posted
*SPOILERS* Do not read this if you are under the impression that I am a rational person - I don't want to disillusion anyone before breakfast.
I'm afraid I'm in a rater irrational rut of the love sort. If I may quote my latest quandary from my livejournal:
quote:I finally got a letter after two weeks of weirdness. And it made me revert to my puddle-of-useless-female-goo stage! Honestly, when I was feeling so savvy, so intelliwoman, so capable and secure.
And now I'm daydreaming again about the boy that I've loved for three years but gotten over numerous times.
Here's the kicker:
I got the normal response-to-your-letter letter, including an apology for the whole out-to-breakfast bauble. And at the end of the letter, he says "However, I think I shall stop my pen for the moment, so you're not suspended, waiting to see if I'll write or if I'm still overcoming the distraction of your feminine wiles. I'l write again, take care..." What was that? Was that tongue in cheek? How do I interpret that?
But that is not all, oh no! That is not all.
There isn't just one letter in the envelope. There's another, old-looking piece of paper. I pull it out to find it's been made to look old, with the edges burned. In script fancier than I thought him capable of, it begins: "Dearest Mariann"
Which is not my name. 'Tis my livejournal name. Ah - this is a work of fiction.... ?
And it's a period letter - written by a (presumably) civil war solider, speaking of the harsh days and the cold nights. It's absolute lovely sap. If I may quote: "... Still, there is something which suggests to me that there is a deeper science involved behind these things. The Good Book suggests that Charity, that is pure love, "suffereth long." Mariann, it becomes suggested to me that (perhaps some force from beyond brings this to my attention) it is your love which allows me this longsuffering. Only thoughts of your beauty and character allow me to carry on through these dreadful days..." It's signed, "with all my love, Thomas."
If this is merely a fiction, it is the most beautiful fiction I know. Dare I hope to be Mariann? Do I let myself live in this world, in these flights of fancy? If I let myself pine for this fictional Thomas, who am I loving?
The only reason I remain unsure is because of the strange nature of the relationship we've always had. He's said he loves me dearly as long as I have known him, but at times in the past has made it clear that it is nothing more than platonic love. I made the mistake once before of letting myself get infatuated...
Why the fiction? Why the mystery?
And how far into this do I let myself get?
Oh, dear ones, tell me something rational!
Any help from the love doctors tonight?
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
Not much advice, Annie. But it seems to me you've put yourself on the line for this guy a fews times now and been rebuffed. Perhaps because of his uncertainty, perhaps something else.
Do you really want to hang your heart on his indecision?
You've struck me as a strong person in your posting on this board, go with your heart, but it's often best to let a little advice from the head slip in there as well.
Posts: 2245 | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Annie...Can you believe it? Men think women send mixed messages. Sheesh.
Honestly, I wouldn't put too much faith in the letter to "Marianne". I know you want to. That's just the kind of thing that would turn me to mush, too. But the thing is, one letter says one thing and the other one says something quite different. If he is interested in more than a platonic relationship, he needs to say so. Plainly.
What it really seems like to me is that he wants you to be his "just in case" girl - he wants you to be there, waiting, just in case he decides somewhere down the line (or when he is free of commitment - is he on a mission?) that he wants to take your relationship further. That isn't fair to you.
Just my two cents.
Posts: 2454 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
Annie, I also don't have any really helpful advice for you, but...your situation sounds very familiar to me. The best thing I can tell you is to try very, very hard to move on. Either that, or talk to the guy and confirm your suspicions one way or another. It won't do you any good to sit around wondering "What if...?" Be matter-of-fact about it, don't hedge around the subject. Maybe even come straight out and ask him what he meant by that letter.
If you really like this guy (and it seems as though you do) maybe don't give up just yet. Hang in there. Maybe he's worth it. But if he's not - don't waste any more time on him.
