posted
Before anybody asks, I'm not giving any advice (nor am I at all qualified to).
I just got dumped. The ex is with another guy. She says she wants to get back with me someday. Riiiight.... So I put her the back of my mind under the category "Things/People I wish I could forget".
I went to church 3 weeks back. A petite girl with long black hair and athletic build with a beautiful face comes up and hugs me, borderline affectionately. She was an old friend from years ago. I have always liked her. She likes me. I catch her glancing at me all the time. No doubt she sees me as well.
Here is my dilemma. I can't get the courage to simply go up and ask her on a date. I'm very comfortable with women. I have lots of friends that are women, and she's no exception. We talk quite often, it's just that we are both so painfully shy toward each other that neither has the guts to make a move. We're both young. She's 17, and I'm 19.
posted
Get a friend or two or three to go with you to some event, bowling, movie, pizza place, whatever floats your boat.
Ask her to come along.
See getting a date with a girl very rarely starts with a no warm-up formal date question anymore.
Theres millions of ways to get a girlfriend without having any formal dates at all. Maybe you could start by asking if you can call her sometime. Thats pretty easy to slip into a conversation. "Wow thats really interesting, but I'm afraid I have to go now. Can I call you to continue this conversation?" Stuff like that.
Or you can give her a note that says "Do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe. Check one box please." Girls love that type of thing .
Unfortunatly, you're not going to like my advice: meditate on the situation until you build the courage up.
If you truly grasp the importance of hooking up with her, if you truly grasp the implications of not doing it, then you should be able to fortify your resolve.
My advice sounds hollow. But I am quite the coward myself, and meditation and understanding has served to grant me resolve in the past.
posted
Yeah, I'm in favor of the gradual build up. Make up excuses to talk to her and be around her. Ask her to do stuff with groups of friends first, if that's an option. Pay lots of attention to her. If she is interested too, then she'll be doing the same thing. You may not even have to ask her at all, just say "yes" to whatever she asks you.
Posts: 2843 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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posted
OK, move over and let the girl give advice on the female species. First of all:
quote: Or you can give her a note that says "Do you like me? Yes, No, Maybe. Check one box please." Girls love that type of thing
Maybe we did like it in grade 5. And maybe some girls would think it was cute. Nonetheless, my first piece of advice to you would be NOT to do this. Secondly, don't beat around the bush. Whereas you don't have to come out and say, "I think I want to marry you, so, do you want to go to a movie sometime?", keeping her guessing about your intentions can just lead to frustration and miscommunication on both of your parts. So just ask her out! And if you get all embarrassed, even better! (She'll think you're cute, trust me.) Let us know how it all goes!
Posts: 165 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Girls like it if you find a smooth way to ask them out. Just yelling "Willyougooutwithme!" may result in a less than enthusiastic response from her when she didn't really mean to give one.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
I would say to all those people who are in favor of straightforward no nonsense unambiguity in budding romance that you are very much mistaken. Nothing is understood. It's a very tenative, delicate, magical thing in its nature. Go softly and watch carefully at each step for the response.
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quote: I would say to all those people who are in favor of straightforward no nonsense unambiguity in budding romance that you are very much mistaken. Nothing is understood. It's a very tenative, delicate, magical thing in its nature.
Romance??? Magical??? *gag* Nothing is understood if people aren't straightforward, in my opinion. Granted, there are many people who aren't as outspoken and, well, loud-mouthed as I.
Posts: 165 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Sometimes it takes a while for things to be understood, Polio. There's more than one way to skin...err....a cat.
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posted
Yeah, I'm another person who definitely favors straightforwardness, to a certain extent. I don't mind a bit of guessing, since it keeps things interesting, but that only works if I already know for sure that the guy likes me. Otherwise, I get really fed up with the guy for messing with my mind (intentionally or otherwise) and usually end up turning my attention elsewhere, where I know I'm appreciated.
Posts: 9057 | Registered: Nov 2000
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quote: Granted, there are many people who aren't as outspoken and, well, loud-mouthed as I.
That's my very problem. I am the epiphany of the opposite of an outspoken person. If there other people around, I would lose my nerve.
And there is always the worry that she even likes me. I'm almost positive she does, but you never know with women, what's in their minds. Boggles the mind...
Anyway, I'm going to see her on Sunday at church again, so I hope I can talk to her where she won't be around a whole bunch of people. Posts: 4229 | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
I meant: I hope she won't be around a whole by choosing to stay away from the groups of people. Posts: 4229 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Nick, I'm incredibly shy as well, especially in group settings. I realize and understand how frightening and intimidating all this is or can be. ::laughs:: For example, it actually took me two weeks to work up the courage to tell Paul how I felt about him.
What made me tell him in the end was the fact that if I didn't tell him, I'd never know for sure if he felt the same way. Most importantly, I'd always have wondered what might have happened if only I'd said something.
It turns out that I would have missed some of the most amazing experiences of my life and a love that moves both towards and from each of us - something I find simply beyond myself and that is incapable of being fully expressed in words alone.
My point - take the chance. Yes, you can fall. If you do, you pick yourself up again. The important thing is, if you never take that leap of faith and hope, you'll never know who's waiting there to catch you or fall with you.
Anyhow, best wishes to you and good luck! Posts: 1548 | Registered: Aug 2002
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