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I'm on a two-week probation period at work.

Let me back up and tell it from the beginning. I was hired by a print shop about four months ago. My job duties fall under both the Key Operator and Customer Service Representative positions. Basically, I am in charge of the front counter and all duplicating work.

Things started off very, very well. I was excited to be working in what I thought was the perfect atmosphere for me--a small shop with a team that worked closely with one another. No longer would I feel alone and isolated.

I brought a lot of energy and enthusiasm to the job those first two months. I learned quickly, was eager to help out whereever needed, and I genuinely enjoyed the work.

Naturally, I was rewarded with more responsibility.

Now, this is a positive thing because it showed that they trusted me. The problem, I think, is that I had <b>too</b> much responsibility thrown on me too quickly. All of a sudden I was manning the front counter alone, whereas before the manager or the production scheduler would be around to help. I was writing more and more estimates on my own, and was also handling some jobs from start to finish. And this happened during one of our busy periods. I worked sixty hours one week! We also had a brand new designer on board, which didn't help matters.

The responsibility started piling on about a month and a half ago--right around my three month mark. Now, there's something you've got to know about me and the three month mark. That's when work stops being a new adventure and starts becoming the daily grind. It's like learning to drive. At first you're hypersensitive. You refuse to drive with the radio on, for fear it will distract you. You check your mirrors and speed constantly. After a while you get used to the motion, and you relax. You're no longer so viligant.

It is at times like this that accidents happen. And that is what happened at work, too. I began to make little mistakes. I ordered too much paper, or not enough. I didn't get the due date for this order. I didn't call this person back. Little things, but they added up.

And at the same time this was happening, I had some incredible stresses in my personal life. My younger sister--my best friend--was overdue with her first child. I was late with mortgage payments, and had creditors calling me daily. I didn't have the money to buy gas or food or (worst) my medication. And I got an eviction notice.

Can you say "super stressed"?

I think it's to my benefit that I've held on as well as I have. I've tried to eat better, and have gotten some exercise. I've been journaling more. And I even went to my managers to let them know I was aware of my performance issues and asked them if there were any immediate changes I could be making to improve. That, I think, shows dedication and proactiveness.

Today I refilled my Prozac prescription (I've been off it for a week and a half due to lack of money) and called my therapist's office to make arrangements for a session with a new therapist (my old one terminated with all her clients a month ago). I also read up on depression on the job, and am feeling a lot more confident and hopeful now.

The above-mentioned site has a list of ways mental illness affects function at work. It was a real eye-opener, because I've noticed I'm having every problem on that list. Some of it is likely due to the depression flaring up, probably exacerbated by stress. But I wonder if some of it is due to my personality type. I'm an INFP, and it seems to me that many of my job functions are better suited to an ESTJ. Or at least the ES parts. I can pull on the ESTJ persona, but it takes a lot of work and effort for me. No wonder I'm coming home exhausted.

So anyway... here I am stressed out, depressed, and exhausted, and I find myself on probation. Which I guess means if I don't improve immediately, I am in danger of losing my job. Yay, more stress.

I could choose to look on this as yet another thing gone wrong in my life. Or I could choose to have a positive attitude, and look on this as just another life lesson. What have I learned from this?

• I have learned that working for a small business is not necessarily what I wanted or needed. I still like the idea of being part of a small group, and I do like working with people who do similar job functions; however:
• While I can work on a team, I work much, much better independently. It seems like many of my problems lately may have been caused by me trying to handle everything myself. I may need to delegate some things back, or ask for help more often.
• I need to listen. This is very important. I feel like my verbal communication skills are not very good. I have felt particularly stupid lately because I have often not understood exactly what was being asked of me or what a customer needed. A lot of this could be corrected simply by taking the time to listen carefully and think about what I'm hearing, rather than assuming.
• This job may not be the right fit for me, in which case it may be to my benefit to move on. I haven't completed decided on this yet, because I can see that there are many good skills I could learn on this job (like learning to listen). Maybe it is time to sit back down and think again about what exactly I want and need at the workplace.

And again, I have to be proud of myself, because instead of sitting around like a lump and feeling sorry for myself while accomplishing nothing, I'm actually thinking. I'm thinking, and making plans, and trying hard to change for the better. That is an encouraging thing. I plan on rereading the Seven Habits soon, and I'm thinking of maybe finding some classes in communication skills (or at least working on that with my next therapist).
I'm still frelling tired, though.
Thanks for listening.

--xnera

[ November 07, 2003, 08:54 AM: Message edited by: xnera ]

Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jun 1999  |  IP: Logged | 

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Now, there's something you've got to know about me and the three month mark. That's when work stops being a new adventure and starts becoming the daily grind.

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Ditto. I start jobs with a good attitude (usually) then it gradually evaporates. I have lost most jobs in the 3-6 month range, either quitting in disgust (often because of some spur-of-the-moment frustration) or getting fired because of increased lateness, slipping performance, or just bad attitude.

Good luck with your job, your job search and your credit problems! ((Xnera))

[ November 07, 2003, 10:50 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | 

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defragging for the soul.

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That's a good one, Eddie.

Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | 

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I start jobs with a good attitude (usually) then it gradually evaporates. I have lost most jobs in the 3-6 month range, either quitting in disgust (often because of some spur-of-the-moment frustration) or getting fired because of increased lateness, slipping performance, or just bad attitude.

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See, sweetie, this is why I recommend tax prep. It's a 3 month gig. Period. At the exact point it start becoming "the daily grind" it's over. After tax season, you should consider a summer job at a plant nursery, moving on to retail sales for the Christmas rush. Once that starts getting old, it's tax season again. See? The perfect plan. A series of short term jobs.

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