Don't know if that helps at all (probably not), but eh, that's my advice. Posts: 1225 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
That being the problem - I do really like him. He's my dearest friend - our hearts are knit together with a golden cord!
^ | This is the kind of stuff that makes me hate hormonal influences in an otherwise rational human being with the heat of a thousand suns.
My problem is that I so want to be madly in love. But I suppose there is a reason that they use the word "mad." Sigh.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
I'd like to give you some sensible advice. I really would! Unfortunately, I'm in a similar situation. See, there's this boy... *sigh*
I say talk to him. Ask him outright. It's what I'd do if I was brave enough. You'll never know, otherwise. "My" boy used to like me, when I first liked him. But we were both too shy to ask each other out. (Ahh the joys of being a teenager ) Then we got involved with other people and it was too late. Now, (5 years later!!!) I still love him to pieces. He loves me, but just as a friend. I think. I'm too scared to ask. Shouldn't be, cos he's the nicest guy EVER. *SIGH*
So yeah, ask him. At least then you'll know and can get on with things - one way or the other. Posts: 1111 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
And I am in the same situation with a girl. I pretty much fell for her on first sight, and was delighted to discover that her personality matched her wonderful face.
She was dating another guy at the time, however. So we ended up being friends.
Eventually they broke up. I knew that she wasn't interested in me, but dammit, it was driving me nuts. 2-3 monthes after they broke up, I told her I had feelings for her. Her face fell into total shock and surprise. We talked, she said she didn't want things to get weird between us. We stayed friends.
Soon after that conversation, I snail-mailed her a rather intense letter, saying everything I had wanted to say over the last several monthes. It was, perhaps, too intense. But the words had been there for monthes, and I desperately wanted to say it all. It scared the crap out of her, but we stayed good friends.
That was in May. This is September. With the start of the new school year, we pretty much spend all our free time at school together. She's far more friendly than she was last year. We talk about pretty much everything; we've gotten to know each other very well. My best guy friend thinks she's sending me mixed signals, but I don't know. I think the girl is just treating me like a good friend. That doesn't stop my imagination from running wild, though.
I'm inclined to talk to her again. I've been dropping hints that I'm still interested - going so far as to say I was jealous when she sat with this other guy, in a row of seats where there was no room for me. (The only other available seats were at the very front of the theatre, so there's a legit reason)
So I dunno. Once more into the breach, I guess.
Posts: 1515 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
I quit trying to make "sense" out of love & stuff after twice thinking "she loves me ! she most certainly does !", only to, one time, look like a fool who misinterpreted our "very nice friendship" and the other time scaring the hack out of the girl when I brought up the subject - she ended up shuddering... (and me, looking like a fool again)
And all the help from my friends, in both cases, amounted to nothing; not because they didn't try enough to help, I just had to figure the way out myself... And I did, I think, because after some time I engaged in a relationship and it's still going on.
By the way, talking sincerely to the other person helped a lot with my last problem. So this is something I think you should do too... Just my two (euro)cents for you, Annie...
Posts: 4519 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Well, since I saw that he is on a mission I feel the need to just mention one very important thing. And this is from personal experience.
Missionaries are complete idiots when it comes to relationships. I would recommend to anyone that the keep that in mind when reading any correspondence.
---thinks back to time as missionary---
We do stupid things. We think stupid thoughts. Our minds are so horrendously weirded out by the very thought of having a relationship with a member of the opposite sex that we can begin to confabulate, if I may use the word that way, and invent feelings, occurences, little phrases, things that all lead us to believe that we may just have feelings that aren't really there. We don't do this to be mean. We are just immature and lonely. And, wow, it feels really good to think we "have someone at home" for us when we get back.
---Comes back to present---
Now, I am not saying this is what this fellow is doing, but I cannot count the number of times that I saw missionaries (sadly, myself included) writing letters in such a way to make sure there was someong there when we got home. We didn't do it out of malice, or with total disregard to the person (or persons) we were writing, we just honestly couldn't think straight when it came to relationships.
