to the single life. She (a Benedictine Sister) asked, “Why ever would you want to do that?” I replied that I felt like I was fence-sitting, not dating, happy not dating, but not formally committed to it. Like I couldn’t make up my mind, or wasn’t sure that I was happy. Her response was, “So, you’re saying that you don’t want to be open to the possibility of the Spirit of God leading your life in new directions?” To which I replied, “er . . . when you put it that way . . .” and we decided that I would continue to not date and not seek to date, but not close off the possibility, just in case God had other plans.
This week I have been forced to admit that, while I still passionately believe that being single and not dating is a valid choice for many people, I am no longer going to be one of them.
This, of course, happened just a few months after I posted a thread on Hatrack glorying in the pleasure of being single and trying to dispel the myth that one needs to be in a relationship to be happy. (Which I do still believe. Even though I am no longer living proof of it.)
Master of the Universe, I acknowledge your superior grasp of comedic timing. And, um . . . thanks. Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Well, right now I think I may well be headed in the opposite direction, at least for a while, but I hope God blesses you and any future companions.
I'm actually still puzzling through the reaction of the sister you talked to. How did she know it was right for her to give up dating but not necessarily for you?
Posts: 872 | Registered: Mar 2002
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So now of course you'll have to tell Hatrack all the ensuing gossip...
I really admire your talent to be happy with what you are given dana - whether it is the single life or a relationship.
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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funny, something similar happened to me a couple years ago. I had been single for quite a while, and when a friend asked me about it, I said that I was very happy being single, and that i didn't believe in love. Two days later, I fell madly in love for the first time in my life, much to the sarcastic delight of the aforementioned friend. I have since decided that it is not a good idea to dare God, and i try to avoid saying such stupid things in the first place....obviously, being human, I am forever doomed to say stupid things... Posts: 1996 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Platypi... heeheehee.... That's a testament to my sense of humour as well...
(((dkw))) That's so sweet. And I love how God does that to you. I was totally happy being single until God threw someone at me out of the blue... God's weird like that - as soon as I get comfy, something happens...
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Dana, I am full of joy for your happiness. Whether single or with a partner, may you find all good things in your life. Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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This is the best news I've heard in awhile. I mean, I thought the fact that you were not dating was just wrong somehow... Not that I didn't respect your decision, of course, I have been avoiding the dating thing as well, and for good reason(s). So I understood it intellectually. But not on the spiritual level, if that makes sense.
I hope you will tell us more... when you're ready of course.
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Now, based on our discussions at the last get-together, I have to ask: is he a fellow minister or a parishoner? Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Rivka – Addiction? What addiction? I can quit ANYTIME I WANT TO! ::hyperventilates at the thought:: Yeah, I think I’ve mentioned Hatrack a few times in conversation.
Tom – nope. I’m following what my dad calls the “100 mile rule” which he invented for his brother, who is also a small town pastor. Which is, if you’re clergy in a small town and want to stay out of trouble, don’t date anyone who lives closer than 100 miles away. Which is kind of a nuisance, really. Thank goodness for e-mail. And cell phones .
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Congratulations, dkw. I had already broken off 2 engagements to 2 different guys and decided that I never wanted to get married when I met Andrew.
This thread reminds me of that old Yiddish proverb, "If you want to give G-d a good laugh, tell him your plans."
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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dkw -- could you use that same argument, please, with a certain guy in MY church who happens to think he has been charged with "the gift of celibacy" and refuses to date.
We are great friends and I would love it if I could date him, but since he has himself convinced that he is supposed to remain celibate (in the manner of Paul), I respect that and never try to move it to the next level. But it is sad that he won't leave his options open to what God could have in mind for him...
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Farmgirl, I don’t think I can. I do believe that celibacy is a gift. I consider myself very lucky to have been given that gift for ten years. During that time, there were people who asked me out, and two who proposed marriage. (One serious, one weird stalker type.) I had no doubts at all about my decision not to date then. But it wasn’t about them – don’t think that his decision is a rejection of you. If he truly is called to celibacy, either for a lifetime or just for now, then there isn’t any way you’re going to be able to “talk him out of it.” Enjoy it – celibate men make wonderful friends.
