posted
Every year since as far back as I can remember my family has done exactly the same thing for Christmas. Nothing special, but set patterns, dinner Christmas Eve followed by my sister and I going to our rooms and the adults following one by one after they finish laying out there presents (my family still likes to pretend we’re getting gifts from Santa despite the fact that at 18 I’m the youngest of us, I don’t mind it’s mostly just cute). Then my Dad (mysteriously still downstairs ) rings some bells and we come down to open stockings and presents. Christmas day we go over to my Grandfather’s for lunch.
There’s nothing special about the tradition really. My family isn’t Christian so we don’t even do anything like read the story of Baby Jesus or anything. However, it is a tradition and one that I’m used to.
Well the thing is that this year my Uncle, Aunt, and adopted cousin are all coming on the 23rd and staying through till Saturday, in our house. I have to admit that I feel at least a little invaded, like our tradition is somehow now less. The thing is that I know that if when they come we do something completely different (even opening stuff on Christmas day, it doesn’t have to be a huge change) I’d be fine with it. Also, I know I wouldn’t mind my sister’s (long term serious) boyfriend coming (he’s not, but I wouldn’t mind) or even her best friend (once again not coming, but I wouldn’t mind). I guess it’s the tradition itself I feel is somehow being invaded.
Which is odd since I don’t really think there’s anything particularly special about it, the only thing I can come up with is that I’ve spent all my Christmases with that tradition and it’s something only I and my family have. I don’t mind having other people I know well come in on it but I dislike having strangers (which my Uncle, Aunt, and cousin pretty much are) there. Personally I think that makes me a complete goober, I may not know them that much but they’re family and they’ve come to spend the holidays with us, I feel like I should be perfectly welcoming and happy to have them here.
Just writing this has really helped actually, I’m feeling much better about it, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m a goober.
posted
Actually, now that I think about it I'm begining to come to the conlcuesion that what really got me was that no one asked me if it was OK. Really I'm not sure that's wrong of them to do, but I do think it's the main cause of my... whatever emotion I'm talking about.
And I know I'm a goober Mack, but I meant because of this.
posted
[Edit: this was in response to the comments, NOT to Hobbes' more recent post.]
I disagree. Feeling that way doesn't make you a goober -- it makes you human. Someone who has certain traditions, which provide comfort and an anchor. Traditions that you fear will change this year.
Acting on those feelings -- being unwelcoming to your relatives or something like that, which I'm sure you would never do -- would make you a goober.
You said you don't know whether the tradition will change this year. Why not? Have you discussed it with either of your parents? You didn't say how old your cousin is, but if he (or she, you didn't say) is the right age, he/she might get a kick out of it.
Or you could come up with a new or modified tradition, maybe together with your parents. You might feel better about the situation if you were doing something about it, rather than waiting and worrying to see what will happen.
As far as not being asked, I'd be somewhat unhappy about that too. But my suggestions might help with that as well.
posted
Hmmm, good idea Rivka. I'm positive the tradition to the point I described it will go the same because my sister is so obbsessed with traditions like that that's it's... well let's just say it's going to be the same. but you're right, I can add stuff or do something for my Cousin (10 years old now she is). Thank-you. I still feel like a goober though.
posted
Rivka, I'm sorry if you already think I'm stupid, but I've got just one point of contest with your post: traditions do more than provide comfort and an anchor, they define who we are.
As for Hobbes, of course you're a goober Goobers Unite!
posted
Hobbes, I'm glad. And you are not a goober!
I don't disagree, suntranafs. I think a big part of why/how they do that is by being an anchor -- to family, to religion, to childhood, to generations past, to God . . .
Oh, and I don't know why you'd think that I think that you're stupid? I certainly don't!
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posted
I understand completely what you're going through. I felt the same way last year, because my aunt's husband had recently died and she had been invited to come to out house for Christmas. My dad was a little bit put out, but he eventually understood that it was far better than having her stay alone on Christmas.
It was a little strange for a while, but we got used to it, and at the end, it didn't make any difference. We all had a happy Christmas, and I was glad to have her with us rather than mourning alone in her home.
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posted
I'll be the resident goober. My Christmas traditions have been going by the wayside for the past several years, and this year I have decided to try to forget about Christmas altogether. I'm not going anywhere to be with family, and I'm not tagging along to anyone else's Christmas so that they can give me a present out of pity to make up forthe fact that everyone else will have several. I'm cooking a turkey for myself, spending the day with my cats and hunkering down until it's time to go back to work. I wish I could stop people from giving me presents, but I guess I can't force the bah humbug on everyone. Someday I do hope to have a family of my own, so that I can start some new traditions, and I am not above pretending to be Santa even after my kids are grown. I just gotta find some kids...
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posted
I think the whole thing is natural (which doesn't make it better - syphilis is natural and it certainly isn't a good thing) which just means you're normal.
I think it's a matter of conditioning and security. You've had this Christmas tradition for a long time. You have many pleasant associations with it, and good memories of it. You instinctively know that bringing in new elements, like your aunt, uncle and cousin(s), will disrupt things and you won't get that same particular "high" or "good feeling" that you normally get during Christmas time. This is not to say that the new experience won't be better, or worse, just that it won't be the same. Convincing yourself that the new experience will be better is pretty tough, when you know that the old familiar experience (or formula, if you prefer) will definitely make you happy. You prolly won't have as much teasing, or as much informal behavior as you would around people that aren't "strangers". That makes things a little less fun for you. However, for your parents it might make things more interesting because they have a past and a history with these "strangers" that you don't know about. If you listen to some of the "strangers'" stories about your parents, you might find out some intriguing things about them. It might help to think of it as an investigative adventure, like learning Java over the Christmas break might be (for you, anyway).
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![[Wink]](wink.gif)
) rings some bells and we come down to open stockings and presents. Christmas day we go over to my Grandfather’s for lunch.![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
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I certainly don't!