Again, I don't say this to discourage in any way. I only mention it because I saw too many really nice girls get hurt by this sort of stupid missionary behavior.
posted
Hey Annie, That seems like a very hard position that you are finding your self in but my sugestion to you is to have your friend explain what he means by the second letter. I don't think it is nice to let people hanging. I am all for telling people what I think cause it is just not fair to them otherwise. Good luck to you.
Posts: 69 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
It seems to me that you're really left with three decisions.
Confront him (I know the word "confront" sounds harsh, but I think it fits here), get over him (don't necessarily cut him loose as a friend completely if you don't want to), or remain in your puddle-of-useless-female-goo for him to clarify his intentions.
Unfortunately, I don't think he's going to clarify anything. I don't think that this boy of yours knows what he wants. He sent you letters that have two different meanings. If you saw him again in person, you may end up with two different meanings.
I've been where you are Annie, and I know how much it sucks. My response is usually to do nothing, because I'm scared to death of misunderstanding a girl's good friendship as romantic feelings and then ruining the friendship.
We people of Hatrack are merely telling you things you already know. Take a chance, or leave it alone. But either way I wish you best of luck Annie. Posts: 3852 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
Annie, all my instincts tell me that you are being played by a guy who likes to think he can control his audience. If you're going to attend the show, don't bother paying extra for the box seats.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Wow, I think Jexxster hit it right on the head there. I was thinking of posting something like that, but he said everything I was thinking, so I'll just agree with him. The only think I'll add is that, once I got home and had a few months to decompress, the girls that I still felt some affection for were the ones that were coolest while I was writing them. While I was on my mission, I got the nice tingly feeling when I read romantic assertions or flirty double entendres from girls. But the ones that wrote the occasional funny friend letters with no hint or shadow of sexual chemistry were the ones that I was still most intrigued by when I came to my senses. Of course, I did end up marrying someone I'd never met before I left, so nothing's certain. But if he's anything like me, pretend you never got that second letter and leave him hanging until you can see him in person.
Or, if you must mention it, treat it like a joke. Write back and say that you got cholera or consumption or the palsy or something. Tell him it's addled your brains and you've married a mule from your farm. Send him a painting of your hybrid donkey-children, dressed in 1860s Confederate style clothing. Call him Johnny Reb and tell him you'll never forgive him for deserting to the south and you hope that you get to see General Grant shove a bayonette where the sun don't shine before you die. If he meant it as a joke and you treat it like a joke, he'll think that you get it, and that will show him how cool you are. If he meant for it to play with your head and you treat it like a joke, it'll show him how much smarter you are than he gave you credit for, and that you don't play his childish games. Advantage, Annie.
Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.
posted
One other thought. He has your livejournal name. Could this mean that he's reading your livejournal? I know that missionaries aren't supposed to waste time on the internet, but that's never stopped them before. I shudder to think what might happen with these headgames if he reads the entry that you quoted in your firts post. Posts: 2804 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
Do missionaries have a lot of time on their hands?
It seems he went to some major effort for that second letter. If I was trying to write legibly, in nice script, I would have probably gone through about twenty pieces of parchment before my first paragraph.
So, my question is - is he the type to enjoy creativity for it's own sake? Could he be drafting beautiful letters because he's romantic, and enjoys the creation of the product?
Posts: 7600 | Registered: Jan 2001
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She knows you liked her. The ball is in her court.
After someone *says* they like you, and you tell them *no*, it is up to *you* to start things if you change your mind. So it's up to her. If she doesn't outright say she likes you and asks if you're still interested... then she's just being friends.
Women think there are three genders, Male, Female, and Friend. A guy can have female friends, but he has thought about them in a non-friend way. Might have decided *no*, but he's thought about it. Women have the ability to *NEVER CONSIDER* a guy as an actual Man. They can be *shocked* to discover that the person they thought was their Friend is actually a Man who might desire them. (For women, Friend often equals Eunuch.)