And second: [Almost fiction] God has tried to pull this one on me too lately, but until now I managed to elude Him. Three times. Instead, His love-arrows (I think I'm confounding Him with somebody else, oh well...) hit friends of mine all around me: three couples in a week ! I wonder how much longer I can still evade Him
Anyway, a report just came in: apparently there's been another hit. This time it's not really a friend of mine, but the sister of a friend. I don't know what to think anymore: has He lost His accuracy ? Or is He preparing the big shot and needed some time to practice ?
We'll be back with more of this after the break ! [/Almost fiction]Posts: 4519 | Registered: Sep 2003
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I'm really happy for you, Dana. I'm happy that you're happy. I'm not really eloquent enough to figure out how best to describe my happiness for you, so instead I'll say it this way: linkPosts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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100 miles is nothing! You could be in each other's arms inside of an hour if you don't stop at the rest areas.
If person A traveling west at an average speed of 57 mph leaves home at 4:30, and person B traveling East at an average speed of 62 mph leaves home at 4:45, and they meet at 5:27, how far apart are they?
. . . . . . . . . . .. .
ANS: 0 -- they met up, remember!
Congrats again. We're waiting for more details! Is he smart or goofy? Humble or Vain? Does he appreciate you like he should?
I was actually quite settled, single and happy with it (celibate, too - found out early my sexuality is tied to being in a relationship). Had a great life.
Then I met Diane. Everything changed - and fairly quickly.
Having said that, though...
quote:I’m following what my dad calls the “100 mile rule” which he invented for his brother, who is also a small town pastor. Which is, if you’re clergy in a small town and want to stay out of trouble, don’t date anyone who lives closer than 100 miles away. Which is kind of a nuisance, really. Thank goodness for e-mail. And cell phones
*sigh* I probably shouldn't say this, but I have a feeling that the "100 mile rule" was invoked before widespread use of cell phones and email. It may not mean now what it meant at the time. Because now even small towns are connected to the communities around them.
I was safe - Diane lived about 600 miles away. But that's a little extreme.
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Congratulations! I hope everything goes well for you. Since you chose to date him, he's obviously a wonderful man with many fine qualities. Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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(On the topic of the 100 mile rule, how far away from the NH-Mass boarder is Montreal Quebec do you think?)
Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002
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Hmm. Bob, if I find out his favorite flavor of ice cream, would you pull that thread out of retirement and do a compatibility profile for us?
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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I'd just like to announce that dkw has inspired me to start dating as well. I thought about starting my own thread, but I didn't really want to draw that kind of attention. It's just the more that I thought about this thread and how much fun it is to be in love, I decided I really had no good reason not to.
So, Dana, I just want to add a little thank you here for inspiring me to follow your lead.
I guess I'm a little behind in that I can't actually describe our first date or anything, ...yet, but I actually do have someone who seems pretty interested in me. Not sure where this will lead, but I'm pretty hopeful. She at least agreed to go out with me. I've known her awhile...even met her family. They fed me! Until recently, I just thought of her as a friend, and of course, I wasn't thinking of her as anything BUT a friend back when I was still married. But you know, here I am, single. She's single. And we've always admired each other and see eye-to-eye on a lot of issues. So...I'm rambling. It's just that it really does feel good to finally ask someone out, you know...especially when it's someone you respect. I'm not sure I could just ask "anyone," you know...I don't really do the whole dating "thing." My pickup lines are pathetic.
Proof: here are some samples I've actually used:
- Let's get married... - Want to start a family? - Do you own your own home? - How much do you make per annum? - How do you feel about stay-at-home dads?
So, you see, my style isn't likely to work well in the typical singles setting, or in a personal ad. I'm just lucky there are people (women)...(well, one woman)...who can see beyond the lack of finesse to understand that I might actually be fun to be around in a romantic setting.
Sheesh! I didn't mean to ramble... Sorry...
I hope you don't mind my sharing your happiness in this way. I didn't want to take over your thread, but I figured it'd be better to post here than in another mushy thread. Hatrack seems to be brimming over with love these days.
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Ha! Psych! You must've just gotten off the phone with "him!" I was on this marathon phone call then came to Hatrack.
Ha haha....
Oh, anyway, on the icecream profile, I'll do a private one for the two of you, if you'd like. There's a quicker test though...take him to that place with the garlic ice cream that we went to with Ryuko & her mom. If he picks the garlic flavor, you're assured of success!
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