Guys that do not understand this can fall in love with their female friends because all the things that mean *nothing* to a woman can mean a lot to a guy. Guys see signals where none exist. Women miss signals that are there. Ah, l'amour!
Women: if a guy is spending hours on the phone with you every night, if he talks about your shoes with you, HE LIKES YOU! Guys don't listen to women talk about their shoes for hours if they don't like them. They have guy friends they can hang out with!
If you meet a guy at a church meeting, and he lives 90 miles away from you, and asks for your phone number, HE LIKES YOU! He doesn't want another friend to talk to on the phone! (This happened to a girl I know, folks. Wonderful girl, but a bit naive in this department. :-)
Foust, get over her. Move on. She doesn't like you. She just wants to be friends. If she ever changes her mind, she'll let you know. Or if she changes her mind but still expects you to put your heart *back* on the line, then you don't need her! Let her make a move if she wants to. But she most likely doesn't.
I've pined after people before. I realize now the best thing is to just ask them out before you get too keen on them. If they say no, you can say "okay" and be friends without getting hurt. Besides, waiting around for people doesn't usually work. A guys misses the window and gets shuffled into the Friend category.
Annie: explicitly ask him how he feels. If he doesn't feel the same way, or if he's too cowardly to say so, then cross him off your list *permanently* and move on. Don't wait around for him to eventually warm up to you and realize what a good thing he could have if he wised up a bit. There will be someone else you won't have to work so hard with! Either throw yourself at him, or get over him. Wishy-washy goo-land is not a great place to be.
Just my opinion, of course. Love them generalizations.
Me, I actually took my own advice and made overtures to a woman I liked, while being 99% *sure* she didn't feel the same way. I just wanted to get shot down so I would *know*, emotionally as well as intellectually, that I had no chance, and wouldn't end up spending a lot of time pining and wishing.
Then if she didn't go and mess up my plans by liking me back! Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2001
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posted
Túrin - Dude, you've been posting like crazy lately. Have you been lurking for the last two years, or did you just rediscover Hatrack?
Posts: 7600 | Registered: Jan 2001
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posted
Annie, is it possible that when he is talking about "pure love" he is saying that his "long-suffering" is because of his "platonic love" for you?
I'd write him back and return the Mariann letter and tell him that it was in your letter by mistake. Then ask who Mariann is and what she is doing to cause him to suffer.
Personally, I think he's being a cad. The other thing I might do, depending on how mad I was at him for mocking my feelings for him would be to tell him that the letter wasn't funny and he's the one who wanted to be "just friends" and if that is what he wants, he should try to be a better friend. Not making fun of your old feelings or trying see if he still has the power to make you swoon isn't "friendly" nor "gentlemanly." He needs a bucket of cold water dropped on him and a good kick in the rear end. (Maybe you should write to his missionary partner and ask him to do that for you. )
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Ralphie: I originally came to hatrack for discussion of OSC's work, and just sorta popped in every few months, read a bit, and popped out. I don't know why but I've been reading threads here and there on this side of the forum lately. I guess it's an escape from taking care of my dying-of-cancer mother. I didn't know I was posting like crazy, but I guess when I do post I tend to go on a bit. :-)
One suggestion. You have time to discover how he feels and how you deel. The good thing about a mission, He can't date, and you can. Do so. If you are still unattached when he gets closer, then you can start the delving into how much and how far he is willing to commit.
The only advice I would give, though, do not think that the person that is writing you on the mission is the same person he will be six months after his mission.
Ball's in your court, have fun with it.
This comes from a guy who's girlfriend waited for him the whole two years, only to be dumped by me two before I got home. The whole time I was writing amorous letters. You should have fun and date and enjoy that you might have a fall back in a year.
Posts: 1244 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I disagree with Turin. I'm not an assertive person, and if my current boyfriend hadn't said anything to me a year after he asked me out the first time, we wouldn't be together at all.
I think it's hard to be really good friends with a guy for a long period of time without growing to like him romantically (I'm sure hundreds of people are going to contridict me on this). Some girls are shy regardless of whether or not the ball's in their court.
posted
And to address your concern, Speed - he knows my livejournal name because we were livejournal buddies before he left. However, I am a bit wary now that I've realized that my last entry is still in public view. I think I shall go correct that, thanks.
quote:I think it's hard to be really good friends with a guy for a long period of time without growing to like him romantically (I'm sure hundreds of people are going to contridict me on this).
My lady companion has had pretty much *every* male friend like her. She never liked any of them back. Just me. Hoo boy! Maybe she just had loser friends though, I dunno.
quote:Some girls are shy regardless of whether or not the ball's in their court.
True enough. And absolutely *no* offense is intended in any of the stuff I have to say next. It's just my personaly opinion.
Me, personally, if I've made my feelings clear and got shot down, and she later decides she likes me but isn't willing to take the same risk I already took, or rather a much *reduced* risk, then... I don't need her.
Basically, if I get shot down, and I mean decisively, not like she didn't return my signals, but like I got the "friends" speech, then I'm going to do my very best to stop trying to get her to like me, and stop thinking about her in that way, because otherwise I'd end up pining after someone unattainable and it would get in the way of finding someone who I had a real chance with.
If a girl changes her mind but doesn't say anything, it's because she expects me, after getting decisively rejected, to still carry a torch and still send signals and still make moves. That attitude I find just a wee pit selfish, cowardly, and arrogant. It offends my personal dignity.
Of course, now that I got mine, it's a purely philosophical point. :-)
Túrin
I notice people don't sign their names very often around here. I feel naked when I don't, because I'm used to usenet.
Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2001
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posted
Annie- I was in your position while in college. I fell madly in love for the first time in my life with someone who was in love with me, but not with the idea of marriage or monogamous relationships.
We wrote each other beautiful, funny, creative letters. We even wrote in commercials. One of my favorite lines was about his family being confounded by him and his inability to do anything but sit and daydream about us, he said "they aren't annoyed, they just look at me as if I was a goldfish. Not harmful, but not really good for anything."
Other times, his letters were an obvious attempt to let me know not to expect too much too soon. Or, since he felt guilty about not being ready to commit himself to a monogamous relationship, he would push me away and say that I only loved him because I had never been in love before. He'd try to get me to date other guys.
We've been friend's for 20 years now. And I know one thing with certainty, every word he said was the truth at the time he wrote it. He didn't know what he wanted, and as long as I didn't need certainty, the relationship was good for both of us.
When I got to the point that I knew I needed to start planning my future, I had some decisions to make. 1) How long was I willing to wait for him? 2) Were his long-term goals the same as mine? 3) Was it possible to fall in love again?
I could answer 1 and 2, but the third was unknown to me.
Shortly, after I decided that I'd try to find the answer to 3, I met my husband.
As I slowly fell out of love with BF1, I fell in love with my husband.
BF1 and I still talk. We still love to hear the other laugh. He finally got married 2 years ago to a girl he'd known since he was 11! BTW, She was the other woman, but she was willing to wait 31 years. I wasn't.
Annie, it comes down to what you need today. If you need to know that you're in love with your future spouse, you have some decisions to make right away. If you are in love with love and have the luxery of time, let your heart play.
Anyway, it worked for me and I have one of the best husbands in the world as well as a friend who will always hold a piece of my heart. I feel very fortunate to be loved so well.
posted
Annie, I think you've just given yourself the advice you are looking for when you replied to my post about character names in a book I'm listening to. Here's what you said:
quote: I've always secretly hoped I could marry someone with the last name of Morgan, so I could be Anneke Morgan Morgan.
Call me crazy.
So, my flip advice is this guys last name Morgan? If not, then drop him like a hot potato, else ask him to marry you. [j/k]
Posts: 168 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote: I think it's hard to be really good friends with a guy for a long period of time without growing to like him romantically
I definately agree. Once I'm good friends with someone I know that I like to be with them and that's definately the basis of a relationship.
Annie, I have no idea what I would do in your situation (actually I'd probably do just what you did; bring it to Hatrack) but I hope it works out.
Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002
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posted
My best friend and I fell in love with each other some time back, so we decided to give a romantic relationship a shot ... and for the first 1 1/2 months of the relationship, we had the most wonderful time of our lives. We were each previously stuck in relationships (with other people) which were so wrong and were going nowhere - so being in a relationship with each other where we both felt loved, wanted, needed and appreciated by a soulmate was sheer bliss.
But as time went by and things settled down, he confessed to me that he found himself more and more in "best friend" mode than in "boyfriend" mode ... that he loved me still but wasn't sure if it was the right kind of love, that perhaps it was more difficult than he thought it would be to move from best friends to significant other. It was not what I wanted to hear even though I had suspected that something was wrong ... but despite that, I appreciated his honesty and willingness to admit that something was wrong on his end. We stuck it out for several more months, during which we both tried to make things work. But in the end I had to ask him if the relationship was working for him, and he confessed that it wasn't, even though he was trying his best. So we parted ways as lovers, painfully and tearfully, about three weeks ago.
Since then, we're back to being best friends, as we were for 5 years before the relationship. It wasn't always easy especially for me ... I missed him terribly, and I still really do love him. But I can see how things are better for him now, how he is less stressed out from trying so hard to make things work, and that makes it easier for me. On the other hand, I am so wary of relationships now - wary of trying hard and giving all my love when I am not even sure that things will work out ... so none of this relationship crap for me for some time.
So one of the many questions floating around in my thoughts is: Is it really virtually impossible/very difficult for people who have been best friends for ages to move on to a higher level? Hatrack, what do you think?
PS: Posting this has been somewhat therapeutic for me, as much as listening to Evanescence's My Immortal has been. Thanks for taking the time to listen Posts: 18 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
NO!! It's not impossible. Gosh, I hope it's not!
Do you think you that people who say that they married their best friend REALLY DID marry their best friend??? Or did they become best friends over the course of their marriage?? I'd like to think that when I settle into THE relationship, that it will be with someone that's been my friend first and foremost. Is this just a silly wish? Impossible?
posted
Perhaps when people say they married their best friend, it means they grew into best friends while in the relationship with other (i.e. not necessarily during the marriage itself)? But yes, I would like to marry someone who was first my friend. I really hope the situation isn't that bleak either *crossing fingers*
Thanks, Narnia, for the hug ... here's one for you (((Narnia)))
Posts: 18 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
Heheheh. A friend of mine tried dating his best friend, a female, on the advice of someone to "marry your best friend." Ended in disaster. He's been bitter ever since, *especially* about that phrase.
Me, while I always thought my lady companion was stunningly beautiful, I never considered a relationship with her, until I taught her how to drive a manual transmission vehicle, and over the course of the lessons became very good friends. The friendship aspect is incredibly important to me; I'd have wanted to be friends with her even if she had had no romantic inclination. She's just a lot of fun to hang out with and talk to.
Contrast that with my first relationship, which, in hindsight, was doomed from the 2nd date. It seems impossible to comprehend now, but I dated someone for a long time that I wouldn't have chosen to be friends with. Not that she didn't have many good qualities, but we just weren't compatible and she was a lot of work.
Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2001
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I would say that females can overread every slight inclination as much as males. I am guilty of it. I had pictures of two of my best friends on my wall when I was in my college dorm. They both happened to be drop dead gorgeous as well as wonderful people and I was proud to be their friend.
However one I considered more romantically and the other I didn't. I can tell you for a fact that a guy definitely regards you in the "friend" category when they come to you for advice on other females. They both sent me cards and things in the dorm. The one that I had romantic inclinations for I read too much into and the one I didn't have any such feelings I didn't read anything into at all.
In fact, the one I wasn't interested in, sent me this huge Valentine's box with all of these little nesting boxes decorated in Winnie the Pooh characters, that you had to keep opening and in the smallest box a HUGE chocolate kiss. The girls on my floor were swooning especially when I pointed to the appropriate picture, yet I knew that I wasn't supposed to read anything into it. To make it even clearer, he put a post-it on the bottom of the chocolate kiss saying "Don't read anything into this!" The girls in my dorm were never convinced that he would do something that nice without meaning it romantically though.
The one I was interested in, I ended up writing a letter pouring out my unrequited love. We spent a couple long conversations on the phone, in which he was quite patient with me, and made me come to my own logical conclusions of why a romantic relationship between us wouldn't work. I knew them all along but I hadn't admitted them to myself.
I still keep in touch with both guys. Strangely, they have both gotten married this year and I haven't been able to make either wedding though I was priviledged to be invited to both.
quote:I can tell you for a fact that a guy definitely regards you in the "friend" category when they come to you for advice on other females.
Don't be too sure. It's possible for a guy to talk to a female about other females and still consider her as a potential romantic interest. Possibly because he thinks he has no shot at her, so doesn't mind talking about other women, but if she were to make overtures he would respond. Or perhaps he senses that she has put him in the Friend (Eunuch) category and has a vain hope that by talking about other girls she'll realize he actually is a Man and likes girls and isn't asexual.
Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2001
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posted
But it sucks when you possibly consider this guy as a romantic interest and all he can talk about is the problems he's having with other girls. If he considers a girl a possible romantic interest, he should TELL her and get it overwith. I know it works both ways. My sister in law worked like that with my brother for 4 frickin years...and they're happily married. Who knows??
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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"The girls in my dorm were never convinced that he would do something that nice without meaning it romantically though."
I'm not convinced, either. Was he just perceptive enough to know that you weren't interested in him, and therefore made sure that he labelled all his romantic moves towards you in some other way so you wouldn't be scared off?
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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quote:If he considers a girl a possible romantic interest, he should TELL her and get it overwith.
Of course! But guys are dumb. Sorry, but they are, and the younger they are, the dumber they are. At least I was a lot dumber when I was younger.
Posts: 49 | Registered: Nov 2001
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I was very sorry to hear about the gangrene episode. I also was sorry to hear about the tapeworm episode. I was also sorry to hear about the mildewed woolen underwear episode. And finally, I was sorry to hear about the wormy meat episode.
Hope things pick up for you.
With cheery fondness, Mariann
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What *I'd* be more inclined to do however, would be to send back a thorough critique of the letter as a piece of historical fiction complete with references to primary Cival War sources, Mormon theology, and feminist critiques of the whole 'feminine soul' idea [i.e. the suggestion that women are somehow fundamentally more spiritual]. But that's just me.
Posts: 3423 | Registered: Aug 2001
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![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
) Then we got involved with other people and it was too late. Now, (5 years later!!!) I still love him to pieces. He loves me, but just as a friend. I think. I'm too scared to ask. Shouldn't be, cos he's the nicest guy EVER. *SIGH*![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
)
![[The Wave]](graemlins/thewave.gif)
![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
ing at Speed's suggestion!![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
Hang in there.![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
It's possible for a guy to talk to a female about other females and still consider her as a potential romantic interest. Possibly because he thinks he has no shot at her, so doesn't mind talking about other women, but if she were to make overtures he would respond. Or perhaps he senses that she has put him in the Friend (Eunuch) category and has a vain hope that by talking about other girls she'll realize he actually is a Man and likes girls and isn't asexual.
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
Who knows??
